TN - Joann, 31, & Adrienne Bain, 14, Whiteville, 27 April 2012 - #5

DNA Solves
DNA Solves
DNA Solves

New Posts

menmo said:
That was interesting but the only thing I really got from it is that GB's oldest daughter lived with him and that AM made drinks the previous night and as some have stated here, possibly drugged him.
I find it odd she'd want to go on record and not show her face. It's not like we all don't know her name, or those in that area don't know her. What's the deal? I wonder if she looks like AM and that's the reason?

MOO
Click to expand...

Did she state her current legal name in the interview? I watched it but cannot remember. It's possible that she has remarried and doesn't want her husband dragged into the fray.

She may be shy about the way she looks. A lot of women are and they don't have to look like AM to feel that way.
 
Lucid said:
I just don't want everyone to look at me. If I was her, I would probably not be making any statements at all just to avoid it.
Click to expand...
I'm the same on the attention thing. I'd rather not be noticed. I can't speak in front of a large group of people. In grade school I stayed in at recesses to give my oral reports and in college I taped myself for the speech class. Standing in front of people just seriously makes me want to vomit.
I went to a funeral once and they asked people to come up and share their memories. I had many with this person but wasn't going to participate. There was over 150 people there, I'm sure and standing in front of more than five makes me uneasy to speak in front of. No one came forward so I felt compelled. I had to close my eyes with the funeral guy holding on to my arm. My knees were literally knocking together but I did it for his family. If I hadn't closed my eyes and got lost in the memories though I couldn't have done it.
The thing with PB though is she drew this attention to herself, I think. Maybe not, though. Maybe great reporter sought her out and found her. I can feel for her coming from her family situation if she doesn't sling crap toward the B family.
GrainneDhu said:
Did she state her current legal name in the interview? I watched it but cannot remember. It's possible that she has remarried and doesn't want her husband dragged into the fray.

She may be shy about the way she looks. A lot of women are and they don't have to look like AM to feel that way.
Click to expand...
Great point. Or she may just be shy in general.
It's so much easier writing than speaking for some.

MOO
 
MsFacetious said:
For the record, the ex-husband claims that he has DNA tests saying he IS the father of Adrienne and Alex.
I don't know the procedure but I would HOPE that a DNA test would be done to verify that BEFORE he is allowed to sign over his rights.
Just to make sure there isn't going to be another father who comes along later to protest the adoption. :twocents:



I can't personally see myself doing it, although I thought about it at one point.

However, I can certainly understand it. My one particular friend married a guy almost 3 times her age...
He's a great guy and they are madly in love. They are happy and healthy, as is her ten year old son.

She is just an incredibly open minded person and when he asked her out 8 years ago she said yes. I was like :thud:

I am VERY open minded. Yet it made me realize that *I* had an issue if I was shocked. She made me think about myself.

I also thought if everyone was that open minded... the world would be a MUCH better place. I love her for that. :seeya:


Oh yeah.. and her husband and son... AND my own Dad... wear pink "Tutus for Tatas" for the Race for the Cure. :floorlaugh:
It is Awesome. :laughcry:
Click to expand...

Thanks for pointing out about being open minded. I try to be open minded and also aware to the fact that while I make an opinion based on my beliefs, upbringing, experiences, that other people make these same opinions based on the same. We may not agree. That does not mean one is right and the other wrong.
I have heard many over the years make statements that if they were in an abusive relationship they would kick the abuser to the curb, leave no matter what. I was under that same idea as well, till it happened to me. So the statement of not judging until you have walked a mile in my shoes really hits home.

I also try not to jump on a bandwagon based upon what started as a statement, becomes repeated and somehow becomes fact among those rallying.

This case is far from over and all I hope is that the girls get the needed psychological help that they will need.
 
I am just really confused by this interview. On the one hand, PB says that AM was a master manipulator, that he basically had "control" over his parents for years, they did whatever he wanted. But then in another portion she said that she thinks AM finally snapped after years of physical and mental abuse by his parents. How can it be both? I am not saying that PB is lying, not at all. I just don't understand. They abused him for years but yet at the same time he controlled them? Can someone explain this dynamic to me?
 
melissasmom said:
I am just really confused by this interview. On the one hand, PB says that AM was a master manipulator, that he basically had "control" over his parents for years, they did whatever he wanted. But then in another portion she said that she thinks AM finally snapped after years of physical and mental abuse by his parents. How can it be both? I am not saying that PB is lying, not at all. I just don't understand. They abused him for years but yet at the same time he controlled them? Can someone explain this dynamic to me?
Click to expand...

Witnessing abuse is child abuse.

My blood runs cold every time I hear someone say "I had to escape because s/he abused me but I let him/her see our kids because s/he's a great parent." I want to scream "NO, THAT'S NOT A GREAT PARENT!! In abusing you, s/he exposed his/her own children to abuse and so abused them."

Also, it's a fairly common dynamic in large families with abusive parents for one child to be abused until they develop the skills and manipulative ability to team up with the abusive parent(s) and assist abuser(s) in abusing the other children.

