Looking at the bizarrely humorous side of it alone-
She was easy to buy for at holidays... let 's see...
Heart shaped padded toilet seat for Valentine's Day.
One of those old fashioned toilet lid covers that our mothers used to make back in the early 60's with a felt Santa with his gloved hands over his eyes for Christmas..
Apples to bob for at Halloween.
A coordinating Wal Mart special toilet fuzzy set of mat, toilet top and side cover in her favorite color for her birthday.
Green beer for some visual variety in the toilet bowl at St. Patrick's Day.
And, she could hunt Easter eggs with her eyes closed in the tank water.
And, assuming she wasn't obese, sparklers for New Years. If they started to burn her hands, she could just dunk them.
I'm sorry- I don't care how messed up both of them are, this is the weirdest, funniest, most bizarre story I've read anywhere since I've been a member here.