Discussion thread for Jodi Arias Journals

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On 12/31/07, Jodi wrote in her journal:

"But seriously, I've never taken the New Year as seriously as I do this year. I've spent more time in quiet contemplation of the year ahead. I see a few different paths I could take. I'll choose with conscious disciplined effort, to zone in on that path that I truly want."

She certainly chose with conscious, disciplined effort to zone in on her path.
 
A CMJA excerpt from 1/1/08 (at least I THINK it was that day): "P.S. My favorite hymn is Nearer My God To Thee."

The song said to have been played by some members of the orchestra as the Titanic sank. How appropriate.
 
In journal 3, on page 56, CMJA talks about how she and Travis separated for a while as they explored a sacred place so that they could quietly reflect. She says: "I felt so lost. So I prayed for guidance. How do I proceed knowing what I know about T.?"

BBM. Here's the thing. That part about how to proceed was CLEARLY written at a different time from the rest of it; I am 100% positive of that. Just prior to that sentence/question was the end of a paragraph, so there was some white space on the line, but not really enough room to write without cramming the letters together. The handwriting in the next paragraph is the same as the one before it; only that one sentence about "knowing" what she knows about him is all crammed in.
 
As I continue to slog through CMJA's journals, there is one recurring theme that I'm finding:

Blah, Blah, Blah.

I find myself saying that in my head over and over and over as I skip over her PPL notes, her self-improvement notes, her church notes, her euphoria in all things spiritual, etc. She is an empty shell grasping for meaning in her life and parroting everything she hears and reads, usually word for word.
 
TexMex said:
Lol. I wasn't trying to correct you on anything Katharine. The posts just made me curious so I rewatched the testimony for timeline info

June 3 Jodi shows up at Darryl's, close to Monterey, around 7am. She ate breakfast with him and son Jack. She checked her email on his computer. She got the gas cans (she had called him twice in late May and early June asking to borrow them).
She leaves but calls Brewer back (juan says btwn 9-10am). Oops she is turning around. She had a remote control he needed

She is depositing money in Washington Mutual in Monterey:


10:10 a.m. $400 to account # ending 8006
10:11 a.m. $300 to account # ending 7148
10:15 a.m. $100 to account # ending 7148

IMO Juan was hinting that during that time 10:30 - 2 she was getting her hair dyed and her nails and waxing done. IIRC Jodi testified she got her nails done


At 2:12, 2:25 and 2:28 she's taking selfies on the Helio phone


The next record of her on June 3 is

Salinas, California (aprox 20 miles from Monterey)

At 3:22 p.m., Arias goes shopping at a Wal-Mart and buys two facial cleansers a gas can and 2 unidentified items. The sale total was $43.90 and she paid cash.
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BBM

From Jodi's last journal page 35.............


Capture.PNG
 
Volume 7 Page 19 6/25/07

I had an unexpected delay in the deliverance of funds to my checking account resulting in a significant amount of overdraft fees. Expensive. Oh well, it’s money and if one thing is certain there’s a LOT of money. I thought of a cute quote or mantra today at the beach: “money flows where Jodi goes”.

Jodi was bedazzled by the package of PPL & Mormons. She wanted the lifestyle & the wealth that she believed would come from both. That's why she targeted Travis & pursued him relentlessly. The comments above from her journal sum it up perfectly. Here was a girl from a small town that could barely hold down a full time job & she was thrown into a world that was like a fairy tale to her. Poor Travis never stood a chance once her delusional world started to crumble beneath her.

JMO
 
Friday 10/26/07

I haven't written all week what I'm grateful for. I haven't been very grateful at all apparently since a few days ago I was pondering ending my life again.

I spoke w/Matt McCartney for the first time in 3 months. He's thoroughly convinced I should commit myself. I don't think I need to do anything that drastic. I don't need to be on a suicide watch.

I guess that was when Matt finally called Sandy and told her she needed to get Jodi some help.

