Conflict between Kaine/Desiree statements re: red flags/crying

[Pensfan]

I don't see conflict, but crisis and this family is experiencing a horrific one. There will many statements/behaviors associated with this crisis and their grief such as disbelief, anger, confusion, shock, sadness, despair, guilt, humiliation, anxiety, fatigue, obsessional thoughts, and denial They may also begin to show physical symptoms that occur with acute grief. Eventually this crisis will affect all aspects of their lives including their personal finances, marriage, social support systems, the relationship with their previous spouse, and their long-term mental and physical health.

(Please, Lord, let Kyron be found. Send comfort and support to his family.)

 

[LillyRush]

Here's the article dated June 19:

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/kyron_hormans_blended_family_f.html


Kyron moved in full time with his dad, now 36, an engineer at Intel. With a demanding job at the company's Jones Farm campus in Hillsboro, where he works in the architecture group, Kaine needed child care. So, Desiree's friend Terri moved in to help.

"Someone had to watch the baby," said Amanda Howards, the former wife of Kaine's brother Kristian. "Terri was her friend. She moved in just to help with the baby."

Wow, thanks again for jogging my memory. This certainly clears up whether it was an error in reporting, which it was not. So, it sounds like - based on the fact that Terri's mother *and* a former in-law of Kaine believed it - that maybe that was the story they told his and her side of the family. Of course, if true, that speaks to the credibility of both Terri and Kaine that they would tell that story to their family/in-laws since DY is denying that. Doesn't it? On the other hand, maybe DY and TH were friends...or at the very least acquaintances and DY is denying it to distance herself from TH now? Gosh, I don't know. The whole thing is a mess. :twocents:

 

[eyes4crime]

Perhaps they see how it's happening all over the internet right now, where something that people say is damning towards Terri, is somehow not at all damning towards the other three parents. It's magic.

You're right! I suppose picking your team and laying down the ground rules speaks for itself! moo

 

[txsvicki]

We don't know that Desiree wasn't discussing wanting Kryon or beginning to try and do something. Just because she hasn't told the public doesn't mean it didn't happen. Desiree never said that she didn't know or know of Terri when Kyron was born or before, she just said that Terri was not her friend.

 

[PortlandMama]

Wow, thanks again for jogging my memory. This certainly clears up whether it was an error in reporting, which it was not. So, it sounds like - based on the fact that Terri's mother *and* a former in-law of Kaine believed it - that maybe that was the story they told his and her side of the family. Of course, if true, that speaks to the credibility of both Terri and Kaine that they would tell that story to their family/in-laws since DY is denying that. Doesn't it? On the other hand, maybe DY and TH were friends...or at the very least acquaintances and DY is denying it to distance herself from TH now? Gosh, I don't know. The whole thing is a mess. :twocents:

JMO, but I lean toward your first thought. I suspect the story was tidied up a little for Kaine's in-laws (though not necessarily by Terri), though I'll concede it might have been misremembered by the former SIL, and then (conveniently) not corrected! But it kind of feels to me like KH and Terri might have been dating for a while before she moved in to help with Kyron. It's not strictly the truth, but at the time, who does it hurt, and it would give your family/in-laws the warm fuzzies about your new house partner and not bring down the Questions with a capital Q. :twocents:

 

[Herding Cats]

Kind of like "I never trusted her" or "She's always been a liar." REALLY? Why was your kid being raised by her if you had such strong feelings? She may have had misgivings about Terri, but I don't think you just sit complacently by while your child is spending nearly all of his time with someone you have a real concern about. While she may not have won custody, there is no evidence that she even tried to regain it since Kyron was an infant. I don't blame her for that if she felt like Terri staying home with the kids was a better environment, but I do blame her if she's rewriting history to make Terri look worse in the media and the eyes of LE.

RSBBM

I want to float this out here...I have no proof of it, but it's been lingering in what passes for my mind in this heat. Mods, if needed, please snip me. I may be lighting an unintentional fire here...

I think that Desiree is the 'woman scorned.' I think that KH very likely cheated on DY with Terri...and that precipitated the divorce of DY and KH. It would explain the contrasting opinions of "she was her friend" and "I didn't talk to her for 18 month" stuff we've seen, and if DY blames TH for "taking" Kaine away, and then "taking" Kyron away, she is going to be seeing TH through that lens.

