The diary just plain angers me, but not for the reason it would anger most. :furious:
In jail or prison, the cells are shook down quite often for hidden contraband. Prisoners do not have many personal effects in their cells, aside from some books, paper/floppy ink pens (think the 1980s bracelet that hid an ink pen in it), perhaps a few photographs. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, in that cell that cannot be looked at by a guard or warden. If a guard wanted to read the personal writings of an inmate, it can and does happen. Therefore, no matter what BSL wrote in there, he would be assured that someone, somewhere, would read it. Were he to die in prison (be it from unforeseen health issues or a shank sliding between the ribs or some prisoner beating him to death, á la Jeffrey Dahmer), those writings would be given to his next of kin, along with whatever pathetic belongings were in his cell.
These writings strike me as self-serving, self-indulgent, repugnant, narcissistic, dismissive male bovine effluvial remnants :moo: I'm identifying several elements:
(1) Memoir-like writings that were perhaps the basis of an aborted book,
(2) Declarations of love to a woman (probably his ex) with NO hints of violence, even when anger is evident, and
(3) Biblical references (which tell me he was at least listening to the prison chaplain and/or jail missionaries who would visit) that could be construed as "finding God".
Because of the public nature of prison writings, one can assume three things:
(1) The writer knows these things will be read by someone in authority,
(2) The writer wants to show evidence of "change", "fidelity" and "submission to God", and
(3) There had better be nothing incriminating in there.
Considering he was in there 8 years and only produced 37 or so pages, then I would place this "writing" squarely in the realm of "proof of redemption" and not a true reflection of him. PFFT. That he kept the writings also says that he was proud of the effort he put into them...Including a few rants where he tells the woman (again, probably his ex), that women like her make men join the priesthood.
There is no doubt in my mind that the majority of his time spent in jail comprised of reliving things in his head. These are not the musings of a man who is a natural writer, and these are not a true reflection of his soul at that point in his life...Especially when you are aware of the context in which they were written.
I'm so disgusted, it's unbelievable. :furious:
