I agree with everything you've said here minus intellectual disability. Curious what leads you to that conclusion. I will also add that BPD is not limited to the raging and not all so the self destructive behaviors. Also any dual diagnoses, such as narcissistic PD which frequently co-occurs, can really influence how the symptom set of BPD manifests. There is also a lot of literature hat suggests that intelligent, strong willed kids who challenge boundaries (LT's personality as a kid) growing up in an environment LT did leads to BPD. Kids like that often consider themselves equal to adults in terms of power dynamics and respond much better to an authoritative ( significant freedom to do as one pleases but within clearly identified limits) vs authoritarian (do as I say no questions asked) environment. Being relegated to that lower power position only fuels their need for interpersonal control. And thus a cycle is born where the child acts out, parent represses, child becomes resentful, and a pattern develops where the child only receives attention when acting out. I don't know if I'm explaining that very well but what I'm getting at is because they never feel in control of anything. in authoritative environments the child is enabled to make decisions for him/herself and if those decisions are outside the established boundaries the child is given an explanation as to why. This allows them to feel in control of things. all of that is true for child development in general, but with certain inborn personality types it can really tip the scales. authoritarian parents (to the degree lt's weee also tend to be very cold, which leads to poor attachment style, further increasing risk of PD).
Where I come from with the borderline is the high need for interpersonal control. My ex sis in law has BPD and she intermittently idealizes my niece and berates her for random things (such as the "playing in the water" punishment here) the next. She is known to lock her in her room for hours while she (ex sis in law) goes about her day and doing what she wants. She only interacts with her when it's convenient or would make her look good in the public eye ( Disneyland, wedding chapel in this case). When she gets in a rage she has been physically abusive as well. And don't worry-- cos has been called numerous times on her. She's tried to kill my bro in law more than once, and the paranoia is out of this world sometimes. She makes my niece tell her how much she loves mommy and how great mommy is. It's disgusting. Somehow tho the state of Texas believes that children are better off with their mothers. Add in the excellent manipulation skills and their pseudo public self, and you have a perfect storm. so my bro in law hasn't get full custody . My niece is intellectually disabled which makes proving this difficult too. Teacher's are afraid of moms possible retribution so are rejecting to get involved. Sorry to write a book.
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The mild intellectual disability is speculation, but something that I have wondered about from the beginning, due to her childlike affect in the Vegas Videos and her regression in general. (But that could be trauma) Obsession with Disney, maybe loving her children only when they are little and like "dolls". Her inappropriate affect in court.
I agree with you on the NPD, and that BPD is not limited to raging. But raging and non suicidal self harm are
hallmarks of BPD.
As far as her challenging boundaries etc. in childhood. We don't know much about her childhood home and family dynamics to come to the conclusion that her challenging of boundaries was somehow out of the norm for adolescence. It is normal for that age group to challenge their parents and to seek independence. Also, what you and I may see as normal boundary setting , may have been extreme in her family home. And I think it was. I think her father was an Evangelical preacher. Patriarchal themes toward women and girls would have been way above the norm. Demanding submissiveness and modesty. So her normal rebelliousness would have been seen as absolutely pathological when it wasn't. It was possibly normal in a more extreme household with particular religious and patriarchal themes.
Her mother supported her relationship with an adult male because behind her father's back. (She didn't protect LT from that and did not provide adequate supervision, so there are actually poor boundaries from Mom in that particular scenario). Dad found out and was FURIOUS and responded by telling LT, a child "You made your choice, don't come back". This is an extreme and inappropriate reaction from a parent. Inadequate supervision of a minor, again. Her parents ultimately divorced due this scenario. Mom defied Dad. Apparently a 'No No".
She may be borderline, but I just don't get those vibes first and foremost. I really don't. But it very well may be.
I am sorry to hear about your family member. The one thing about BPD, loved ones will often describe it as "Feeling like they are walking on eggshells" constantly as to not trigger an episode of rage. It is awful. Another way to describe interacting with a BPD person is they act like " A toddler with fangs" but they are actually a grown adult.
Challenging of boundaries is totally normal in adolescence. The primary caregivers and parents reaction to it and boundary setting is what matters. LT's mother appeared to have NO boundaries, supporting an inappropriate relationship with a grown man when she was 16 in secret from her husband and LT's father. LT's father had a very extreme "spare the rod" reaction to it (after DT took LT across state lines and the police were involved) and effectively abandoned his minor child. We can see totally inappropriate parenting in this one incident that we "know" of.
I still get the initial impressions that I mentioned earlier. They could be wrong. I've never met her and we all know so little.
Thanks for sharing.
ALL MOO
