CO - Jessica Ridgeway, 10, Westminster, 5 Oct. 2012 - #23

[human]

I think I need to backtrack myself. Before a parent can accept that their child is dangerous they must first know the signs that this child has the potential to become dangerous. Most of us, IMO, are not educated enough to interpret the signs early enough to head off problems BEFORE our child becomes dangerous. How do we see them beyond our love for them? Do we have a child psychologist available to tell us what to watch for in our 1 year old, 5 year old, 10 year old?

that is why we need parenting classes as a requirement in school. There are simple things that make a difference for children

1. Answer their cries as an infant. Infants cannot be spoiled.

2. Do not leave your infant in containers--infant seats, car seats, etc for anything but necessity such as going to the bathroom . People with physical limitations can figure something out with a doctor.

3. Do not prop your baby on a pillow or something like that if you feed a bottle. Hold, hold, hold your baby.

4. Talk to your child. That does not mean giving commands, but actual conversation. There are many studies done on this very topic and the positive outcomes of talking with your child using lots of higher order vocabulary.

5. Read to your child. Even an infant. Lots and lots of studies on this.

6. If your child is having a meltdown, tell the child you are there for him/her. Use words to describe what is happening such as ,"You are angry that you cannot have that whatever." Let the child know that it is OK to be angry and offer suggestions when the child settles down. Trying to talk to a child when s/he is in the throes of a meltdown is unproductive Holding, cuddling are all good ways to show your support Even if the child is really young, you can give words to solutions if the child is not able to. I have used this approach for several years with high risk children and it works.

 

[missalicemay]

that is why we need parenting classes as a requirement in school. There are simple things that make a difference for children

1. Answer their cries as an infant. Infants cannot be spoiled.

2. Do not leave your infant in containers--infant seats, car seats, etc for anything but necessity such as going to the bathroom . People with physical limitations can figure something out with a doctor.

3. Do not prop your baby on a pillow or something like that if you feed a bottle. Hold, hold, hold your baby.

4. Talk to your child. That does not mean giving commands, but actual conversation. There are many studies done on this very topic and the positive outcomes of talking with your child using lots of higher order vocabulary.

5. Read to your child. Even an infant. Lots and lots of studies on this.

6. If your child is having a meltdown, tell the child you are there for him/her. Use words to describe what is happening such as ,"You are angry that you cannot have that whatever." Let the child know that it is OK to be angry and offer suggestions when the child settles down. Trying to talk to a child when s/he is in the throes of a meltdown is unproductive Holding, cuddling are all good ways to show your support Even if the child is really young, you can give words to solutions if the child is not able to. I have used this approach for several years with high risk children and it works.

Thanks Human, good advice. I used much the same strategy with my children, though at the time I didn't know that's what I was doing. I know I'm biased but I feel I raised 4 wonderful people who are now raising more potentially wonderful people. IMO parenting is a "pay me now or pay me later" endeavour; you can put the work in up front to give your child a good foundation or you can park them in front of the television and bank up for their bail.

 

[LotusPawprint]

I think I need to backtrack myself. Before a parent can accept that their child is dangerous they must first know the signs that this child has the potential to become dangerous. Most of us, IMO, are not educated enough to interpret the signs early enough to head off problems BEFORE our child becomes dangerous. How do we see them beyond our love for them? Do we have a child psychologist available to tell us what to watch for in our 1 year old, 5 year old, 10 year old?

Thank you for this, I think I jumped ahead describing a parent who already had serious suspicions that their child was dangerous and was wrestling with this reality. The question of seeing beyond love for one's child and recognizing the signs, seeking the tools, and having a reliable system that actually works for the child, the parent, and ultimately keeping society safe is an entirely different monster. Actually, not so much seeing beyond love for one's child but finding a place of loving them so much that you as a parent are the only one who can help that child and stop them from ruining their life and destroying others' lives.




I think if we compiled a guide to comprehensive, compassionate parenting here on WS we would have a very effective guide covering all areas. It would be ideal if parenting classes were required or readily available to all parents at all times in all locations for all children. It would be great if all parents were tuned into changes in their child's behavior, mood, speech, etc from a young age on and built a solid relationship with good communication. For the parent to be their child's advocate, support, and liason to help in society. What discourages me is that not everyone is WS -like. I've seen from the mental health and education worlds that even when the systems are set up to make it easy for families, some people just don't care. They won't take advantage of help. Consequences don't matter. The community support of churches, volunteer programs, nonprofit organizations don't reach those who don't care and don't want it.

