Ariane - so sorry it has taken long to reply to your comment...:blowkiss:
Been buried here at the office and never have any spare time at home to do anything.
I've read and really really thought long and hard on the thought you wrote.. I wanted to really absorb and try and understand before i posted anything.
SO here goes....:crazy:
I truly can understand some of the actions can be based on XBF, drugs and/or fear.
I still feel in the pit of my stomach IMO that XBF had a huge part in the murders. He has/had no family values (at the time) and had nothing to loose - only gained. Huge fight took place with him and Dad and other issues were coming to a head. IMO XBF certainly could have controlled her thoguhts about us being moochers..and wanting to take from her everything.. Feeding her mind with thoughts of nonsense and hate for us.. VERY possible.. Sure... He had EVERYTHING to gain. They were sleeping together... living together... He was getting Dad's truck to drive (without a DL too)
It's still very hard for me to stomach that "A" had anything or known about the murders.. I try to continue to believe she too is a victim... but again... actions really speak volume.
Remember that it's a fact that Dad spoke to a neighbor just days before the murders and told the neighbor that he had (the wording is not accurate) found, seen, knows, came upon a Meth lab and that "A" and XBF are doing/making/selling?
Dad and Darleen knew something. They had both talked to friends about the issue - Darleen to friends at her work - and Dad to a neighbor. Maybe they found out something and was confronted?
It was posted on the Mongo Topix - that maybe Dad walked upon a meth--lab and or someone had a 'secret' and wanted to keep that secret hidden. That was 'maybe' why he was murdered - cuz he knew the secret.
Complete SHOCK to the family. DRUGS - this was NEVER a thought as to why/how Dad and Darleen got murderd. This post was way before the family really knew her involvment with the drugs and after the XBF left the scene. Makes u wonder on that timing too..
Some of her actions also took place well after the XBF's wrath was gone. He moved from "A" only 7months after the murders occured.
It's VERY possible the XBF had a handle on her emotions the first few months - but truly IMO she had control over most things. She was getting the house all done. Had an auction, purchsed all kinds of new toys for herself and friends, she cut down the indian my DH carved for Darleen. You think XBF had something to do with that? Why should he care about a tree-stump-indian..? Maybe.. :waitasec:
She did go thru all the motions of getting the headstones. Went all the way to order it and request a check from the bank. She never followed thru cuz the check was not made to HER bank account for her to pay for stone - it was made to company.
I think there was control for the most part with 'A'.
She might have cared of us.. me.. DB/DH/DS.. I mean we were a big part of her growing up. But - really... truly - when you care about someone .. even in the slight... there would be SOME connections -some sorce of something.. there was absolutly nothing since the moment we walked onto the property after the murders. Truly - nothing. Two weeks we were all there... No signs of anything showing love or sorrow together..as a family. I sat next to her at the funeral and she moved her hand away when i wanted to hold it. It broke my heart.
She was always no-where to be found - or late for appointments. I don't feel there was or is any love lost for her not having us around anymore.
Sure - seeing Darleen would certainly make her re-see the whole mess over/over/over.. and yes.. not seeing Dad's body - sure.. I can totally accept that thought.. and prolly was why the 'why her' only was spoken. She was close to her mom more than dad and her were.. they shopped together and spent alot of time together. SURE... she has to live with that sight forever.
I think she has/had more contol over herself - I think most of her actions were pure and direct from her true feelings... and not cuz a XBF was telling her to do or be a certain way. I think it was natural and her honest feelings for the most part.
I think she suspects and prolly knows who murdered them (IMO) ... and certainly could fear for her own life - FOR SURE... I totally can think that. I do think that - - Guilt of bringing the murder/s into the lives of her family due to her drug abuse... sure... I totally can see that could be how you separate urself so you dont have to see the hurt u caused.
But not having any drive or motivation to TRY AND FIND the killer/s of her parents... I just can not get that due to control. She didnt even want to talk to local newspaper 24hrs after. She walked away from the reporter. Really? IDK..
There are just so many direct blows thrown from 'A" that really can not get me on that path of her being totally innocent and being controlled either by another human or drugs. Some of the direct actions even to her own mother's burial clothing... and/or being late for the wake and/or sending me the letter asking for her money back if she gives to the Terry and Darleen Foundation. The letter came in Sept 2006 - this was after the XBF left (sometime in may-june 2006) and new BF was into play - BW...
She turned down the theropy help cuz (quote) " it was too hard to drive to the appointments " - Friends can help you?
Oh yea.. that's right.. her friends - the Meth friends... (sorry - it's a bit sarcastic)
I dk... really... it's a complete mess and sometimes I get frustrated cuz it does not make any sense....
