NJ - 18 year old woman planning to move to New Jersey to MARRY her Father

[Nova]

According to Pew Research, 25% of Americans ( 42 million) over 25 years old have never married. A record.

But that (at least in and of itself) only proves Americans are marrying later, not that the institution is dead. Since the better jobs in the current economy require more education, it makes sense that young people are delaying matrimony to pursue degrees and start their careers. (Something which may change again as the economy changes.)

Not that I doubt we have more people remaining single. "Bachelorhood" (male or female) simply doesn't carry the same stigma it did even 40 years ago. And thank God for that: it's not like we have to worry about the species dying out because adults neglect to couple.

 

[SStarr33]

Fair question. I think--without the benefit of being a geneticist--that it's a question of degree. We all have some trait we'd prefer not pass down; but genetic diversity helps to prevent at least some recessive traits from being activated in the next generation.

I don't think that's the only reason brothers shouldn't marry sisters, but it seems to be the one we've focussed on here.

I did not ask about traits, I asked about disease.

 

[katydid23]

It isn't just about sex. It's also about providing social and legal clarity in various situations (which is why I also oppose legal recognition of plural marriages).

EXACTLY. Children need clarity and a safe place to just grow and blossom. How could any child do so comfortably if one's immediate relatives were coming on to them sexually? ugh

 

[Nova]

Wow, very rude

Right. Like that's the first time you've ever encountered that joke!

As for your insistence on "genetic disease" v. my use of the term "genetic traits", I don't understand your point. I trust it was clear I was talking about negative traits.

 

[Leis80]

I'm shocked that this is being compared to same sex marriage, there is a very real power imbalance in a relationship between father and daughter, same sex partnerships are for the most part, equal.

 

[Nova]

I'm shocked that this is being compared to same sex marriage, there is a very real power imbalance in a relationship between father and daughter, same sex partnerships are for the most part, equal.

I don't think many, if any, posters here made the comparison. I'm just sensitive because of political candidates who try to make hay out of the comparison. And you are exactly right. Our daughter is in her mid-40s and nobody's pushover, but I still don't think a romantic relationship with her father or either of her stepfathers could be appropriate.

 

[gregjrichards]

"A woman who was attracted to her father has revealed how they had oral sex after she discovered he also had incestuous feelings for her.

Natasha Rose Chenier, 27, from Vancouver, Canada, has shared her shocking story with Jezebel.
She relates how she discovered her biological father 'wanted to have sex with me from the first moment he laid eyes on me' after they met for the first time when she was 19.

Eventually they succumbed to their feelings as Natasha recalls: 'We had oral sex a few times, almost always preceded by my descending into a whirlwind of self-hate and disgust and dry heaving over the toilet in the bathroom attached to his room.'

The sexual encounters came after Natasha had established contact with her her father two years before when she was 19. He lived in Jamaica and she had been to visit him there a few times and spoke with him on the phone between visits.

Natasha's mother had a casual relationship with her father when she was also 19 but he made a 'quick exit' when she became pregnant - so Natasha had not known, or had any contact with him, when she was growing up.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...relationship-father-meeting-time-aged-19.html

Another story of a child having sexual contact with her father it is more common than you would hope or think apparently.

 

[Nova]

A father and daughter--or a brother and sister--ALREADY have the rights and privileges accorded to immediate family.

Gay marriage is important because it affords those same rights, privileges and (in the court's words) respect to biologically unrelated people who have built a family on their own. The same need is not found in a father/daughter couple.

 

[PrimeSuspect]

"A woman who was attracted to her father has revealed how they had oral sex after she discovered he also had incestuous feelings for her.

Natasha Rose Chenier, 27, from Vancouver, Canada, has shared her shocking story with Jezebel.
She relates how she discovered her biological father 'wanted to have sex with me from the first moment he laid eyes on me' after they met for the first time when she was 19.

Eventually they succumbed to their feelings as Natasha recalls: 'We had oral sex a few times, almost always preceded by my descending into a whirlwind of self-hate and disgust and dry heaving over the toilet in the bathroom attached to his room.'

The sexual encounters came after Natasha had established contact with her her father two years before when she was 19. He lived in Jamaica and she had been to visit him there a few times and spoke with him on the phone between visits.

Natasha's mother had a casual relationship with her father when she was also 19 but he made a 'quick exit' when she became pregnant - so Natasha had not known, or had any contact with him, when she was growing up.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...relationship-father-meeting-time-aged-19.html

Another story of a child having sexual contact with her father it is more common than you would hope or think apparently.

Whenever I read of stories like this, I just think how broken the girl must be, and the same for boys who have sexual relations with their mothers. It's the child who will always be the loser in that relationship.

