Found Safe TN - MCET, 15, Abducted by Teacher, in Maury County, 13 March 2017 #16 *ARREST*

[Gardenista]

Damn. I wrote a thesis. You said it all. With five words.

Gitana, your posts are a gift. I relish every single one of them.

 

[cady]

Saying you're not victim blaming, does not excuse the actual victim blaming. You ARE victim blaming.

No flaming, just being honest.

No one is denying that ET was receptive to TC's attentiveness. How and why she was isn't a mystery. JMO

 

[Deleted member 172065]

I dont agree, but I understand what you are saying. Let me put it this way. When my 16 yr old daughter worked for a friend at his restaurant, he wanted her to go to Sam's Club to shop with him. We said no because he had no business going alone with her. We set a boundary. Had she as a minor, snuck and went with him, and something happened, she would have been a victim. 100%. IMO, he would be responsible for the crime. She however, would be responsible for disobeying us and putting herself in a position she had been taught to avoid. That would be her part. I would not follow that up by saying she didnt know better than to go, etc. because of her age. It is just my opinion and how we parent. Its.whybInlock my car doors at night. If a thief steals my car- they are 100 percent responsible but I helped the thief by allowing access. Im still a victim but I played a part in the crime.

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Doubt you would be thinking about responsibility if she got in a car with an unknown pervert, God forbid. It happens everywhere, though, tragically. Women willingly get in the car with, say a bf, and that's it. Happened twice recently locally, and we are even small town. You can focus on their willingness, but kinda pointless to me. Kinda missing the real issue. My opinion only.


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[LaneGirl]

No one is denying that ET was receptive to TC's attentiveness. How and why she was isn't a mystery. JMO

I personally do not see it as a mystery either. He was in a position of authority. Teachers regardless if we like it or not have influence over our young. Most for the good thankfully.

 

[Kapua]

Doubt you would be thinking about responsibility if she got in a car with an unknown pervert, God forbid. It happens everywhere, though, tragically. Women willingly get in the car with, say a bf, and that's it. Happened twice recently locally, and we are even small town. You can focus on their willingness, but kinda pointless to me. Kinda missing the real issue. My opinion only.

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Grown women marry men who seem like Prince Charming and then turn into the devil's children; for example, Laci Peterson, Lori Hacking, and Susan Powell, and then they are tragically gone. I just read about another one today on Yahoo. Don't remember the name but her Fitbit busted his lame (as usual) alibi.

So I don't think a 15-year-old. particularly one who has been sheltered and abused, should be expected to have discerned a master manipulator who had conned, among others, his employer and his wife of over 30 years.

IMHO

:cow:

 

[PoirotryInMotion]

I saw that too. Funny that he just filed for divorce and filed a restraining order, if the mother had not seen the kids on a year why bother now. Jmo

Well, could be he was a long-suffering, optimistic soul...but also could be because mom currently isn't allowed contact with the daughter he just got back and wants to keep. One take on this move by him now might be that he is fighting to keep custody of his kids and not have them end up with social services; this break from his wife draws the line in the sand for them concerning the safety of the kids. Frankly, it is also true that he will likely fare better in a divorce situation now due to the association being made between the mother's alleged abuse and her daughter's situation with TC. The wife is in a far more defensive position, now, with her own abuse charges pending. The bargaining chips will be in his favor, so to speak. That's just an objective observation-- and like the person posting upthread, I'm not going to be assuming one parent is the villain, the other the angel, here. Their parental rights will ultimately be sorted out by examining all the evidence in a court of law.

 

[midtoe47]

It was also said that ET's life was threatened by her mother if she told her father what was happening. Kat was on this site at the time and didn't say anything to contradict that statement.

 

[DexterMorgan]

Does anyone know how much her dad will sue the school district for?

A million or what?

 

[blue22]

Does anyone know how much her dad will sue the school district for?

A million or what?

Nothing has been mentioned about it by any family members.

I think they will sue, and should. I have a feeling how much will likely be determined by the attorney more than anyone. Totally JMO, but I don't think they will sue for as much as people might assume.