It really, really hurts to be the one cheated on. I know this first hand. There was no child involved, but it destroyed me in many ways. Close to 20 years later, I still look back with anger and hurt - both towards the man who did the cheating, and the woman with whom he cheated. They're both long gone their separate ways, but it still hurts.

I look at DY and see so much of that original anger still apparent. The conflicting statements in the beginning - not just about Kyron crying when it was time to go home, but others - lead me to believe that DY blames TH for the breakup in some way, and all the hurt, anger, and struggling DY's experienced since then is somehow TH's fault.

And now her child disappears. God bless that poor woman. But I also can't read a thing she says and say it's not tainted by years of hurt, betrayal, and anger. And that makes me think it's not as accurate as it could be. Honest yes...but perhaps not accurate.

MOO, MOO, MOO...a whole herd of MOOs. And a reminder that I've not read anything of this, so I'm pulling this out of...well....anyway. MOOOOOOO.....


Best-
Herding Cats

(did I mention this was my MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?)

 

[Chewy]

Totally agree HC. I've been a little weirded out by the whole thing myself. I have a real prejudice towards mothers who don't have custody of their children and choose to live hours away from them. I'd move and live in an apartment nearby if I had to. Now she's saying she doesn't want to make his bed or do his laundry because she wants to feel like he's still there, when K only came on weekends as it was. Just? MOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[ami]

Of course Kyron would break down and sob, become depressed, and cry to stay with mom Desiree and step-dad Tony, what child wouldn't? What child want's to be in a fearful and unpredictable environment such as the one Terri and Kaine provided? How could Kyron possibly have figured out truth from fiction with a serial liar as his caretaker?

We really have no idea what his home life was like. Since Kyron has been missing a lot of TH's actions and lies have come to light, but most people said they didn't suspect TH of any of this before, including Kaine. In fact he said that he believed her PPD was improving, and that their marriage was coming out of the hole. So even if DY is now, in retrospect, questioning everything TH ever said, it doesn't mean Kyron lived a terrible life surrounded by lies and unpredictable behavior.

Terri is a serial liar who hasn't been truthful in 71/2 years. Failed polygraphs, lies to LE, refusal to cooperate with the investigation, resorting to the irrelevant such as hair color to avoid discussing missing Kyron, unstable, depressed with mood swings, PPD lasting 'till just before Kyron disappeared, accomplices, MFH schemes, kidnapping plots for baby girl, certainly casts doubt about Terri's ability to be a nurturing caretaker while at the same time, casts significant doubt on Kaine's ability to provide a safe environment for his child.

Again, no one knew anything about most of this until after Kyron went missing. I can't see how the parents can be faulted for not foreseeing all of this! The second Kaine got wind of what she was capable of, he started divorce and RO - clearly they meant what they said when they insisted they had no inkling that TH was capable of this.

 

[helpfulcharlie]

KH must have found something endearing about TH at some point, he married her. Now he probably feels like an idiot, as everyone does when the relationship is unraveling, even if it doesn't involve suspicion of a heinous crime. KH's view of TH was clouded. Maybe she's just "that good." DY's view of TH is clouded, but in the opposite direction. It's all natural. And hindsight is 20/20. As much as most of us might spend some time dwelling over things we could have done better, bad decisions we have made in our lives, imagine how the two of them must feel right now.

 

[Dee10]

I don't see conflict, but crisis and this family is experiencing a horrific one. There will many statements/behaviors associated with this crisis and their grief such as disbelief, anger, confusion, shock, sadness, despair, guilt, humiliation, anxiety, fatigue, obsessional thoughts, and denial They may also begin to show physical symptoms that occur with acute grief. Eventually this crisis will affect all aspects of their lives including their personal finances, marriage, social support systems, the relationship with their previous spouse, and their long-term mental and physical health.

(Please, Lord, let Kyron be found. Send comfort and support to his family.)

BBM

Thank you for that wonderful post and could possibly apply to anyone of us at some point in our lives (if we are not careful) or someone very close to us. In extreme grief, I can see missing paying your bills even if you have money; as you are not focused on day-to-day living, etc. and the other areas you mentioned. Interesting post and food for thought!

 

[kathryann]

Making a blended family work is very, very hard work. It takes healthy people who can put their own feelings aside and choose what is best for the children. I'm assuming that all four of these parents at one time decided that the best situation for Kyron to live in was where he was living. I feel terribly sad that maybe the parents bad choices, and don't get me wrong, I've made some BAD choices have led to his disappearance. Where is this little guy?