The young woman in the article suffered terribly from self-loathing after the sexual contact with her father, thankfully, therapy is helping her to combat those feelings and get on with life.

 

[newone]

Whenever I read of stories like this, I just think how broken the girl must be, and the same for boys who have sexual relations with their mothers. It's the child who will always be the loser in that relationship.

The young woman in the article suffered terribly from self-loathing after the sexual contact with her father, thankfully, therapy is helping her to combat those feelings and get on with life.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...e-aged-19.html

therapy would help I agree

I was horrified to see that 50% was quoted as the percentage of cases like this when people meet relatives unknown to them while growing up. As a person who is familiar with reunions especially amongst adult adoptees -- I cringe. I really believe that to be a huge number and find it highly suspect! I can't believe it happens 50% of the time at all JMHO

 

[gregjrichards]

Whenever I read of stories like this, I just think how broken the girl must be, and the same for boys who have sexual relations with their mothers. It's the child who will always be the loser in that relationship.

The young woman in the article suffered terribly from self-loathing after the sexual contact with her father, thankfully, therapy is helping her to combat those feelings and get on with life.

I agree with what you have put 100% it's sexual and emotional incest abuse. You would hope the parent would be the adult and see that this is never right under any circumstances but very sadly it does happen. I feel so bad for victims of sexual abuse in cases here as I know first hand from a family member the life changing damage it can cause. I know the suicide and self-harm rate goes through the roof when sexual abuse has happened.

This young woman is very brave for speaking out and hopefully it may help other victims.

 

[ellemo]

All I can say is yuck to the entire idea. I really hope the father/daughter are not really living in NJ because that is just horrid. I have doubts about the article, though, because according to her the grandparents and other relatives are ok with the relationship. And unless she has a seriously screwed up family on her dad's side, I highly doubt that everyone would be ok with what's going on. She also hangs out with a messed up crowd if she has a friend who would be a maid of honor. She mentions that her mother is bipolar. So it wouldn't be a stretch to think the she might be mentally ill as well, possibly delusional.

If the story is true, then a sick man is taking very horrible advantage of his mentally ill child and she is delusional enough to think everything is hunky dory.

I refuse to do a search about laws in NJ because I'm feeling icky right now, but is adult incest really ok in NJ?? I am hoping that is not true either.

 

[tangelo]

All I can say is yuck to the entire idea. I really hope the father/daughter are not really living in NJ because that is just horrid. I have doubts about the article, though, because according to her the grandparents and other relatives are ok with the relationship. And unless she has a seriously screwed up family on her dad's side, I highly doubt that everyone would be ok with what's going on. She also hangs out with a messed up crowd if she has a friend who would be a maid of honor. She mentions that her mother is bipolar. So it wouldn't be a stretch to think the she might be mentally ill as well, possibly delusional.

If the story is true, then a sick man is taking very horrible advantage of his mentally ill child and she is delusional enough to think everything is hunky dory.

I refuse to do a search about laws in NJ because I'm feeling icky right now, but is adult incest really ok in NJ?? I am hoping that is not true either.

it's called marriage equality

 

[bluesneakers]

it's called marriage equality

I don't think that's the phrase you're looking for.

BE IT ENACTED by the Senate and General Assembly of the State of New Jersey:

Certain marriages or civil unions prohibited.
37:1-1. Certain marriages or civil unions prohibited.
a. A man shall not marry or enter into a civil union with any of his ancestors or descendants, or his sister or brother, or the daughter or son of his brother or sister, or the sister or brother of his father or mother, whether such collateral kindred be of the whole or half blood.
b. A woman shall not marry or enter into a civil union with any of her ancestors or descendants, or her sister or brother, or the daughter or son of her brother or sister, or the sister or brother of her father or mother, whether such collateral kindred be of the whole or half

http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2006/Bills/PL06/103_.HTM

 

[bluesneakers]

All I can say is yuck to the entire idea. I really hope the father/daughter are not really living in NJ because that is just horrid. I have doubts about the article, though, because according to her the grandparents and other relatives are ok with the relationship. And unless she has a seriously screwed up family on her dad's side, I highly doubt that everyone would be ok with what's going on. She also hangs out with a messed up crowd if she has a friend who would be a maid of honor. She mentions that her mother is bipolar. So it wouldn't be a stretch to think the she might be mentally ill as well, possibly delusional.

If the story is true, then a sick man is taking very horrible advantage of his mentally ill child and she is delusional enough to think everything is hunky dory.

I refuse to do a search about laws in NJ because I'm feeling icky right now, but is adult incest really ok in NJ?? I am hoping that is not true either.

