TX - 'Lori Ruff', Longview, WhtFem UP9863, *General Discussion and Theories* #2

[ilovepierre]

If anyone here has seen Frozen, these lyrics seem to remind me of FLEK:

"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know"

 

[LaLaw2000]

<modsnip>

I have followed this case since the beginning. While I do not personally know the Ruff's, I do know of them. My late husband's former LE partner now lives in Longview and we had our dining room furniture custom made there. I live less than 200 miles (120 miles to be exact) from Longview.

My sympathy is for Blake and most of all, the little daughter. I want to know who FLEK was and why she chose to do this. She left her very young daughter and her husband behind as well as knowing she left papers that made no sense. All the family knew at the time of her death was that she was not who she said she was.

I respect your opinion and everyone else's. Peace.

MOO

 

[Linda9681]

With my history in public service from many angles including LE, healthcare and the military here is my opinion on why NOBODY is going to come forward to say they knew FLEK....
The one person I spoke to who knew her was surprised her life went so off track. They spoke of how sweet and nice she was. That person RESPECTED her. She commented on how it might be harmful to her memory and child to " dig up the past".
Spring/summer said close to the same.
The person I am in touch with now is treading light so no negative light shines to protect his family...
As law enforcement and followers of the law, it is hard for us to see Gray. We see black and white. The world in general sees gray.. And has compassion for " criminals" who might be acting out of desperation or to " heal"
The Seattle articles overall tone is VERY negative toward the character of FLEK. All the people I have spoken too think so.
Why would anyone who knew her ever come forward to support the theory that she was a criminal??!
The article should be redone, with a positive spin maybe as a " unsolvable mystery" of a woman who lived a tired life of secrets to start new. Put FLEK in a positive light. Honestly that is how LE gets confessions, by MINIMIZING the crime, by allowing a moral " out" for the perpetrator.



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[sheshecanada]

With my history in public service from many angles including LE, healthcare and the military here is my opinion on why NOBODY is going to come forward to say they knew FLEK....
The one person I spoke to who knew her was surprised her life went so off track. They spoke of how sweet and nice she was. That person RESPECTED her. She commented on how it might be harmful to her memory and child to " dig up the past".
Spring/summer said close to the same.
The person I am in touch with now is treading light so no negative light shines to protect his family...
As law enforcement and followers of the law, it is hard for us to see Gray. We see black and white. The world in general sees gray.. And has compassion for " criminals" who might be acting out of desperation or to " heal"
The Seattle articles overall tone is VERY negative toward the character of FLEK. All the people I have spoken too think so.
Why would anyone who knew her ever come forward to support the theory that she was a criminal??!
The article should be redone, with a positive spin maybe as a " unsolvable mystery" of a woman who lived a tired life of secrets to start new. Put FLEK in a positive light. Honestly that is how LE gets confessions, by MINIMIZING the crime, by allowing a moral " out" for the perpetrator.



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ITA, very well said

 

[Sherwood Park]

If people truly wanted to respect FLEK, they would not search for her original identity. The ultimate sign of respect for her would be to stop searching for her and not seek details about her previous life.

FLEK took her secret to the grave. She is no longer here to explain to her immediate family why she did what she did. If she wanted her family to know any details she would have left it in the letter.

As I've always maintained, I would love to see this case solved only for the sake of her immediate family (husband and daughter). People don't often realize this, but the secrets you carry affect others. I can't imagine that FLEK intended to hurt her family with any of these secrets, her goal was probably the opposite. I can only guess.

Everyone on this thread is going to have a different reaction to FLEK and that is to be expected.

Those who know of FLEK's original identity are free to share it with Velling. No one is asking FLEK's family or previous associates to share anything on WS or with any other group. Velling's goal is to help solve a mystery for the Ruff family and that's all.

 

[LaLaw2000]

Velling's goal is not only to solve the mystery of who FLEK was for the Ruff family, he is also attempting to find out who she was because she did steal the identity of a deceased child and got a Social Security number with the birth certificate. Velling is an investigator for the Social Security Administration, so he would want to know from an official standpoint also.

The Ruff family is very well off and I would think they may already know who FLEK really was. They have the means to hire a private investigator to solve this. Situations may arise in life where there could be a need to know what her medical history was. My son-in-law was adopted and has a rare blood disorder. He wanted to find his birth parents and finally did, and found his mother had died of the same disorder.

When the little daughter grows up and becomes an adult, she is more than likely going to want to know about her mother and who she really was. There is no getting around the fact of how this all started with the stolen identity and she will certainly find out that is a part of her mother's story also.

I have no doubt whatsoever that FLEK loved her little daughter. Her little daughter was probably the best thing that had ever happened for her after all the turmoil in her life. On a positive note, she did get an education and try to support herself in different ways after changing her identity.