I hate to be a downer. I really do. I'm just not confident that those most in need of awareness and help will accept it or find it, which in the end hurts us all.

Debbie downer done. :seeya:

 

[LotusPawprint]

that is why we need parenting classes as a requirement in school. There are simple things that make a difference for children

1. Answer their cries as an infant. Infants cannot be spoiled.

2. Do not leave your infant in containers--infant seats, car seats, etc for anything but necessity such as going to the bathroom . People with physical limitations can figure something out with a doctor.

3. Do not prop your baby on a pillow or something like that if you feed a bottle. Hold, hold, hold your baby.

4. Talk to your child. That does not mean giving commands, but actual conversation. There are many studies done on this very topic and the positive outcomes of talking with your child using lots of higher order vocabulary.

5. Read to your child. Even an infant. Lots and lots of studies on this.

6. If your child is having a meltdown, tell the child you are there for him/her. Use words to describe what is happening such as ,"You are angry that you cannot have that whatever." Let the child know that it is OK to be angry and offer suggestions when the child settles down. Trying to talk to a child when s/he is in the throes of a meltdown is unproductive Holding, cuddling are all good ways to show your support Even if the child is really young, you can give words to solutions if the child is not able to. I have used this approach for several years with high risk children and it works.

These are excellent. Basic on the surface but probably underestimated and not as easy to do effectively as they are described without fine tuning. I like #6 especially. The tone and specific language is key. I've been on both ends (once a moody little child) and kids/adolescents are so keyed into how adults sound when the child's emotions are raw. Also your point about acknowledging and validating a child being angry can be huge, IMO. When I was young and dealing with trauma I was very angry and had problems communicating. I felt entitled to my anger and felt that everyone wanted me to get over my anger, like it was an awful expression on my part. My father gave me freedom to be angry, so long as it didn't turn violent. It became MY emotion, which was real and I didn't feel like my anger made me a bad, crazy, outsider with issues. Eventually I worked towards what was underneath the anger and was no longer its captive.

But I've seen alot of peers who outwardly appear to be "dark" and perceived as "angry", I wonder if they are told they're loved, embraced, encouraged, allowed to show vulnerability. It seems once they build up a personna, it becomes who they are and they're too far gone. I wonder if AS was, at one point, receptive to his parents' (mother's?) emotions or love. He certainly seems to be void of that now. No finger pointing at his mother here. So many questions, so few answers.

 

[Janeumayer]

'I want to go down in history as the guy who killed Obama': Nursing student busted in plot to 'murder president and children' after confiding plot to his therapist


A Colorado nursing student was arrested yesterday after telling his therapist of his desire to shoot children, kill people on Halloween and assassinate President Obama, court records show.

Mitchell Kenneth Kusick, 20, of Westminster, was being held on suspicion of a federal charge of threats against a president.

He identified himself as a student at Colorado Mesa University in western Colorado, investigators said.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...r-President-Obama-children.html#ixzz2CEWkPt67
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...r-President-Obama-children.html#ixzz2CEWMj8Fr
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

 

[enzeder]

More here...

Sources: Colo. man plotted to kill children, president

"DENVER - 9Wants to Know has learned a Colorado man is in federal custody after plotting to kill President Barack Obama and kill children on Halloween night in Westminster...." continued @ link
http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/299724/346/Man-accused-in-plot-to-kill-children-president

United States of America
v.
MITCHELL KENNETH KUSICK
http://www.9news.com/assetpool/documents/121113105043_mitchell.pdf

 

[mck16]

More here...

I wonder if they asked him if he knew austin zigg or if they were friends. just a thought

 

[borndem]

Thats possible. If his case gets transferred back to Juvenile Court, he would be out in less then 10 years. But I don't think any judge is going to let that happen. Chances are he will spend the rest of his life in prison, or at least he will be a very old man before he gets out.

bbm

Let us hope, KaaBoom, let us hope. He was not 13 y/o when he committed this crime -- he was 17.5+ years old. He was in post-high school education classes.

I do not know how common it is in CO for a kidnap/probable-rape/murder/dismemberment/evidence-hiding case allegedly by a by a 17 y/o to be remanded to juvie is, but I hope it is not common.

