more on covert :
The closet narcissist relies on an idealised partner to feel good enough. The partner can be the attractive younger woman or the wealthy business man, whom they admire for their attributes. The partner is often attractive, wealthy, smart or an empath, with all of the supplies that are required so that they do not have to face their empty self. The possessive, controlling and insecure behaviour of the closet narcissist is an attempt to keep their partner fused with them, so that they can feel special in relation to them. Any breaks in the fusion disrupt this feeling, whereby they are left with the emptiness of their real impaired self. They want their partner to be at one with them, on the same page.
If the partner forms their own separate opinion, does not appear perfect or wants to separate from them, than this bond is broken. The narcissist feels lost, like a part of them is missing when the other is not on the same page as them, causing them to attempt to re-fuse with the partner, by being persuasive or pressuring them to agree with them.
This can be controlling them, so they do not leave, convincing them on how to behave or even going as far as buying their love in order to have ownership of them. Some will even meet their partners expectations, to keep them where they want them. The idealised partner is a prize or possession that they control, who is a source of need fulfilment.
avoid being in the spot light, hiding in the shadow of an idealised partner by preferring to bask in glow of them, to cover up feelings of inadequacy.
neighbor describing his as shy stuck out
void exposing themselves in case others see them as not perfect, covering up to avoid feeling a fraud for not being perfect.
our marriage is awesome- in reality ,this far, the only internet stuff we have from him is about failed marriage - always smiling in every pic
They will tell you what you want to hear, instead of what they actually think,
who really knows regarding the next baby reaction
Can appear shy, polite,
- Because they cannot sustain the real connection of an intimate relationship the relationship falls apart and feels empty and void of connection.
see his presentation!
not accepting their partners thoughts or feelings, not listening to how they can feel trapped in the relationship because they cannot be themselves.
back to presentation
Unlike the grandiose narcissist who can discard their partner, the closet narcissist cannot let go of them, holding onto them
feel empty or inadequate, so they try to re-fuse to stay in a relationship
situations can escalate into domestic violence, anger, jealously, insecurity, mistrust, stalking or paranoia when their partner moves away from the relationship, in order to obtain their own self. The possible break in fusion is so threatening that the narcissist cannot cope without fusing with an idealised partner who can make them feel grandiose.
When the partner stands up for themselves or attempts to leave the relationship, the narcissist falls apart or reacts with narcissistic rage,
When the narcissist feels hurt, they can hit back to discharge their pain that they are feeling. When their wife leaves them for another man or wants custody of the children, the narcissist suffers deep pain of a deflating self, and often resorts to revenge to get back at them. Many narcissists’ will be spiteful by taking their partner for everything they’ve got and
destroying their life completely.
How to detect a covert narcissist - signs to identify narcissists
