SIDEBAR #15- Arias/Alexander forum

[Doop]

Doop
You said you went to college last night. What did you take up and do you like your job?
Did you need to go to college to get your job? I'm interested because of my younger son.
He's taking a breather from school for a while and doing volunteer work so his resume looks better for his application to grad school.

I went for accounting and I like my job. I did need to go to college for my job. I think it is a smart idea that he is looking to go to grad school.

 

[daisymae]

everyone must be PM'ing or PMS'ing or sumptin

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Similarities of "that thing in Florida", Jodia Arias, and van der Sloot:
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Psychiatrist Dr. Dale Archer, diagnoses Ms. Arias as being "evil." Dr. Archer appears to suggest that defendants like Ms. Arias do not merit a psychiatric diagnosis beyond being deemed "evil." And that they are irredeemable. He is, of course, correct that in the current DSM system there is no diagnostic category called "evil"--though some, like the late psychiatrist M.Scott Peck, argued for its inclusion...
Most frightening to face is the fact that such evil could potentially be committed by anyone, given the right or wrong set of circumstances. Jodi Arias evil? Or is she mentally disturbed? Can someone be both? <snipped for space>
==================================================================

BBM What do you think about this statement. Could you murder someone in the "right" circumstance?
I hope this statement is incorrect. I don't think I could hurt anyone in any circumstance.
They would have to kill me. But I could be wrong??? I hope not.
What do you think?


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/201305/jodi-joran-and-casey-the-psychology-evil

Very interesting article. I don't think I could murder anyone under any circumstances. I have two teenage boys, so meh, nothing much fazes me anymore :floorlaugh:. ETA: Not necessarily though if I felt my family was in danger. If it was a self defense situation (a true self defense situation), I could probably kill someone if it was them or my child.

I think his point about some people just being "evil" is true. It's not so much the crime itself, it's their complete lack of remorse for what they did that I find disturbing. All three of them, Casey Anthony, Joran van der Sloot and Jodi Arias (add Scott Peterson, Ted Bundy, Drew Peterson and on and on).....all evil and completely without remorse. Drew Peterson obviously killed more than once, and I'm sure the others (given the right circumstances) would too. MOO.

They can call them psychopaths, or they can call them evil, as long as they keep them off the streets and not able to hurt anyone again. I often wonder if Casey will kill again. She seems to be a "murderer of convenience". When someone is no longer "convenient" to them they dispose of them. We'll see. MOO, JMHO.

 

[YESorNO]

Have a (((((hug)))))

And one from me, too (((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) :seeya:
What's wrong?
How about this for thought provoking?
=========================================================
HAPPINESS
Most people accept that true happiness is more than a jumble of intensely positive feelings—it's probably better described as a sense of "peace" or "contentedness." Regardless of how it's defined, happiness is partly emotional—and therefore tethered to the truth that each individual's feelings have a natural set point, like a thermostat, which genetic baggage and personality play a role in establishing. Yes, positive events give you a boost, but before long you swing back toward your natural set point.

Your sense of happiness also includes cognitive reflections, such as when you give a mental thumbs-up or thumbs-down to your best friend's sense of humor, the shape of your nose, or the quality of your marriage. Only a bit of this sense has to do with how you feel; the rest is the product of mental arithmetic, when you compute your expectations, your ideals, your acceptance of what you can't change—and countless other factors. That is, happiness is a state of mind, and as such, can be intentional and strategic.

Regardless of your emotional set point, your everyday habits and choices—from the way you operate in a friendship to how you reflect on your life decisions—can push the needle on your well-being.

Truly happy people seem to have an intuitive grasp of the fact that sustained happiness is not just about doing things that you like. It also requires growth and adventuring beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone. Happy people, are, simply put, curious. In a 2007 study, Todd Kashdan and Colorado State psychologist Michael Steger found that when participants monitored their own daily activities, as well as how they felt, over the course of 21 days, those who frequently felt curious on a given day also experienced the most satisfaction with their life—and engaged in the highest number of happiness-inducing activities, such as expressing gratitude to a colleague or volunteering to help others.

