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And that last statement was confirmed yet again by another sneeze. On a serious note....Chaplain Gonzalez told me that you asked about going to the Christian dorm. I think that would be great! I won't
be selfish and say that I need you here and that I'd miss you too much (that goes without saying). I think if you could, you should. The girls there could use a strong role model and it would no doubt be a safe haven for you, both spiritually and emotionally. We'll pray about it and if it's what He wants, it will be done. You know you have my full support 100%, even if you wanted to shave your head I would surely try to persuade you otherwise (at least on that one), but if you want to pull a GI Jane, so be it!
You know me, and my silly attempt at humor.
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If you smile or laugh, it was a successful endevor. Well, I should be showering soon....it's almost 1:00. I'll catch you later homes! <3 ya sistah!
<3 muffin
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C- is for cookie....and I <3 cookies!
Alright , so I officially need a siesta or some sleeping pills pronto. Too much noise lately and the drama- Sheesh! I'm terribly glad to see your handwiting again and your smiling face! I still miss our late night chats, bt I'll take one of your letters any day! I've missed you too love! More than you know! And yes, my happy butt will be going home by late Summer, so I'll have to brave a few more months. I think I can handle that. Honestly it's down-time and time with God. It's a battle zone out there and we have to be suited up to take on the enemy- scary stuff! Knowing that in the end we win the final battle, and our glorious Father is the Victor makes
all of this (no matter how BIG or SMALL) worth it.
And you know darn well that I'll be visiting you.....Hell, I'll be there with the boys banging on the doors demanding that you be freed! I told you, I will personally see to your home-coming and that my friend is a promise!!! Alright, so the drama with my folks is getting worse, and I mean that in several ways
#1 – their attorney is a power-hungry jerk, who is only looking to make himself relevant in
my case, and my Mom is aiding him in that (bar complaints against Jose & wanting to raise $ for my defense, but they don't want my defense team knowing....) ; that's just the tip of the iceberg.
#2 – both of my parents are not working, still, and yet have the means to travel all over the country and don't feel that they have to explain where or why. Odd, right?
#3 – They are further from God than I have ever seen and it's evident by their daily actions- avoiding Jose, bad-mouthing my defense team, trying to manipulate me into saying and/or doing.....
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….any number of things. Blah. They show their “support” for the sake of the cameras, but when it comes to the “real story”, I'm alone, well, not alone. Bad choice of words. I have a non-existent relationship with two of the most important people in the world to me, and it's to the point where I don't even want to bother. Part of it is spiritual warfare, and I get that the best and
only way to really get to my heart is through those in my heart. *advertiser censored*! Forgive my potty mouth, for I'm still trying to get that underwraps. I'm getting better. Yay! And let me just say , in case I haven't, thank you for not subjecting yourself to the nonsense of channel nuevo. Yuck. Why settle for that when we have back-to-back episodes of Seinfeld? I'm sold. One of the good things about being the day PC, I get to watch General Hospital (yes, I'm hooked!) and friends at 5:30. I do have a friends trivia game at home.
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Good times. Knock on wood, but it's really quiet, I almost don't know what to do with myself. Who's the bigger *advertiser censored*- #5 or #10? Toss up. And no! I missed the crazy and the confrontation, although I heard it! It was under the stair area, so I didn't catch the sight but I surely caught the sound. They brought in the SRT team to supervise her getting some heavy tranqs this morning. Lord knows she does need to be treated for her mental illness, besides needing an exorcist.- Even chaplain Gonzalez said that! Ok....So # 20 , or the girl who was in 20.....It was some short, stalky black chick with 4 or 5 stomachs because she was always begging for food. She targeted me one day and I told her to “mind her business”, and she got all “black” about it. Excuse me, “ghetto”. Whatever .
