What I mean is, that if our parents had as much sway over who we become, then we would be just like them when we grow into adults. We do not become just like our parents based on how we are raised, more-so it is genetics. Sure we learn basic manners and such, but once one gets to school, our peers, and other adults/family in our lives, determine much of who we become, and how we act, and what is tolerated behavior-wise. Genetics determine a predisposition to addiction. Edit: I've seen much too lenient parents, but, in the end a child will be corrected by school or society and be told right from wrong. However, people w/addictions repeat their mistakes over and over most of the time, b/c they are addicts.
This is long, but I wanted to tell you my story in hopes maybe you can understand addiction itself a little better....
As for me...I had two loving, supportive, comfortably middle class parents. I never wanted for anything, and aside from some tumultuous-but drug free-teenage years, my childhood was wonderful. I would not trade it for a million mansions in Beverly Hills. My husbands was exactly the same.
My very first foray into drugs was the result of the flu that resulted in two painfully ruptured eardrums. I was an uninsured single mother at the time, so the doctor was less important to me than making sure my rent check cleared. So, I waited....until I was practically deaf because of two severe double ear infections that ended very, very badly.
When the first one ruptured, i ended up giving in and going to the ER, where, as I was sitting on a gurney....the other one popped. They tried to admit me for fever, but I refused because I had no insurance, so they gave me a ton of antibiotics and a bottle of Percocet for the pain. Mind you, I was completely ignorant of opiates that day...
Once I felt better, I quit taking them and sat them aside, only to grab one late one evening when I couldn't sleep, thinking it would help. Strangely....once it kicked in I realized that not only did I relax....but my mood shifted in a way that was nice....
I take another...and notice that if I move around after I take them instead of trying to sleep, I'm actually energized and happy. I get more done at home and at work in one day than i usually do, and I'm quite cheerful about everything to boot!
This goes on until the bottle is gone....and while I'm not addicted at this point, they're on my radar. I end up with another bottle some months later after having a wisdom tooth pulled. I do not use them for pain...I use them for pleasure because I knew what they could do for me.
After this? I start gently plotting to find more. I rack up a few doctors bills that I can't pay...then I run into an old high school friend who sells them. I pawn my jewelry....some of it heirloom. Slowly, I lose my apartment and have to move back in with my parents where there is no rent....I keep just enough on hand to provide for my son...and the rest goes to drugs. Before I know what's happened, I'm sitting at one of my dealer's houses being talked into shooting one for the first time. It was such a glorious sensation....I was immediately hooked. After that? I spiraled. Down. Down. Down. I hid it well. When I met my husband, I was spending at least 300 dollars a day on drugs if I could hustle it up.....and, sadly, he was too.
We got married. We said we'd kick it together-we tried cold turkey-herbal cocktails from the Internet. Needless to say, we failed....and one day wayyyyyy later....we realized we'd hit rock bottom when we'd blown through a 6300 dollar tax return in just over a week. It was that one simple realization that kicked us in to gear and painted a good picture of what we'd become. The day we got on Suboxone was one of THE most painful, but rewarding, days of our entire lives. We haven't looked back since. That has been a long time ago, and just thinking about that life now makes my heart race and my palms sweat.
So, you see? Some of it is environmental, but it doesn't start solely because of your upbringing. I believe my descent into drug use was fueled by the stress of single parenting, money matters, divorce, a desire for some kind of happiness-even of it was chemically induced-and a strong genetic predisposition from both sides of my family-a lot of alcoholics on both sides and a few addicts on my dad's side. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I had seriously convinced myself that I was better WITH them than I was without.
However, you DO have a lot of folks who have had bad childhoods. Those are the people who start using earlier in life. They truly have a harder time putting it down because, as They tell you in groups-you pretty much stop aging mentally the day you start to use, and that only starts back up again when you put it down. So, they have more to contend with mentally. They basically have to learn to be adults when they've spent the last 5+ years or more as a kid. It's so hard to do. It's like climbing Everest....with no map, no gear and a horrible sense of direction.
Addiction is all encompassing and strikes all walks of life-rich, poor, 14 or 85. I've met them all. One person's drive will always differ from someone else's-childhood, untreated mental illness, jobs, finances, physical pain,...the list goes on.
In the end? It all comes down to the choices YOU make. You can blame everyone on planet earth and make excuses until you're blue in the face....but the decision belongs solely to you.