Cox Family Press Conference - 15 Feb 2010

[southern_scout]

You do have a point. JP must have been a really terrifying person to live with if he had so much power over her that he forced her to ride a bicycle 14 miles round trip to work and wouldn't let her use the telephone to call a coworker to pick her up!

Based on what I've been hearing lately through the media, I am SHOCKED JP allowed Susan to have her own cell phone!

I really do think that we all underestimate the terror that is involved in living with someone who demands that much control in a relationship. It becomes a fine balancing act between trying to keep the controller satisfied and self-preservation, even at the most menial level.

 

[grayjay]

If we're inclined to throw money at problems, then I still think that supporting women (or men, btw) to get out of dangerous situations or at least learn how to recognize them, would be more of a positive outcome than having one person whose conscience should already have helped them to do the right thing end up hitting some jackpot.

There are many men and women who are not Mormons who have these very same issues.

 

[chicagofa13]

I am probably going to get tomatoes thrown at me, but I do not agree with every family having a lost or missing family member starting a foundation.

I certainly do not begrudge Susan's family having hope that she may be found alive. If it were my family member, I would never give up hope that he/she would be found. It really would take LE recovering a body for me to accept it. As it is not my family member, I can state that I do not believe that Susan is alive.

I am glad to see Susan's family acknowledge Josh's abuse in the press conference. I hope Josh watches the press conference and hears those words. He will be angry, IMO, because people are speaking badly of him. Well, too bad, Josh. Susan's family would not lie about you, and if they know this much, there is most likely so much more they do not know of.

Susan and her family are in my prayers.

ITA. I never post over here (no time to do anything but read a bit on WS unfortunately), but these new developments had me steaming mad.

:banghead:

Unfortunately my opinions on the case will probably gather more tomato throwing. Below is 100 percent IMO:

I can't stand BS, and my BS meter is off the charts with her "friends" in Utah. (I know, we aren't supposed to talk about them negatively so I am shutting up.)

I agree with others that the foundation is premature and it would be better for Susan to raise the reward and join forces with an established foundation in the future. I've never agreed with how they handled Joshy in this situation and I never will. I realize that is also a topic we can't really discuss.

The Mormom (LDS, whatever you choose to call it) religion is 100 percent a part of this case. Her family's reaction, the ward's "defense" of Joshy, her hidden abuse, etc., her religion all has a huge impact here. Another bad topic.

As you can see, I can't really post here or I will end up banned!! I do feel better doing this very minor venting.
:furious:

 

[Fairy1]

I'm not blaming Susan Powell for anything. I know first hand how controlling men can be. It just ticks me off that these friends and family members knew how she was forced to grow her own food, ride a bicycle 14 miles round trip, wasn't allowed to use the computer or buy the groceries she wanted to buy, and on and on and on and NONE of them called social services to report JP for abuse!

Whatever abuses she suffered - I doubt very much that she ever believed her husband would murder her.

And I wasn't addressing you about blaming the victim.

 

[Fairy1]

ITA. I never post over here (no time to do anything but read a bit on WS unfortunately), but these new developments had me steaming mad.

:banghead:

Unfortunately my opinions on the case will probably gather more tomato throwing. Below is 100 percent IMO:

I can't stand BS, and my BS meter is off the charts with her "friends" in Utah. (I know, we aren't supposed to talk about them negatively so I am shutting up.)

I agree with others that the foundation is premature and it would be better for Susan to raise the reward and join forces with an established foundation in the future. I've never agreed with how they handled Joshy in this situation and I never will. I realize that is also a topic we can't really discuss.

The Mormom (LDS, whatever you choose to call it) religion is 100 percent a part of this case. Her family's reaction, the ward's "defense" of Joshy, her hidden abuse, etc., her religion all has a huge impact here. Another bad topic.

As you can see, I can't really post here or I will end up banned!! I do feel better doing this very minor venting.
:furious:

Oh my - if I could put 1,000 "thanks" on your message, I would. Now, skidaddle - before we both get banned!

