I'm watching Jodie testify again about the robbery at the grandparents' house. She is insisting to JM that she had her lap top with her and that's why it wasn't stolen. She always carried her lap top with her, she says.
She has completely forgotten that she told the police that the lap top was hidden in her hamper and that is why it wasn't stolen. Even when JM tries to remind her, even when he jogs her memory with the police testimony in court, she refuses to remember this, and thus, again impeaches her own testimony on the stand.
So--I'm wondering. What is it like living inside her head? She seems to think fhat she can just make up any kind of story about anything in the moment and that makes it true. She seems to either believe her own lies or be indifferent to them. She seems to invent her own reality, moment by moment.
What is this I am looking at? Is there a name for it? Can anyone explain it to me? I just don't see how she could have made it this far in life using this cognitive strategy.
One talking head said she contradicted herself 8 times on the stand yesterday. Those were the ones he was able to count.
IMO
Fortunately I don't know what its like in her head. Unfortunately I do know what its like living with someone eerily similar though so I'll offer this up, fwiw.
First think of psychopathy like your personality. You're made up of all bits and pieces and so is Jodi. For the most part you're good and rule abiding, right?
But every so often you can be naughty or do something wrong - which leads you to feeling guilty, embarrassed or perhaps even ashamed.
Jodi can't feel those emotions the same as you or I. She feels an insatiable anger almost constantly. But years of living with humans has taught her it isn't acceptable to show her anger and its level. She learns by default it isn't normal and though she can't feel guilt, shame or embarrassment herself she does learn that humans don't
like to feel them. So she adapts because she has no other choice. She studies the humans around her and learns what joy, fear, heartbreak, loss, embarrassment and every other conceivable human emotion
look like. She looks human. She sounds human. Everyone seems to believe she is human. So she learns at a very early age how to pretend to emote as a human.
Because of her psychopathy it only matters to Jodi what she wants and what makes her feel good. She cannot feel empathy or put others first for their own benefit. Everything in her world must revolve around her. She learns to manipulate and control in order to facilitate this. She is adept at it due to her psychopathy. In a way she is even 'programmed' to easily prey on others. No conscience and no empathy. The extreme greed and selfishness of only her really every mattering. She'll use every trick she can think of, engineer any event - all to make people more reliant on her, more trusting of her, more compassionate of her, more giving to her. Ultimately it is always, always about her.
As long as things go Jodi's way she can be affable and charming. Once she is challenged though she becomes a hotbed of psychological manipulators only designed to make humans feel bad and comply with whatever she wants. Either way they will often stop challenging her though - which is the important part. Push her further still and she struggles with keeping up the pretense of being human. When the mask slips on a psychopath even the 'worst' human traits can't describe them. It's beyond jealousy, vindictiveness or even rage. It's something so cold, so animalistic it sparks a flight response in humans. (You may not recognize what you're seeing - it is purely instinctual to get away from it for self-preservation.)
When Jodi is hopping all over herself on the witness stand we are witnessing her true
disorder at play. Psychopaths just cannot withstand scrutiny and challenging day after day, while trying to remember their lies, and also attempting to maintain their facade. Because it is so foreign to how we humans feel it can border on incomprehension seeing them in that state. In reality when you look at it like a juggling act it becomes perfectly clear how difficult what she is doing really is - and how unfathomable for any
human being to be capable of the same. We really are different species.
(Yee gatz. Sorry for the novel. Again. :blushing