Poll: My Experience with Bullying

[WhyaDuck?]

To give a more complete image of how the users/readers/creators of the threads in this forum have experienced bullying, I thought a poll might be useful.

Please vote, and feel free to share your experiences in a post - but remember that this forum is in the public area of WS.

(Mods, please feel free to move this thread if you wish.)

 

[passionflower]

Thankfully I was teased but never bullied as a child.
Later in life, I look back and remember maany friends that were bullied.
My grandson who has high functioning autism is bullied allot.
He does better around adults than children his age because of his
adultness.
Children do not understand.

 

[Gypsy Road]

I was never bullied as a child, but was as an adult - by a woman and her friends who were jealous of me. I was dating a guy who the girl was after and she was relentless how she went after me. I finally had to call the cops and they intervened.

 

[WhyaDuck?]

Kudos to whomever was able to admit being a bully as a child.

As I look back, I am sure I treated a lot of people horribly as a child - likely largely because I myself was bullied.

I'd like to send a big "I'm sorry" out into the cosmos.

 

[WhyaDuck?]

By the way, I forgot to put "As a teacher/childcare provider" on the list as an option, and I don't know how to edit the poll. Sorry!

 

[Beyond Belief]

I definitely experienced bullying as a child and one of my girls had a boy actually start saying things like 'i am going to rape you' to her. I called the school and they quietly said 'we know hes a problem', but he hasn't done anything yet. Well now as an adult he's in prison for rape. It starts young with these offenders.
I resolved my daughters issue by flat moving.
My issues as a child I solved by fist fighting.

 

[angelmom]

I hated to admit that I was a bully as a child. It wasn't chronic, so I don't know if that's what you mean, but I definitely went through a phase in about 6th grade where I was mean to a girl who was one of my good friends. I think it is interesting that I was neither popular nor cool, and was being bullied and harassed myself. Was I taking it out on her? Was I just a mean kid? Why did I stop/never bully anyone else?

To this day I can remember a really mean note I wrote to her. I am mortified by it. I remember when her mom showed it to my mom, and how ashamed I was and humiliated to be that kid.

It was worse than actually being bullied. I had great parents, thank God, or who knows how I would have turned out.

 

[WhyaDuck?]

I hated to admit that I was a bully as a child. It wasn't chronic, so I don't know if that's what you mean, but I definitely went through a phase in about 6th grade where I was mean to a girl who was one of my good friends. I think it is interesting that I was neither popular nor cool, and was being bullied and harassed myself. Was I taking it out on her? Was I just a mean kid? Why did I stop/never bully anyone else?

To this day I can remember a really mean note I wrote to her. I am mortified by it. I remember when her mom showed it to my mom, and how ashamed I was and humiliated to be that kid.

It was worse than actually being bullied. I had great parents, thank God, or who knows how I would have turned out.

Yes, I was involved with some girl-on-girl political violence, myself - for once I had a bit of power, and I used it. Rightfully so, it back-fired on me quite severely - it took me a while to understand how much I deserved it.

It's really good for us to admit it - especially if we have kids.

 

[t93]

I was severely bullied as a child for my ethnicity(Italian American), as I mentioned in the Pheobe Price thread. I spent my entire 6th grade year in the girls bathroom during recess because it was too horrible out on the playground. Briefly in 8th grade I was drawn into teasing a girl for her hairstyle, but once she got a haircut we let it go. I should feel guilt but I don't because she was one that made my life miserable earlier. I feel sad for her, but it stopped for her with a haircut-it never did for me.

I ran away my junior year because I got fed up. I was and am smart, and I knew it was ridiculous why I was being tormented.

I went on to college, had a good career as a top stylist in a major company, modeled briefly, work as an illustrator, and even married into one of the big families where I grew up. He didn't grow up there and is nothing like those people. I married him DESPITE his background. There were protests from his family(aunts&uncles, not my in laws) at our engagement because I wasn't the right bloodline.

I went to my 20th high school reunion as a way of putting my past behind me. I was shaking in fear the entire time. I got asked all night long if I looked like I do now in high school(for the record,I do look pretty much the same). It got so ridiculous a friend of mine started counting the times I was asked for fun. She was laughing hysterically all night it got so silly.

I never leave without an armor of sorts via hair, makeup, clothes. I feel like anything normal people can get by with I can't because I am so freakishly hideous. My hubby understands, and also knows it isn't any sort of damage that can be fixed with therapy. Most of the bullies have contacted me as adults to assuage their guilt and I do forgive-but I don't think they realize just how damaged I am as a person thanks to them. Thank God I only have big burly sons! I would be a horrible mom to a girl because of the severe damage done to me as a child.