Yet curiosity—that pulsing, eager state of not knowing—is fundamentally an anxious state.........

Curiosity, it seems, is largely about exploration—often at the price of momentary happiness. Curious people generally accept the notion that while being uncomfortable and vulnerable is not an easy path, it is the most direct route to becoming stronger and wiser. In fact, a closer look at the study by Kashdan and Steger suggests that curious people invest in activities that cause them discomfort as a springboard to higher psychological peaks.

Of course, there are plenty of instances in life where the best way to increase your satisfaction is to simply do what you know feels good, whether it's putting your favorite song on the jukebox or making plans to see your best friend. But from time to time, it's worth seeking out an experience that is novel, complicated, uncertain, or even upsetting—whether that means finally taking the leap and doing karaoke for the first time or hosting a screening of your college friend's art-house film. The happiest people opt for both so that they can benefit, at various times, from each.

A Blind Eye To Life's Vicissitudes
The benefit of seeing the forest but not the trees

A standard criticism of happy people is that they're not realistic—they sail through life blissfully unaware of the world's ills and problems. Satisfied people are less likely to be analytical and detail-oriented.........

Virginia Commonwealth University psychologist Paul Andrews has argued that depression is actually adaptive. Depressed people, the logic goes, are more likely than others to reflect on and process their experiences—and thereby gain insight into themselves or the human condition—albeit at an emotional price. A little attention to detail helps with a more realistic evaluation of the social world.

Yet too much attention to detail can interfere with basic day-to-day functioning, as evidenced by research from Queen's University psychologist Kate Harkness, who found that people in a depressed mood were more likely to notice minute changes in facial expressions. Meanwhile, happy people tend to overlook such second-to-second alterations—a flash of annoyance, a sarcastic grin. You probably recognize this phenomenon from interactions you've had with your partner. While in a bad mood we tend to notice the tiniest shifts and often can't seem to disengage from a fight ("I saw you roll your eyes at me! Why did you do that!?!"), whereas when we're in a good mood, we tend to brush off tiny sleights ("You tease me, but I know you love being around me"). The happiest people have a natural emotional protection against getting sucked in by the intense gravitational pull of little details......

This is not to say that we should take a laissez-faire attitude to all our responsibilities; paying attention to detail is helpful. But too much focus on minutiae can be exhausting and paralyzing. The happiest among us (cheerfully) accept that striving for perfection—and a perfectly smooth interaction with everyone at all times—is a loser's bet.

A Time For Every Feeling

The upside of negative emotions

The most psychologically healthy people might inherently grasp the importance of letting some things roll off their backs, yet that doesn't mean that they deny their own feelings or routinely sweep problems under the rug. Rather, they have an innate understanding that emotions serve as feedback—an internal radar system providing information about what's happening (and about to happen) in our social world.

Happy, flourishing people don't hide from negative emotions. They acknowledge that life is full of disappointments and confront them head on, often using feelings of anger effectively to stick up for themselves or those of guilt as motivation to change their own behavior. This nimble mental shifting between pleasure and pain, the ability to modify behavior to match a situation's demands, is known as psychological flexibility.......

The ability to shift mental states as circumstances demand turns out to be a fundamental aspect of well-being......

The Well-Being Balancing Act
Pleasure and purpose work together

Even the most ardent strivers will agree that a life of purpose that is devoid of pleasures is, frankly, no fun. Happy people know that allowing yourself to enjoy easy momentary indulgences that are personally rewarding—taking a long, leisurely bath, vegging out with your daughter's copy of The Hunger Games, or occasionally skipping your Saturday workout in favor of catching the soccer match on TV—is a crucial aspect of living a satisfying life. Still, if you're primarily focused on activities that feel good in the moment, you may miss out on the benefits of developing a clear purpose. Purpose is what drives us to take risks and make changes—even in the face of hardship and when sacrificing short-term happiness.

