TX - 'Lori Ruff', Longview, WhtFem UP9863, *General Discussion and Theories* #1

[Linda9681]

I thought I was reaching when it occurred to me that she looked mannish but apparently not. It even looks like there is a bit of an Adams apple in that photo. But the fact that she had a child would have to rule out the sex change angle.

This has been officially ruled out by the news article follow up, which I am guessing was confirmed as false by the investigator. Can we PLEASE DROP IT thankssomuch

 

[Owutatangledweb]

I keep coming back to the issue of FLEK's suicide and the fact that she was so extremely hyper vigilant in "protecting" her young daughter to the point of never having once allowed Blake's family to be alone with her daughter.. Yet FLEK's suicide effectively did the complete opposite in ensuring that her young daughter be left to the sole custody/care of the family who she made clear that she disliked and did not trust..

This issue is something that I cannot get past..

When looking at it from the angle of FLEK's not having committed suicide it also suddenly "fits" as well as makes sense as to why the "craft box" and its contents were NOT destroyed/disposed of by FLEK. From this POV it becomes clear IMO that the contents of the box were not intentionally left behind due to either no longer caring to keep her secret..or feeling it to be insignificant for the Ruffs and any others to discover and learn of her having stolen the identity of a dead toddler..

I honestly believe its possible that this case is even more convoluted than it appears..and that its possible FLEK did not commit suicide.jmo

I agree with you that this does seem to be counter to what she was like with her daughter. However, it IS possible that Blake founds something out before she died and was going to use them against her in the divorce. Just because someone told somebody they found her stuff AFTER her death, doesn't mean it's true. At that point, FLEK may have realized that the gig was up and for some reason she felt that she would never get her child. Perhaps, If Blake already knew she had a false identity, she felt she would have to explain who she really was before she could have any chance of custody of the child. Perhaps, whatever the explanation of who she really was, was one that she felt the Court would cause her to lose custody. i.e. if she was really a Lebaron or ex-cult or the relative of some horrible criminal. Or, she felt that if she had to explain her identity, it would place her daughter in danger in some way. That would be the ultimate in overprotectiveness wouldn't it?

 

[Sherwood Park]

I've often come back to the same thoughts, myself. I pretty much posted this in the Seattle Times comment section, only to have the author of the article come in, delete my comments, and post that the Ruffs were "very nice people". But seriously. Parents who don't have any motivation for their own lives almost always have enough inside themselves to "pull through" for the sake of their children. It actually works against nature itself for a mother to leave her child to a situation she finds untrustworthy.

More than likely she had mental illness. They reported that the house was left in a bad state and there was also mention that the letter she left behind showed she was not in a right mental state. Even her neighbour said that both she and her daughter did not look well the last time he saw her.

Mothers will and do commit suicide, the spectrum of mental illness means that there are mothers who are in so deep that there is nothing in this world that would prevent them from taking their own life or even that of their children during their suicide.

I doubt that her in-laws killed her; there is nothing to suggest that. So far there is nothing to suggest that there is or was anything normal about "Lori's" life.
Her reluctance to not allow her in-laws to hold or spend time with her daughter isn't a sign that her in-laws were bad people. At that time there were already 9 Ruff grandchildren. The rest of the family was close. The overprotectiveness of her daughter was strictly a "Lori" issue.

If "Lori" didn't want her in-laws or anyone to be with her daughter why was the child in the home with the Ruff family on Christmas Eve? How did the daughter end up with the family during Christmas time? Especially if "Lori" wasn't with them. How long had the B. Ruff had his daughter?

Did "Lori" take her daughter to playschool, children's programs, Mommy & Baby classes? What activities was she involved in with her daughter?

 

[Sherwood Park]

I agree with you that this does seem to be counter to what she was like with her daughter. However, it IS possible that Blake founds something out before she died and was going to use them against her in the divorce. Just because someone told somebody they found her stuff AFTER her death, doesn't mean it's true. At that point, FLEK may have realized that the gig was up and for some reason she felt that she would never get her child. Perhaps, If Blake already knew she had a false identity, she felt she would have to explain who she really was before she could have any chance of custody of the child. Perhaps, whatever the explanation of who she really was, was one that she felt the Court would cause her to lose custody. i.e. if she was really a Lebaron or ex-cult or the relative of some horrible criminal. Or, she felt that if she had to explain her identity, it would place her daughter in danger in some way. That would be the ultimate in overprotectiveness wouldn't it?

