The “addiction” Travis was referring to on May 26.
It had nothing to do with sex. It had everything to do with the cycle he also refers to in the chat-- of catching her in her transgressions and intrusions, of her responding with lies and drama and apologies she never means, and of him forgiving her, only to have her do the same thing, over and over.
(Paraphrased and with quotes from a website about sociopaths & relationships):
When a sociopath is about to be caught in the lie:
(She will) start a fight; will accuse you of something you haven’t done; will shift the blame and focus attention on you and what you are doing; and she will be very dramatic.
She “will make a small confession that is along the lines of truth, to try to fool you, and make you believe that she is being honest with you now (in case you find out about the lie).”
She will apologize and promise not to do it again, but her actions will not appear to be those of a person who is ‘sorry’.
“In fact, the sociopath will now be relentless in pursuing you, for something that you have not done, threading an element of truth in with a false accusation, so that your energy is now spent defending yourself.”
The sociopath will then go one further, and try to elicit pity, and will play victim, and will tell you a story designed to make you feel sorry for her.
“By now you are angry that you have been lied to again, so you react with anger to the lie.”
To detract from this, the sociopath will then attack you for not caring about them, or her problem. It is likely her story is a lie she is telling you to distract you from the real truth about what’s she done or a lie she’s told.
“ If you continue to push for truth in the lies, she will then accuse you of being horrible, thoughtless, or uncaring.”
She will choose a sensitive subject – so you will, when her words are repeated back to you feel bad, and doubt your own mind.
“You will experience this over and over again. What you see during this time is the sociopath revealed, the real person, angry and controlling, behind the mask. “
“Not wanting to believe it, and being so hurt, you might feel relieved when she says “sorry.”
You want to believe in the person you think her to be/can’t tolerate the pain of cognitive dissonance, nor resolve it/have been conditioned by previous abuse to submit and deny.
Whatever the specific reason that compels you to accept her apology, she considers it a “weakness” she knows to exploit, and uses this is the hook which allows her to do this to you again and again.
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Excerpts from May 26:
J- I know you don’t want apologies.
J- I don’t (know) what to say
T- you are not sorry
T-what I want is for you to quit blatantly lying
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T-ur not sorry so quit apologizing
T- and that way I can quit forgiving
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T-even when you say u are telling the truth you are lying
T-even when u come clean it is a partial version of the truth to serve your purpose
T- you have been nothing but a liar from the beginning
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T- after all I’ve done
T- how could you be the way you’ve been to me
T- how
T- I want an answer
T- NOW!!!
J- I don’t have an answer
J- I hurt too
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J- I would have been content with just cuddling, but I wasn’t strong enough
J- Again I am so sorry for that
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T-let’s just quit with it all
T- if you want to sneak around just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you
T- you’ll get it anyway
T- then I’ll yell
T- and then forgive
T- why go through all that
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T-all of that talk (catching her, confronting her, lies, lies, false apologies, forgiving her) has happened many times and it has never changed anything
T- so let’s quit with it
T-ur not sorry
T-im okay with that if you’ll admit it
T-it should be liberating to you
T-right?
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Travis, IMO, demonstrates quite plainly on May 26th that he isn’t “addicted” to their cycle anymore.