It's very sick but it's a survival strategy for the child employing it. But it is survival at a very high price; many children who do this grow up with incredible guilt. Other children who do this grow up to be abusers themselves.
 
GrainneDhu said:
Witnessing abuse is child abuse.

My blood runs cold every time I hear someone say "I had to escape because s/he abused me but I let him/her see our kids because s/he's a great parent." I want to scream "NO, THAT'S NOT A GREAT PARENT!! In abusing you, s/he exposed his/her own children to abuse and so abused them."

Also, it's a fairly common dynamic in large families with abusive parents for one child to be abused until they develop the skills and manipulative ability to team up with the abusive parent(s) and assist abuser(s) in abusing the other children.

It's very sick but it's a survival strategy for the child employing it. But it is survival at a very high price; many children who do this grow up with incredible guilt. Other children who do this grow up to be abusers themselves.
Click to expand...

Thanks. So, if I am understanding this correctly, PB is saying that when AM was younger he was abused by the parents, but then as he got older he "snapped" and became controlling and abusive himself? That I can understand. I guess I was just reading it wrong- I was looking at it as he was controlling them but being abused by them at the same time. Which is why it made no sense to me.

When I see families like the Mayes, it honestly makes me thank my lucky stars for the family I grew up in. We had our dysfunctions like all families do, but D***. My heart hurts for kids who grow up in homes/circumstances like this. :( Because they grow up into people like Mayes (sometimes).
 
melissasmom said:
Thanks. So, if I am understanding this correctly, PB is saying that when AM was younger he was abused by the parents, but then as he got older he "snapped" and became controlling and abusive himself? That I can understand. I guess I was just reading it wrong- I was looking at it as he was controlling them but being abused by them at the same time. Which is why it made no sense to me.

When I see families like the Mayes, it honestly makes me thank my lucky stars for the family I grew up in. We had our dysfunctions like all families do, but D***. My heart hurts for kids who grow up in homes/circumstances like this. :( Because they grow up into people like Mayes (sometimes).
Click to expand...

I'm not PB and I wasn't there to witness what went on in the Mayes family. But yeah, I think it's a strong possibility.

It seemed to me that PB was speaking in more of a stream of consciousness that was directed by the interviewer's questions rather than a strictly linear sense. Actually, she sounded kind of shocky to me, rather as if she still can't really believe all this happened.

It's one thing to expect the worst but another to have it happen. Nothing prepares you for the worst.

Like you, I see this as a tragedy in which none of the players had complete control over the outcome. If AM hadn't been abused as a child, would he have turned out this way? If PB and JMIII hadn't been abused, would they have made more effort to warn the Bains what AM was like?

If GB hadn't had such a big heart and caring soul, would he have dumped AM when he divorced PB?

It seems to me like the elements produced the perfect storm. So sad.
 
melissasmom said:
I am just really confused by this interview. On the one hand, PB says that AM was a master manipulator, that he basically had "control" over his parents for years, they did whatever he wanted. But then in another portion she said that she thinks AM finally snapped after years of physical and mental abuse by his parents. How can it be both? I am not saying that PB is lying, not at all. I just don't understand. They abused him for years but yet at the same time he controlled them? Can someone explain this dynamic to me?
Click to expand...

That doesn't make much sense to me either.
 
menmo said:
I'm the same on the attention thing. I'd rather not be noticed. I can't speak in front of a large group of people. In grade school I stayed in at recesses to give my oral reports and in college I taped myself for the speech class. Standing in front of people just seriously makes me want to vomit.
I went to a funeral once and they asked people to come up and share their memories. I had many with this person but wasn't going to participate. There was over 150 people there, I'm sure and standing in front of more than five makes me uneasy to speak in front of. No one came forward so I felt compelled. I had to close my eyes with the funeral guy holding on to my arm. My knees were literally knocking together but I did it for his family. If I hadn't closed my eyes and got lost in the memories though I couldn't have done it.
The thing with PB though is she drew this attention to herself, I think. Maybe not, though. Maybe great reporter sought her out and found her. I can feel for her coming from her family situation if she doesn't sling crap toward the B family.

Great point. Or she may just be shy in general.
It's so much easier writing than speaking for some.

MOO
Click to expand...

Oh my gosh i was/am so like this. I went to a small private school so most of my class were my friends, but i still couldn't get up in front of the class and talk in front of everyone. It made me sick, sometimes cry.
Some people love the attention or would love for a moment to be on tv, but not me.
O/T....but just wanted to share this.....Just recently, our local news station was doing story. I posted on their fb page like i always do....just to comment, but i didn't expect a phone call from them! I'm a very "starstruck" person too lol so i would have loved to meet them lol, but be on camera? No way!!!
They wanted to come interview me about the story and would drive an hour to come do like a 5 min interview. Somehow they talked to me into saying "ok" at first, but i was so sick from being nervous, i had to call back and say i can't do it!
They had the actual reporter who i really like call me and try to make me calm about it while also make me feel bad that they had already packed up their van and were on their way in the bad weather. :(
Needless to say, after talking to him for a long time on the phone, i just said i really can't do it.
They gave up. I think they were pissed by then lol!
 