The Ruff family has already stated that they were suspicious from the get-go. If they had found something out before her death I'm sure they would have mentioned it, but there is nothing to suggest they had found any evidence. The family was not at the house, FLEK was. It was B. Ruff that had moved out and into his family's home.

She most likely would have been found out during a divorce proceeding, especially if FLEK would have put up a fight about child custody. I wouldn't doubt that the Ruff family would have then decided to officially find out who she was. They wouldn't have gotten far, but at least they would have found out her identity was fake.

Do we know whether or not B. Ruff got visitation rights or full custody? These are legal proceedings that can take place before a divorce as child custody is separate.

 

[alllads]

oh and there's nothing shameful or rude to discuss whether someone believes another to be trans. being trans is not a disease, illness or shameful.

Of course it's not shameful, nor is Marfan's or scoliosis anything shameful (I have scoliosis myself). All I mean is that it's entirely possibly for Lori to look exactly how she did without any of those things being the explanation, and it seemed to me like some people were really stuck on how "weird" they thought she looked, and why she looked like that. To me she just looks like a very tall woman with stiff posture, that's all.

 

[masootz]

i agree that she realized there was a likelihood her cover would be blown by the divorce proceedings -

1) she seems to have done a lot to keep her identity a secret
2) her in-laws were suspicious of her
3) her husband grew tired of her trying to keep him away from his family
4) there's a kid involved

the husband is certainly going to let his lawyer know his family is suspicious of who she is. when you're dealing with custody issues the lawyers look for anything that makes you seem unfit.

i'm pretty sure the fact that she changed her name from bst to lek would have come up quickly but it would have taken a bit of digging to realize that she wasn't really bst (the double name switch seems so "professional" to me).

i'd be very interested in whether the suicide note made vague references like 'you never knew me', 'i cant keep up the lies', that type of stuff that in hindsight may be more revealing than they would have initially.

 

[lisalei321]

Sorry if this has been asked, but is the suicide note been published anywhere?

Sent from my LG Spirit using Tapatalk 2

 

[ClaireNC]

Sorry if this has been asked, but is the suicide note been published anywhere?

Sent from my LG Spirit using Tapatalk 2

No it has not been published. There were actually two notes, one to her husband and one addressed to her daughter. They were described as long and rambling, but the content was not disclosed.

 

[smiles_001]

So, Blake left her, he is gonna file for divorce, she is a wreck, total panic trying to get him back right? I am trying to remember the ST article. She even got counseling from her church, etc.

She probably knew exactly what ya'll are saying, that a divorce would expose that she is not who she say's she is.

What was so terrible from her past that she would rather die, abandon the child she so desperately wanted rather than go ahead and admit that she was not who she claimed to be?

 

[smiles_001]

And just a quick note, I think that living the lie, deep down inside was making her mentally unstable, not to mention whatever her past holds, you can almost guarantee that it was traumatic. I just went back and reread the comments in the ST article from the Pastor who counseled her..she couldn't even put a thought together because she was in such a panicked state..sad.

 

[branwynbreeze]

She seemed to me to be damaged goods mentally well before her marriage to BR. Could she had been a product of a strict military household uprooted at moments notice or flawed CPS. Abandonment or abuse issues could have come from either and perhaps a child was something she felt would never leave her as long as she protected her from others.

I think her suicide was a look what you all drove me to kinda thing. She was in a bad place, threatening emails to inlaws, hissy fit at custody exchange, there was little chance she was going to get custody.

I wondered why she didn't run again,but she may have known it wasn't going to be as easy to start over in this digital age or was too far gone in mental illness to consider it. Maybe she did consider it, there were bags of shredded papers.

 

[sloane7777]

She seemed to me to be damaged goods mentally well before her marriage to BR. Could she had been a product of a strict military household uprooted at moments notice or flawed CPS. Abandonment or abuse issues could have come from either and perhaps a child was something she felt would never leave her as long as she protected her from others.

I think her suicide was a look what you all drove me to kinda thing. She was in a bad place, threatening emails to inlaws, hissy fit at custody exchange, there was little chance she was going to get custody.

I wondered why she didn't run again,but she may have known it wasn't going to be as easy to start over in this digital age or was too far gone in mental illness to consider it. Maybe she did consider it, there were bags of shredded papers.