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Anyway, home girl done got told, yes, I went there, and for a day or so she ran her mouth. I ended up laughing in her face, telling her to keep wasting her time saying false things because she wasn't going to hurt my feelings- she really didn't. I did piss her off more, whoops, but most of the Cos are on my side. It pays to be quiet and patient and overly polite. It works for me. It's funny, but no one has bothered me since. Darn. I'd give the shirt off my back for anybody, and I know you would gladly do the same, but I will
not be taken advantage of by some fake immature woman. No thanks. I prayed about it and I have no remorse, nor should I. It's a sad day when Baez agrees with me for opening my trap to another inmate. Ha! That's the drama. I am glad that she left almost two weeks ago. And I hope she can learn to open her heart to Jesus. I'm sorry Sam is giving you issues still.
You're definitely right : bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. The upside? God will reward us because even in our worst moments (coughs- now) , He is still with us. He loves us just as much today as he did yesterday, and we will spend eternity with him (and Caylee <3
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) Don't fret over those feelings of mischief, I have them too, and yes, we are only human. The most important thing is to keep praying for them, and for the ability to forgive, but even more important, to let our Daddy fight these kinds of battles for us. Definitely easier said than done, fo sho!
As I've said before and I will continue to remind you whether or …...
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….Not I even have to ,, but, you are and Amazing woman of God, my big sis, my bestest best friend, and I too admire you. Even in all of our many similarities, we have our select differences and one of the reasons I know we were brought together is because we bring out the best in each other. You balance me out, and you are the big sister I always prayed for. There have been a number of people , especially during this period in my life , that I have disliked someone to the extent of m,e wanting to scream at them or vomit at the mere mention of their name. Know that Sam may be boasting, but deep down he is sorry for your situation and he is well aware that his “power” is temporary. All of these "old friends” and especially those that have claimed to be my “friend” are insecure and are so oblivious to the truth, I actually fell sorry for
them. Strange, right? As much as I do take some things personally (sometimes there's no way of avoiding it), at the end of the day, I let it go. False things should
never be allowed to harm your mind or penetrate your heart. I swear, I'll get better at taking my own advice. I avoid the news and almost all media outlets because I cringe when I hear or see my name.
I'm just so sick of the make-believe and the “reality” that is being orchestrated that it does me no good to participate in it in the slightest. That's what they want- the attention and I REFUSE to be drawn in. I need to be slapped down when I feel tempted through (scribble) sorry bad drawing 2 o'clock. Don't ever lose focus on Maddy and Josh and their love for you. You are
not losing them and you never will. Continue to minister to them. You see the influence they're under and they need to hear your testimony and God's truth. I don't know Sam obviously,...
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….. But I have a strong feeling that spiritually he isn't where he should be for the kids. Continue to be that positive influence in their lives and maybe even encourage Sam to keep that door open for them. Maddy and Josh just may be the ones to help bring their dad closer to a relationship with God.
I'll pray for him, and add another prayer for you, that you are able to put aside your differences and focus on helping Sammy boy. We can all use the advice that the meek will be rewarded. I remind myself daily and it's not an easy argument to win. Rule # 1 of boxing- try not to swing and hit yourself/ Something to consider, when you're asking Daddy when this trial will end, throw out a hint or two on when and where. Ask and you shall receive! I'm glad He is a mind reader, but it helps to verbalize those desires. Did your parents ever tell you to speak up or explain something to them and tell you that they weren't mind readers? Even with the amount that I talk, I heard that
all the time! Silly
Thanks for your always comforting words when it comes to Cays. I had to grow up pretty quickly when I became a mom at 19 (I know you can relate), but going through this, scary thooght, but I actually feel like an adult now. Even with being told how to dress, whether here or in court, when/ what to eat, shower etc, I know that for once in my life, I am truly independent. (well, not fully but I think you know what I mean) What I wouldn't honestly give to have my little girl back, but (1) She's
ALWAYS with me and (2) I'll be spending all of eternity with my girl. There's that shiny silver lining. I hate that we've both lost so much since.....
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…..last summer, but we truly have gained so much more than either of us could have expected. As cliché as it is the Lord does work in mysterious ways. Here's my question …..
