In honor of YorN...some jokes
Priest James Asher was retiring and there was a dinner hosted in his honor. Politician Ron Craig who had grown up in that locality was chosen as the chief guest who would make a speech at the occasion. Since the politician was late, Priest James Asher decided to say a few words to the gathering while they waited for the politician to arrive.
Priest James began, "I want to share something with all of you. When I came to this parish for the first time, I had a negative impression after the 1st confession that I heard. The first person who came to the confessional told me that he was a thief. He had stolen gold ornaments from several households, but was able to bribe his way through the police , to avoid being jailed. He had several affairs, visited women in the night, had maimed and killed people. He had even smuggled and traded in drugs. I was so shocked to learn that one person could be involved in so many crimes, that I feared that my time here would not be a comfortable one. But as the days and weeks passed, I learned that people in this parish were not that bad, and I would get to like them."
Just as Priest James Asher finished talking, politician Ron Craig arrived and apologized for being late.
He started his speech by saying, "I remember the first day when Priest James Asher arrived. In fact, I had the privilege of being the first one to enter his confessional."
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Dennis, a salesman at a clothing store, was a big flirt. He had often been warned for flirting with customers but he was not one to give up so soon.
One day, a pretty young thing came to the store and selecting a dress material, asked him, "How much for this fabric material for a new gown?"
Dennis replied, "For you, it's a kiss a meter."
The girl, shocked by this rude reply, quickly recovered and said, "Ok, I will take 12 meters then."
Dennis, not believing his good luck, quickly measured and wrapped the fabric. Then holding the parcel out to her, he looked at her with naughty eyes.
The girl, snatching the parcel from him and pointing towards an old man, said, "Grandpa here will settle the bill."
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Pastor John Warren closed his eyes for 2 minutes and bowed his head, before he left for the church to deliver his sermon.
His little son, Jeremy, who always observed him do so many times, asked him one day, "Why do you do that Dad?"
Pastor John was happy to see that his son noticed his gestures and said, "Before I leave for church, I ask God to help me preach a good sermon."
Jeremy said innocently, "So why doesn't He do it?"
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Little Neil was very excited to attend his uncle's wedding. Stepping down the aisle, he would take a step, stop, face the crowd, twist his fingers like claws, and make a growling noise.
At every step he would repeat it. He would take turns to be on the groom's side, the groom being his uncle, and do his act. And then he would go to the bride's side and repeat the clawing, growling. The crowd was amused by these dramatics and everyone started laughing.
Little Niel, however, was getting upset by all the attention & laughing and would have cried had his mother not consoled him.
When his mother asked him what he was doing, Little Niel replied, "I played the Ring Bear."