Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[debirlfan]

That's a good point, she could have been. But if they were worried about the seizures being part of his inattentiveness, would they still have grounded him to his room? He can't control that part of his brain. (I know you can't answer that. I'm just wondering how they think.)

He said when Kyron brought home anything but a green card she wanted Kaine to discipline him by grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies.

"There was no room for error," Kaine said.

The couple frequently argued about disciplining Kyron, he said.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/terri_horman.html

As I said - remember that this is coming from Kaine - and if he is convinced that TH disappeared Kyron, he has every reason to paint TH in a negative light. The part about wanting a daily report could easily be verified by asking the teacher - however the question of who wanted Kyron disciplined and how is much more subjective. I would be much more comfortable accepting that it was TH if that info came from a 3rd party source.

 

[Calliope]

I couldn't agree with you more. Her poor ex husband, RE, got screwed big time. To this day paying child support for a child that isn't his, he doesn't see, and lives with his bio father. And he paid for her college, too. I don't blame the in laws for not liking her, either. And she sure doesn't seem to mind taking, does she. Sued the business for $250,000.00. Where did that money go? I think she does spend freely, earns very little and doesn't care about others feelings.

Sorry, but I have to point this out again. The biological father gave up all his parental rights and this man adopted her son as his own. J IS his son. Adoption means the child is yours, not just while you're married to their parent.

 

[eyes4crime]

Terri and Eckerd (exhubby) bought a house with the help of her parents and the in-laws complain their son spent money on her education?????

Come on!!! What is this. And Terri obtained her degree while suffering from intense migraines and a pinched nerve. Who can complain about that I ask?

To me, it looks like once she met Kaine and was bringing Kyron over to her condo for afternoon babysitting, Kaine was content.

Once Terri began working out and focusing on herself - Kaine was unhappy only to be happy again when she was totally focused on babies and home. YIKES from the eek squad!

 

[wondering1]

If my husband expect me to get his approval before spending "his" money, then damn straight we'd have a major problem on our hands lol.

Perhaps she should charge him the going rate for housekeeper, laundry service, cook, daycare, shopper, chauffeur, etc.

Especially the "etc."

And then send him a bill with accumulated interest for services rendered over the last 7+ years. Minus her half of the food, rent and utilities, of course.

Then maybe he'd keep his mouth shut about "his" money.

Oh Please...ask yourself whether you'd rather be in the work force or being totally supported to sah with your kids. Would you choose to work f/t.....I didn't think so. I get that moms work hard b/c, as a single parent, I do both -- all of the job and all of the house. Ask me, or any other single working mom what's harder and they will tell you that staying home with the kids is a blessing and a walk in the park. Laundry, shopping, cleaning the house??? On your schedule with no boss except maybe some biotching from the working spouse if the place is a sty and no clean underwear?

He said he wanted to be consulted about how the money was spent, and he wasn't. Imo, it's ridiculous to say that the non-earner gets to spend at their whim. That's totally selfish and immature. jmoo.

 

[Calliope]

Maybe to some degree but it didn't help my son anyway. The first teacher I mentioned above was big on punishments but it just seemed to make things worse. Rewards for good behavior seem to work much better.

Well that tells me they are able to control their behavior, at least to an extent, right?

 

[Donjeta]

daily feedback on one child is one thing, but what if all 25-30 parents want daily feedback. Personally, with all of the ways that teachers are required to accommodate every little thing, teach to the tests, deal with helicopter parents, etc. etc. I can't see how they find time in the day to actually teach.

I have never been a teacher but IMO if the daily feedback would help the children to learn to behave better it might save time for teaching in the long run because disciplining can be a "time vacuum".

Probably the parents whose kids are doing well anyway would not ask for the daily feedback that much, but it can help in problem situations, and it sounds like Kyron had some issues that had to be worked out.

If feedback means that the child gets in trouble at school and he gets in trouble at home as well it might turn him off school forever.

 

[Breathe]

Maybe it's about the amount of money involved...? If Kaine was able to give her a gift of a new Mustang it doesn't seem that they had to pinch pennies.

I wouldn't like it either if I had to account for my husband for every little thing I bought but IMO it goes without saying that both my husband and I talk about it with the other before buying anything bigger, no matter whose money is being used, since at the end of the day it's all money off the family living.

Maybe they were good at pinching pennies because they were able to go to Disney World and Israel. (Not many people I know have been to either.)

As a family, the couple played video games and occasionally took trips, visiting Walt Disney World in Orlando, Fla., and traveling to Israel.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/terri_horman.html

 

[Donjeta]

Well that tells me they are able to control their behavior, at least to an extent, right?

Yes, of course, ADHD does not mean an absence of free will, it just makes some things harder to deal with.