As far as I can see, the LEO's have handled this case with skill, care and constant regard for proper handling by the courts, so it seems to me that it should without a doubt be sent to and handled in adult jurisdiction. As many have said before, the perpetrator of this crime should be incarcerated for the protection of the public and for the sake of justice for as long as is within legal limits.

 

[Tucarra]

'I want to go down in history as the guy who killed Obama': Nursing student busted in plot to 'murder president and children' after confiding plot to his therapist

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...r-President-Obama-children.html#ixzz2CEWkPt67
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...r-President-Obama-children.html#ixzz2CEWMj8Fr
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

A Colorado nursing student was arrested yesterday after telling his therapist of his desire to shoot children, kill people on Halloween and assassinate President Obama, court records show.

Mitchell Kenneth Kusick, 20, of Westminster, was being held on suspicion of a federal charge of threats against a president.

He identified himself as a student at Colorado Mesa University in western Colorado, investigators said.

Maybe coincidence...but holy heck...Batman Theatre shooter, ARS, now this guy..??? C'mon?

Seems way out of proportion nationally...but no statistics to back it up...

 

[KaaBoom]

bbm

Let us hope, KaaBoom, let us hope. He was not 13 y/o when he committed this crime -- he was 17.5+ years old. He was in post-high school education classes.

I do not know how common it is in CO for a kidnap/probable-rape/murder/dismemberment/evidence-hiding case allegedly by a by a 17 y/o to be remanded to juvie is, but I hope it is not common.

Exactly, and they are going to look at that too. They are not going to let him off just because he is a half a year away from being an adult. Unless the judge is a total wacko or something.

 

[Janeumayer]

War hero Army officer arrested for 'abducting young girls into his car and trying to lure them into sex' over two year period

"A U.S. Army officer who received the Bronze Star for valor in combat is also a predator who has roamed the towns near his Colorado military base for two years trying to lure young girls into his van, police revealed.

First Lieutenant Aaron G Lucas is also believed to have abducted one nine-year-old girl this past summer and and dropped her off a short time later, according to police."


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-abducting-young-girls-car.html#ixzz2CHIavXTo

 

[kkdj]

I can't figure out haw to reply from my cell on the larger posts, so I'll just write my thoughts.
Speaking of parenting, I personally am a parent (and grandparent) who watches over. I am certain I will recognize and address any factors that are seeming hinkey in my kids and grandkids. Been there done that. IMO it's my job. And I'm good at IMO.
now, not all parents see parenting like I do I'm aware. Some parents just 'have em' and figure everything will turn out ok. I guess it usually does. But why in SAMs Hill have kids if you don't care about them? I never even got a dog I didn't expect to make sure it was fed, loved, nurtured, socialized. What is the matter with some parents? Then we have the parents that no matter what, they can see no wrongdoing in their kids. I find both of these scenarios falling under abuse of neglect.
Jmo
And a hot button for me

 

[tlcya]

http://www.9news.com/news/article/299847/339/Ridgeway-family-approves-of-Jessica-fundraiser

There was some confusion initially about the family's approval of the event. The organizer of Purple Prayers for Jessica Ridgeway, Cathy Valentine, had been communicating with friends of the Ridgeway family. When 9NEWS initially asked the family about the event, a family spokesperson was unaware of the fundraiser. The family now supports the fundraising event and expressed their gratitude to the community.

"If somebody that was going to take advantage of a situation like this, they would not have even contacted the family. They just would have gone ahead and had a fundraiser and did what they do. That's not me," Valentine said.

This is not to be confused with Colorado missing children foundation, which still does not have the family's permission to use Jessica's name or image in their fundraising.

 

[absentia]

anyone read this books about kids who commit crimes and their families?

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Far-From-Tree-Children-Identity/dp/0743236718/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0"]Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity: Andrew Solomon: 9780743236713: Amazon.com: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/511Ea9ihbcL.@@AMEPARAM@@511Ea9ihbcL[/ame]

 

[msthinksalot]

More here...