 

[MCDRAW]

Maybe they ought to up the reward because most people can't keep quiet when it comes to money. But I believe that the only person that may know anything is Josh's father and from what I have read of his background I don't think anything will make him do the right thing not even money. Josh learned his behavior somewhere. I understand Susan's parents are between a rock and a hard place. I believe they know Josh killed their daughter but he is essentially holding their grandchildren for ransom...not for money. It is not as easy as some people think for Grandparents to just take their grandchildren. My State doesn't even have Grandparents rights.

 

[Gin]

Maybe they ought to up the reward because most people can't keep quiet when it comes to money. But I believe that the only person that may know anything is Josh's father and from what I have read of his background I don't think anything will make him do the right thing not even money. Josh learned his behavior somewhere. I understand Susan's parents are between a rock and a hard place. I believe they know Josh killed their daughter but he is essentially holding their grandchildren for ransom...not for money. It is not as easy as some people think for Grandparents to just take their grandchildren. My State doesn't even have Grandparents rights.

I agree about the grandparents. I continue to hope they are getting good, expert advice. Unless (until?) J is arrested, they will be in a very difficult and problem fraught position. My sympathies are with them, each and every day.
I would love to see more efforts put into upping the reward. Maybe even something as simple as something based on a "no bake" sale. Lots of the friends seem to be extremely avid crafters, maybe they would be willing to have a "no craft" sale. Use the $$$$ they usually spend on all their supplies, and pop it straight into the reward fund.

 

[Gin]

I am probably going to get tomatoes thrown at me, but I do not agree with every family having a lost or missing family member starting a foundation.

I certainly do not begrudge Susan's family having hope that she may be found alive. If it were my family member, I would never give up hope that he/she would be found. It really would take LE recovering a body for me to accept it. As it is not my family member, I can state that I do not believe that Susan is alive.

I am glad to see Susan's family acknowledge Josh's abuse in the press conference. I hope Josh watches the press conference and hears those words. He will be angry, IMO, because people are speaking badly of him. Well, too bad, Josh. Susan's family would not lie about you, and if they know this much, there is most likely so much more they do not know of.

Susan and her family are in my prayers.

My guess is that foundations are started (rather than signing on with an established one) because it's somewhat comforting to the family that this is a way that their loved one will be remembered.

ITA. I never post over here (no time to do anything but read a bit on WS unfortunately), but these new developments had me steaming mad.

:banghead:

Unfortunately my opinions on the case will probably gather more tomato throwing. Below is 100 percent IMO:

I can't stand BS, and my BS meter is off the charts with her "friends" in Utah. (I know, we aren't supposed to talk about them negatively so I am shutting up.)

I agree with others that the foundation is premature and it would be better for Susan to raise the reward and join forces with an established foundation in the future. I've never agreed with how they handled Joshy in this situation and I never will. I realize that is also a topic we can't really discuss.

The Mormom (LDS, whatever you choose to call it) religion is 100 percent a part of this case. Her family's reaction, the ward's "defense" of Joshy, her hidden abuse, etc., her religion all has a huge impact here. Another bad topic.

As you can see, I can't really post here or I will end up banned!! I do feel better doing this very minor venting.
:furious:

Some of the friend/neighbor situations in SLC seem to fall outside of what most folks would consider to be basic societal norms. It's hard to understand the motivations.
I continue to think that the dividing line should be this: Has J cooperated in the past with LE, and is he cooperating with them currently? Beyond that, is he treating the Cox family with basic respect, allowing the children access to their grandparents without a lot of difficulty or roadblocks?
If the answer is no, then there should be firm, unbreachable boundaries. J should be left to figure out how to care, feed and support himself, on his own. It's not a hard call, IMO.

 

[grayjay]

I wondered, too, if some of the generosity of spirit towards POI comes from old information and directives. If someone in a position of greater influence than maybe they even understand says this is a good way to think of it and then later they change their views, the first message from them could be harder to revise.