 

[amandab]

I was bullied as a child b/c of my weight. I've always been heavy. They all called me "Moose".

It's amazing how I never meant to, but have always carried the scars of bullying around with me. I forget about it 99% of the time, but it's always there, waiting for a weak moment to raise its head.

 

[LinasK]

I was bullied and called horrible names back in 1969-1972. My 4th, 5th, and 6th grade years were h*ll. None of my friends would hang around with me for fear they would be picked on, and I was pushed into a fight and they made a ring around me so I couldn't escape and they were hoping this one mean girl would pummel me!!! It happened during the recess and lunch breaks when there were no adults supervising. I was never taught how to fight back. My mother briefly talked to my 4th grade teacher without much success.
All because I was one of the smallest girls and in 4th grade, a popular boy didn't want to have to sit next to me when the teacher made up the seating chart, and my mother used to dress me dorkily.

 

[Penelope]

I am not sure if bullying occurs within families, but if it does, then I believe I was bullied as a child.

My older sister was really awful to me when we were kids. She resented me and the younger siblings (she was the 2nd of 8 children, I was number 3). Today, she would be considered an angry child with ADHD -- in those days, she was just "a problem child." My years as a child were spent hearing her constantly telling me how fat, ugly and stupid I was -- she would verbally abuse and hit us -- she even hit my brother in the head with a brick! I don't know how she acted with her classmates at school -- I think she was just angry at our home situation. My mother was powerless to stop her and my dad worked 3 jobs to support us and wasn't home much Throughout my life I have faced issues of low self worth and self esteem, and I know that the horrible way my sister treated me had a lot to do with it. Because of her bullying, I would sometimes bully my younger brothers and sisters -- it was like I couldn't help myself. What a horrible family dynamic to have to grow up with!

I can't imagine what it would be like to endure such abuse in a school environment in front of ones peers -- it would be awful. I imagine some of these bullies are probably bullied or abused in their own homes and are acting out in anger.

 

[cjk2009]

Please prepare for the longest post you'll probably ever see from me. I mean, I like all the members here well enough to share some bullying stories of mine.

I was bullied as a kid all the way up until I was about 17 or so.

Some of it was because I was not a typical kid, and some of it was over my race (black/Native American). The fact that I was a light-skinned smart kid ignited fires under lots of people. And not even just from other people of my race. "Oh you're not gangsta so you're not black." "You're light-skinned and smart; you're making the other black kids look bad." Things like that. It was in the sixth grade that I truly learned that prejudice is still alive and well. Speaking of the sixth grade there's another story I want to share but that will come later.

Some kids actually started physical fights with me over this, but I made dang sure that I was the one who finished them. And every single time I finished a fight I'd be left alone afterward until, usually, the next year when a new threat would pop up. This happened almost every year except 8th grade. Well actually I'm lying, I had two bullies in 8th grade at the beginning of the year, but I got my revenge and one was expelled, and the other mellowed out.

In high school a girl who wanted to go out with me, but I rejected, went around the school and spread rumors about me. I won't say what the rumors were 'cause I'm not sure how far I can go until I get banned, but they were some really nasty rumors and most people believed them.

A couple of the worst cases of bullying I've had were, believe it or not, from people with authority! In sixth grade I went to a middle school in north Columbus, and I thought it'd be a good experience but let's just say it went south quick. I had several bullies there who I had to deal with day in and day out.

Well, here's where the abuse of authority comes in. At the time I was one of the students in the school with the highest grades (you'll see why this mattered in a minute). Most of the students there couldn't have cared less about doing their work and instead sassed teachers, vandalized the school, and every other thing that a kid shouldn't do. The funny part is my teachers all treated me like a second-class citizen. Didn't treat any other students that way. I'm not sure why. The only teacher that treated me well during that grade was my English teacher.

One day....it happened. One of my bullies pushed me just a bit too far. All the anger I kept in just came spilling out. He got a fist smack dab to the jaw. He ran out of the lunchroom crying. Told the principal on me. When I went to the principal's office she wouldn't even give me a chance to speak. She went on and on defending the kid even though he'd started the whole thing and frankly anyone else in my shoes would have beaten the kid up worse.

Then she started talking about how I always acted stuck-up and that I must have thought I was better than everyone else because of my grades, even though I didn't talk to kids at that school mainly 'cause I like to avoid being bullied. She just went on and on and on. Then she told me I was suspended and guess what happened to the other kid? He was let off the hook! So I end up with a suspension on my permanent record while the bully was left alone. Needless to say the next year we hauled butt back up to the west side so I could go to a better school.

