My interest in this is past the emotional reaction stage, it is a horrific tragedy no matter what version of events you believe. I want to understand the dynamic behind this relationship that quite possibly laid the groundwork for this.
I agree, SW has loads of people who spoke highly of her which portrayed her as the as the everyday mom and wife living next door. Her extensive SM presence gives people an uncharacteristically in depth glimpse into her daily life.
However, if you take away the noise spread on here, everything uncovered about CW paints him in the same light. Just an average guy working a middle class job with a wife and two beautiful daughters. Nothing in his history points to this; no long list of people saying 'he is a psycho', no reports of a violent past, no lengthy criminal history...nothing. Those same SM videos show him interacting with his daughters and wife in a manner that further portrays a normal everyday dad and spouse.
That is what intrigues me. Something happened that is abnormal and I would like to understand it. I understand there was an affair, but around 1/3rd of married partners cheat at some point and killings over it certainly aren't commonplace, much less wiping out a family. I think there is a bigger picture here and while it certainly won't excuse or condone what happened it might make it so its no longer a mystery.
Yes. I agree! There is nothing, as I've stated, in either of their pasts like domestic violence, drug abuse, criminal histories, etc.
And everyone who spoke to the media described CW as a great father. Wonderful husband. Good friend.
But this fits precisely with many family annihilator cases. Over and over we see these cases of seemingly wonderful men (usually) who destroy their families and we are all stunned and can't understand why.
But it's pretty universal that in these cases, it isn't the behavior or character of the dead that explain why. It's the character of the murderer.
They typically have a secret life that belies their image of perfection. There are often "triggers" such as financial burdens, unwanted pregnancies and affairs.
But the most universal factor from what I've read and seen in the annihilators who conceal the murders and/or try to blame others is a narcissistic terror of their mask of perfection slipping. They are in dread of anyone seeing them as less than perfect.
Many of these people we later discover have sort of shadow personalities. Subsumed identities that often stem from disordered families of origin, parents with personality disorders and issues of deep enmeshment. Already annihilated themselves by families who could not allow them to have an independent or imperfect identity.
These were perfect little boys and young men. Never got into the slightest trouble that many young people do. Not a lot of close, friendships or deep romantic relationships prior to the one with the dead. Exceedingly charming and close with their families of origin. Often very quiet.
Many married women who were more outgoing. Upstaged them. They're used to that.
Desires that betray the image of perfection, or anything that could mark them as a bad husband or father- like leaving a pregnant wife- they can't bring themselves to do such a thing.
Some examples include Neil Entwistle and scott Peterson who apparently both had psychically (as in of the psyche) annihilating mothers. Their precious babies could do no wrong. Entwistle's mother kept a tight reign on her boys, not allowing them to play with others, but playing "catch" with them in her back yard well into their teens.
Peterson's mom disliked Laci and seemed to be unable to accept anything less than charming, smiling perfection in her son.
(I read a great psychological expose about him and his family).
They were vicious in their defense of their golden boys after arrest.
Chris Coleman's horrid parents were the same. And who can forget Josh Powell's disturbed father and the gothic nightmare of their family history.
It fits a pattern.
These are people expected to be and who were displayed as perfect and unable to express feelings that veered from that. Which is what I've read can create narcissism.
They often pick strong, no nonsense, assertive wives. Likely because they are used being overshadowed.
It's as if their identities don't exist. They're afraid to express anything because anything less than perfection exposed them in the past to narcissistic rage on the part of enmeshed, personality disordered guardians.
So they hide any negative feelings or natural desires which fester and become twisted.
That's been the "why" in almost all similar, past cases. A narcissistic panic at the mask slipping. A desire to be free. An annihilated identity and inability to express their true feelings.
An annihilation of their true selves thus becomes an annihilation of their family.
I think it's horribly disturbing yet fascinating.
