Leave Mom there...would rather remodel kitchen?

[deanws]

Actually, I can't take all the credit...:blushing: The idea was my psychologists'. I didn't want to keep his dirty money, but I didn't want him to have it back either. It was her suggestion.

But you followed through with it. Sounds like she was a great psychologist.

 

[LinetteH]

No, my husband and I composed a letter telling him to disregard the invitation, that he was not welcome. He did send me a $50 bill anonymously. I figured out it was from him from the postmark/zip code and donated it to a women's rape support group.

Good for you!!!!!

 

[LinetteH]

Thanks. People couldn't understand why I was so lost after my grandmother and grandfather died 12 weeks apart. If I didn't know the people well, I didn't bother to tell them that I considered my grandparents my parents. Some things are so difficult to discuss. I felt that at the time of their deaths, I couldn't handle explaining to others what kind of life I had with my mother, so I just let them think I was losing my mind. Actually in reality, I just about did lose it when my grandparents died. Of course my mother showed up and acted like an azz. But that is another story for another time. Not worth even mentioning it really. I don't deserve the hurt that accompanies the thought of her.
So, I try not to think about my mother. I do however, think of my grandparents often, and know that they are in a much better place even though I miss them. If anyone ever had a cool grandmother......it was me! LOL. She told me the day I got married to always "give it" to my husband, because if I didn't ...someone else would! LMAO! I was sooooo embarrassed! LOL, but that was my grandmother!!! She was always "hip" with the times! :crazy: She also told me to never be ashamed of who I was. She said....Don't ever think you are not as good as someone else, but on the other hand, you're not a damn bit better than anyone else either! Famous words to live by. I learned so much from her. She was cool.

You are so blessed to have had your grandparents! It sounds like they really treasured you like your mother should have! Was this your mother's parents? If so, did they even talk to her?

My mother was abusive (because of alcoholism etc...) but she was pretty careful to never break anything! A lot of years later we have mended fences but mostly because we never have to see each other!

 

[deanws]

You are so blessed to have had your grandparents! It sounds like they really treasured you like your mother should have! Was this your mother's parents? If so, did they even talk to her?

My mother was abusive (because of alcoholism etc...) but she was pretty careful to never break anything! A lot of years later we have mended fences but mostly because we never have to see each other!

Yes, it was my mother's parents. My grandmother only spoke to her a few times a year. Mostly praying that she would straighten up. :doh: It was really a sad story.

 

[LinetteH]

Yes, it was my mother's parents. My grandmother only spoke to her a few times a year. Mostly praying that she would straighten up. :doh: It was really a sad story.

Just so glad you had grandparents to step in and love you!!

 

[concernedperson]

I won't put my mother up for sainthood on this thread. Actually, she doesn't even register.Think Sante Kimes. I need to not post anymore on this. Good luck everyone!

 

[KrazyKollector]

I am sure there are other factors in some cases. I would not pick up my mother. She was a horrid woman who beat us until she broke one of my legs and both of my sister's legs. I was raised mainly by my grandmother, who was as wonderful as my mother was horrible. In return for the wonderful treatment that my grandmother gave me as a child, my husband and I took care of them for the last 5 years of their lives when they could no longer take care of themselves. It was nice to have them live with us. I loved and honored my grandparents in life and death. I still miss them more than I can ever describe. So....I guess I fall into one of those "horrible" people. I can't say that I even care if they call me when she passes.

I think the difference is: If/when your Mom dies/died, you probably would want nothing of hers. So, if she has any savings etc, that can be used to bury her.

The one example above was, "MIL left insurance money but we just want the $$, not have to use some of it to pay for a funeral".

I could not fathom not paying for my Mom's funeral out of the money she had left, before anything else was done with it.

