Journal entry Aug 2, 2007 . . . .Wilmott and ALV on the stand
JA greatly loves TA when she is relying on his potential for greatness, hanging onto that - she loves him - wishes she didn't but she does . . . certainly speaks of hopefulness. . . on the DV continuum . . . the hope of seeing things better
she is doing what a lot people do . . . look back @ beginning relationship all the positive things and it can be that way in the future.
JA walked inand saw him on the couch with another women and JA left. . . they had "allegedly" broken up . . .. journal entry indicates they were still carrying on as if they had a relationship.
JA talks to TA the next day - he gets upset and he says he wants to F'ing . .
objection
approach
Willmot asked if TA threatened to commit suicide?
not sure of that . . . he was very upset with himself .. . he was hitting his head on the wall . . up against the door banging head repeatedly . . .. JA witnessed this. . . .
JA goes upstairs after seeing this . .. she tries to calm him down, it was ok to date other people but she wanted to know about it . . JA wanted him to tell her about it - appeared to calm him down
JA talks about empathy . . . she felt bad because he felt so bad . . . .this is empathy per ALV . . . .one partner empathizes with the other it is necessary for realationshps . .
JA is empathizing and calm him down an tell him it is ok . . . empathy is incredible pull for some people to stay - you are connecting with their pain . . . .women in shelters often over empathized with their partners and kept them in relationship.
Another entry . . .subject matter is suspicious of him when he acts kind . . the behaviors is more harsh, cruel, critical, and mean is becoming more commonplace in the relationship. . . . she received a nice text message from him and that was becoming uncommon. . .. triggered other thoughts
JA becoming numb about way she feels about him . . . not good for them spiritual or emotional - big warning signs saying wrongway . . . for this relationship . . .but she s not ready to leave . . . even though sh thinks not going in right direction but wants things the way they were . . . she is not ready t leave.
it isn't good for them but not ready to do anything about it . . .very common in abusive relationship. . . . they stay until they get to place where they fear significant harm . . . it differs for everyone
over the years they had some good times . . . she is talking aobut wanting good timesback . . . .intermittent reinforcement or variable reinforcement . . . . old psych terms . . . every time you press bar you get candy . . . . but if don't know when it will come they will continue to press bar . . . over and over hoping to get the reward from the partner.
Aug. 13, 2007 - moved to Mesa in July . . . timing of the more harsh, cruel words. . . .they didn't live in same state for almost a year - progression harsh put-downs are now escalating regularly . . . . since the month she lived there.
Journal entry Aug 17, 2007 = sexual experience . . . .TA gave her a compliment . . . . it is first time they have consensual vaginal sex . . . . particular to her body . . . her body being built for sex . . . she takes that as compliment because he thinks she is sexy . . .
does he leave after the sexual contact . . . . not sure . . . .oh yes he does leave.
talk about her feelings about this experience . . .yes
basically she doesn't feel ashamed, used or guilty because of the compliment . . . .emotionally and physically great just feels good - compliment about who she is .. . .
she doesn't feel ashamed or guilty . . . she even mentions that sh doesn't feel that way - rationalization .. . taking something we have done we don't like and make it viable for us so we can live with ourselves- rationalization is most common defense mechanism . . .. all human beings do it . . . not supposed to say all humans . . . way to cope
vaginal sex in their relationship - given their religion - she would have felt guilty . . .this was the area she set limits - the greatest sin . . . she is culpable. . . when you know you have crossed the line - you have become part of the deception . . . .TA and she crossed the line spiritually - her spirit mentor crossed line into sin . . . she feels culpable . . . biggest sin in terms of chastity . . .they are bound in this lie together.
she doesn't feel great . . . not ggood about self on regular basis - so this sexual contact with TA makes her feel good - based upon compliment and how he treated her @ time of journal entry.
did JA ever speak to anyone else about sexual contact? . . . yes she did spoke to friend Rachel . . . test waters told Rachel they had oral sex . . .. Rachel tells her go to Bishop right away so does TA .. . . they have crossed the lines.
tA doesn't agree to go to Bishop - he indicates he has been in trouble for this before. TA does not want to go to Bishop with JA.
JA reaches out to a friend for advice and then doesn't take the advise . . . doesn't go to Bishop . . .. now feels Rachel is someone she cannot talk to about this . . . binds them together in deception because of TA talks about being virgin . . . ruins his reputation and hurts hers too if she goes to Bishop.
Women in shelter emotional or physical abuse where women don't want to tell others because of partners reputation, career, status in community, being seen as less than . . . most womenwere very cautious . . .. didn't matterif they had money economically, status or not.
they have a secret between the 2 of them . . . it's our secret that oppresses (in AA) .. . secrets don't feel have ability to talk to other people . . . .in her journal she is writing .
does she say they had vaginal sex in the journal?
no
details about what going on?
no she is not
Aug 26 ,2007 - journal entry #510
she is glad no one reads this journal because she loves TA . . . she loves him but it is not always what she wishes . . . 2 separate experiences, . . . makes feel sick, happy, sad, uplifted beautiful . . . .backand forth best and worst . ..
she shouldn't word it as if he is doing that . . .part of Law of Attraction . . . if sh thinks and acts more positive she will be more positive despite what going on . . . she has popwer to change TA? . . . she has power to change her own life . . . if she thinks and feels different she will . .
she loves him . . .she feels sad . . wishes she could die . . . feeling very bad (I am feeling bipolar just typing all of this)
she can't reconcile this very easy . . . .
see self blame?
sure . . . she is talking about able to change things but not doing it . . she blames self for not being more effective.
basically unable to get out relationship - she is not ready - she is feeling so down . . . bu not ready to leave?
many women feel down but not ready to leave . . . one psych nurse ALV worked with was told she had to get help because sh was more down than the people who were locked down . . . .
she was isolated from family and friends . . . only resource was person abusing her.
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