I posted this on the daughter in the trunk thread but I think it also fits here. And Gram, I can have some compassion...esp in light of what could be going on with these grandparents (read below). And for anyone who would flame my compassion I will add that it doesn't mean I EXCUSE or APPROVE of the way they are dealing with this situation but it is their defense mechanisms that we must understand and the type they could be employing. It may make them pathological but it does not make them guilty of anything but that.
~~~~
~~~~~
Ihoo I think it is, as a NG talking head said it best,
pathological denial. He doesn't
want it to be his grandchild....and who would?
~snip~
What are psychological defense mechanisms?
They are psychological strategies used individuals (and by extension--groups of indidivuals and even entire nations at times) to
cope with reality and to
maintain his/her self -image intact.
A healthy person will use many different defenses throughout life. A defense mechanism becomes
pathological when it is used persistantly and leads to maladaptive behavior that will eventually threaten the physical and/or mental health of the individual. Having said that, there are psychological defenses that are:
1)
almost always pathological - when they prevent the individual from being able to cope with a real threat and obscure his/her ability to perceive reality;
2)
immature - used in childhood and adolescence, but mostly abandoned by adulthood, since they lead to socially unacceptable behavior and/or prevent the adult from optimal coping with reality;
3) neurotic - common in everyone, but clearly not optimal for coping with reality since they lead to problems in relationships; work; and problems in enjoying life; and finally,
4)
mature defense mechanisms - used by "healthy" adults, they optimize one's ability to have normal relationships; enjoy work, and to take pleasure in life.
~snip~
http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2004/08...echanisms.html
In my opinion, the grandparents defense mechanism of denial in what has happend to their grand child and what their daughter has done is of the neurotic type...imhoo
~snip~
Level 1 Defense Mechanisms -
Almost always pathological; for the
user these three defenses permit someone to
rearrange external reality (and therefore not have to cope with reality); for the
beholder, the
users of these mechanisms frequently appear crazy or insane. These are the "psychotic" defenses, common in overt psychosis, in dreams, and throughout childhood. They include:
Denial - a refusal to accept external reality because it is too threatening. There are examples of denial being adaptive (for example, it might be adaptive for a person who is dying to have some denial (
EXAMPLE,
EXAMPLE )
Distortion - a gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs (
EXAMPLE,
EXAMPLE,
EXAMPLE)
Delusional Projection - frank delusions about external reality, usually of a persecutory nature (
EXAMPLE,
EXAMPLE)
~snip~
I tend to believe that this explains a lot of the grandparents behavior...which in my opinion, is pathological. It is sad, imhoo....
__________________