Their biological children, adoptive child, a friends child, a family member ect. There is just NO EXCUSE EVER to harm a child. i will never ever ever understand why grown ADULTS would harm a child instead of asking for help. never ever ever understand how or why people would turn a blind eye.You know Meo, I'm at the point where I've had enough of it, as the expression goes, "I've had it up to here"! No more claims of battered wife's syndrome, (when used to defend yourself against not protecting your child/children) no more post-partem depression, past incest/abuse claims - None of it. Instead use those defenses and/or claims to explain why you had to walk away from a child/children BEFORE you hurt one or all of them! I grew up in a home filled with abuse on many levels, physical, emotional and yes, even sexual and I am outraged when I hear anyone use that as an excuse and I'm even more outraged when other's discussing these cases assert that there was past abuse and therefore that is why the individual did it. If you grew up in that environment and recall how it felt when you were a child being hurt, you wouldn't hurt a child and you wouldn't let anyone else hurt them either. The thing is we don't have all of the answers and we may never have them but in the meantime children are dying - we need to take a hard and firm approach by making tougher laws AND enforcing them when it comes to family violence and child abuse. We need to lose the "mother's/women don't hurt or kill their children unless they are mentally ill" thinking or if/when they stood/stand by and did/do nothing while a husband/BF beat(s) or killed(kills) their child, stop with the, "Look what he did to the child/children, imagine how frightened she was of him" Save it! I've had enough of the exploitation of all of these so-called defenses to justify and get away with hurting and killing a child.:furious: JMHO
EVERYONE that SEEN or KNEW of the abuse should be charged IMO. I will just never understand
please do not turn this into a debate about adopting out of foster care. The state does not come out after adoption . the back ground we did to get the 4 we have WAS a long back ground. they spoke to everyone I knew. everyone DH knew. our biological childrens teachers. even looked my dresser where my underwear is at. We did classes for weeks . the state is in our home very often and we basically have no life while we are waiting for the adoption to be final. By Gosh they better be gone after we adopt. I dont know how the process was in that state or in that year but I do know we have personally been put threw the ringer to adopt our 4. I can't wait until it is final so we can finally build a normal loving caring life for all the children.
I guess my point is this could happen if they was adoptive parent , biological parents or other family members. A back ground will not tell you the future (unfortunally).
As far as having MORE responablity to the adoptive children then the biological children. That is just wrong (imo) you have EQUAL responablity to ALL children. Not more for one set just because they are adoptive or one set just because they are biological. When we decided to adopt we made the choice to treat them EQUALLY as in not one better then the other. To make sure they ALL EQUALLY have the SAME chances at life. Our biological children has given up a lot when we did decided to adopt and I won't ask them to give up even more. They will EACH have the same chances in life. Each have the same love and each be treated equally. Which is how it should be. They will be our CHILDREN and no child is better or loved more then another. We made the CHOICE to take on responablity to ALL of our children not just our adoptive children. There is many choices we could of made. We made the choice to be responable parents.
Who ever has harmed Adam ( unfortunally I don't believe he is still alive with us on earth) needs to pay. it does look like it was the adoptive parents and I hope they pay for what they have done.
I will never ever understand why someone choses to harm a child
I hope whoever harmed Adam rots in hell where they belong.
BTW I don't feel guilt or slighted at ALL with this being talked about. PERIOD. it NEEDS to be talked about. It needs to be on EVERYONES MIND that this is NOT OK! I also don't think DHS should be in our lifes after the adoption just because we have a adoptive child. I am NOT the one that harmed a child and won't be treated as such.I am the one SAVING a child and will not have someone come out and question MY children every other month ect . I am breaking the cycle in my family that includes breaking the cycle of DHS being involved in our families life. I have NOTHING to hide by by Gosh i'll be damned if the state is going to be in my home every month until my children are grown. For those that think it should be that way. Would you welcome the state in YOUR home every month to tell YOU how to raise YOUR children? I don't think so. I am sure will say well we didn't make the choice to adopt. ect ect. Well I did not make the choice for my neices and newphew to be abused either. I did make the choice to adopt them and give them a chance at life and love and care for them as my own. We ( as in me and my husband) made the choice to give up a lot to make sure they would be protected but I refuse to give up my privacy for the rest of my life.
Sorry I guess this is touchy subject bc we are living the HELL right now.These"parents" need to be thrown in prision and the key needs to be thrown away just like if it was a biological child the parents need to have the same punishment. There should be NO second chances. PERIOD. lock them up and throw away the key. People make me sick sometimes.
please do not turn this into a debate about adopting out of foster care. The state does not come out after adoption . the back ground we did to get the 4 we have WAS a long back ground. they spoke to everyone I knew. everyone DH knew. our biological childrens teachers. even looked my dresser where my underwear is at. We did classes for weeks . the state is in our home very often and we basically have no life while we are waiting for the adoption to be final. By Gosh they better be gone after we adopt. I dont know how the process was in that state or in that year but I do know we have personally been put threw the ringer to adopt our 4. I can't wait until it is final so we can finally build a normal loving caring life for all the children.