I think she was disturbed already, remember the bf who said she had "more problems than he could handle "

 

[True Crime Gal]

Regarding her name change, I can't believe there isn't more information in the court records as to what the "allegations" were that convinced the court to allow her to change her name.
{snip}

I believe one of the articles mentioned that it was so long ago that any supplemental records the court had had already been destroyed.

tcg

 

[Liebchenmutti]

i agree that she realized there was a likelihood her cover would be blown by the divorce proceedings -

1) she seems to have done a lot to keep her identity a secret
2) her in-laws were suspicious of her
3) her husband grew tired of her trying to keep him away from his family
4) there's a kid involved

the husband is certainly going to let his lawyer know his family is suspicious of who she is. when you're dealing with custody issues the lawyers look for anything that makes you seem unfit.

i'm pretty sure the fact that she changed her name from bst to lek would have come up quickly but it would have taken a bit of digging to realize that she wasn't really bst (the double name switch seems so "professional" to me).

i'd be very interested in whether the suicide note made vague references like 'you never knew me', 'i cant keep up the lies', that type of stuff that in hindsight may be more revealing than they would have initially.

I'd like to know exactly what the family was suspicious about--it seemed like they were shocked to find out that she was not who she said she was. The ST article also said that they were afraid her car or home was 'booby-trapped.' Wow. Why in the world would they think something like that unless she was threatening them?

I feel for LEK, but I think it's important to note that she is not a "hero" per se. She fabricated and stole identities and lied completely to her husband. He never knew her real name. It is an acutely selfish way to live your life--regardless of what her circumstances were before the ID change.

She not only committed suicide in a dramatic, traumatic fashion during Christmas (can you imagine a loved one shooting herself in the head in your driveway?).

She left a baby who will only know the truth about her own mother if investigators or the general public uncover it.

The Ruff family had a restraining order against her--there was something very, very wrong with LEK. She was unraveling and she was demonstrating violent tendencies. Coupled with her ability to lie to people who were her family, it is difficult to guess what exactly was going on in her head.

Some people have said that the Ruff family didn't describe her fairly and were negative--but her husband said that he had to make a choice between her and his family since she wanted no part of them. She refused to be even civil to his family--then she started threatening them.

I hope the mystery is solved because nothing fits. If she was running from abuse, why couldn't she tell her own husband? Why get married? Why have a child when you are lying to the child's father? Why leave your child with nothing but lies?

 

[Linda9681]

Please remember that Blake's brother is a lawyer. His family is wealthy. They have government connections.
What did she have?
Give that a thought for awhile. How desperate would that make you? I BET that old Nancy mentioned all of the above when Blake left so FLEK would leave her Blake alone and just give up and maybe she could even make her believe she was goin to lose her child anyway notated what because of their power.
This story is VERY ONE sided. The Ruff Family seems scary to me. Obviously Blake was used to doing what he was told by the family and THEY WERE USED TO IT TO. Lori was a threat. I bet they instigated lots of issues. I have seen the mommas boy thing go down bad many times. Momma usually wins, one way or the other.
Maybe Lori was exciting at first, made him feel rebellious but eventually he had to go back to the family. I wonder if he had mild Autism.
I bet Old Nancy HATED Lori. She stole her son, denied her a social event wedding, so disgraceful in her social circles. I bet she has played up this in her groups ... Poor her, poor Blake! So deceived by that evil FLeK. I so hope she was a Lebaron and they go an introduce themselves. My father had almost the same scenario except my moms fam was poor and his was rich. Mom got knocked up, that evil hussy! My grandmother made her miserable and would do things to cause trouble like cut my hair short when I was visiting with her. CraY cray stuff . She even planted the idea that I might not be my dads kid. Up till she died. My aunt finally admitted that! I remember granny asking me what my blood type was one day and putting it in a book. Sigh. FLEK didn't have a chance.
Of course they could just be sweet innocent loving Ruffs who loved everyone and was so accepting ... But I doubt it. Google Nancy, you will get a feel for what I am saying.

 

[MarkW]

I have read through a lot of this thread tonight and must say that I am kind of bug eyed so take my 1 comment with a grain of salt. This lady went through a lot of trouble to hide her identity. I do not see her as being a person who would give up, but instead would dig in her heels and double down. It just does not make sense to me that she would end her life. She obviously valued her life tremendously to go through the multiple steps of changing her identity, what happened to make her give up suddenly?