 

[eyes4crime]

How wonderful that Terri was the one who noticed Kyron didn't see well, got him glasses, and taught him sign language so he could communicate with her. She obviously loved Kyron. Was she honestly the only one who notice he couldn't see well?

~~snip~~
Terri was the first to recognize that Kyron needed glasses, James said, and taught him sign language by the time he was 6 months so she could communicate with him. ~snip~

 

[gardeness]

daily feedback on one child is one thing, but what if all 25-30 parents want daily feedback. Personally, with all of the ways that teachers are required to accommodate every little thing, teach to the tests, deal with helicopter parents, etc. etc. I can't see how they find time in the day to actually teach.

It's definitely a challenge. I taught early childhood and elementary education, and sent "daily" folders home with every child. I had to be organized and consistent--at the same time every day, I sat down to record their "conduct" for the day...some folders were a quick "check", others I had to write comments of explanation. The thing I liked best about daily folders was the consistent communication between myself and the parents--they also wrote notes to me in the folders, sent paperwork, etc. It saved a lot of time, actually--less time on the phone during my conference period and at home after school, etc. If there were "bigger" issues, we would meet, of course!

 

[Calliope]

Oh Please...ask yourself whether you'd rather be in the work force or being totally supported to sah with your kids. Would you choose to work f/t.....I didn't think so. I get that moms work hard b/c, as a single parent, I do both -- all of the job and all of the house. Ask me, or any other single working mom what's harder and they will tell you that staying home with the kids is a blessing and a walk in the park. Laundry, shopping, cleaning the house??? On your schedule with no boss except maybe some biotching from the working spouse if the place is a sty and no clean underwear?

He said he wanted to be consulted about how the money was spent, and he wasn't. Imo, it's ridiculous to say that the non-earner gets to spend at their whim. That's totally selfish and immature. jmoo.

Article says that she was collecting unemployment, so she was contributing to the bank account. And my point isn't ridiculous; if he had to pay someone for what she was doing, he'd quickly realize how valuable her contribution was.

As far as ME choosing between working f/t or being "totally supported" SAHM? I'd choose to work. In fact, I wish I'd had a wife during those years I was raising my kids ... heck, I'd like one now. I hate housework.

BTW, I raised both my girls as a single mom from the time they were born, working full time, to include those years working full time while attending school full time, and then working full time ever since, for the last 27 years, without one penny of child support or alimony. My parents were kind enough to provide me with babysitting when the kids were young. I may have sunk altogether if not for them doing that (but in their minds, they were just having fun with their girls lol).

I've not seen too many SAHMs who spend their days lolling on the sofa, eating bon-bons and watching soap operas between a load of laundry here, or a stack of dishes there. It's damn hard work running a household and (especially) raising children. At least in my job, I get to leave after 12 hours.

 

[wondering1]

I have never been a teacher but IMO if the daily feedback would help the children to learn to behave better it might save time for teaching in the long run because disciplining can be a "time vacuum".

Probably the parents whose kids are doing well anyway would not ask for the daily feedback that much, but it can help in problem situations, and it sounds like Kyron had some issues that had to be worked out.

If feedback means that the child gets in trouble at school and he gets in trouble at home as well it might turn him off school forever.

Admittedly, I am in a school district with helicopter parents of the worst order. So all accomodations are magnified for me. I do think that in certain situations that a great teacher and short-term feedback can help a situation with a particular child. My dd got sent home from school on her first day of K with a BLACK card and her teacher contacted me to formulate a plan for dealing with her behavior, but it involved me staying out of anything less serious than a red card. Worked like a charm. At some point, though, I think the teachers have to give over the discipline to the parent and/or the principal. imo, it's not fair for the rest of the class for the teacher to be having to deal with consistent discipline problems, including those of my own beloved dd.

 

[gardeness]

Oh Please...ask yourself whether you'd rather be in the work force or being totally supported to sah with your kids. Would you choose to work f/t.....I didn't think so. I get that moms work hard b/c, as a single parent, I do both -- all of the job and all of the house. Ask me, or any other single working mom what's harder and they will tell you that staying home with the kids is a blessing and a walk in the park. Laundry, shopping, cleaning the house??? On your schedule with no boss except maybe some biotching from the working spouse if the place is a sty and no clean underwear?

He said he wanted to be consulted about how the money was spent, and he wasn't. Imo, it's ridiculous to say that the non-earner gets to spend at their whim. That's totally selfish and immature. jmoo.

no, no, no! Don't go there! (Mothers Unite!)

Ahhhhh...I've been in all three situations--single working mom, married working mom, and stay-at-home-mom, and they are all work. Work, work, work. There are concessions to each that make them balance out in the end, IMO!

 

[SmoothOperator]

Originally Posted By calliope
Quote:
"Controlling with my money — yeah," Kaine said, "because she was spending all of it. She was going out and spending it like water and not checking with me where we should be spending our money."
Excuse me ??????