But I haven't felt this broken since Sarah & Cindy cut me down in every way they could - right before Bobby did the same thing for the zillionth, yet not the last time. That was in 1998.


So, Darryl doing the twisting her words and the blah blah when she tried to speak and it affecting her psychologically in 2006 wasn't the first time she's had a "breakdown".


Jodi writes like she is talking to someone, a one sided conversation. Not a record of the day of big or small things but whole days of nothing but her screwed up thought processes. She is bi polar up one side and then other.
 
Most journals/diaries tend to be a one sided conversation, but I get your point. I wouldn't call her bipolar, but I'm not sure if that's because I have bipolar disorder and truly see no signs of it in her or don't want to see any signs of it. Seriously, if I logically look at her interviews, testimony, behavior, and writing as a whole I would say no. I went to college for psychology, but didn't finish my bachelor's degree (physical ilness was my reason though I plan on going back when my doctor allows ) I see more of a narcissistic personality and histrionic personality in Jodi Arias. Also, clinical depression, but I wonder if she is actually depressed or faking it. Entries like "money flows where Jodi goes" suggest narcissm, delusion, but not depression. I can see some sadness and the acting of suicidal ideation, but I don't feel she's suicidal. I feel she's mentally disturbed, possibly mentally ill- however not enough to not know what she did. Travis was, sadly, a trophy to her. A goal. I think it could have been anyone, but once the relationship with DB didn't work out, she began to unravel. Her ego couldn't take it.
 
Tiger09 said:
Most journals/diaries tend to be a one sided conversation, but I get your point. I wouldn't call her bipolar, but I'm not sure if that's because I have bipolar disorder and truly see no signs of it in her or don't want to see any signs of it. Seriously, if I logically look at her interviews, testimony, behavior, and writing as a whole I would say no. I went to college for psychology, but didn't finish my bachelor's degree (physical ilness was my reason though I plan on going back when my doctor allows ) I see more of a narcissistic personality and histrionic personality in Jodi Arias. Also, clinical depression, but I wonder if she is actually depressed or faking it. Entries like "money flows where Jodi goes" suggest narcissm, delusion, but not depression. I can see some sadness and the acting of suicidal ideation, but I don't feel she's suicidal. I feel she's mentally disturbed, possibly mentally ill- however not enough to not know what she did. Travis was, sadly, a trophy to her. A goal. I think it could have been anyone, but once the relationship with DB didn't work out, she began to unravel. Her ego couldn't take it.
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I guess after everything we know about Jodi the journals seem self serving. She wanted people to read these, especially the last. She wanted Det. Flores to know exactly where to find those , and how many there were, and they spanned the time of when she moved to Mesa and says August 2007 up until a few days ago July 2008.


I guess I'm taking the ups and downs that she goes through so quickly as bi polar. To me, she's telling her story of how Jodi's been done wrong by just about everyone. The last journal is setting up her I just don't have the butterflies that I used to have for Travis, and the May 26th entry is so different than what was really going on. I do see where Travis sent her an email, and passivise aggressive Jodi tells him she hasn't received any emails from him. Just another way to piss him off. Then she goes on about them about them doing the dirty talk on the phone as they make up, and she's happy Ryan Burns texts her back "finally" on May 27th, and

Jodi names so many people in her journals , that I don't understand why, in all of them, no one will come stand up for her to save her life. Not even her own family.
 
The fact that none of them will speak for her allocution or even to save her during the first trial shows that she's delusional. She had to be deep in the planning stages of Travis's murder is my guess. It's always been speculated that as of May 26th Jodi decided to kill Travis, but what if it was before that? My guess would be Jodi went to Mesa and Travis didn't commit to her, then Mesa didn't work at all, Jodi went back to California and Travis didn't care. That would possibly fit with the journal timeline too. The names in her journals are just names. They're part of the game she played that she thinks she's winning.
 
