Agreed completely.
Most times, rotten people raise rotten kids.
But then other times, good, decent people also raise kids who just choose to be rotten, despite the way they were raised.
I'm pretty sure most of us know families where this is the case.
It's usually a real heartbeak for the parents, as well.
I'm glad it's not an across the boards thing to blame the parent for the kid's behavior.
jmo
I believe that there are strong genetic and psychosomatic components in that type of behavior. I cannot subscribe to the idea that children choose to be bad or that young adults who were raised well just randomly "decide" to go bad.
Drug choice and drug addiction are, IMO, almost entirely genetic (genes are a set of switches and dials - they interact with environment, of course, but most people with serious psychosis, drug addiction, etc. have genetic precursors, it's a throw of the dice whether each of us is luccky enough NOT to have those things).
A major study of my own ethnic group shows less test anxiety, more calmness, and less anxiety in school than in many other children. That's one thing that intrigued me enough to continue to study anthropology. We can't blame two parents for having genes that might not work well together (and of course, the genes came from their own parents - who might have been struggling to cope/behave as well).
I do not believe that most kids "choose to be rotten." I am a teacher who has 200-300 young people per semester, times 3 semesters a year times 40 years of teaching (at least). I know way more "kids" than the average parent knows. I have also been active in churches, Girl Scouts, orphanages and homeless encampments.
I am using the word "rotten" (as I think you are) to refer to truly bad behavior (like deliberately running over a bicyclist and laughing about it). I will be ALL my lunches and dinners for the next year that there are clear biological/genetic precursors to this behavior (starting with the hippocampus and the right pre-frontal cortex). Unfortunately, such people do reproduce - and they tend to do to it irresponsibly. If a person with those genes isn't interested in finding out the extra work they need to do, as a parent, to prevent their children from developing "rottenness," to me it's no different than a parent being careless with a child's nutrition (which may also play a role in their "rottenness." Children are complex.
No point in blaming people for their own biology, is there? Whether parents or children - but parenting DOES play a role in setting up the way the kid's brain will work. As an adoptee, I'm well aware of how my own biology was somewhat at variance with that of my parents. I also know that many adoptees have a higher chance of antisocial behavior - because, well, people who give their children up to the "system" are not in the top category of A-level parenting, although they may have made the best choice for their children - it's NOT optimal.
IMO. I wish we stopped using "blame" and just said "understand" instead. Some parents do NOT understand what they're dealing with themselves, much less for their children. It's a double whammy. I find it hard not to expect parents to be responsible but I know that many, many people (my own bio parents, for example) are not suited for parenting, especially when they are young.