BUT, a crime is still a crime no matter what the circumstances. Velling is the one who had asked for help in identifying FLEK. The thread was initially started back in 2010 as a suicide on Christmas Eve in Longview, Texas. It evolved from there. The Ruff's are a prominent family there and a part of the banking community. That was big news in that area, and gossiping about it was the norm.

I suppose I look at it from a different perspective than some because it was a cruel thing to do to your husband and child of killing yourself on Christmas Eve in the driveway of the home your child was in. Christmas will forever be overshadowed by the memory. I know from personal experience because my son was killed in a traffic accident on Thanksgiving Day, 1999. We were waiting Thanksgiving dinner on him when we got the news. Thanksgiving is an extremely heard time for me. I know what happened with FLEK is different, but can you imagine what that Christmas was like for that family and all the Christmases after?

Sorry for the long post, but I just see it from a different perspective than some. I see the after- effects of what I feel to be a very selfish act that has affected so many lives, and the life forever of the very small daughter. (she was small at the time)

We are hearing nothing from Velling. I take it there has been no update from him? TIA.

MOO

 

[LaLaw2000]

Anyone can contact Velling in his official capacity and remain totally anonymous. If anyone knew FLEK in her younger days and knew who she really was, then it should be incumbent upon them to make that contact. Velling will not disclose his/her identity. I understand Spring/Summer has already made contact and will share if and when he feels comfortable doing so.

We do not know the status of the case, and Velling is not obligated to give us updates although I wish he would.

MOO

 

[CoverMeCagney]

I agree with you, LaLaw. Killing yourself in a place where you know your child is going to be subjected to gut-wrenching, heartbreaking mayhem as soon as your body is discovered, seems to me like the ultimate in selfishness.

So sorry to hear about your son. I lost a dear friend who was driving over for a group dinner, we were all cursing him for being typically unreliable and late.... never felt so guilty as when we found out he'd crashed and died en route, and to this day when we're all together and the foods going on the table we all remember. It must be a zillion times worse for you.

 

[LaLaw2000]

Thank you very much, Cagney&Lacey. I appreciate your comments.

 

[Sutton]

I would be upset if I found out my deceased spouse had some hidden secrets, especially things like a hidden name change. But, I support LEK's decision not to reveal past secrets 100%. Her husband brought his twin to marriage counseling. Something is wrong there. This wasn't a one time incident.
If I had married into this family, I think it would have a very negative impact on my life as well.
LEK had some mental issues. She met and married a man who, along with his family, pushed her buttons and caused her to implode. Not implying ill intent by family.
Idk the correct terminology here, I'm sure someone knowledgeable in psychological issues can say this more clearly.

 

[Sutton]

I tried to edit my above post, but I keep getting a title too large warning.
I wanted to say that even though I understand LEK's actions, her suicide will be something her daughter always has to live with, and the manner in which LEK killed herself was selfish.

 

[j123]

Thank you for sharing that painful personal story LaLaw. This is a tragic case, and I know it must stir up strong but different emotions for all of us. Even though we may have conflicting opinions, being passionate about this case is, regardless, one of the best things we can do to help work toward a solution in whichever way it may eventually come about. I get wrapped up in my own side of things sometimes and so I'm glad there is someone else arguing their point just as loud to remind me that it's anything but black and white! :angel:

 

[Linda9681]

Oh wow, the Internet can really mix things up! My post was not directed at any of the posters here at WS! I think some of you took it that way because of some posts before that one.
I was actually having a parallel thought about why the lady from Facebook who contacted me wouldn't tell me anything which sparked a conversation between my husband and myself ( he is currently federal LE in investigations) we both agreed that to get someone to come forward from her past, a new article should be written with a different tone.
I am of the opinion that secrets in a marriage are wrong. I agree her action of suicide was selfish, as all acts of suicide are. My father committed suicide after a long bout with mental illness when I was 8months pregnant with my only child! I had to get on a plane and fly home and face THAT in a time that was supposed to be the happiest in my life. It was horrible and selfish and hurtful to all of us.
But I forgive him, because he was broken. So broken he couldn't fathom spending one more second on earth. He even tried to call me right before but I didn't answer the phone because I was on my way to lunch with a friend.
So, I understand this all much more personally than I would like, and maybe that is why I defend FLEK.
As a former LE I also understand the law side of it. It was a struggle for me to make it black and white, and is the main reason I left the profession. I get that it's Vellings job to find how FLEK did this ID switcharoo so perfectly and to shut down whoever helped her, to prevent it happening to others. The law is the law.
Lala I want to thank you for your service and in no way was directing any negative comments your way. It's hard to be a woman in LE! I am a very boisterous and sometimes obnoxious person and forget to " reel it in" sometimes.
I respect EVERYONE on this board and want you all to know that. Have a great weekend.


