Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[pufnstuf]

Yup Puffy, I've been in all three scenarios.

Stay at home mom - babies small, married to the man I loved in high school and went through college with.

After my 1st husband died - I raised my children, worked, and went back to school for my advanced degree.

2nd marriage - worked and raised my family.

That doesn't make me better than the mom who stays at home. My mom was a SAHM and I was the envy of all my friends. I never once came home to an empty house - my mom was waiting to see me and my friends who all came home with me. moo mho

Very sorry that you lost your first husband. Kudos to you for going back to school and getting that degree.

 

[gardeness]

I was lucky to have inexpensive daycare on the campus where I worked when my son was little. It was great. I was able to visit during the day, take him to lunch with me, stuff like that. I know I was lucky to have that, and I wish every parent had access to such a wonderful, flexible situation.

Edit to add: I know that Intel is supposed to be a fantastic company to work for, but I don't know if they have daycare on their Jones Farm campus. I believe that some Intel campuses do have daycare though.

That kind of childcare really sounds like a blessing!

I had my first child while in college...and quickly separated/divorced. My sorority sisters watched him while I finished my final semester--they were so wonderful. I found a wonderful in-home daycare for him when I started teaching, then put him in a pre-school daycare when he was about 3--both were pretty expensive...(eta: and I was making so little money teaching)

 

[Breathe]

Would Terri have been eligible for a settlement of some sort to help her go back to school? Or not unless the person who hit her had insurance? Wouldn't her insurance help her with loss of wages, re-training, etc? It sounds like it was serious enough that life came to a standstill.


At 2 a.m. on March 29, 1998, Horman was hit in her car by a drunken driver in Springfield. The accident had lasting repercussions.

"For a year, she had crippling migraines," Richard Ecker said. "Our life basically came to a standstill."

While struggling with a pinched nerve near her spine because of the accident, Horman went to school, earning a bachelor's degree in elementary education at Northwest Christian University. Chuck Ecker, a high school teacher, encouraged his daughter-in-law to become a teacher.

"She seemed to like kids," he said.

Richard Ecker said he paid for her education, which remains a sore point for his parents.

 

[eyes4crime]

Very sorry that you lost your first husband. Kudos to you for going back to school and getting that degree.

Thanks puffy, his death from a heart attack, totally unexpected, we were all devastated. My going back to school and getting an advanced degree was something we had planned for, and was one of my hubby's last requests (reminders) before he passed.

 

[Calliope]

Thanks puffy, his death from a heart attack, totally unexpected, we were all devastated. My going back to school and getting an advanced degree was something we had planned for, and was one of my hubby's last requests before he passed.

Aw *hugs*

I'm so sorry, eyes.

 

[gardeness]

Aw *hugs*

I'm so sorry, eyes.

I'm sorry, too.

 

[eyes4crime]

Would Terri have been eligible for a settlement of some sort to help her go back to school? Or not unless the person who hit her had insurance? Wouldn't her insurance help her with loss of wages, re-training, etc? It sounds like it was serious enough that life came to a standstill.


At 2 a.m. on March 29, 1998, Horman was hit in her car by a drunken driver in Springfield. The accident had lasting repercussions.

"For a year, she had crippling migraines," Richard Ecker said. "Our life basically came to a standstill."

While struggling with a pinched nerve near her spine because of the accident, Horman went to school, earning a bachelor's degree in elementary education at Northwest Christian University. Chuck Ecker, a high school teacher, encouraged his daughter-in-law to become a teacher.

"She seemed to like kids," he said.

Richard Ecker said he paid for her education, which remains a sore point for his parents.

I bet you're right that she got some money from being hit. The suffering Terri must have gone through with migraines, probably from the pinched nerve, unbelievable that she made it through school - shows her determination.

Maybe money from the accident and $250,000 from the law suit against Chubby's. There is a string of sadness and unfound love that runs through her life, especially now with Kyron gone. moo

 

[human]

Kaine bought the house that Terri picked out - but he kept it in his name, even after they were married.

I wonder if the Mustang was in his name, as well, and that's perhaps why she left it behind.