Sources: Colo. man plotted to kill children, president

"DENVER - 9Wants to Know has learned a Colorado man is in federal custody after plotting to kill President Barack Obama and kill children on Halloween night in Westminster...." continued @ link
http://www.9news.com/news/local/arti...dren-president

United States of America
v.
MITCHELL KENNETH KUSICK
http://www.9news.com/assetpool/docum...3_mitchell.pdf

Um, WTH was this kid arrested rather than taken to a psych ward??? Clearly, he's totally mentally unstable. Not only is he not getting the treatment he needs (after he went to a therapist and let them know what was happening in this crisis), but he is now becoming a problem for jailers and other inmates, none of whom are adequately and appropriately trained in mental health issues and jails simply do not have the staff to deal with mental health issues! He is obviously a danger to himself and others and needs medication and a locked ward. :banghead:

 

[perfectingpink]

Did I not read back far enough? I saw nothing about inmates soliciting pen pals on the internet? :waitasec:

If that's the case, ignore my comment mck16.

I posted that I found a website that allowed prisoners to solicit penpals. I will add a link to what I found. BTW...the picture he chose to post was one of him MANY years ago!

http://www.lostvault.com/penpals/detail.asp?iType=20&iAd=25364

 

[LotusPawprint]

anyone read this books about kids who commit crimes and their families?

Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity: Andrew Solomon: 9780743236713: Amazon.com: Books

I just read a blog on yahoo's parenting page, "Columbine Shooter Dylan Klebold’s Parents Speak Out" focusing on the book you posted.

Really interesting and heartbreaking, what his parents talk about. The book looks like especially insightful.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/columbine-shooter-dylan-klebold-8217-parents-speak-191300537.html

 

[osu]

bbm

Let us hope, KaaBoom, let us hope. He was not 13 y/o when he committed this crime -- he was 17.5+ years old. He was in post-high school education classes.

I do not know how common it is in CO for a kidnap/probable-rape/murder/dismemberment/evidence-hiding case allegedly by a by a 17 y/o to be remanded to juvie is, but I hope it is not common.

As far as I can see, the LEO's have handled this case with skill, care and constant regard for proper handling by the courts, so it seems to me that it should without a doubt be sent to and handled in adult jurisdiction. As many have said before, the perpetrator of this crime should be incarcerated for the protection of the public and for the sake of justice for as long as is within legal limits.

Here in Ohio, a 17 year old was convicted of 3 counts of aggravated murder and was sentenced last Friday to LWOP. Hopefully, ARS will get the same.


Ohio teen gets life, no parole, in Craigslist killings

Saturday, November 10, 2012
AKRON, Ohio — Brogan Rafferty’s confession to the Craigslist killings continued to haunt him as the Stow, Ohio, teen was sentenced to prison with no chance of parole.

His confession to the slayings of three men about a year ago was given in lieu of a chance of parole after 26 years and his pledge to testify against his co-defendant. The deal died.

Just this week, prosecutors offered him another deal, one in which Rafferty could seek freedom after 30 years. Rafferty took it, but that deal was pulled with no comment from the state in court.

So with no agreement in place, the 17-year-old stood like a wide-eyed target before Summit County Common Pleas Judge Lynne Callahan, facing three aggravated murder convictions and an assortment of other charges.

Although appearing emotional at times, the judge hammered Rafferty with a no-parole sentence that would - if it withstands a constitutional challenge - guarantee that Rafferty dies behind bars.

Callahan said she didn’t buy Rafferty’s claim that he aided Richard Beasley, 53, his so-called spiritual mentor, only out of fear. Instead, she called his actions “cold, calculated and methodical.”

More at link:
http://www.gazettenet.com/news/policefirescourts/2741487-95/rafferty-beasley-deal-parole

 

[GrainneDhu]

Um, WTH was this kid arrested rather than taken to a psych ward??? Clearly, he's totally mentally unstable. Not only is he not getting the treatment he needs (after he went to a therapist and let them know what was happening in this crisis), but he is now becoming a problem for jailers and other inmates, none of whom are adequately and appropriately trained in mental health issues and jails simply do not have the staff to deal with mental health issues! He is obviously a danger to himself and others and needs medication and a locked ward. :banghead:

I don't know specifically about Colorado but in most states, the criteria for involuntary psychiatric confinement is that the person be a clear and present danger to themselves or to other people.

It seems to me that this guy fulfils that criteria, so why not an involuntary commitment? Is it something in Colorado law that prevents it?

 

[Kavya01]

anyone read this books about kids who commit crimes and their families?

Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity: Andrew Solomon: 9780743236713: Amazon.com: Books

It's a more than superb book. Even for a semi-retired family counselor like myself
Andrew Solomon has one of the most interesting blended family situations himself as well!