This is what I found on wikipedia:

Prohibited relationship:
When the actor is “related to the victim by blood or affinity to the 3rd degree”.

Prohibited act:
Sexual penetration

Penalties:
5y to 20y

The separate law for marriage is here:
http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2006/Bills/PL06/103_.HTM

So who knows what these two thought they were doing.

 

[LinasK]

I don't think that's the phrase you're looking for.

BE IT ENACTED by the Senate and General Assembly of the State of New Jersey:



http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2006/Bills/PL06/103_.HTM

Exactly! It's called incest. The father is a predator, even if she is an adult.

 

[al66pine]

This is what I found on wikipedia:
Prohibited relationship:
When the actor is “related to the victim by blood or affinity to the 3rd degree”.
Prohibited act:
Sexual penetration
Penalties:
5y to 20y

The separate law for marriage is here:
http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2006/Bills/PL06/103_.HTM
So who knows what these two thought they were doing.

I wonder if above re crime is outdated or otherwise inaccurate. {{{ETA: Answering my own question: below appears to be accurate & current}}} "Is Incest Between Adults a Crime?"
"Almost all states criminalize incest between adult relatives. Some legal scholars have argued that incest laws as applied to adults should be rethought. Rhode Island repealed its criminal (adult) incest statute in 1989,and New Jersey law imposes no criminal penalties for incest where both parties are adults, although marriages between related adults in both states are still void. Other states also prohibit marriage between related people, in addition to imposing criminal penalties for incest." bbm
http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.co...collar-crime/incest-laws-criminal-charges.htm

{{{ETA: Looks like bluesneakers' above wiki came from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_incest_in_the_United_States#cite_note-29
In checking a referenced link, seems criminal offense is only w non-adult victims related within 3rd degree, so---
father-dau >18 y/o sexual contact is not criminal but a father-dau 'marriage' would be void,jmo.
JM2cts, could be all wrong.}}}

______________________________________________________________________________
N.J.S.A. 2C:14-2(a) and N.J.S.A. 2C:14-2(b-c) in New Jersey, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.
(paraphrasing law, applies to several diff sexual assault offenses )
"Committing an act of sexual penetration with another person under any one of the following circumstances:
The victim is less than 13 years old; The victim is at least 13 but less than 16 years old; and The actor is related to the victim by blood or affinity to the third degree, or The actor has supervisory or disciplinary power over the victim by virtue of the actor's legal, professional, or occupational status, or The actor is a resource family parent, a guardian, or stands in loco parentis within the household;" pdf dtd Mar 25, 2014. bbm

 

[bluesneakers]

Seems above wiki info came from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_incest_in_the_United_States#cite_note-29
And links to -N.J.S.A. 2C:14-2(a) and N.J.S.A. 2C:14-2(b-c) in New Jersey, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.


FWIW, w my bolding: "Is Incest Between Adults a Crime?"
"Almost all states criminalize incest between adult relatives. Some legal scholars have argued that incest laws as applied to adults should be rethought. Rhode Island repealed its criminal (adult) incest statute in 1989,and New Jersey law imposes no criminal penalties for incest where both parties are adults, although marriages between related adults in both states are still void. Other states also prohibit marriage between related people, in addition to imposing criminal penalties for incest."
http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.co...collar-crime/incest-laws-criminal-charges.htm
I wonder if this ^ is outdated or otherwise inaccurate.

Ooh. Ick. How is that possible?? I think the information I got was old.

So ... is incest really legal in New Jersey?

Sexual relationships among adult relatives are legal, but they weren't always. Incest was outlawed in New Jersey until 1979, when the state enacted a new criminal code that left a section planned for incest blank, according to Peter Gilbreth, a Morristown-based attorney who handles both criminal and family cases.

“It’s really surprising that the statute was not enacted, in light of a long legislative history prohibiting that conduct,” Gilbreth said.

Under the old statute, incest was a crime that carried a maximum penalty of 15 years in state prison, Gilbreth said.

So it looks like you're right - they can't get married but they can live together and do whatever they want and omg is that a disturbing thought.

Great job New Jersey.

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2015/01/incest_qa_daughter_plans_to_marry_dad.html

 

[al66pine]

Ooh. Ick. How is that possible?? I think the information I got was old.

So it looks like you're right - they can't get married but they can live together and do whatever they want and omg is that a disturbing thought.
Great job New Jersey.
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2015/01/incest_qa_daughter_plans_to_marry_dad.html

No, bluesneakers, IDK if wiki info was old or just inaccurate. After checking a couple links, I edited my post a few times.

Yes, bluesneakers, disturbing.