Try to have some compassion

[athy]

i have compassion for George and Cindy my heart goes out to them. i pray that none of us are ever in their shoes. but there comes a time when they also have to take responsibility for their actions. they enabled Casey to be the way she is by giving into her instead of getting her the help she's apparently needed for a while. i don't believe they were looking at caylee's best interest when they started seeing changes in casey that showed she wasn't being the type of mother caylee should have. instead of making excuses for your children you need to take action, that they didn't do.
even now they keep making excuses for casey, yes i'm sure its hard to think your child would hurt your grandchild. i can also understand it not being the ONLY direction that you look, but it is ONE of the directions that you need to look.

i'm sure some of their actions now are also due to guilt that they did stand by and do nothing. perhaps that's why they're over compsating and standing by casey so much. i also understand wanting to stand by your child now even though that child may have done something wrong. but one of the ways to stand by is also to teach them to take responsibility. that they clearly have not nor ever will do.

 

[curiositycat]

IMHO Compassion is one thing, being taken in time and time again by people is another. Ask any woman who has been abused by the same man more than once what having compassion got her.
I have learned that being an emotionally sane woman means that when I see someone acting stupid, evil and crazy I identify it as what it is...not what I wish it could be.
I pray that Cindy and George get some serious counseling to find out WHY they have enabled that girl for so long.
Of course, maybe they already know..

 

[Anniegirl]

I agree. As I have stated before, I have no clue how I would react if I were Cindy, but seriously??? Do you know how hard if would be to fathom the fact that your daughter....your own flesh and blood was the demise of your granddaughter??? For me, it would be pretty damn hard.

It would be hard but i bet you would still love your messed up child -espcially, when the world hates her and wishes her dead--

Can't just turn 'love' off. Im sure she HATES the lies,deceits and unthinkable things its becoming clear Casey has done -- we all HATE it -- but being her mother how can she walk away ? Its a terrible place to be .

 

[miimaa]

George and Cindy are going through hell because of Casey. Casey did this and yet they defend her and try to spin things to make their family look good. Nothing they say is believable anymore. At first I felt very badly for them but after weeks of their pandering to the lying spoiled self-absorbed witch their daughter is I just cannot stomach them. The thing that bothers me the most is with all the media attention at their front door why are they not out there every day asking for Caylee to be returned? If they truly believe Caylee is still alive why are they not out there holding up her clothes, toys, favorite blanket, movie, doll, etc and saying "she needs this" or "please let us talk to her on the phone.. call collect from anywhere on the planet" or "send us a picture.. let us know she is okay" .. "we will do anything to get her back" .. ? None of that from these people. Why?

I think Caylee is dead and I think George and Cindy know it and now they are trying to hold on to something... they don't want to face the facts. The media could be used to their advantage but they are not doing that, why? They are showing anger and frustration which is understandable but it is Casey that is the cause of it all. Not the media - Casey the witch.

 

[LI_Mom]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I just wanted to give a parent's viewpoint. Sometimes we're victims of our children, whether we realize it or not.

That's so well put, Gram!

I've also said, that Cindy & George are not even aware of how THEIR behavior has slowly been tuned to trying to avoid confrontations with Casey & to keep some sort of 'peace' in the home.

I DO have compassion for parents who suffer because of their children... because in most cases they did the best they could raising them.


Though I think the Anthonys are their OWN worst enemies & worse yet, they are NOT helping Casey at all with their continued PUBLIC defense of their daughter.

People would have utmost respect for them IF they simply said in public, "We love Casey, we will always love Casey & try to support her during these very tragic times."

When the parents of an obviously DISTURBED individual continue to pretend that there's a logical reason for her abnormal actions.... those parents are STILL enabling the child. THAT'S why the public is reluctant to show compassion to Cindy & George.... because they don't want that compassion to be mistaken for belief in Casey's lies & sick behavior. The public wants NO PART in enabling Casey to keep pretending she can't tell anyone where to find Caylee.

 

[Anniegirl]

No, see, I do not hate them. I do understand why they are doing what they are doing. They are in denial, grief, cannot believe their daughter could possibly be involved in anything like this. I do also believe that they can control what they call people who are trying to help them.

