Our beautiful, dear, kind 7 year old granddaughter was suspended from camp this summer for two days for bullying. Her mother, our daughter, was mortified, and certain that "all was lost". We were all really surprised. This child has been raised to be caring and gentle. This was not the girl I knew.
I rarely have the grandkids brought over to me to talk but we did this time. What surprised me was that she bullied a little boy bigger than her. He's a quiet child and not threatening at all. She not only called him bad names but she threw a bowl of some sort of snack on him and tried to get the other children at the table to laugh. She was outta that room in a heartbeat and her parents called. Kudos to the counselor.
In talking with her it was clear to me what was going on. She was born to her Mom when her Mom was single and only 18. Her Mom got married to a her love of five years this summer and our granddaughter really gets along very well with her new step-dad. They've all been close for years. However, when we started looking back, we realized that there'd been the big wedding ordeal and a 2 week honeymoon in Mexico.
Everybody was thinking that *advertiser censored*** must be having so much fun but she experienced it as a lot of change and a real lack of control over her own life. When I brought all this up to her and role-played, she was easily able to tell me what went wrong. She even went as far as to disclose to me that she'd pinched her little dog a couple of times. We talked extensively about that. She cried her eyes out but I was very firm until we were all finished and then I held her. I think she was very relieved that the "truth was out". We called her Mom and Daddy in and together all worked out a plan. She showed remorse and was assisted in writing a letter of apology and doing three kind things for the boy.
We also advised our daughter and son-in-law to alert the first grade teacher to this behavior. One or two tiny things have come up and they've been dealt with quickly. One thing which was helpful for our little gal, was giving her emotional permission to speak her mind and not "play goodie two-shoes". We'd all noticed that she'd been assuming a role of the perfect little girl. When she'd come in to visit, she'd say, "Hi, Mimi, and how are you today?" in this breathy, sickening sweet voice. When we'd ask how she was, she'd say "Wonderful". Yuck.
The entire family sat her down and said we were tired of that voice and we wanted to hear what the "Real *advertiser censored***" was thinking and feeling. Every time she's tried it since, we call her on it, using the same language and she stops.
It's not lost on me that this could have gotten past a lot of parents and grandparents. If it hadn't been stopped, I have no doubt she would have kept acting out until she got the attention she needed.
Jenni--Congratulations on the new little one. Just asking these questions and being aware tell me that you are going to do just fine. Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love!! Trust me.