I do know of other major religions that turns their back completely on the sinner, and they are cast out. I wouldn't want to be the one who made this decision at the highest levels and then it turned out to have been a mistake. On which day should they have had a shadow of a doubt, and then when did that shadow vanish. I'm not 100% certain of what happened because the evidence that might prove that has not been shared with the public and probably not with those who decide such things about their communities within the church.

From my view, the church is just an economic community that is drawn together through common beliefs. Not my place to judge that part.

 

[RubyRed]

A blog about Susan . It is an interesting article., by Women in Crime Ink

http://womenincrimeink.blogspot.com/2010/02/common-fear-factor.html

 

[omegagal]

Susan did confide in Tim Peterson and when he told her to leave Josh, Tim reports that Susan refused to discuss her marriage with Tim after that.

Susan's other friends and family members may have suggested she leave Josh and were met with the same response.

I have had friends who have confided in me about what their husbands are doing and when I've suggested they leave, suddenly they withdraw. I had one friend whose husband was abusing her to the point that he shoved her while they were out in the garage and she hit her temple on the corner of the work bench. I had to take her to the hospital twice and both times she claimed it was an accident when in fact it was not. (She later told me the truth.)

Her husband also punched her in the head so hard she was having a migraine and passing out and I had to take her to the hospital then too. She lied and said she hit her head on the car hatch door.

These women will lie and lie to cover up for their husbands because they are too afraid to leave them. I don't know how far JP was taking the domestic violence. But I'll bet you he abused her on a constant basis and she just wasn't telling anyone because it is obvious she didn't want people telling her to leave her husband!

Nothing is more annoying than a friend who keeps complaining and complaining and complaining about how violent and emotionally abusive their spouse is yet they refuse to leave. It can be really draining to be a friend to a woman who refuses to leave but continually is badmouthing their husband and putting their children through hell. This friend's children were terrified of the husband!

Yes, I did call the cops and the friend was told by law enforcement and social workers if she allowed the husband back in the house all the children would get taken away! So, they sold their house and moved to another town so they could be together!

I am pretty certain Susan did not want anyone telling her "what to do". She had enough of that with Josh... what she wanted was for the person she thought she married to reappear and for her marriage to work. Telling an abused woman what she needs to do is not the way to help. The way to help is to be a friend that she feels she can trust without judgement to tell her story. It's a very sad and personal story for an abused woman. And NO, abused does not mean physical!!! It's a pattern, a pattern of power and control. It's on the same level with torture...

From what I've heard and read, Susan was just starting to tell people openly what was happening in her marriage. Josh was starting to lose the control he held over her. When a women is mentally ready to move on and the psychological torture no longer works is the EXACT time she is the most vunerable to the physical parts and murder... It's a total loss of control...

Like father like son.... I pray those Coxes are able to affect change in Washington's laws for grandparents...

 

[omegagal]

PickieChickie - unfortunately LE and social services can't do anything about these types of abuse. You can't call them and say "please help me, my husband makes me ride a bike to work and grow my own groceries". No that wouldn't work. That's why these types of men choose "legal" forms of abuse!!!

 

[hollyblue]

If we're inclined to throw money at problems, then I still think that supporting women (or men, btw) to get out of dangerous situations or at least learn how to recognize them, would be more of a positive outcome than having one person whose conscience should already have helped them to do the right thing end up hitting some jackpot.

There are many men and women who are not Mormons who have these very same issues.

I know this will probably seem "way out there", but may be the reason they are not concerned with the dollar amount of the reward, is because they think she is just "missing", held captive, and the person's behind would benefit from it and release her upon the reward reaching a grand amount? Although, this is slim, think about it. I wouldn't put anything past the father and Josh at this point. They may feel, it should be a deed of service, without reward, except knowing that a you have help a family's misery.
I, too, at first said they should work on the reward, because in today's society, everything is based, more or less on monetary value. But I definitely see where they could be coming from.