I do have sympathy for them though as grandparents. I do not know how they are sleeping, eating, showering, getting dressed to go out and function, with their grandbaby missing, and then I think they get up, take a shower, eat, all while looing at Casey who won't tell them where her baby is, and continue to go about their days.

I understand where you are coming from-- i ,relate, totally.
However, what can they do? I know we all say , "I would be shaking crap out of her, beating her ..my best friend Amy here even says , she would kill her herself if it were her daughter... but seriously, i ask Amy and anyone... think about it, What could YOU really do to get her to talk, when she simpily just won't ? Even if terrible ,awful things were literally bestowed upon her to tell, I dont think she would...so what do you do?

Now, you see Cindy and George's side any?

 

[csds703]

That's so well put, Gram!

I've also said, that Cindy & George are not even aware of how THEIR behavior has slowly been tuned to trying to avoid confrontations with Casey & to keep some sort of 'peace' in the home.

I DO have compassion for parents who suffer because of their children... because in most cases they did the best they could raising them.


Though I think the Anthonys are their OWN worst enemies & worse yet, they are NOT helping Casey at all with their continued PUBLIC defense of their daughter.

People would have utmost respect for them IF they simply said in public, "We love Casey, we will always love Casey & try to support her during these very tragic times."

When the parents of an obviously DISTURBED individual continue to pretend that there's a logical reason for her abnormal actions.... those parents are STILL enabling the child. THAT'S why the public is reluctant to show compassion to Cindy & George.... because they don't want that compassion to be mistaken for belief in Casey's lies & sick behavior. The public wants NO PART in enabling Casey to keep pretending she can't tell anyone where to find Caylee.

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

 

[Feistyoldbroad]

Normally I would be compassionate However, this is FAR from normal. I agree
it would be hard to know how I would react if this were my daughter.
I do know that I wouldn't help cover up for her..

Yes, I know there is no proof that George and Cindy have helped her but I truly think they did.

I have zero compassion for anyone in that family. Caylee had the misfortune
of being born into so much dysfunction......
That poor little girl never had a chance.

So all of my compassion goes to that child alone.

 

[LI_Mom]

I think Caylee is dead and I think George and Cindy know it and now they are trying to hold on to something... they don't want to face the facts. The media could be used to their advantage but they are not doing that, why? They are showing anger and frustration which is understandable but it is Casey that is the cause of it all. Not the media - Casey the witch.

Or use the air time to ask Floridians to sign up to help TES do their search for Caylee?

After all, they've been ranting that people should get off their 'azzes' & look for Caylee & now they don't even expend the effort to direct people to the search effort?

Not that this is surprising, they were pretty non-plussed about the search efforts of Joseph Jordan & his crew also.

Nope. All they EVER seem to do is try to defend Casey, complain about the media & mention how angry they are that nobody is looking for Caylee. :furious:

 

[impatientredhead]

http://www.coping.org/grief/denial.htm

Dealing With Denial
Content:

What is denial?
How does denial look to others?
What are the negative consequences of unresolved denial?
How can we confront denial in ourselves?
How can we cope with denial in others?
A denial intervention model
What is denial?
Being unwilling to face problems on either a conscious or subconscious level.

Acting as if there are no problems to face.

A defensive response; protection from pain, hurt, or suffering

A mask to hide feelings or emotions behind.

A way to avoid conflict, disagreements, or disapproval from others.

A way to avoid facing the negative consequences of reality.

A way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.

A way to repress the truth of our loss, a way to continue to function in a ``normally.''

A pattern of life for individuals who are compulsively driven to ``look good.''

A way to avoid the risk of change as a result of problems or loss.



How does denial look to others?
Persons in denial:

Appear to be irrational to those who know the problems and losses they have suffered.

Appear to be calm and relaxed to those who do not know the problems and losses they have suffered.

Are a cause of frustration to those who want them to confront the truth of the problem or loss honestly.

Appear to be unemotional, apathetic, or indifferent in the face of loss.

Are considered pathetic and pitiable by those who have tried to confront them with the denial and have failed.