 

[LaneGirl]

Does anyone know how much her dad will sue the school district for?

A million or what?

No idea but the fact that they didn't inform the father until days later, nor did they suspend TC until a week later and on the same day ET's father's lawyer sent an letter sends red flags up the post for me personally.

 

[Gardenista]

I dont agree, but I understand what you are saying. Let me put it this way. When my 16 yr old daughter worked for a friend at his restaurant, he wanted her to go to Sam's Club to shop with him. We said no because he had no business going alone with her. We set a boundary. Had she as a minor, snuck and went with him, and something happened, she would have been a victim. 100%. IMO, he would be responsible for the crime. She however, would be responsible for disobeying us and putting herself in a position she had been taught to avoid. That would be her part. I would not follow that up by saying she didnt know better than to go, etc. because of her age. It is just my opinion and how we parent. Its.whybInlock my car doors at night. If a thief steals my car- they are 100 percent responsible but I helped the thief by allowing access. Im still a victim but I played a part in the crime.

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To make this a (somewhat) similar analogy, you have to start your premise with homeschooling her, but there was never a book in front of her. And you beat her and locked her in a basement. Also, you made her undress in front of your friends.

Then she has to be called a *advertiser censored* by teachers and students after being caught being groomed by the guy.

 

[PoirotryInMotion]

Does anyone know how much her dad will sue the school district for?A million or what?

Has it been said already a lawsuit is pending? A thought that immediately comes to mind is that, while he could theoretically sue them for just about any amount, collecting on a large amount is another matter. (We've 'won' financial reimbursement in a personal lawsuit in court with no actual money ever coming our way - wasted time and effort if the person or entity claims to have no money, including the money they stole from you.) I suppose suing a school system might be slightly more productive, but not sure this little county's pockets are very deep.

 

[LaneGirl]

To make this a (somewhat) similar analogy, you have to start your premise with homeschooling her, but there was never a book in front of her. And you beat her and locked her in a basement. Also, you made her undress in front of your friends.

Then she has to be called a *advertiser censored* by teachers and students after being caught being groomed by the guy.

I'm on board with you except the bolded. Some homeschoolers have books and have a curriclulim they follow.

 

[blue22]

I'm on board with you except the bolded. Some homeschoolers have books and have a curriclulim they follow.

I believe that was in reference to ET's sister Kat saying a book was never opened in front of them. Not a statement about homeschoolers in general.

 

[Gardenista]

I'm on board with you except the bolded. Some homeschoolers have books and have a curriclulim they follow.

I'm a huge proponent of HS, but according to Kat, this did not occur with ET

 

[LaneGirl]

I believe that was in reference to ET's sister Kat saying a book was never opened in front of them. Not a statement about homeschoolers in general.

Ah I see thank you for the additional information, I haven't been with this case from the beginning.

ETA - maybe even more indicative of why she was molded by her teacher!

 

[Safeguard]

Nothing has been mentioned about it by any family members.

I think they will sue, and should. I have a feeling how much will likely be determined by the attorney more than anyone. Totally JMO, but I don't think they will sue for as much as people might assume.

Interestingly, in the Mary K. Letourneau. case, Her 12 yr old victim sued and lost. The details in that case just blow my mind:
(Snipped) http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=20020521&slug=vili21m

"A King County jury yesterday rejected claims that school officials and police were negligent in not recognizing a sexual relationship between 12-year-old Vili Fualaau and his sixth-grade teacher, Mary K. Letourneau."

"The relationship shattered both their lives. Fualaau says he has suffered from ridicule, depression and drug and alcohol abuse. His attorney said he is unemployable and was asking for nearly $2 million for him and his mother, Soona, from the Highline School District and the Des Moines Police Department."

"Letourneau, the married mother of four, had two children by Fualaau, who is now 18. She is serving a 7-½-year prison term for child rape."

"The verdict, which came after a 9-½-week trial and nearly three days of deliberations, meant only Fualaau, his mother and Letourneau were to blame."