I try not to go OT on the threads, but since this thread is now moving slow I'm going to go ahead and share.

I am a survivor and I was asked to tell my story in front of 40-50 professionals such as LE, nurses, advocates and many others that work in the field. I was given about a months notice and had nothing written yet.

I actually was thankful for the opportunity and very excited about taking that step forward until I actually started to try and write everything down.

I had 20-30 minutes to cram almost 50 years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse and the effects of, plus offer insight into what can be done to improve on the treatment of victims and survivors.

Well anyway, I would write a little, then cry a little, because I didn't realize how much I had forgotten or burried. Then I would distract myself into something that was much worse than what I had been through. Heh, "at least I survived", I would tell myself. Needless to say, a week (or less) before I had to give my speech, I had a bunch of pages of scribbles of sentences and paragraphs with dried tears. Nothing at all flowed together and I was frozen in panic about getting up in front of people (I am a wall flower).

That last week (or less), I spent several sleepless nights flowing those sentences and paragraphs together. I then had two wonderful friends that so graciously listened to my speech, so that I could get reassurance before speaking in front of the group. In between writing, I was panicking about what I was going to wear, what my voice would sound like, if I was going to pass out, etc, etc, etc. (I so hate myself for caring and worrying about what others think, ugh, what a waste of time. I thought I was over that and was strong, stood tall and comfortable being me.)

Well, the morning came and I managed to make it there. Believe it or not, I was calm, collected (the little pill helped) and my words flowed well.

I came home feeling relieved that I made it through that experience, but I do have to say it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It has been a few weeks and I think I am still digesting it.

Currently, I am volunteering with a organization that is forming a survivor network but they are two hours from where I live. I also have a FB survivor group. I am trying to work with other organizations in my community but they seem so territorial. I really need to feel like I belong and have a purpose. I'm not going to give up. Not this time, not with this issue.

Thanks to those that read this. I needed to get it off my chest.
 
GrainneDhu said:
That seems very sad to me.

I have compassion for him although I cannot condone his actions. Isn't one of the traits of civilisation to treat people better than they deserve?
Click to expand...

I find myself being compationate towards others in a lot of situations. More so than society in general does. In this case, towards AM, I just can't seem to muster it up. I think for me when it comes to harming another individual, unless it's an accident, that's where I draw the line.

I know that's not very "christian" of me, but I am being honest about the way I feel.

You are a much better person than I to be able to have that compassion.
 
Maybe his mechanic friend that knew him will help out. I think maybe there might be people that would but just might not be able to afford too. Now that the article is written someone that may not have known the situation may come forward.
 
BeginnersLuck said:
I find myself being compationate towards others in a lot of situations. More so than society in general does. In this case, towards AM, I just can't seem to muster it up. I think for me when it comes to harming another individual, unless it's an accident, that's where I draw the line.

I know that's not very "christian" of me, but I am being honest about the way I feel.

You are a much better person than I to be able to have that compassion.
Click to expand...

I don't think I'm a better person than you.

It's possible that being raised Buddhist made certain things more important to me than they are for people born to the Abrahamic religions.

I think if AM had been happy with his life, he would not have been claiming someone else's children as his own. He wouldn't have kidnapped two of them. He wouldn't have killed JB and AB.

Being unhappy with your life or being tormented with the memories of your own childhood are not passes to do what you want. But they do offer a glimpse into what drives people to do the unthinkable and maybe someday, it will all be better understood and prevented.
 
GrainneDhu said:
I don't think I'm a better person than you.

It's possible that being raised Buddhist made certain things more important to me than they are for people born to the Abrahamic religions.

I think if AM had been happy with his life, he would not have been claiming someone else's children as his own. He wouldn't have kidnapped two of them. He wouldn't have killed JB and AB.

Being unhappy with your life or being tormented with the memories of your own childhood are not passes to do what you want. But they do offer a glimpse into what drives people to do the unthinkable and maybe someday, it will all be better understood and prevented.
Click to expand...

GrainneDhu, this is such a loving and compassionate attitude. Something to strive for, for me. I am there sometimes.....but other times I just get a little too disgusted by bad human behavior. I think compassion, forgiveness and understanding are some of the most beautiful, enlightened of human behaviors. I will keep working on it. : )
 
posted on find JAB and Girls FB website via Mark Johnson

"Memorial service Arrangements are set up for Saturday, May 26th at 1 pm at First Baptist Church of Bolivar Tn. This is for Jo Ann and Adrienne Bain! Everyone is welcome to attend this service.

PLEASE NO MEDIA"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

DNASolves

Who is Escambia County John Doe (1989)?

Members online

... and 79 more.
Total: 2,190 (members: 80, guests: 2,110)

Online statistics

Members online
80
Guests online
2,110
Total visitors
2,190
Totals may include hidden visitors.

Forum statistics

Threads
601,350
Messages
18,123,178
Members
231,024
Latest member
australianwebsleuth
Back
Top