Truly - - - you have made some fantastic thoughts below makes total sense... and I really really read and thought.... and will continue to read and think about what you wrote. Points well taken into consideration adn truly maybe the reasons for some of the actions....
OK - I know there is SOO much more I could write..
... but I wanted to make sure that your comments are totally worth thinking very deep about...and maybe something might clear in my own head about things..and it might help.
:blowkiss:
Rosco
It certainly sounds like A may know or suspect more than she has revealed, but I did not come away from reading all these threads feeling she was definitely guilty of the actual murders or definitely maliciously involved in a conspiracy to murder. I'm not saying I think she is innocent -- I can't know that. But I do think there are other possible interpretations of some of her behavior that has raised red flags. I hope for everyone's sakes the case will be solved and the killer(s) caught soon and that it will turn out she wasn't a murderer or accessory before the fact.
One thing I think you have maybe jumped to a conclusion about is your idea that Amanda secretly hated you for years. I heard through your words how much it hurt you to think that a relationship you had thought was genuine was really a charade, that there had been resentment and hate under a false facade of affection. I can see how you could think that but just IMO from what I have picked up on these threads, I don't think you should accept it as a conclusion that she has hated you for a long time. (but please realise I'm not saying you didn't try to reach out to her)
I can understand that when you look at her behavior through a lens of what would be normal to you or to other people you know, you may think, 'the only way someone in this situation would push away family members and want absolutely nothing to do with us, be insulting, bad mouth us as "moochers" and refuse even a fishing pole for Terry's grandson....would be if she had actually loathed us for a very long time and now, with the parents gone, there's no reason to hide it." (" and if she is guilty")
But I think you may not be fully taking into account some things.....
1. the devastating effects of chronic methamphetamine use on thinking and personality One can't really judge her actions by asking "What would a normal person do?" Meth really does cause psychosis. Definitely causes paranoia.
2. PTSD effects on an already way screwed up brain. Someone else wrote about this recently in reference to her having kept saying "Why did they have to do that to her?" and not mentioning your dad. She probably had the horrifying image she had seen of her mother imprinted on her mind , like a record skipping and playing the same line over and over.
3. a controlling BF poisoning her meth-affected (paranoid), PTSD-affected mind against family members. The way he kept her from talking to you at first (did you ever ask LE if they really had told him not to let her talk even to family ?) and seemed so controlling, so quickly had a renter move in, etc...... I think it is likely he was conducting a psychological campaign to drive a wedge between her and others in the family, telling her you didn't really care about her, you just wanted the inheritance, you were trying to get her convicted so you could have the property, and maybe that you and Rick were jealous that she had had your dad there while she was growing up.
His motives? Could be fear she would reveal something that might tie him or his friends to the murder. Could be he didnt want her to have anyone else to lean on or turn to for advice, because he wanted to have control over her and her property.
~ plus ~ If she knows or suspects something about the murders,
4. Fear of giving something away if she allowed herself to open up to you, then you would insist she go to police be scared about. She may have been warned that if she ever says anything against the people she suspects/knows were involved, the suspicion will fall on her, the guilty party(ies) will in turn implicate her --and they will be believed because she was the one with the most obvious financial motive. And since she was using drugs, her memory may be hazy and she may realize that any evidence she gave against another would be strongly challenged by defense counsel, with her character and credibility and her memory attacked - - so she might fear that the likely result of her talking would be the killers getting off and then coming after her and doing what she saw they did to her mother.
5. Guilt / Shame (which could be about anything from actually having participated in the murders, down to just wondering if one of the meth-using friends might have picked up on something she said about Terry having a large sum of cash). If she did feel any responsibility, seeing your grief would remind her of the injury done to YOU & your families by taking away your father / grandfather too.
In avoidance of dealing with her knowledge , suspicions and /or her feelings about the murders, one way to NOT deal with it is by attacking other family members and pushing them away, avoiding having anything to do with the investigation, continually postponing dealing with the headstone etc.
(those are not necessarily signs of guilt. The major thing she may be avoiding dealing with is grief and trauma. It is too bad she turned down counselling but not unusual for a young person to think all they need is their friends. Sadly, that did not work very well; there is probably an element of self-medicating in her drug abuse.
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I pray A is able to stay off drugs during this pregnancy and that she will manage to escape from that dark abyss of addiction. I hear Wellbutrin is being used in clinical trials to treat meth addicts. Not that it would work alone, it would require treatment and/or self-help group meetings, totally staying away from people who are using and places where drugs are bought and used and other things that trigger relapse. and probably therapy to try to cope with things she has been trying to blunt with drugs.
:blushing:
I feel all of these faces right about now.