"The school-district attorney, Patterson, and lawyer Bremner, who represents the Des Moines police, portrayed Fualaau as a sexually precocious youngster who used to watch *advertiser censored* with his grandfather. They claimed he aggressively pursued his teacher and bet other students that he could have sex with her."

ETA: "Ten votes were necessary for a verdict. Of the 12 jurors who heard the case, two found the Des Moines Police Department negligent in failing to protect Fualaau. One juror found the school district negligent, and another abstained."

 

[blue22]

And this is all I was trying to say. Going back to some of the things being said/reported, some are saying that is not the case. It's like some are trying to say she wasnt receptive, didnt pursue him etc as if her being receptive and pursuing him means she is to be blamed. she shouldnt be blamed for any of that if that is what happened. she shouldnt be blamed because she is a minor, and especially a prior victim of abuse. That wouldnt change the fact that she was receptive. And if she continues to be receptive to people that victimize her, they will do it. As she heals it will be important for her to explore that. Not to make her feel like she is to blame but for her to see how her vulnerability made her a target.

I was a victim also. I was receptive to my abuser too. I blamed myself for many years even though others said it wasnt my fault. It wasnt until I could admit that prior neglect and abuse left me broken and vulnerable that I could let that go. I was easily taken advantage of and craved the attention and "love"...I wanted to escape the abuse at home. OTOH, I feared my abuser and didnt want to be alone with him..a terrible constant tug of war. At times I would seek him out. It wasnt until I was able to see how I was lured toward that sick attention that I began to heal and choose not to be a victim. Saying I wasnt at fault didnt help much. Maybe that is just me. Having a therapist who helped me see my abusive past and how it shaped me into the perfect victim and why I was drawn in by my abuser helped me to not repeat the cycle in adulthood. There was no question I was powerless at the time because I didnt have the maturity or skills to resist even if I could have.

This is a different kind of crime...it isnt random. The criminal grooms his victim over time. There is a type(s) of person who is vulnerable. Those vulnerabilities contribute. They have to be dealt with at some point and not be downplayed and called an "age" or immaturity that the victim will probably have grown out of by the age of 18. It isnt blame..it just is. How do we heal if we cant look at the wound and what caused it?

With that...flame on all. I wasnt victim blaming but you can certainly interpret it that way if you want.

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What you said here, is not what you said earlier. You said she had responsibility for "her part" THAT is victim blaming, but you are free to be convinced in any direction about your statement. Not going to tell you to not have an opinion.

 

[annamolly]

As a victim of sexual abuse as a young child from a trusted older family member, a couple comments/suggestions are making me upset. I am not going to go into details, but let me say this: abuse changes your entire psyche. I never told my mother because her love was also very conditional. I seriously doubted she would believe me, probably blame me or accuse me of making it up, or abandon me. So I kept it to myself and suffered tremendously as a child. At one point the offender outright asked me if he had ever assaulted me because other family members were saying he assaulted them. My mom was watching so I said no. I so badly wanted to be loved. I wanted to please. I dealt w it all alone and very poorly.

To try to make any sort of analogy that ET is in any way at fault really irks me. If she had never been shown proper boundaries and love how would she be able to make an appropriate choice at 15 when a creepy 50 year old ADULT is feeding her all the right lines? Just because she went without kicking and screaming doesn't mean she wasn't conflicted, scared, and confused about what was happening. An abused mind is not equal to a healthy mind and a child mind is not equal to that of an adult. TC is the only one responsible for his actions and to even hint otherwise is frankly, repulsive to me.

 

[Deleted member 172065]

This is a different kind of crime...it isnt random. The criminal grooms his victim over time. There is a type(s) of person who is vulnerable. Those vulnerabilities contribute. They have to be dealt with at some point and not be downplayed and called an "age" or immaturity that the victim will probably have grown out of by the age of 18. It isnt blame..it just is. How do we heal if we cant look at the wound and what caused it?

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Oh I see. Makes sense. I was in a couple really bad relationships. I was an extremely late bloomer you might say. After a VERY long time I finally said 'enough is enough'.
Fortunately, she will undoubtedly have the best advocates out there. We all wanted her safe return and also want her to recover with good mental health as well.


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