Her recent journal entries really worry me. My mother has bipolar disorder and I've read numerous memoirs about it---in an effort to better understand the disorder from my mom's perspective. And the fact that she is anti-medication and believes that God has healed her is troublesome. My mother is religious (although, not quite to the extent that Tricia appears to be) but she knows taking medication and seeking help from medical professionals does NOT mean that she doesn't also trust in God to get her through. YKWIM?
Religious and/or fantastical thinking is a hallmark symptom of mania or psychosis (delusions of grandeur). They often believe they have a special hidden talent or that they are able to receive special messages or insights from a higher being that no one else can understand.
(For example, my mom once came into my bedroom in the middle of the night and turned on my TV to a channel with static. She wouldn't let me turn it off or change the channel because "God was about to give us an important message thru the TV and it was our job to share the message with the rest of the world". She was admitted to the hospital the following day.)
But the posts Tricia made just before her disappearance sound like she may have been experiencing delusions of grandeur. She talks about "suddenly having to obey" and knowing that her brother will be "a youth pastor when he gets saved." But the post that concerned me the most was the one she posted at 10:40 pm. "3's. Completion... God speaks in 3's." She then goes on to say that God took her to Haiti on Mother's Day for her first trip, that she was pregnant when she took her second trip, and that Mother's Day is coming again.
On April 14, her thoughts are really disjointed. She talks about being a body part of God---the heart. She talks about vulnerability and then about God being her neurotransmitter when she gets off rhythm. On February 29, she talks about deleting zodiac charts and comparing herself to Lot's wife (meaning she hesitated to do so or felt tempted to look back at them but reminded herself that Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt when she disobeyed the angels' warning to flee the city by looking back).
The thing about bipolar disorder is that (as impossible as it sounds) people are able to hide their symptoms from others. This has always amazed and baffled me. My mom could be so far detached from reality during every other minute of the day but act like the sanest person in the world in front of her doctor. There are times when I've had to fax her doctor and say... "I know she seems to be doing well at her appointments but this is the behavior we've noticed at home over the past few days." My mom is also able to mask her psychosis in public. So, in my opinion, just because no one has noticed strange behavior from Tricia recently doesn't necessarily mean she is mentally well. Parking in the neighbors driveway and leaving her keys in the ignition are further indicators that she may be suffering from a bipolar episode. When thoughts speed up and become disorganized, they often become scatterbrained and forgetful.
I strongly feel like she may be suffering from a manic episode but what would that mean for her current whereabouts? It could be any number of things. She may have wandered off after exiting her car... she may have gone for a walk to ruminate over her speeding thoughts and then something bad happened? She may have gone off on a "mission from God" to do God knows what and with God knows who. But... it worries me. I hope they find her soon.
(Bipolar patients don't typically commit suicide during a manic episode---usually only during a depressed or mixed episode. So I don't think she decided to end her life at this point. But I think whatever she may be doing is likely risky and could easily lead to trouble.)
JMO.