 

[PickieChickie]

I know this will probably seem "way out there", but may be the reason they are not concerned with the dollar amount of the reward, is because they think she is just "missing", held captive, and the person's behind would benefit from it and release her upon the reward reaching a grand amount? Although, this is slim, think about it. I wouldn't put anything past the father and Josh at this point. They may feel, it should be a deed of service, without reward, except knowing that a you have help a family's misery.
I, too, at first said they should work on the reward, because in today's society, everything is based, more or less on monetary value. But I definitely see where they could be coming from.

If Susan is being held captive and she was released because the reward reached a grand amount, Susan would most likely be able to give law enforcement enough information that the captors would be found. In addition, the person who claimed the reward would be thoroughly investigated before any monies were released to them.

 

[hollyblue]

ITA. I never post over here (no time to do anything but read a bit on WS unfortunately), but these new developments had me steaming mad.

:banghead:

Unfortunately my opinions on the case will probably gather more tomato throwing. Below is 100 percent IMO:

I can't stand BS, and my BS meter is off the charts with her "friends" in Utah. (I know, we aren't supposed to talk about them negatively so I am shutting up.)

I agree with others that the foundation is premature and it would be better for Susan to raise the reward and join forces with an established foundation in the future. I've never agreed with how they handled Joshy in this situation and I never will. I realize that is also a topic we can't really discuss.

The Mormom (LDS, whatever you choose to call it) religion is 100 percent a part of this case. Her family's reaction, the ward's "defense" of Joshy, her hidden abuse, etc., her religion all has a huge impact here. Another bad topic.

As you can see, I can't really post here or I will end up banned!! I do feel better doing this very minor venting.
:furious:

I think this is clearly a case of *ignorance* in DV, for the family, friends, and the church.
I hope this case may be a catalyst in the awareness of DV, to any church, and especially the women who partake.
People have learned through this that to "coddle" someone who has refused to show any honorable character in something so horrific, is senseless. The only thing we can hold in after thought to this is that the children have not been harmed and anything to "help" Josh as far as moving, etc could have been done to lessen the strain on his obvious psychological handling of the children. Even though we all agree the children are still in danger of this, at least they are closer to Susan's family while they pursue for custody. While not the best of situations, don't you think besides LE knowing every move he makes, the neighbors, and every person with a grain of concern, in Puyallup, for children are watching him and his disturbed family? I know if I lived in that neighborhood, I'd be taking food over there as a "good" jester or anything just to let them feel that there were people "concerned" and keeping an eye on things.

 

[PickieChickie]

I think this is clearly a case of *ignorance* in DV, for the family, friends, and the church.
I hope this case may be a catalyst in the awareness of DV, to any church, and especially the women who partake.
People have learned through this that to "coddle" someone who has refused to show any honorable character in something so horrific, is senseless. The only thing we can hold in after thought to this is that the children have not been harmed and anything to "help" Josh as far as moving, etc could have been done to lessen the strain on his obvious psychological handling of the children. Even though we all agree the children are still in danger of this, at least they are closer to Susan's family while they pursue for custody. While not the best of situations, don't you think besides LE knowing every move he makes, the neighbors, and every person with a grain of concern, in Puyallup, for children are watching him and his disturbed family? I know if I lived in that neighborhood, I'd be taking food over there as a "good" jester or anything just to let them feel that there were people "concerned" and keeping an eye on things.

The whole problem is the TITLE some nit wit came up for this scenario: Domestic Violence!

The following acts are NOT violent:

A husband forcing his wife to grow a vegetable garden if she wants to feed her family vegetables
A husband not allowing the wife to use the family vehicle whenever she desires
A husband changing the pin number on the family bank account
A husband not allowing the wife to use the computer
A husband bribing the children with cake in an attempt to get them to not go to church
A husband making his wife ride 14 miles round trip on a bike to and from work
A husband not allowing his wife to purchase the groceries she wants to buy
A husband not allowing his wife to have her own vehicle
A husband getting the children out of bed at night by saying, "Your mommy is so mean. Come get out of bed!"