Appear to be caught up in magical thinking about the loss involved.

Appear to be excessively involved in fantasy thinking about the loss or problem.

Appear to be childlike, very dependent on others to nurture them and reassure them that everything will be all right.

Appear to be running away from the truth concerning their problems or loss.

Appear to be avoiding or rejecting those who are intent on confronting them with their problems.

 

[LI_Mom]

I understand where you are coming from-- i ,relate, totally.
However, what can they do? I know we all say , "I would be shaking crap out of her, beating her ..my best friend Amy here even says , she would kill her herself if it were her daughter... but seriously, i ask Amy and anyone... think about it, What could YOU really do to get her to talk, when she simpily just won't ? Even if terrible ,awful things were literally bestowed upon her to tell, I dont think she would...so what do you do?

Now, you see Cindy and George's side any?

That's SO simple.

The first thing you do is let your child know in no uncertain terms...

If you REFUSE to tell me where to find my grandchild, I will NOT have you living in my home & disrupting my entire life.

I'll have your bond revoked ASAP & will wait for you to contact me when you are ready to stop playing games.

Honestly, what motivation does Casey have to CHANGE her behavior as long as the same old behaviors are STILL keeping her in the driver's seat? She won't change until her PARENTS change.

 

[impatientredhead]

I think people are so frustrated with them because they are trying to apply rational thought to irrational behavior. They will accept Caylee's death when they are able to and not a moment before.

 

[miimaa]

We had a missing girl here a couple of years ago. Every day volunteers went and searched. The parents were on tv crying and pleading for the girl. Sadly she was never found but I cannot fathom how the Anthony's - if they believe Caylee is alive - are not asking for people to come and meet at X location and search on foot. It boggles my mind... if they think she is alive why are they not using the media to ask people to look? Isn't that strange to the rest of you?

 

[tiredofthis]

It would be hard but i bet you would still love your messed up child -espcially, when the world hates her and wishes her dead--

Can't just turn 'love' off. Im sure she HATES the lies,deceits and unthinkable things its becoming clear Casey has done -- we all HATE it -- but being her mother how can she walk away ? Its a terrible place to be .

I could never walk away from one of my sons. I may hate what he has done and the choices he has made but love runs deep.

On the other hand, I would expect him to be accountable for his actions.

 

[shefner]

My own son is 22....he has had a real struggle with drugs and alcohol, something he never saw at home. We talked openly with him and his siblings about the dangers out there but he still had free choice. When we realized the truth of the situation (that counseling, etc, was not helping), we gave him a couple options. His grandparents offered to give him a room in their home (out of town) and allow him to work in their business---in other words, a chance at a fresh start. OR he could go to a rehab facility or a center in our state that offers help for young men with these challenges. BUT he could no longer live at home and behave this way in front of his siblings.

I refused to make excuses for his behavior....it was embarassing but I was honest with my friends and family, asking them to pray for all of us and we tried to do the right thing. I received much love and support. Even now that our son is out on his own and doing much better, I still have people in my church family that mention to me that they are still praying for him--and us. What an encouragement!

I don't understand Cindy and George....why be so defensive. Its not their fault that Casey has chosen this path. Just be honest by saying, "We can't understand what has happened to our daughter to make her behave this way. We love her and want her to tell the truth, but she is having a problem with that. Please pray for us....we want to know what happened to Caylee, we miss her so much. We also want Casey to do what is right, the way we taught her all her life. We need your support in our lives at this time. We are devastated." You couldn't control the crowds that would come to offer them the help they so need.

 

[PeteyGirl]

I don't think George and Cindy are responsible for Caylee's death, and I don't think they caused Casey to be what she is.

What they are responsible for is how they act, and what they say. Grief and loss and horror don't really "absolve" you, in the end, for the bad choices you make. You STILL suffer the consequences of your bad choices, if you made them under the worst kind of pressure or just casually and selfishly.

I was a "victim" of a sociopath, and I did much of the same stuff George and Cindy are doing. Lying, shifting blame, crazymaking. I got sick from just being around him, and from loving him with all my heart and soul.