It's quite possible that Terri had a bad credit history and they would not have been able to purchase a house if she was on the loan.

Kaine should have taken a page out of Terri's play book and sent her to her room with no cell phone (bat or otherwise) or computer when she spent too much money.

Maybe that would have solved the problem.

 

[gitana1]

Wow, that was quite a story to read through. So, we know a lot about her character okay... but.. where is Kyron? I seriously do not care about her character or anyone's character or anything else anymore. Honestly that's why I haven't even come on much to read through posts. There's really nothing left to say or think up as far as what happened to sweet Kyron imo.

Where is that boy? raying:

You are right. But the public is hungry for info. None from LE so the media creates a story. But the overall picture may help in profiling, etc. I don't know. It gives us all some stuff to ponder I guess. Nevertheless, I am getting sick of it. I don't know how much more there is to debate or discuss until LE releases real info.

That's not what the article said.

You were referring to someone commenting that TH punished Kyron for hours. The article did not directly say that but it was inferred by the article, IMO. It said that if Kyron did not get what TH thought was a good report for the day, she wanted him to be punished by being grounded to his room for the day. I read it as the rest of the day which could be hours.

I see a lot of discussion about keeping kids in line with daily reports, etc. But I think what is important about this tidbit is there is nothing credible, IMO to suggest that Kyron is anything but a normal, good kid. There are no reports from the family who is speaking that he was acting out or doing poorly in school, IIRC. If so, what strikes me is that a woman who reportedly was a very attentive and loving mom to her kids, suddenly began to change in the last few months before Kyron's disappearance and seemed controlling when it came to his behavior. The kid she appeared to adore had become a problem child in her eyes. In any event, I just do not think there is a need for a daily report regarding a student's behavior unless that child begins having consistent problems behaving at school. Kids are not hot house flowers.

I caught that too Calliope. So Kaine is good strict but Terri is bad strict.

Oh except she seems to get glowing reviews as to how she is with children.

I did not see that slant. The article seemed to really praise TH's parenting skills except perhaps with a possible pettiness in the last few months with regard to Kyron's behavior at school. I didn't see anything saying Kaine was a good parent but not TH. Seems she did most of the parenting anyhow.

The thing is, nothing in that article is alarming about TH to me, if viewed in a vacuum. Average person with flaws and strengths and occasional weird moments. (Although the rearranging of others' things and/or disposing of them is bizarre to me. Smacks of someone with a guileless lack of interest in the feelings of others. But it would not hint at potential murder to me).
But everything that would otherwise be somewhat mundane takes on significance when looking through the prism of a missing child case and a stepmom who is obviously the focus of an intensive police investigation. Then the mundane becomes interesting.
I compare this to the Caylee Anthony case. casey was reported to be a very patient and loving mom. But now reports have come in that paint a bigger picture of who she was as a person. As more info has come out, those who looked at her and thought, 'This makes no sense! She obviously loved that baby. Look at the pictures of her with Caylee!' now realize that there were signs that something was off long before. If Caylee had never gone missing, those characteristics would not necessarily say much about her parenting. When she went missing, they did.

So where's the ice in the veins? I think Terri was terribly misrepresented and now I'm really wondering why!

Kids are impressed when their parents lose it and such events become magnified. So, perhaps TH seemed hysterical to her son but phony to others. Or, perhaps her son saw something DY did not. I get the sense that when Dy saw and talked to TH, TH seemed very cool to her. However, I think DY statements about ice in her veins was about TH not communicating with LE after a point, despite DY's pleas.

