Strife between step parents and step children are so common it’s almost expected. Especially in the first years of the new marriage. Many families work through these issues over time and in the vast majority of cases where they don’t, no one disappears. No one dies. While physical abuse is more common for step children, it’s not the norm and far more common among step fathers than step mothers.
If Dad ignored evidence Gannon was being physically abused by his step mother, then he should indeed be kicking himself right now.
However, it’s quite possible there were no prior signs of abuse (especially if this was triggered by recent relationship issues), and in that case bio Dad is a victim too. Even still, he will probably beat himself up for the rest of his life for bringing the monster into his son’s life and “not knowing”. He doesn’t need total strangers blaming him too.
*********
With the exception of one article I found, studies agree step children are at greater risk of physical abuse than children living with both biological parents. And step fathers are more likely to abuse than step mothers. But published statistics vary widely, and studies I’ve found all have at least one significant flaw (selection bias, sample size, etc.). Here are links to several:
Child Abuse and Father Figures: Which Kind of Families Are Safest to Grow Up In? | National Center for Health Research
Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners
Parenting in the Real World: Shocking Statistics
Children killed by genetic parents versus stepparents - ScienceDirect
My son suffered at the hands of his step mum, who was his Dad's girlfriend at the
Strife between step parents and step children are so common it’s almost expected. Especially in the first years of the new marriage. Many families work through these issues over time and in the vast majority of cases where they don’t, no one disappears. No one dies. While physical abuse is more common for step children, it’s not the norm and far more common among step fathers than step mothers.
If Dad ignored evidence Gannon was being physically abused by his step mother, then he should indeed be kicking himself right now.
However, it’s quite possible there were no prior signs of abuse (especially if this was triggered by recent relationship issues), and in that case bio Dad is a victim too. Even still, he will probably beat himself up for the rest of his life for bringing the monster into his son’s life and “not knowing”. He doesn’t need total strangers blaming him too.
*********
With the exception of one article I found, studies agree step children are at greater risk of physical abuse than children living with both biological parents. And step fathers are more likely to abuse than step mothers. But published statistics vary widely, and studies I’ve found all have at least one significant flaw (selection bias, sample size, etc.). Here are links to several:
Child Abuse and Father Figures: Which Kind of Families Are Safest to Grow Up In? | National Center for Health Research
Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners
Parenting in the Real World: Shocking Statistics
Children killed by genetic parents versus stepparents - ScienceDirect
Sadly this hits close to home for me too, although luckily my son is still very much alive and well.
My ex husband met someone, his now wife who had 2 children of her own. My ex and I have four children together. They moved in very quickly and within 15 months had a child of their own. Our children live with me and go to their Dad's at weekends. When my youngest was about 3 he started becoming anxious about going at weekends. He became more clingy, would hide behind the door when it was time to leave, scream and physically hold onto the door frame. We though it was seperation anxiety and tried different tactics to help him.
The situation worsened over time and we would go through periods where he wouldn't stay at all as he was too distressed. I must add he also had a severe speech delay until the age of 4 so couldn't verbalise his feelings too well.
The periods when he would stay there he began to refuse to eat, was wetting himself, refused to speak and began self harming.
I was beside myself trying to figure out what was going on, speaking to professionals to get advice, refusing to send him ( but getting immense pressure from my ex at times)
I began to suspect it was the girlfriend he had a big problem with and spoke to ex who refused to believe it. It came to a head one Christmas when he got so distressed about going for the weekend he refused even though he knew it meant getting no Christmas presents from them. He then broke down and told me things she had done to him and the threats ( which terrified him the most)
I rang social services and reported it. They did an investigation, but handled it appallingly. It was dropped due to lack of evidence, but the damage it did to our family affects us even now. My other children think she is wonderful and were very angry at myself and my son. My ex called my son a liar in front of his siblings ( he was 5 at the time) and refused to see him or speak to him. He then married her 6 months later!
Only now several years later, has my ex and son started to repair their relationship, he sees him 2 hours every other weekend. We still have many issues to work through, my son is horribly traumatized, not only from the abuse, but not being believed by so many and the rejection from his father and many family members.
Sometimes I questioned if I did the right thing reporting it (when it felt like my other children hated me and I was losing them) but cases like these remind me why I did. And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. He no longer has any contact with her and feels safe. I wish I had done things differently and seen what was happening but sometimes when you are in the middle of it, it's confusing and messy. She had me fooled many times. But the truth as we all know is monsters don't look like monsters.
My heart breaks for this precious boy and his family. I can't bear to think what may have happened to him. I pray he is found soon and justice will be served.