Working to uncover how happy people balance pleasure and purpose, Colorado State's Steger and his colleagues have shown that the act of trying to comprehend and navigate our world generally causes us to deviate from happiness. After all, this mission is fraught with tension, uncertainty, complexity, short bursts of intrigue and excitement, and conflicts between the desire to feel good and the desire to make progress toward what we care about most. Yet overall, people who are the happiest tend to be superior at sacrificing short-term pleasures when there is a good opportunity to make progress toward what they aspire to become in life.

If you want to envision a happy person's stance, imagine one foot rooted in the present with mindful appreciation of what one has—and the other foot reaching toward the future for yet-to-be-uncovered sources of meaning.....

There's More To Life Than Being Happy

Nobel Laureate Albert Schweitzer once quipped that "happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." Despite the apparent luster of achieving a predominantly positive state of mind, critics argue that the pursuit of happiness is a misguided goal—it's fleeting, superficial, and hedonistic.

Research backs up some of these claims.... that people who place a premium on being happy report feeling more lonely. Yes, being happy might be healthy—but craving happiness is a slippery slope.

As well-being researchers, we don't deny the importance of happiness—but we've also concluded that a well-lived life is more than just one in which you feel "up." The good life is best construed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well autonomy, mastery, and belonging....

==========================================================
Something to think about or a lot of baloney??????????:floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201306/what-happy-people-do-differently?tr=MostViewed

 

[YESorNO]

Very interesting article. I don't think I could murder anyone under any circumstances. I have two teenage boys, so meh, nothing much fazes me anymore :floorlaugh:.

Seriously though, I think his point about some people just being "evil" is true. It's not so much the crime itself, it's their complete lack of remorse for what they did that I find disturbing. All three of them, Casey Anthony, Joran van der Sloot and Jodi Arias (add Scott Peterson, Ted Bundy, Drew Peterson and on and on).....all evil and completely without remorse. Drew Peterson obviously killed more than once, and I'm sure the others (given the right circumstances) would too. MOO.

They can call them psychopaths, or they can call them evil, as long as they [/B]keep them off the streets and not able to hurt anyone again. I often wonder if Casey will kill again. She seems to be a "murderer of convenience". When someone is no longer "convenient" to them they dispose of them. We'll see. MOO, JMHO.

BBM Amen to that!
I think that psychologist is wrong when he said that psychos are not born that way- I've had a complete turnaround in my thinking that people cannot be born with no conscience after all the research I did on the concept of the "bad seed" concept.

 

[m1279]

Thank you for posting that, YorN. Just having a bad day/night. I will NEVER date again. I'm done. I can't deal with this heartbreak. I'll just keep adopting cats lol

 

[YESorNO]

I do not cook. I don't like to cook! Had a Stouffer's meatloaf dinner with potatoes, and then candy. Sugar levels are up!

I'm going to stop cooking, also- as soon as my son leaves :floorlaugh:

Better watch those levels. Diabetes is very dangerous.

 

[daisymae]

BBL too slow and quiet

 

[YESorNO]

Thank you for posting that, YorN. Just having a bad day/night. I will NEVER date again. I'm done. I can't deal with this heartbreak. I'll just keep adopting cats lol

Ohhhhh, m. You'll date again. Your too young not to.You'll find someone one day. Just date for fun now. Go out to dinner, movies, etc. with whoever. Don't dwell too much on comittments and eventually you'll find the right person for you.
I'll send some prayers for you.
Cats are great, but right now I can't deal with all the hair flying around bacause of my son's cat. It's even in the refrig :floorlaugh: (and I brush and comb him everyday!!).
You don't want to become the old cat lady, do you. :floorlaugh:
NEVER SAY NEVER, my dear.

 

[YESorNO]

BBL too slow and quiet

It might pick up tomorrow when they have the hearing???
Watch Anderson Cooper- very interesting person on.