I guess my point is this could happen if they was adoptive parent , biological parents or other family members. A back ground will not tell you the future (unfortunally).
As far as having MORE responablity to the adoptive children then the biological children. That is just wrong (imo) you have EQUAL responablity to ALL children. Not more for one set just because they are adoptive or one set just because they are biological. When we decided to adopt we made the choice to treat them EQUALLY as in not one better then the other. To make sure they ALL EQUALLY have the SAME chances at life. Our biological children has given up a lot when we did decided to adopt and I won't ask them to give up even more. They will EACH have the same chances in life. Each have the same love and each be treated equally. Which is how it should be. They will be our CHILDREN and no child is better or loved more then another. We made the CHOICE to take on responablity to ALL of our children not just our adoptive children. There is many choices we could of made. We made the choice to be responable parents.
Who ever has harmed Adam ( unfortunally I don't believe he is still alive with us on earth) needs to pay. it does look like it was the adoptive parents and I hope they pay for what they have done.
I will never ever understand why someone choses to harm a child
I hope whoever harmed Adam rots in hell where they belong.
BTW I don't feel guilt or slighted at ALL with this being talked about. PERIOD. it NEEDS to be talked about. It needs to be on EVERYONES MIND that this is NOT OK! I also don't think DHS should be in our lifes after the adoption just because we have a adoptive child. I am NOT the one that harmed a child and won't be treated as such.I am the one SAVING a child and will not have someone come out and question MY children every other month ect . I am breaking the cycle in my family that includes breaking the cycle of DHS being involved in our families life. I have NOTHING to hide by by Gosh i'll be damned if the state is going to be in my home every month until my children are grown. For those that think it should be that way. Would you welcome the state in YOUR home every month to tell YOU how to raise YOUR children? I don't think so. I am sure will say well we didn't make the choice to adopt. ect ect. Well I did not make the choice for my neices and newphew to be abused either. I did make the choice to adopt them and give them a chance at life and love and care for them as my own. We ( as in me and my husband) made the choice to give up a lot to make sure they would be protected but I refuse to give up my privacy for the rest of my life.
Sorry I guess this is touchy subject bc we are living the HELL right now.These"parents" need to be thrown in prision and the key needs to be thrown away just like if it was a biological child the parents need to have the same punishment. There should be NO second chances. PERIOD. lock them up and throw away the key. People make me sick sometimes.
And adopting out of foster care is something to be very proud of. I know my parents are and were them 
:waitasec:
So where you are, you are being denied the right to adopt vs less qualified heterosexuals-is that what you are saying?
I don't think Kansas opted to bypass a loving gay couple who wanted to adopt this child and willfully gave him to a pair of sickos. He was fostered to them and then adopted. My SIL was one of 5, 4 of whom were fostered first and then adopted including herself....it is common.
The story here, imo, is that multiple people witnessed the abuse of this child and didn't tell a soul. Or if they did, the message was not delivered. Here is a thought-you stroll into your friend's house and find their 11 year old chained to the bathtub he sleeps in. You UNCHAIN him and then leave with the child, calling LE or going to the police station on the way home.
These folks bully and abuse children-what do you think they are going to do if you just take the child and leave?
Wishful thinking on my part I guess.
Hi you misunderstood me
I do not think the state should be in your home every month. But these people were getting money and just filling in a form every year saying so ( it would appear)
No one checked on me either after i was adopted....its not practical..
But then my parents were not being paid to have me either.
I believe that there should be some sort of checks and balances in place for those people getting $$$ to look after foster/adopted children.. Because sadly there are far to many stories coming out of those that are doing it just for the $$$$$
If the state had just checked on Adam once a year even he would have been found to be missing some 9 years ago...instead of now ...
There are genuine adoptive and foster parents
So please don't take offence.