 

[redeskimo]

I'm such a lucky person , both my mother and father are wonderful , we did'nt have lot's of money when my sisters and I were young ,but we sure never needed for anything thanks to my very hard working mum and dad , we had a wonderful childhood filled with lot's of love , I love to think back on those times . Both of my sisters ( one in Florida one in Scotland and I'm in Germany ) and I would do anything for my parents .I'll never forget the weekend walks on the Hills down to the beach for a picknic we all got a lolly to suck on the way , and we called ourselves the lollypop highlanders. The smell of the baking on a Saturday or eating the fresh strawberries from the garden , you don't need lot's of money to be happy .Just lot's of love .Thanks Mum and Dad for these memory's .

 

[deanws]

I think the difference is: If/when your Mom dies/died, you probably would want nothing of hers. So, if she has any savings etc, that can be used to bury her.

The one example above was, "MIL left insurance money but we just want the $$, not have to use some of it to pay for a funeral".

I could not fathom not paying for my Mom's funeral out of the money she had left, before anything else was done with it.

Oh I agree. I wouldn't take one cent from a person that I didn't want to see. If there is money left, it should be used for that purpose.

 

[deanws]

I'm such a lucky person , both my mother and father are wonderful , we did'nt have lot's of money when my sisters and I were young ,but we sure never needed for anything thanks to my very hard working mum and dad , we had a wonderful childhood filled with lot's of love , I love to think back on those times . Both of my sisters ( one in Florida one in Scotland and I'm in Germany ) and I would do anything for my parents .I'll never forget the weekend walks on the Hills down to the beach for a picknic we all got a lolly to suck on the way , and we called ourselves the lollypop highlanders. The smell of the baking on a Saturday or eating the fresh strawberries from the garden , you don't need lot's of money to be happy .Just lot's of love .Thanks Mum and Dad for these memory's .

Yes, you were indeed lucky. Your parents sound wonderful!

 

[Bobbisangel]

Yes, it was my mother's parents. My grandmother only spoke to her a few times a year. Mostly praying that she would straighten up. :doh: It was really a sad story.

I'll bet that your grandmother was a blast to be around. She sure did believe in saying it like it is! So cute. I'm glad that you had your grandparents to give you love and make you feel safe and secure. Now days there are tons of grandparents raising grandkids for various reasons. I'm raising one and my neighbor was raising 4 but one went back with her mother. I don't think I could handle four :bang:

It's hard for me to grasp what it would be like to have a mother and father that didn't show me love and didn't meet my needs. My parents were just normal parents who were always there for my sister and I. No drinking or arguing and we were left with a babysitter once that I remember. Mom worked at home as a seamstress and so she was always there. I know better now but I still tend to visualize all parents to be like mine. I often have to remind myself that many parents are so dysfunctional.

I can understand that people have reasons for feeling like they do about their parents or inlaws. Some deserve to be left at the funeral home. I don't think wanting to use the insurance money for a new kitchen is a good reason though.

 

[concernedperson]

I'll bet that your grandmother was a blast to be around. She sure did believe in saying it like it is! So cute. I'm glad that you had your grandparents to give you love and make you feel safe and secure. Now days there are tons of grandparents raising grandkids for various reasons. I'm raising one and my neighbor was raising 4 but one went back with her mother. I don't think I could handle four :bang:

It's hard for me to grasp what it would be like to have a mother and father that didn't show me love and didn't meet my needs. My parents were just normal parents who were always there for my sister and I. No drinking or arguing and we were left with a babysitter once that I remember. Mom worked at home as a seamstress and so she was always there. I know better now but I still tend to visualize all parents to be like mine. I often have to remind myself that many parents are so dysfunctional.

I can understand that people have reasons for feeling like they do about their parents or inlaws. Some deserve to be left at the funeral home. I don't think wanting to use the insurance money for a new kitchen is a good reason though.

I just love you B, for all that you do and for your irrepressible core. We need you all the time. Sometimes the facts are there but the reasons aren't. It helps to know that all families aren't dysfunctional but bad things happen anyway. Never a black and white issue. It tempers thinking and makes us go out of the box.

Somehow, somewhere it will touch others and it will help. I know this. I will keep fighting and I know you will. Education is going to make the biggest differance and more people will be aware.