House down South or in the Carolinas? Coralinas = all 4 seasons- snow and sun and beaches and new adventures. Options. We've got plenty of options. I absolutely <3 your RV idea. We could have the RV Ministry, coming to a city near you! We'll bank on the book, travel lots, set up shop in a fine city in ye ole' US of A, maybe settle a sports bar, and
definitely a crafty, artsy fartsy place. Sold! Talk about stickers and craft, I've been making stuff 4 EVER! I did have the American greeting card smuggled in here, but______ the bracelet , there's many more to come! Of all of our combined ideas , yours take the cake. Kudos!!!
The name change....I'm still playing around with that idea. What would you name me? You know what's funny, but I see you as a Roxy! Yes, laugh, I'm nuts, Allergy infested and sleep deprived, yeah, that's a good enough excuse. Ha! You come up with one for me and I'll do the same. Roxy may just have to be your new nickname, or additional. Speaking of changing stuff.....
Going to the vege trays _______ might not be a bad idea. No more cat patties and yellow death and blackmans ding dongs. Yuck! (I sneezed! Not on the paper, but I tend to take that as my confirmation from Papa) He's been speaking to me a
lot lately especially in my dreams, not just my sneezes. I keep having those dreams of home too, but I'm packing up and leaving in most of them. It is a major bummer to wake up to a bunk bed and cinder blocks
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….but this transitional period will be over for us both very soon. Keep visualizing the things that you want. They're coming our way soon. I'm super glad that you enjoyed that book. Even though that took place roughly 50 years ago, it's nice to read something so powerful and I'm thankful to the lady that sent it to me. We are going to have a great book collection! I'm also happy and sad that you can relate to what I underlined in that book. This is s growing period for us both and the lonliness that we are suffering is par for the course. Something especially encouraging that I read though, is that God separates us completely from our old lives, including old friends , and those not of our Christian family.
The plus side is that we gain a new life,
true unconditional love, and the biggest and best family known to man. All the more reason why you and I will be diligent in our prayers for our loved ones so that we may be reunited. Silver lining. I'm full of analogies and semi-useful advice tonight. Now if I could only remember half of my own ramblings when faced with an issue! Grrr.
You know what I think? Touching back on what I said before about us balancing each other out, we are oddly enough great influences on one another. A blessing if I've ever seen one. The world needs more people like us- and yes all modesty is out the window! I still have one of my stories to tell you, but you'll have to wait and read on.
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It's funny that you mention Joseph, because he and I have a connection that I think I must have overlooked before, but it was kindly.....
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….brought to my attention on my birthday. You speak of being in a funk, and sista! You read my mind! I've been coloring myself with colored pencils just so I have some color. Sad! With the name change, should I go lighter brown with highlights (as I'm used to) or red- to my Irish roots?
I need that change along with the long hair pronto! It's too bad hell would freeze over before they would let us together. That's 'k though. Little do they know that our sisterhood of the traveling RV will be driving circles around this place in no time at all. I know you're still dealing with bouts of semi- depression. I'm right there with ya. Keep cleansing mind, body and soul, and try my tactic in the shower. Let it all out during those 15 minutes and walk out a new chica. It sure does help! I was showering when the storm kicked up the other day and practically counted down to the power going out. It was relaxing to shower in the dark. I used to do that at home when cays was napping. I'd leave my bathroom door open and shower basically in the dark so I could hear her if she woke up early. She was sneaky like that sometimes and she'd strip down to hop in with me. Memories. I can't help but laugh that you and I were saying the same thing to Ms Baker and chaplain Gonzalez about # 5. Great minds think alike, and then there's us. We're special...not short bus special but close enough! You woke up at breakfast yesterday, I did today. We both need to start sleeping more. I'm proud of ya for working out. I've been slacking, but I'm still stretching a lot and doing leg exercises. I like upstairs because it's a decent leg work-out. Buns of steel, here I come!