When I write I speak of the crimes committed by adoptive and foster parents that are doing the wrong thing ....
unfortunally like everything else in the world it gets abused by some.Thank you for saying that.
makes me so sad. I just cry and cry when I think about this child. NOONE deserves this. Noone cared enough to do the right thing IF there was reports made about abuse in this home by Gosh someone needs to lose their job AND be charged with neglict for not following up.what your talking about ( money wise) is called adoption subsidy. Here is a website that explains some of it.
http://www.nacac.org/adoptionsubsidy/factsheets/affordable.html
many people that adopt via foster care adopt children with special needs . Some are physical special needs while others are severe emoctional special needs because of the abuse that happened to them. Some are a sibling group that most normal everyday working people could not afforid to take in. They are given a monthly waver that helps with the care of the child they adopted. ( this should be spent on the CHILDS NEEDS ONLY) This has nothing to do with the parents income (in most states) and it is a federal program. Most states you lose money when you adopt ( you get less then they did as foster parents and some states get very little as foster parents no where near enough to fully take care of a child IMO ) Not to mention the suporitt of services the child may need is cut way back and the adoptive parents pay for it. Many could not afforid to adopt with out the adoption subsidy because of the severe needs of the child. Many of the moms ( and some times dads) also quit their jobs to care for the severe needs some of the children have and try to give them the best chance at life that they can have. Some of these children are so severe they can not walk , talk , feed themself ect
Some of the children have been abused so badly they require hours upon hours of counseling.I do not know many people that could afforid $200 a hour for counseling. After Adoption the state pays for 3 hours a month. THATS IT. The program was built to help children
the system is broken. It needs to be fixed and I wish more then anything I could fix it. I aged out of the system and now adopting from the system so I know very well first hand it is broken. I am sure there is some in my state that foster/and adopt because of the money but that seems unreal to me bc I know how very little you get in my state. We have spent in the last 5 months more then my husbands brings home in a YEAR. We will be paying this off for years to come. We just did everything they said and jump and asked how high as long as they came to us and stayed with us.
Many foster parents are told if they do not adopt the children they have had in their family for MANY MANY years they will lose them to never see them again EVER. They will be put in a home to be adopted with strangers they do not know and taken from the home they have known for so many years.
I AM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTTTTTTTTTTT defending the state or These EVIL parents just wanted to explain a bit about the Adoption Subsidy. There is FAR FAR to many bad parents in this world, that includes Biological parents, Foster parents, Grandparents and adoptive parents. Little by Little I pray to the Lord we can all break the bad cycles of the world. If I could change the world for every child out there and make sure every child had the best life available , knew they was loved and cared for I would in a heart beat. I believe that some state workers try to push adoption when the person adopting them may not be the right person to adopt ( or even be a foster parent).
Edited to add. I am not offended in the least I have no reason to be .
:furious::furious:
what your talking about ( money wise) is called adoption subsidy. Here is a website that explains some of it.
http://www.nacac.org/adoptionsubsidy/factsheets/affordable.html
many people that adopt via foster care adopt children with special needs . Some are physical special needs while others are severe emoctional special needs because of the abuse that happened to them. Some are a sibling group that most normal everyday working people could not afforid to take in. They are given a monthly waver that helps with the care of the child they adopted. ( this should be spent on the CHILDS NEEDS ONLY) This has nothing to do with the parents income (in most states) and it is a federal program. Most states you lose money when you adopt ( you get less then they did as foster parents and some states get very little as foster parents no where near enough to fully take care of a child IMO ) Not to mention the suporitt of services the child may need is cut way back and the adoptive parents pay for it. Many could not afforid to adopt with out the adoption subsidy because of the severe needs of the child. Many of the moms ( and some times dads) also quit their jobs to care for the severe needs some of the children have and try to give them the best chance at life that they can have. Some of these children are so severe they can not walk , talk , feed themself ect
Some of the children have been abused so badly they require hours upon hours of counseling.I do not know many people that could afforid $200 a hour for counseling. After Adoption the state pays for 3 hours a month. THATS IT. The program was built to help children
the system is broken. It needs to be fixed and I wish more then anything I could fix it. I aged out of the system and now adopting from the system so I know very well first hand it is broken. I am sure there is some in my state that foster/and adopt because of the money but that seems unreal to me bc I know how very little you get in my state. We have spent in the last 5 months more then my husbands brings home in a YEAR. We will be paying this off for years to come. We just did everything they said and jump and asked how high as long as they came to us and stayed with us.
Many foster parents are told if they do not adopt the children they have had in their family for MANY MANY years they will lose them to never see them again EVER. They will be put in a home to be adopted with strangers they do not know and taken from the home they have known for so many years.
I AM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTTTTTTTTTTT defending the state or These EVIL parents just wanted to explain a bit about the Adoption Subsidy. There is FAR FAR to many bad parents in this world, that includes Biological parents, Foster parents, Grandparents and adoptive parents. Little by Little I pray to the Lord we can all break the bad cycles of the world. If I could change the world for every child out there and make sure every child had the best life available , knew they was loved and cared for I would in a heart beat. I believe that some state workers try to push adoption when the person adopting them may not be the right person to adopt ( or even be a foster parent).
Edited to add. I am not offended in the least I have no reason to be .