In California, it is a FELONY for a husband to NOT allow the wife to use the telephone to call 911~!! Yet, that isn't an act of violence. So, women who are mislead into thinking VIOLENCE has to occur for them to be a victim (under the terms set forth as considered abusive under Domestic Violence) will NOT realize she is a victim of DOMESTIC CONTROL.

People associate the word ABUSE with VIOLENCE.

Some people have the misconception that the police and social workers cannot be called when DOMESTIC CONTROL occurs when in fact this is NOT the case. Social workers and law enforcement officers are specifically trained to recognize the symptoms of DOMESTIC CONTROL and upon hearing someone describe the acts as listed above, would in fact realize this woman was in a very dangerous situation. As mandated reporters, they would be required to file a report which would result in a follow up investigation by the department of children's services during which the wife (victim) and children would be questioned and, based on the outcome of the investigation, advice would be given to the woman as to what she should do!

Of course you do NOT call 911 and say: "I'd like to report my neighbor's husband is making her ride her bike 14 miles round trip to and from work because he's mad at her and won't let her drive the family van!" Instead, you telephone on the business line and ask that an officer call you (or) call the department of children's services and ask to speak to a social worker during which time you express your many concerns in detail. Upon hearing such a report, a police officer would be required to either make a home visit or report your information to the department of social services. Upon receiving such a report, the department of children's services is required by law to investigate the matter.

The syndrome should NOT be called Domestic Violence as it is commonly referred to. It should be called DOMESTIC CONTROL!

When people talk about starting a foundation to make people aware of domestic violence, they are continuing to promote the misconception that there has to be VIOLENCE involved!

Suddenly, because there was one incident of violence, now Susan was a victim of Domestic Violence, according to the term.

The fact is, Susan was a victim of DOMESTIC CONTROL~!!!

Awareness about domestic violence is already out there. What about awareness of DOMESTIC CONTROL?

Women already know that it is illegal for a husband to be violent, to hit, push, choke, slap, pull hair, etc.

What women need to be made aware of is that DOMESTIC CONTROL is NOT acceptable!

 

[hollyblue]

If Susan is being held captive and she was released because the reward reached a grand amount, Susan would most likely be able to give law enforcement enough information that the captors would be found. In addition, the person who claimed the reward would be thoroughly investigated before any monies were released to them.

That's true Pickie, but Susan may be drugged out of her gourd. And then there would have to be a connection made in that investigation--although I'm positive the FBI could handle it, maybe the ignoramuses feel they have a chance? At this point, if there is a fraction of a chance this happened, I don't think *they* would have continued down this path because of all the media coverage and the reward not "moving* upward. I think they would have *abandon" the source. I don't know...just thinking. I know it wouldn't help the situation, but I think many of us would like to be in room alone with that sucker.

 

[hollyblue]

The whole problem is the TITLE some nit wit came up for this scenario: Domestic Violence!

The following acts are NOT violent:

A husband forcing his wife to grow a vegetable garden if she wants to feed her family vegetables
A husband not allowing the wife to use the family vehicle whenever she desires
A husband changing the pin number on the family bank account
A husband not allowing the wife to use the computer
A husband bribing the children with cake in an attempt to get them to not go to church
A husband making his wife ride 14 miles round trip on a bike to and from work
A husband not allowing his wife to purchase the groceries she wants to buy
A husband not allowing his wife to have her own vehicle

The syndrome should NOT be called Domestic Violence as it is commonly referred to. It should be called DOMESTIC CONTROL!

When people talk about starting a foundation to make people aware of domestic violence, they are continuing to promote the misconception that there has to be VIOLENCE involved!

Suddenly, because there was one incident of violence, now Susan was a victim of Domestic Violence, according to the term.

The fact is, Susan was a victim of DOMESTIC CONTROL~!!!