Cindy and George are "victims", in many ways, but because they are mature adults, their victimhood is an illusion. They will wake up, and my heart breaks for them on that day. I know how it feels to look at yourself and see how you participate in the "evil" of a sociopath. What I don't understand is the depths of their despair over the loss of Caylee at the hand of their own daughter. That day will come when they know this in their hearts.

I keep thinking if they love their daughter at all, they will surrender her, in their hearts, to the legal process and frankly, to reality. If there is ANY hope for Casey at all, she must not be sheltered from the consequences of her actions. It is the ultimate loving act, for Casey's sake, for George and Cindy to let her go and face the music, and face the music FOR their own sake.

Their path is tough, and thankfully, beyond my understanding. But they STILL need to wake up and smell the coffee. Nothing lets them off the hook for that, nothing. For their own sakes, they must wake up and save themselves.

 

[texasgirl]

I totally agree and I can't imagine what the Anthony's are going through. I do have issues with their enabling of Casey but at the same time, I don't know what's happening behind closed doors!

I feel for them though, I really do.

However, if it comes out that they have ANYTHING to do with Caylee's disappearance, I will have a LOT to say!!!

Right now, we just don't have enough information to be flaming them. Yes, they've said things that aren't normal, done things that aren't normal and ticked us off by both of these things but at the same time, I have NO idea what I would do if I were them. I think I would be going back and forth between sadness and anger and it might come across the wrong way to anyone at any given time. Just my two cents on that!

 

[ZooMomology]

Nothing could compel me to go to the Anthony home and create a disturbance of any sort.

That said, all my compassion is with Caylee.

I really do not think that going there with a sign that says something like "Casey, where's Caylee" is a disturbance. Most of the people just stood there. I am fine with people being Caylee's voice and trying to get Casey to own up to responsibility, since nobody else in that house is. As long as nobody goes on their property, do not keep them up at night, does not get violent, I think they were fine. MY opinion only though. I probably would not do it, but I am not a confrontational type of person, but I am fine with people who feel they can do that, doing it.

 

[ZooMomology]

My own son is 22....he has had a real struggle with drugs and alcohol, something he never saw at home. We talked openly with him and his siblings about the dangers out there but he still had free choice. When we realized the truth of the situation (that counseling, etc, was not helping), we gave him a couple options. His grandparents offered to give him a room in their home (out of town) and allow him to work in their business---in other words, a chance at a fresh start. OR he could go to a rehab facility or a center in our state that offers help for young men with these challenges. BUT he could no longer live at home and behave this way in front of his siblings.

I refused to make excuses for his behavior....it was embarassing but I was honest with my friends and family, asking them to pray for all of us and we tried to do the right thing. I received much love and support. Even now that our son is out on his own and doing much better, I still have people in my church family that mention to me that they are still praying for him--and us. What an encouragement!

I don't understand Cindy and George....why be so defensive. Its not their fault that Casey has chosen this path. Just be honest by saying, "We can't understand what has happened to our daughter to make her behave this way. We love her and want her to tell the truth, but she is having a problem with that. Please pray for us....we want to know what happened to Caylee, we miss her so much. We also want Casey to do what is right, the way we taught her all her life. We need your support in our lives at this time. We are devastated." You couldn't control the crowds that would come to offer them the help they so need.

You did the right thing, bravo. That is all I want them to do. People would be so much more responsive to them if they would quit the screaming, lying, blaming others, etc. Casey where's Caylee?????

 

[ZooMomology]

I understand where you are coming from-- i ,relate, totally.
However, what can they do? I know we all say , "I would be shaking crap out of her, beating her ..my best friend Amy here even says , she would kill her herself if it were her daughter... but seriously, i ask Amy and anyone... think about it, What could YOU really do to get her to talk, when she simpily just won't ? Even if terrible ,awful things were literally bestowed upon her to tell, I dont think she would...so what do you do?

Now, you see Cindy and George's side any?

I would not allow her to be bonded out in my home, plain and simple. She would need to be proactive in helping us find her daughter or back to jail she goes.

It would hurt and be hard, but that is what I believe I would do. I also do not think I would be lying and covering up and shifting blame to completely innocent people.