 

[Sherwood Park]

I have read through a lot of this thread tonight and must say that I am kind of bug eyed so take my 1 comment with a grain of salt. This lady went through a lot of trouble to hide her identity. I do not see her as being a person who would give up, but instead would dig in her heels and double down. It just does not make sense to me that she would end her life. She obviously valued her life tremendously to go through the multiple steps of changing her identity, what happened to make her give up suddenly?

Again, you have to remember that there was most likely a mental health issue. It is difficult for people to make sense of the decisions made by people who are suffering from poor mental health.

Yes, she went through a lot of trouble to hide her identity and right there might be the problem. If her identity is revealed, for FLEK, this might be a reason for her to end her life. We have to remember that we do not know why she changed her identity and why she did it illegally. If the answer to these questions were known, i think we would have found her true identity by now.

 

[HerStory]

I have read through a lot of this thread tonight and must say that I am kind of bug eyed so take my 1 comment with a grain of salt. This lady went through a lot of trouble to hide her identity. I do not see her as being a person who would give up, but instead would dig in her heels and double down. It just does not make sense to me that she would end her life. She obviously valued her life tremendously to go through the multiple steps of changing her identity, what happened to make her give up suddenly?

I have totally wondered the same damn thing!

 

[Sherwood Park]

Please remember that Blake's brother is a lawyer. His family is wealthy. They have government connections.
What did she have?
Give that a thought for awhile. How desperate would that make you? I BET that old Nancy mentioned all of the above when Blake left so FLEK would leave her Blake alone and just give up and maybe she could even make her believe she was goin to lose her child anyway notated what because of their power.
This story is VERY ONE sided. The Ruff Family seems scary to me. Obviously Blake was used to doing what he was told by the family and THEY WERE USED TO IT TO. Lori was a threat. I bet they instigated lots of issues. I have seen the mommas boy thing go down bad many times. Momma usually wins, one way or the other.
Maybe Lori was exciting at first, made him feel rebellious but eventually he had to go back to the family. I wonder if he had mild Autism.
I bet Old Nancy HATED Lori. She stole her son, denied her a social event wedding, so disgraceful in her social circles. I bet she has played up this in her groups ... Poor her, poor Blake! So deceived by that evil FLeK. I so hope she was a Lebaron and they go an introduce themselves. . Sigh. FLEK didn't have a chance.
Of course they could just be sweet innocent loving Ruffs who loved everyone and was so accepting ... But I doubt it. Google Nancy, you will get a feel for what I am saying.

[Quote above edited]

Wow.
Regardless of what Nancy may or may not have done to place strain on their marriage, in the end she and her family's suspicions were proven to be correct.
I don't think any mother would tolerate having their family threatened (as FLEK had done). Cease and desist, restraining order, stealing house keys, etc. those right there tell you something about FLEK's behaviour.

This is a woman who showed up on the property of her in-laws with a gun. That is not something to take lightly. There is always the possibility that FLEK could have used that gun on the entire family. When and where did FLEK learn to use a gun?

For Everyone

If you have any serious suspicions about a spouse, never doubt, check it out!
If your spouse or a family member ever threatens you, call the police. Stay safe! Domestic violence is not o.k. and it is not a "private matter".

If your angry spouse or family member shows up on your property with a gun, you are not safe. Protect your family and call the police.

If your new spouse/in-law has no friends, no family, and no past to speak of you should be concerned. Doesn't mean the person is a bad person, but this shows a level of unhealthiness and should be addressed and dealt with in a caring and meaningful way because it will eventually affect the entire family.

Sorry, this is the counsellor training in me coming out. I can't defend domestic and family violence under any circumstances.

 

[smiles_001]

[Quote above edited]


For Everyone

If you have any serious suspicions about a spouse, never doubt, check it out!
If your spouse or a family member ever threatens you, call the police. Stay safe! Domestic violence is not o.k. and it is not a "private matter".

If your angry spouse or family member shows up on your property with a gun, you are not safe. Protect your family and call the police.

Even if they don't have a gun, all it took was for me to say, "I am filing for divorce," and my then husband freaked out and beat and come so close to strangling me to death. Honestly, I shouldn't be talking to ya'll, I should be one of the cases on this board but I survived. He died in a car wreck so I don't have to worry about him hurting me anymore, glad for that. Anyhow, don't want to derail the thread..