 

[Mylou]

I think Desiree has lived with resentments towards Terri for 7 1/2 years, and most of what she says about Terri comes from that IMO. It's easier to blame someone else.
Kaine and Terri had previously talked separation, divorce, perhaps things were not working so well with the two, still suspicions whatever etc... , so it's easier now for him to hear Desiree and agree with her then it was previously. And for him it is also easier to blame someone else. They both want to blame someone for Kyron's disappearance, and Terri makes the perfect scapegoat for them. There was no reason to discuss Terri to the public at all. They could have simply just spoke about Kyron, and that LE was working hard on the case. Perhaps it is easier to blame TH, because maybe , just maybe Kyron might come home, what does that say about TH? If they believe TH is involved they also believe Kyron will come home ? And what is this crap about telling the world Terri had PPD? To make her sound crazy? I only ever knew one sociopath that I know for certain, and he spent a very long time trying to convince myself and others that his wife and daughter were crazy.

 

[cluciano63]

I'm sure they felt they were doing the right thing in attacking Terri publicly the way they did; someone probably advised them that this might be the way to get her to talk. But we get mixed signals, when LE's last indication is that she has been cooperating. So, much of the Terri-bashing comes off as built-up frustration on the part of D&K and a desperate need to blame someone for Kyron being...gone. I can't imagine if this case goes unsolved.

 

[goatman]

How can Kaine and his x-wife Desiree, engage in a full-blown character assassination of Kaine's present wife, Terri, and not realize that it's a reflection on Kaine's lack of judgment? And Desiree's lack of judgment?

According to Desiree, Terri is a serial liar who hasn't been truthful in 71/2 years. Failed polygraphs, lies to LE, refusal to cooperate with the investigation, resorting to the irrelevant such as hair color to avoid discussing missing Kyron, unstable, depressed with mood swings, PPD lasting 'till just before Kyron disappeared, accomplices, MFH schemes, kidnapping plots for baby girl, certainly casts doubt about Terri's ability to be a nurturing caretaker while at the same time, casts significant doubt on Kaine's ability to provide a safe environment for his child.

Of course Kyron would break down and sob, become depressed, and cry to stay with mom Desiree and step-dad Tony, what child wouldn't? What child want's to be in a fearful and unpredictable environment such as the one Terri and Kaine provided? How could Kyron possibly have figured out truth from fiction with a serial liar as his caretaker?

In making Terri the sick one, inadvertently both Desiree and Kaine's judgment become questionable. If all the above is true about Terri, how and the heck can Kaine portray himself as a reasonable man/dad with good judgment? And what about Desiree, why wasn't she busy getting emergency custody of her son? Red flags everywhere! moo mho and all that stuff. now I'll run...

And...to add to that: is DY giving TH's lawyers ammunition? I can hear it now Lawyer: to DY " sooo, you say that TH was a serial liar and that you never trusted her...why then did you let your child live with her for so long?"
to KH: "your ex-wife says that TH was pretty unstable (note: my interpretation) yet didn't see any of this? (if he says yes he did) Oh so you did see 'red flags' why then didn't you step up and do something?
And turning things around so that TH is the 'victim' in the situation, KH knew that she had PPD and did nothing...poor poor TH

Yeah, if I was DY I would stop talking about TH...especially since it reflects not only poorly on KH but depending on what is found out about her actions (did she try to get custody of Kyron?) also on her.


Right...moo, only moo, nothing but moo

 

[SmoothOperator]

Totally agree HC. I've been a little weirded out by the whole thing myself. I have a real prejudice towards mothers who don't have custody of their children and choose to live hours away from them. I'd move and live in an apartment nearby if I had to. Now she's saying she doesn't want to make his bed or do his laundry because she wants to feel like he's still there, when K only came on weekends as it was. Just? MOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chewy your post brings up something that when said really bothered me and then I had forgotten about it(easy to do when the "hits" just keep on comin' with this case)But reading about DY's comments ABOUT NOT MAKING kYRON'S BED, ETC, ETC.. Well its just really odd. When as you stated he was just there 1-2 times a month at the most from what I have heard stated by DY and KH... So, is she saying that she STILL had not made up Kyron's bed and his room and laundry since his last being there, which by the way DY clearly answers the question in Medford PC that Kyron had been to her house 2 weeks before he went missing... So in that 2 weeks his room nor bed had been made or even tidyed?? That struck me as odd when I first heard it and it still strikes me as odd??!!..
:waitasec:Not sure what to make of it:waitasec:

 

[Caligram]

Some people are neatniks, and things have to be done according to their way of housekeeping. We are all different, and have different ways of coping with tragedy. I don't know if it's that odd about the unmade bed bit. A long time ago, when my son left for the military, I was always poking around the empty house, going in his room, standing in front of his closet, wanting to find something of him left behind. Maybe someday when he visits on leave, I will "borrow" one of his army shirts to have something of him I can touch.
I think some of us feel comforted by something familiar, that looks "normal", ordinary, and unchanged. We reach for an item of clothing that bears the scent, the proof that the person existed. We want that person back, and we will close our eyes and sniff, and pray, sniffle and bawl, and plead for a miracle. We will cling to objects from that person that is "touchable", to bring them closer to our heart. When your world has come tumbling down, parents do crazy, unpredictable and unexplainable things. Who am I to question them. I haven't lost a child, so I will allow them to do whatever it takes to get them through each day, and night.
I am not trying to put anyone down that believes differently. I am just a sentimental old fool, and cannot imagine the hell that one has to endure when a child is unexplicably gone, gone, just gone.

 

[Melanie]

I'm just focusing on my own personal experience,but my hubby works 2 jobs and is out of town for 4 out of 7 days (thanks economy). My son is devastated when he leaves, but what's worse is whenever I punish him (time outs, no TV or X-box sorta thing) he sobs for his dad because I'm the meanie. Dad tends to spoil him on weekends while I have to do all the disciplining. Could this be what's going on here? 1 house more lax than the other?

I haven't heard of any specific warning signs from either parent, so I'm going to chock it up to a child who struggles with wanting to be with both parents all the time. It's hard on kids - I know.

MOO

Mel

 

[Melanie]

Chewy your post brings up something that when said really bothered me and then I had forgotten about it(easy to do when the "hits" just keep on comin' with this case)But reading about DY's comments ABOUT NOT MAKING kYRON'S BED, ETC, ETC.. Well its just really odd. When as you stated he was just there 1-2 times a month at the most from what I have heard stated by DY and KH... So, is she saying that she STILL had not made up Kyron's bed and his room and laundry since his last being there, which by the way DY clearly answers the question in Medford PC that Kyron had been to her house 2 weeks before he went missing... So in that 2 weeks his room nor bed had been made or even tidyed?? That struck me as odd when I first heard it and it still strikes me as odd??!!..
:waitasec:Not sure what to make of it:waitasec:

That does sound odd -- especially if the bed and laundry were left alone for 2weeks before Kyron went missing. I won't even leave it that long! I do tend to pick my battles, as my son hates to make his bed. So we comprimise - he cleans up the cat poop, and I do the bed and laundry (but he has to put his clothes away).

They run an interesting household if I must say so myself.

MOO

Mel

 

[TxLady2]

The whole thing has me shaking my head and wondering how much more dirt is going to be dug up before this is all over with. I just don't see where any of it is helping to find Kyron, and could possibly be hurting the investigation. Slamming someone in the public is not going to make them develop a conscience... if anything, it's making Terri withdraw more and more into her shell and refuse to cooperate.
If she's innocent, she knows she's been unfairly targeted, so she clams up.
If she's guilty, she knows they'll get her at some point anyway.
Why would she suddenly open up? The woman who she has probably resented for years is calling her a liar on national t.v. and openly accusing her of disappearing her son. The man she loved at one time and who is the father of her daughter, has stripped her of her child, her home, and her dignity.
I don't think I would talk to them, either. And if what I suspect is true... she doesn't know where Kyron is now, and there is nothing she can do to bring him back.

 

[Billylee]

Chewy your post brings up something that when said really bothered me and then I had forgotten about it(easy to do when the "hits" just keep on comin' with this case)But reading about DY's comments ABOUT NOT MAKING kYRON'S BED, ETC, ETC.. Well its just really odd. When as you stated he was just there 1-2 times a month at the most from what I have heard stated by DY and KH... So, is she saying that she STILL had not made up Kyron's bed and his room and laundry since his last being there, which by the way DY clearly answers the question in Medford PC that Kyron had been to her house 2 weeks before he went missing... So in that 2 weeks his room nor bed had been made or even tidyed?? That struck me as odd when I first heard it and it still strikes me as odd??!!..
:waitasec:Not sure what to make of it:waitasec:

Frankly I think that's a good point. Can you link the quote where she says that?