I abandoned JA and her journals for family this past week, as we've had yet another wedding since this whole fiasco got started. Tonight was quiet so I thought to give it a go. I promised myself I would not get bogged down with PPL or Church notes.

- However, on page 19 of v3 I got sucked into her musings on the LOA. Halfway through the entry I began to wonder why it was written as if she is giving me a lesson on it. I mean, JA already knows all of these details about the LOA, so why take the time to spell it out in such detail? Weirdness.

-On Christmas eve of '07 she does an entry at her g'ma's house and is going on about the events of the day, then randomly on such a happy occasion, she throws in "I will never tell my mom or dad or anybody my business again. They can't be trusted. Lesson learned."

-On 12/30/07 She says " I remember an experience I had when I lived in an apartment in Monterrey. It was the Meazell's building. My deposit covered the damages" That's it. No more explanation of what "damages" her deposit covered. Also, it seemed random. Just slapped down where it made little sense.

There are other instances like this which I didn't note but it's odd how she will be in the middle of writing about a subject and suddenly throw a thought in that has zero to do with what is being written about. Maybe she means to seem whimsical but it doesn't come off that way, it seems unstable.
 
Her mind seems a bit scattered, like if I didn't know she had an ultimate agenda, I'd say ADHD or some spectrum of bipolar. But I'm wondering if it's actually a struggle with what she is planning to do. I felt like I saw small seeds in there. It makes me feel weird.
 
Tiger09 said:
Her mind seems a bit scattered, like if I didn't know she had an ultimate agenda, I'd say ADHD or some spectrum of bipolar. But I'm wondering if it's actually a struggle with what she is planning to do. I felt like I saw small seeds in there. It makes me feel weird.
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Very much so.
 
The main reason after reading the journals. They read like a work of non fiction with what we know as fact and can match up those days with those facts it doesn't make sense. To me, when things do not make it means it's deliberately deceitful. Her journals are so contrived and self serving page after page. Her journals don't read as if somebody documenting memories for brevity as she said they were to be used for. To me, it reads as her side of the story she wanted to control prior to being arrested that cast the last 2 years of her life as she wanted herself portrayed. I've seen other people mention that it reads like a novel and I agree we are all onto the nature of these journals
 
I FINALLY got through all the journals (mostly sans PPL/LDS/LOA stuff). After reading Travis' smaller portion of a journal, I see exactly why she included so many notes/lessons/blah-blah-blah, along with actual journal entries; she did that because that is what TRAVIS did. Travis laments several times that this was not his GOOD journal, the one with so much info about Lisa. That's because the GOOD journal mysteriously disappeared,, along with many other things),

Travis' journal was VERY hard to read due to poor scanning quality and the fact that his handwriting/printing is not nearly as nice as CMJA's. And that's about the only nice thing I can say about her; she has very nice penmanship. Fortunately that's not enough for mitigation (and neither is anything ELSE she tries to offer). I finally just turned on the magnifier in order to read Travis' entries (magnification within Firefox wasn't enough because it would only go just so far). Even then there were many parts I simply could not decipher. A lot of his entries had to do with succeeding and keeping himself pumped up for all the great things he could acomplish. They were also about Mimi and Lisa. He was still in love with Lisa, who wouldn't have anything to do with him, pursuing Mimi, who ultimately just wanted to be friends, and having his head turned by a new "cutie" in the Ward, all the while trying to get Lisa to just TALK to him. It sounds like there were a lot of politics going on within PPL, too. He barely had anything to say about CMJA, other than to be relieved that she had finally left town, ostensibly for good, and actually had ONE DAY of no drama and negativity from her.

It was difficult to read the entries by both of them as it got closer and closer to the day she slaughtered him. Reading her entries AFTER she slaughter was just infuriating! What a :censored: :censored:! Anything at all that she has written about the good in other people, her own striving to always be Christlike, going to church, and performing good deeds is completely negated by her self-serving drivel and fake horror, shock and wide-eyed innocent routine after she murdered Travis Alexander.