Awareness about domestic violence is already out there. What about awareness of DOMESTIC CONTROL?

Women already know that it is illegal for a husband to be violent, to hit, push, choke, slap, pull hair, etc.

What women need to be made aware of is that DOMESTIC CONTROL is NOT acceptable!

I know your frustration Pickie, it is violent behavior, psychologically, with emotional abuse. Another name is Domestic Abuse, I think the use of Violence is used to make the statement, that it is indeed a serious and violent offense. The main problem is making people aware of it, no matter what it is called. Once they start hearing about it....what it truly is and entails, they will understand. Most people say, "Well, she should have left." True. But in most cases, there are children involved which may ratchet the emotions involved up a little. Then again, you have some cases, where the guy is so controlling and such a nutball everyone involved family, friends, etc, may be at risk. It's not as simple as it may seems. That is why it is so important and that all us, even hubbies, brothers, and fathers spread the word and educate others. Would be a good way for the girl/boy scouts to earn a honored badge, huh.

 

[lonetraveler]

The whole problem is the TITLE some nit wit came up for this scenario: Domestic Violence!

The following acts are NOT violent:

A husband forcing his wife to grow a vegetable garden if she wants to feed her family vegetables
A husband not allowing the wife to use the family vehicle whenever she desires
A husband changing the pin number on the family bank account
A husband not allowing the wife to use the computer
A husband bribing the children with cake in an attempt to get them to not go to church
A husband making his wife ride 14 miles round trip on a bike to and from work
A husband not allowing his wife to purchase the groceries she wants to buy
A husband not allowing his wife to have her own vehicle
A husband getting the children out of bed at night by saying, "Your mommy is so mean. Come get out of bed!"

In California, it is a FELONY for a husband to NOT allow the wife to use the telephone to call 911~!! Yet, that isn't an act of violence. So, women who are mislead into thinking VIOLENCE has to occur for them to be a victim (under the terms set forth as considered abusive under Domestic Violence) will NOT realize she is a victim of DOMESTIC CONTROL.

People associate the word ABUSE with VIOLENCE.

Some people have the misconception that the police and social workers cannot be called when DOMESTIC CONTROL occurs when in fact this is NOT the case. Social workers and law enforcement officers are specifically trained to recognize the symptoms of DOMESTIC CONTROL and upon hearing someone describe the acts as listed above, would in fact realize this woman was in a very dangerous situation. As mandated reporters, they would be required to file a report which would result in a follow up investigation by the department of children's services during which the wife (victim) and children would be questioned and, based on the outcome of the investigation, advice would be given to the woman as to what she should do!

The syndrome should NOT be called Domestic Violence as it is commonly referred to. It should be called DOMESTIC CONTROL!

When people talk about starting a foundation to make people aware of domestic violence, they are continuing to promote the misconception that there has to be VIOLENCE involved!

Suddenly, because there was one incident of violence, now Susan was a victim of Domestic Violence, according to the term.

The fact is, Susan was a victim of DOMESTIC CONTROL~!!!

Awareness about domestic violence is already out there. What about awareness of DOMESTIC CONTROL?

Women already know that it is illegal for a husband to be violent, to hit, push, choke, slap, pull hair, etc.

What women need to be made aware of is that DOMESTIC CONTROL is NOT acceptable!

:clap::clap: Thank you for explaining DOMESTIC CONTROL so well. Sadly alot of the time it is too late for the women when she finally experiences the violent part of the Domestic Violence definition. Unfortunately some women are not offered help until they are physically harmed.

 

[grayjay]

I think LE would have helped to insure Susan's picture was on milk cartons by now, if they thought the evidence indicated she had been taken in such a way that she is still out there somewhere.

I think they'd have encouraged specific kinds of searching and Chuck Cox and many others would be searching along major highways every single day if they thought there was more than a gnat's chance that's where she could be found. The nature of what we have and have not been told rules out a lot of scenarios for me.