Now at this new school I had more trouble. But this time it was with my 7th grade math teacher. She'd chew me out for everything. At the time I was put in an algebra class and didn't quite know how to do it. Every time I'd ask her for help she'd always say "I don't have time." But the thing was that when other students would ask her she'd help them.

That meant I always ended up with either none of my work done or I'd have it done but incorrectly. It got to the point where I'd always be put in detention or sent to the office because of that. One day my mom scheduled a meeting with her. They sat down and chatted about my failing grades. It eventually got to the point where she told my mom that she didn't have any time to help me with my work. That was a big mistake.

Every four-letter word you could think of came out of my mom's mouth. I'm glad there were no other students there at the time. Though I must thank the teacher for saying that to her because if she hadn't I might have been punished for no reason. I finished out the year with that same teacher and managed a "C". The teacher the next year was a lot better and I ended up acing the class.

I have many many more bullying stories but I'll leave it at that for now.

 

[Muffet]

Between being small, nerdy, and changing schools a couple of times, I had my share of bullies in elementary and middle schools.

I think it's important to distinguish between types of bullying, though. Some forms can be more or less destructive to the victim.

On the low end of the spectrum is what most people have experienced - a few school bullies who picked on us and other kids. But at the high end of the spectrum are concerted, unrelenting, and malicious efforts of a powerful group determined to destroy a kid.

I think it's important for people to note the differences between those extremes and all points in between, because so many people (I have seen none here! :hug respond to cases like poor Phoebe Price with accusations that these kids were just weak.

Most, if not all the time, comments like...
"[I was/everyone gets] bullied as a kid - some just need to toughen up and remember the saying about sticks and stones...there must have been something wrong with her..."
...are comparing apples to oranges.

 

[angelmom]

My middle son was being bullied because of his weight and also because he doesn't have the strongest social skills.

Some of the popular girls were absolutely horrible to him. Eventually we moved him to a different school that had smaller classrooms and a slightly less structured/"my way or the highway" atmosphere.

He also started playing basketball, football and lacrosse, and works out year round. He grew about a foot, his hair got blonder in all the sun, and he lost over 20 lbs.

Maybe I'm unforgiving or evil, but there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing those girls when they realize who he is and remember how mean they were to him. They'll never have a shot - he's truly my kid in that he holds a grudge FOREVER! :blushing:

One of them just got thrown out of school for sexting. Everyone else feels sorry for her, but I feel like it's a little bit of karma. Also, grateful that she was mean to my son so he was not on the long list of boys she sent her picture to!

I know, I know...it's a character flaw that I am constantly trying to improve. Forgiveness is so HARD when your kid is involved. :angel:

 

[WaddupYo]

I was bullied. I can admit it now without breaking out in tears. I was bullied after moving to a new school in 7th grade. The popular boy liked me. All the girls hated me. I looked like Winnie Cooper and still do to this day. I met rumors at school one day. It was being passed around that I said "I will be so popular by the end of the school year I will have everyone kissing my feet". Can you imagine? No one talked to me. All the girls made fun of me and the boy I was crushing on played a trick on me. He said he'd be my boyfriend and I was excited but behind my back he was calling me a liar. People threw things at me, shoved me, no one wanted to be my lab partner in any classes. I was picked last in gym and when I would sit at lunch everyone would move away. My mom's excuse? Oh you are just a very pretty girl and everyone is just jealous of you. There was a girl who would walk to the bus stop with me and then ignore me in all of our classes. She would sometimes get in on the bullying but for the most part ignored me. I clung to her though because hey at least she walked to the bus stop with me. It continued through the rest of middle school and slightly into highschool. But by then I was an athlete and I could kick a soccer ball almost 50 mph. Most of the bullying stopped and people forgot about it but then you have your normal backstabber girls in HS. I never had a real friend. To this day, I'm 30 now, I still have issues with making friends. I joined the military after HS and moved to California(from Maryland). It was probably the best decision. I have 2 young boys now and am dreading the day they are bullied or worse-become the bully. Yes I was a survivor like so many. No I didn't kill myself like others. So few kill themselves as a result of bullying and so many survive. But why? Why does there have to be so MANY survivors? Why do people bully? I just chalk my bullying up to being the pretty, new girl in school.