 

[Frigga]

I can't imagine why you would be interested in a show about a serial killer who is also a blood spatter analyst for Miami Homicide... that sounds crazy :giggle:

Dexter is one of my favorite shows!! So sad that this is the last season. Michael C. Hall has been brilliant in that role.[/QUOT

You guys are gonna love this! They film Dexter in my neighborhood all the time. Seriously have watched them film at least a dozen times over the last 4 years. They filmed at my daughters preschool co-op one year. Our board rented the space and equipment out to them for a 2 day shoot. My husband and i will be out to dinner and they will be filming in the Marina. I can't tell you how many times I have been driving through my neighborhood and had to slow down or take a 1 street detour to get home. They have filmed on almost every street in our neighborhood. I have only seen the show once (loved it) since its on cable. Maybe I should rent the seasons starting with season 1!

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Thank you for posting that, YorN. Just having a bad day/night. I will NEVER date again. I'm done. I can't deal with this heartbreak. I'll just keep adopting cats lol

The right one will come along for you m. Don't become a cat lady LoL. You're still young, and Mr. Right will find you. Probably when you're not looking. :hug:

 

[Kensie]

Thank you for posting that, YorN. Just having a bad day/night. I will NEVER date again. I'm done. I can't deal with this heartbreak. I'll just keep adopting cats lol

Take deep breaths. I am sorry that you feel so bad.

 

[YESorNO]

I went for accounting and I like my job. I did need to go to college for my job. I think it is a smart idea that he is looking to go to grad school.

He has to go grad school. A BS in psychology won't get him a job unless he gets his masters.
Glad you picked a career that you like. It's important to like your job- life is easier that way. Smart. :seeya:

 

[YESorNO]

I can't imagine why you would be interested in a show about a serial killer who is also a blood spatter analyst for Miami Homicide... that sounds crazy :giggle:

Dexter is one of my favorite shows!! So sad that this is the last season. Michael C. Hall has been brilliant in that role.[/QUOT

You guys are gonna love this! They film Dexter in my neighborhood all the time. Seriously have watched them film at least a dozen times over the last 4 years. They filmed at my daughters preschool co-op one year. Our board rented the space and equipment out to them for a 2 day shoot. My husband and i will be out to dinner and they will be filming in the Marina. I can't tell you how many times I have been driving through my neighborhood and had to slow down or take a 1 street detour to get home. They have filmed on almost every street in our neighborhood. I have only seen the show once (loved it) since its on cable. Maybe I should rent the seasons starting with season 1!

This is the last season?????- sob.
I thought they filmed in Florida.
What does Michael Hall look like in person?

 

[PrincessSezMe]

BBM Amen to that!
I think that psychologist is wrong when he said that psychos are not born that way- I've had a complete turnaround in my thinking that people cannot be born with no conscience after all the research I did on the concept of the "bad seed" concept.

I totally agree with you. Some are just born with something missing (it's called a soul). How else do you explain the difference between someone like Eric Harris and his older brother who was extremely well adjusted and successful? Same can be said of Dylan Klebold and his older brother. Good parents, privileged childhood and decent upbringing, no trauma or abuse. So what is it about them that's different? What makes them cold-blooded killers who feel nothing at all for what they do?

IDK YESorNO. They sure seem to be evil "bad seeds" to me too. I completely agree.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Take deep breaths. I am sorry that you feel so bad.

I just had to say I love your Marilyn avatar. She is so pretty in that picture. I'm a fan! :seeya:

 

[Kensie]

I just had to say I love your Marilyn avatar. She is so pretty in that picture. I'm a fan! :seeya:

Thank you. I wish I looked like her!!!!

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Thank you. I wish I looked like her!!!!

I hear you! She was a beautiful lady. But when I think about where her looks took her it makes me sad. She could have been happily married with a family, and lived to a golden age. But the media swallowed her whole and spit her out. She was an icon, but also a very tragic figure. She never saw her inner beauty, because her outer beauty overshadowed it.

I bet you're every bit as beautiful as she was.

 

[YESorNO]

Thank you. I wish I looked like her!!!!

And her looks didn't make her happy in the end. Good looks are just an accident of birth :moo:. Everyone can be beautiful inside and that's more important. Not that good looks don't help in life (unfortunate). I'd rather be really smart and also, compassionate. Compassion is the most important thing in life IMO.