Feeling very sad tonight about Reeva's death and all she misses out on as a consequence. I was very sick last year, critical in hospital on the night Reeva died and for more than six months I struggled through treatment to be well again. I did not want to lose my life and all the years ahead of me. In the end life is our most precious possession. It is so sad to think of the following.
In the weeks before her death, Reeva saying to Oscar "I just want to love and be loved".. "I'm certainly very unhappy and sad". That he scares her, picks on her...
On the night of her death, locked in a dark toilet room, fearing for her life.
The brutality of her killing, destruction of her body, the pain and fear and realisation she may have felt.
After her death, lying on a tiled floor while multiple people walked by her, gathered items, talked on phones, planned a defence.
And all that she will miss in the 50 or 60 years ahead - love, career success, marriage/partnership, becoming a mother, watching her children grow, travel, family and friendships, becoming a grandparent, growing old...
I've just tucked my sweet children into bed, thankful for them and for my life.
It just reminds me of what Oscar has done and how very sad and unfair this is for Reeva.
I think the moment I heard Roux concede that their double tap "version" was changing, ie Oscar lied about that and it actually happened a different way, I've felt deflated. I wanted him to at least tell the truth but I don't believe him from that point. It has made it even more sad. Poor Reeva.
Probably a good idea for me to take a few days break. Most of the time I can look at the case with interest, perspective, even a bit of humour but not right now. Sorry to be a downer.