I don't stand for bullying now. I absolutely don't. I see it every day in the military and I always stick up for the person being bullied. I even tell others that when that guy finally snaps and brings a gun to work he's going to let me live and kill the rest of you Aholes. Part of me is joking when I say it. But a bigger part isn't.

I firmly believe it starts with us as parents in the way we raise our children. My mom raised me to have a kind heart and that I'm no better than anyone else. I still hold those beliefs to this day. I think too many times parents shirk their responsibilities off to the TV or to teachers. I do know some children no matter how well they are brought up rebel. I won't stand for my kids being a bully. My oldest starts kindergarted this year. We've already started the bully talks with him.

 

[WaddupYo]

My middle son was being bullied because of his weight and also because he doesn't have the strongest social skills.

Some of the popular girls were absolutely horrible to him. Eventually we moved him to a different school that had smaller classrooms and a slightly less structured/"my way or the highway" atmosphere.

He also started playing basketball, football and lacrosse, and works out year round. He grew about a foot, his hair got blonder in all the sun, and he lost over 20 lbs.

Maybe I'm unforgiving or evil, but there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing those girls when they realize who he is and remember how mean they were to him. They'll never have a shot - he's truly my kid in that he holds a grudge FOREVER! :blushing:

One of them just got thrown out of school for sexting. Everyone else feels sorry for her, but I feel like it's a little bit of karma. Also, grateful that she was mean to my son so he was not on the long list of boys she sent her picture to!

I know, I know...it's a character flaw that I am constantly trying to improve. Forgiveness is so HARD when your kid is involved. :angel:

I too hold grudges! LOL In fact yesterday I was looking up all the old boys and girls who used to bully me and I see they are still living in the same town. Have put on lots of weight, are balding, married and divorced 2 or 3 times, kids by different fathers, etc. Then I look at myself. A highly decorated sailor, in better shape than I was in middle and HS, married to the father of BOTH of my children and live in beautiful CA.

I'm not trying to be totally negative to people who might still live in small towns after HS or are over weight or anything like that. I just remember these guys and girls to be so handsome or so pretty and wished I looked like them. Or wished that a boy would like me. Part of me wants to feel bad. but a larger part of me wants to spit in their faces.

Good on your kid for growing up and remembering those little snotfaces. Often times the bullied kid wants so bad to fit in that they forget what people used to do to them.

 

[Snackcakes66]

I was bullied til I got my bully alone. She apparently could not fight without her friends around. She started picking on the first graders, did not see me behind her, and I flipped and punched her in the face. She tried to be BFF after that, lol. What got me most was bullying was routinely encouraged by some teachers at this Catholic school, and was actively practiced by one in the classroom, if you were in any perceived to be different. Any complaint by a parent ended in some sort of classroom punishment. My son started to be bullied, and the school at that time had an uwritten policy to don't look, don't tell. I had to teach him to defend himself, which ended it quickly, but he should not have had to. I removed him from that school, he did great after that, is now in college.

 

[Snackcakes66]

Respectfully snipped....................................

I too hold grudges! LOL In fact yesterday I was looking up all the old boys and girls who used to bully me and I see they are still living in the same town. Have put on lots of weight, are balding, married and divorced 2 or 3 times, kids by different fathers, etc. Then I look at myself. A highly decorated sailor, in better shape than I was in middle and HS, married to the father of BOTH of my children and live in beautiful CA.

You are an example of a life well lived! The best revenge. Now off to find that teacher.....

 

[LinasK]

My middle son was being bullied because of his weight and also because he doesn't have the strongest social skills.

Some of the popular girls were absolutely horrible to him. Eventually we moved him to a different school that had smaller classrooms and a slightly less structured/"my way or the highway" atmosphere.

He also started playing basketball, football and lacrosse, and works out year round. He grew about a foot, his hair got blonder in all the sun, and he lost over 20 lbs.

Maybe I'm unforgiving or evil, but there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing those girls when they realize who he is and remember how mean they were to him. They'll never have a shot - he's truly my kid in that he holds a grudge FOREVER! :blushing:

One of them just got thrown out of school for sexting. Everyone else feels sorry for her, but I feel like it's a little bit of karma. Also, grateful that she was mean to my son so he was not on the long list of boys she sent her picture to!

I know, I know...it's a character flaw that I am constantly trying to improve. Forgiveness is so HARD when your kid is involved. :angel:

I don't usually hold grudges, but one girl who used to call me this particular name in Jr. High and High School thinking her teasing was cutesy, whom I never cared for to begin with- recently sent me a friendship request on Facebook. As if she never remembered calling me that!:loser: I ignored her request.