Finally, about the money comment. I see a lot of focus on how Kaine said "my money". He also said "our money" right after that. No one mentions that part.
I get the sense that Kaine is probably a somewhat stiff guy. Maybe not too emotive. Maybe uptight in some areas. That does not mean that TH did not harm his son. It also does not mean that there is this vast conspiracy against TH on the part of an abusive soon to be ex and his "prettier" ex wife, against TH.
But, there was a truthfulness, IMO, that resonated in what Kaine reportedly said. In my practice, in general (IOW please do not skewer me for what I am about to say), when parties to a disso act badly, the way they act is differentiated by gender. Bad male actors tend to not want to or to refuse to pay support, or want more custody only for financial reasons. Bad female actors tend to waste assets and litigate unreasonably, racking up high bills, over things that cost way more than they are worth.
I am a feminist so please do not take this the wrong way but in my experience, I see way more women in my cases who blow through the family money with no regard as to how they will fare later on, than I do men. In fact, this behavior is often a cause for the divorce itself. Bad guys tend to make bad choices in these cases in order to save money (at least for themselves) while bad gals tend to make bad choices in these cases that result in a loss of money.
Just what I have observed. But my work over the years makes me feel deja vu here. I have heard this complaint and have seen it substantiated numerous times. So, I tend to give credence to the idea that rather than being an abusively controlling tightwad, Kaine had a legitimate concerns about TH's spending.
My two cents.

 

[Breathe]

I bet you're right that she got some money from being hit. The suffering Terri must have gone through with migraines, probably from the pinched nerve, unbelievable that she made it through school - shows her determination.

Maybe money from the accident and $250,000 from the law suit against Chubby's. There is a string of sadness and unfound love that runs through her life, especially now with Kyron gone. moo

For some reason it made me sad about what J said about her. It sounds like he's worried about his mom. I must be really soft tonight. Maybe it's just that she became more human tonight after learning in detail about her past and seeing more pictures. I think all the families involved need my prayers tonight.


J said she has a treadmill in her parents' home but no cell phone or computer.

He's seen her a few times and talks to her regularly on the phone.

"I think she's really lonely," J said. "She's not supposed to leave the house."

 

[eyes4crime]

It's quite possible that Terri had a bad credit history and they would not have been able to purchase a house if she was on the loan.

Kaine should have taken a page out of Terri's play book and sent her to her room with no cell phone (bat or otherwise) or computer when she spent too much money.

Maybe that would have solved the problem.

BBM

No time to be sent to her room - no sireeee!!! She was way too busy taking care of the children, babies, and ... oh, trying to fit herself in for a little exercise and a Starbucks.

Spending money is relative, I remember in the beginning someone put up her profile at E-Bay, and gosh o gosh - she bought like 3 pair of slacks at a huge discount, never heard anything about Neimans. moo mho

 

[MsFacetious]

Wow....venting to your husband's ex wife about your husband??? Alrighty then... :waitasec:

Anyway....J's adoptive father.

My first daughter and second daughter have different biological fathers, but the same Daddy. I agree 100% that he adopted him, he's his son. Here is my problem.

J's biological father gave up his parental rights.

His adoptive father was his father.

In 2002 Terri decided his adoptive father was not paying enough child support, so she has it TRIPLED.

His adoptive father has not seen J since that time. Yet has continued to pay child support.

J lives with Kaine for 8 years and considers him a father as well.

J is now living with his biological father, the one who signed over his parental rights.

The adoptive father, has not seen him in 8 years and is still paying child support.

If this was MY child, he would not be paying child support for a child he wasn't seeing. Unless I took the child over and he refused to see the child. He definitely wouldn't be paying child support for the child who was living with the biological father who has NO parental rights whatsoever.

I would be 100% okay with him paying child support if he and J WERE still close. Or if he even SAW J. But that isn't the case.

See, I'm weird like that. I realize it is legal. I just have a moral issue with taking child support from a guy who adopted a child, hasn't seen him in 8 years while he was being fathered by this stepfather, and the child is now living with the biological father who gave him up in the first place. :waitasec:

When you adopt a child he/she becomes YOUR child. And you pay child support if you don't have primary custody after a divorce. That's life. J IS his child. I hope he and J are still close. That photo with him and little J and Terri is so adorable. How the little one is leaning towards him/daddy.

He paid for his wife's college? No, say it ain't so!

I think what he meant by "my money" was HIS income.... that she wasn't discussing how they should be spending "our money"... HIS income. I think he was differentiating between HER income and the family income (HIS income.) She has been getting child support since Kaine met her. SHE was on unemployment for TWO YEARS. (How do you do that?) She had her OWN income as well.