There was an entry from before April or May, I think that touches on how wonderful she thinks Travis and his family (she names many of them) are and how she wants to REPAY each and every one of them for everything they've done for her. That just gave me chills. I'll have to go back and find it. Her praise could be read as being written by the sweetest person in the world or the most evil person in the world, depending on how she was actually thinking about it.
 
CMJA LOVES to use the word "amazing". It is liberally sprinkled through all her writings. Each and every time I saw the word in her journals, though, I kind of snorted with derision, because I faithfully watched All My Children for over 40 years until we were so cruelly betrayed by ABC (but that's another story), and the word "amazing" was used by pretty much every single character to their partner after they had sex, particularly from the men. Once you see the repetition pattern, you can pretty much say the dialogue FOR them before they say it.

That's what CMJA's life is like as SHE describes it: a soap opera. As with soap characters, her purchases and lifestyle have no bearing whatever on her finances (or lack thereof), and she up and leaves work in favor of adventures, good or bad, on a regular basis, with no thought to productivity or bosses. As with any soap opera, random people often come to her home or work or restaurant and tell her she is being cheated on; this happens over and over through the years.

Like soap characters, she shows up unannounced in people's homes without knocking, and sometimes goes to great lengths to enter their homes clandestinely (doggy doors vs tunnels in a mansion). Once inside, she snoops, steals, plants false evidence, or all of the above. She walks into rooms without knocking and constantly eavesdrops on conversations she is not meant to hear, throwing her into a tizzy of scheming and/or horror and despair. She slashes tires and destroys property in fits of righteous rage. She hides around corners and watches her "beloved" as he betrays her with women he deems to be more worthy than she.

She hacks into other people's computers and/or accounts and phones with ease, and then tricks people into thinking she is the person to whom the account or phone belongs when she sends them provocative messages. She writes a ridiculously melodramatic shaming letter to a rival, purportedly from an anonymous ID. She writes fake messages to herself from fake stalkers and contrives to make sure Travis sees and/or learns about them.

She threatens suicide on a regular basis in order to bind the object of her obsession to her, and is in constant need of being rescued. I'm surprised she didn't up and marry someone she didn't love and barely knew in order to stick it to Travis (crying martyred tears throughout the ceremony), not to mention become pregnant and not know which one was the father. Despite everything that has happened, she still wants to remain "friends".

Throughout her travails and harrowing experiences, she still has a positive attitude and thinks most people are really good at heart and can be redeemed, including herself

And, of course, there are the obligatory fake *advertiser censored*.
 
After seeing her latest pics, I think she's had facial fillers before the murder of course and they're wearing off now. Possibly some botox too. The lumps in her face look suspiciously like worn off bad facial fillers and worn off botox. Despite how stressed she is, no one ages that much in a year. That's imo enhancements wearing off. Makeup wouldn't cover that up because some days I can tell where she's wearing makeup. Almost every court pic she has some on. Some days more than others.
 
Are all the journals available anywhere except BK's site?
 
Tiger09 said:
The fact that none of them will speak for her allocution or even to save her during the first trial shows that she's delusional. She had to be deep in the planning stages of Travis's murder is my guess. It's always been speculated that as of May 26th Jodi decided to kill Travis, but what if it was before that? My guess would be Jodi went to Mesa and Travis didn't commit to her, then Mesa didn't work at all, Jodi went back to California and Travis didn't care. That would possibly fit with the journal timeline too. The names in her journals are just names. They're part of the game she played that she thinks she's winning.
Click to expand...

At times I wonder if Jodi played the sex tape and told him she'd send it to the bishop and his friends if he didn't change his mind, and he told her go ahead, you'll lose more than me. All the those prospers Mormon's would be gone. All that would be left would be the Gus's.

Speaking of, Gus is mentioned twice in ( except for the money in the bank saying) in this last journal. She tells him the helio that he'd given her was stolen.
 
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