I took a long nap and finally caught up again! There was a post from the last thread that I wanted to respond to:
Originally Posted by margarita25
I have another question. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question, and want to stay on topic, so if there is a more appropriate place for questions like these, please let me know. As a local who is experiencing all this very close, I would like to ask you guys, what IS the appropriate age for kids to be walking alone in your opinion? My neighbor's 13 year old son, who looks younger, has still been walking alone to and from the bus stop, despite the fact Jessica wast last seen 6 miles from here and there have been the attempted candy man abductions on boys as well... While we neighbors were engaged in conversation about the case, I diplomatically mentioned to my neighbor my concern about her son walking alone. She said she leaves in the morning before she can see him off and can't do anything about it, so I volunteered to walk with him, but she says he will be ok, that it is only a short walk, that he has been talked to about stranger danger, etc. Me personally, if I had a child his age, I would not allow him to walk anywhere around here alone with an active child killer very possibly in the neighborhood. I went to bed with a very unsettling feeling about this, and a feeling of disbelief / anger towards the parent. Am I wrong for this? Is this parent being irresponsible? How does one in a situation like this differentiate between being cautious and going overboard? I am not leaving any of my students out of sight, not for even one second. Thanks in advance.
Also, I am trying to implement child safety awareness, etc. within my other classes. I know there are lots of resources out there, but if anyone has any specific educational links, etc that they especially recommend for elementary students, please let me know. Thank you.
I know how defensive people can be if they think you are challenging how they treat their dogs. I think that defensiveness ratchets up by a factor of 10 or even 100 when you start talking about their kids. So I think it is important to be tactful and to concede to yourself before you even bring it up that there are many different ways to bring children up and that each parent is usually making the best decision they can which takes into consideration their family dynamic, that particular child's personality and the circumstances.
I don't know about Colorado but here in Iowa jobs aren't all that easy to find right now and for many, many people there is a definite sense of "don't rock the boat because there are 600 people out there who are qualified to do my job and would happily do it for 20% less than I make." So flex-time hours aren't always available to parents in Iowa and that's just the way it is this year. While there is a less than one in a million chance a child is abducted by a non-family member, the chances of being foreclosed are 100% if you can't make your mortgage payments.
So, considering that, my suggestion for bringing up topics like this is
not to ask the other parent if they feel safe allowing their child to do X. Maybe they do and they are likely to take note of the unspoken "if you feel okay with X, you're obviously not a good parent" message.
Try approaching it from the child's side of things. "With what happened to Jessica Ridgeway, how does your son feel about walking to school?" Not as judgmental and it takes the spotlight off parenting practices and puts it on results (which is where it should be). It's a question that focuses on the person whose feelings matter the most.
Thirteen year olds can vary so widely. Some of them are already into teen rebellion and some of them still have one foot and a lot of their heart still in childhood. Some of them are both and it's a coin toss as to whether you're dealing with the teen rebel or child at any given moment!
If the kid is already hitting the teen rebel phase, allowing him to walk alone may be a case of having to pick battles. If that were the case, I'd ask if that boy would be willing to talk to my child about how to stay safe on that walk to school. While you listen in and then offer suggestions if you see some obvious holes in thinking. If a kid is in the teen rebel phase, they'll take suggestions a lot more easily from someone other than their own parent, particularly if they have already been treated as someone who has knowledge to share (in other words, respect).
If the kid still has a foot in childhood, that kid may not feel so comfortable walking alone and would welcome some outside assistance. In that case, you could offer to watch or offer your home as a parent-approved safe place to go if he just gets a funny feeling. Make it clear that nothing has to happen for him to come to your house for help or an escort to school.
I've also found over the years that no matter what sort of kid I'm dealing with, parent approved cookies or other sweets seem to make me a better, more charming, more interesting person.
Works with dogs, too. <wink>