It sounds to me like his complaint was she spent the child support she was getting, HER unemployment and then was going into spending HIS (the family) income as well, without taking into account bills and savings and all of that.

I think that is totally reasonable...if you go through your monthly income and child support, I don't think it's unreasonable for your husband to expect notification before you start spending the family money too. She was likely getting $500 - $1,000 of unemployment, depending on what job it was for. Plus the $500 for child support. $1,000 - $1,500 a month should be more than enough. If it's not, there is a problem. I highly doubt she was paying bills with her income. I don't use more than $50 on non household, medical, or life sustaining items each month...and that's on an expensive month.

They were able to afford the things they did because Kaine was good at managing money, he was good at saving money. I'm sure it upset him if Terri was spending it, because he wanted to know that they were secure if he were to lose his job or something.

We also have to remember that he is saying "my money" 6 weeks after filing for divorce. It IS his money now. He also says "my daughter" but I'm sure he knows she is Terri's daughter too. There is just a different mindset when you are going through a divorce.

I can see him being concerned about overspending. It's really upsetting and truly damaging to have a spouse who overspends. But Kaine calling their money "my money"??? That attitude is damaging to a marriage, too.

 

[eyes4crime]

Got to get a couple hours sleep before I bring my kitties in to the vet. Night night everyone - don't let any bullies in your playpen!

 

[Donjeta]

See, I'm weird like that. I realize it is legal. I just have a moral issue with taking child support from a guy who adopted a child, hasn't seen him in 8 years while he was being fathered by this stepfather, and the child is now living with the biological father who gave him up in the first place.

Do you think that adoptive dad still pays the child support to Terri or to the biological father?

 

[21merc7]

Alas the article we knew was coming. Sigh.

Wonder why they keep printing this stuff. Nothing bad here, just the way it is presented, as usual. Kaine's money, all husbands say that, even very, very wealthy ones. (I have to hear about it every day.) Bookshelf moved, probably a small one, but needed to be moved to clean behind or arrange some things. Sub teaching moved stuff, threw something out, probably threw out worthless stuff, maybe even old snack bars, old scrap paper. Teen J went away b/c he ultimately wanted to, didn't want to be there during the stress and fussing. A few off the cuff comments, probably said in the heat of whatever moment was going on. Keep moving folks, nothing to see here.

Just sigh.

 

[jadejazzkayla]

Do you think that adoptive dad still pays the child support to Terri or to the biological father?

are you thinking the dad would stop child support because kyron is missing? tia

 

[Donjeta]

are you thinking he would stop child support because kyron is missing? tia

No, Kyron's got nothing to do with it. It's just that IMO child support should go to the person taking care of the child, not a parent the child doesn't live with. It's not parent support.

 

[jadejazzkayla]

oh. i read it wrong. sorry

 

[For The Kids]

Sorry, but I have to point this out again. The biological father gave up all his parental rights and this man adopted her son as his own. J IS his son. Adoption means the child is yours, not just while you're married to their parent.

Its ok saying that however..after he had asked for a reduction in her payment he never got to see his " son" again. IMO if she wanted the money off of him as he was the guys son then Ecker should have been allowed to have seen his son.

Incidentally all this talk of her spending Kaines money..was she spending her $500 plus a month she was getting from Ecker PLUS Kaines money?

 

[Donjeta]

Alas the article we knew was coming. Sigh.

Wonder why they keep printing this stuff.

Because we all read it.

Bookshelf moved, probably a small one, but needed to be moved to clean behind or arrange some things.

There is nothing odd about moving furniture, except maybe if it's someone else's home and you're doing it without their say-so. But the moving it outside part stands out. Most people wouldn't take the trouble to carry a bookshelf as far as outside for some cleaning up behind it when it's much easier just to move it a couple of feet aside and then put it back, or if they have to rearrange their furniture they move stuff from room A to room B without taking the trouble to carry it outside first, especially not on a rainy day.