I see where this has already been commented on a couple times and I'm only at end of page 1 but I just wanted to give what my opinion is of this above portion quoted..

I think Kaine's wording, referring to him stating my and mine when talking about money, I think his use of stating "his" money was strictly in response to being questioned about Terri's spending "habits". IMO when the reporter brought this specific issue of possible "out of control" spending that Kaine wanted it emphasized that she was not contributing in any way financially at that time to the household therefor a budget was probably a necessity and she was spending money with no regard for a budget and household necessities. This in hindsight to him seems to be angering(along with the fact that there are "hostile" feelings toward her already because he feels she is directly responsible for "disappearing" Kyron)...

So, when looked at it from that point of view I do very much understand "his wording" that was used in this article..If it were me in his exact situation I am afraid I would NOT be able to contain my anger and my being traumatized over my missing child near as well as KH and DY have... JMO..

And as I stated this is just my "take" on his use of the wording referring to money and just my opinion of possibly why he chose to speak using those specific words(my, mine)

ETA~ I just wanted to clarify that IMO I do not think that Kaine using the "my and mine" presently(as in hindsight) that does not necessarily mean that at the time the spending, the marriage, etc that Kaine was using "my and mine" when referring to the money during that SPECIFIC time in their marriage, but rather that just in hindsight along with feelings of anger&hurt believing she is involved in harming Kyron is what has caused him to use such words(my and mine)when speaking about this situation with the reporter of this story... (hope that makes some sense)

 

[Breathe]

This article also points out the disconnect between Terri and Kaine as far as her drug use (to lose weight) and that she was drinking behind his back. Didn't he think that was bad for the kids?

Maybe I'm reading the article wrong but it sounded as if he didn't find out about it until later. I'm not sure what later equals.



She later admitted to Kaine that she had been drinking behind his back to put herself to sleep.

On her Facebook page, she said 2005 marked a low point in her life.

 

[Calliope]

Yes, of course, ADHD does not mean an absence of free will, it just makes some things harder to deal with.

Thanks

But petit mal seizures (if that's what they suspected might be going on with Kyron) couldn't be controlled by will. Perhaps that's what clued her in there could be something going on organically if he wasn't responding to punishment or incentives, kwim?

 

[sorrell skye]

It's definitely a challenge. I taught early childhood and elementary education, and sent "daily" folders home with every child. I had to be organized and consistent--at the same time every day, I sat down to record their "conduct" for the day...some folders were a quick "check", others I had to write comments of explanation. The thing I liked best about daily folders was the consistent communication between myself and the parents--they also wrote notes to me in the folders, sent paperwork, etc. It saved a lot of time, actually--less time on the phone during my conference period and at home after school, etc. If there were "bigger" issues, we would meet, of course!

You sound like my two daughters' elementary school teachers. I loved the folders & the opportunity to give feedback on a daily basis. It eliminated the guesswork about how they were doing - both @ school & @ home with regards to schoolwork.

I also agree with the idea posted upthread that not every approach works for every child. From personal experience, what worked for my younger daughter did not work for my older daughter (in terms of punishment vs. reward). They have very different personalities.

They kept me on my toes.

 

[wondering1]

Article says that she was collecting unemployment, so she was contributing to the bank account. And my point isn't ridiculous; if he had to pay someone for what she was doing, he'd quickly realize how valuable her contribution was.

As far as ME choosing between working f/t or being "totally supported" SAHM? I'd choose to work. In fact, I wish I'd had a wife during those years I was raising my kids ... heck, I'd like one now. I hate housework.

BTW, I raised both my girls as a single mom from the time they were born, working full time, to include those years working full time while attending school full time, and then working full time ever since, for the last 27 years, without one penny of child support or alimony. My parents were kind enough to provide me with babysitting when the kids were young. I may have sunk altogether if not for them doing that (but in their minds, they were just having fun with their girls lol).

I've not seen too many SAHMs who spend their days lolling on the sofa, eating bon-bons and watching soap operas between a load of laundry here, or a stack of dishes there. It's damn hard work running a household and (especially) raising children. At least in my job, I get to leave after 12 hours.

So collecting an unemployment check for doing squat is contributing? I guess collecting child support from the sucker she got to legally adopt her son is a major contribution as well, right? omg. really?

Running a household can be kind of hard. Depending on how well you run it. But it's much easier than having to answer to someone who is in complete control of your livelihood. If KH doesn't do a good job, he gets fired and everyone's life tanks. If TH doesn't do a good job, worst case scenario (felonies aside) she gets a divorce, half of Kh's , alimony, custody and child support....for collecting unemployment and doing some laundry and shopping when she wasn't busy hitting the gym for hours each day and drinking herself to sleep. jmoo

 

[LadyL]

great article
thanks for posting puf!

 

[Calliope]

Wow.

That's all I gotta say.