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[Linda9681]

That was LA LAW, not lala. It won't let me edit ( why my first post had tons of spelling errors


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[LaLaw2000]

That was LA LAW, not lala. It won't let me edit ( why my first post had tons of spelling errors


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I understand your position, Linda9681, and respect it. Thank you for your post. My late husband was retired LE night commander and I was a deputy for 10 years.

I am so sorry for the pain you endured with your father. I hope you are doing well now. A death is so hard to get through and suicide especially hard. GB you.

Every LE is encouraged to not become so personally involved with a case that he/she only sees one side of it. I have run the gamut of initially having felt sorry for a person so in turmoil that she had to end her life in such a horrific way, to being angry because of how it affected those left behind and on such a holiday as Christmas.

I have to wonder why no one intervened when she had the counseling sessions with the pastor and couldn't even sensibly communicate with him. The actions of FLEK at that counseling session should have been a red flag that she may be a danger to herself and possibly others. Maybe the pastor did get in touch with the family and advise them she may not have been capable of caring for her 2 year old. Maybe the pastor conveyed that to Blake and David when they came to a session. I wish so much that FLEK could have just been honest with everyone and confessed she had felt it necessary to change her identity.

I feel I am getting too far in the weeds here because we are here to attempt to find out who she was rather than the why of it. My posts are not helping to do that. I have kept up with all of the posts and commented only occasionally and think I will go back to that.

Thanks!

MOO

 

[Linda9681]

I understand your position, Linda9681, and respect it. Thank you for your post. My late husband was retired LE night commander and I was a deputy for 10 years.

Every LE is encouraged to not become so personally involved with a case that he/she only sees one side of it. I have run the gamut of initially having felt sorry for a person so in turmoil that she had to end her life in such a horrific way, to being angry because of how it affected those left behind and on such a holiday as Christmas.

I have to wonder why no one intervened when she had the counseling sessions with the pastor and couldn't even sensibly communicate with him. The actions of FLEK at that counseling session should have been a red flag that she may be a danger to herself and possibly others. Maybe the pastor did get in touch with the family and advise them she may not have been capable of caring for her 2 year old. Maybe the pastor conveyed that to Blake and David when they came to a session. I wish so much that FLEK could have just been honest with everyone and confessed she had felt it necessary to change her identity.

I feel I am getting too far in the weeds here because we are here to attempt to find out who she was rather than the why of it. My posts are not helping to do that. I have kept up with all of the posts and commented only occasionally and think I will go back to that.

Thanks!

MOO

I hope not! I have enjoyed your opinions. The fact that we can come together from different backgrounds and ideals and discuss cases and even have spirited debates on it is interesting and wonderful. Keep on keeping on!!



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[DJmultiplecats]

With respect to all involved, I'm disheartened to see FLEK's suicide described as "selfish". Depression -- and she almost certainly had depression or some other serious mood disorder -- is a very real medical condition, and no one with any sort of training in mental health issues (that is, people who actually know about this stuff) would ever call a suicidal person "selfish". It makes no more sense than saying that of a person who dies of cancer. No one with a mood disorder chooses it.

Now, FLEK may well have been selfish in her day-to-day life...that's subjective and in any case none of us knew her so it's an unknown. And certainly her life choices may have contributed to the depression she experienced before her suicide. But to suggest that her death was some sort of deliberate selfish act misrepresents mental health disorders and contributes to the culture of shame around depression.

Suicide is awful, but the people who die are victims too.

 

[Sutton]

With respect to all involved, I'm disheartened to see FLEK's suicide described as "selfish". Depression -- and she almost certainly had depression or some other serious mood disorder -- is a very real medical condition, and no one with any sort of training in mental health issues (that is, people who actually know about this stuff) would ever call a suicidal person "selfish". It makes no more sense than saying that of a person who dies of cancer. No one with a mood disorder chooses it.

Now, FLEK may well have been selfish in her day-to-day life...that's subjective and in any case none of us knew her so it's an unknown. And certainly her life choices may have contributed to the depression she experienced before her suicide. But to suggest that her death was some sort of deliberate selfish act misrepresents mental health disorders and contributes to the culture of shame around depression.

Suicide is awful, but the people who die are victims too.

Your first paragraph states that anyone who finds LEK's suicide to be selfish is not a person "who actually knows about this stuff." Though you worded it kindly and cleverly, it is condescending.
Thousands of people contemplate suicide, but do not commit the act because they are aware of the devastating effect it will have on their loved ones. They understand how selfish it would be.
Someone with a mood disorder is still capable of determining if something is selfish. I understand that the pain and hurt are sometimes so great a person might still choose to commit a selfish act. LEK was definitely a victim, IMHO, she was THE victim.

 

[DJmultiplecats]

I apologize if I came off as condescending, that wasn't my intent.

By knowledge about mood disorders, I mean doctors, mental health researchers, and support staff -- people who have done years and years of research on (among other factors) the chemical and physical aspects of depression. If anyone can find me one professional who specializes in suicide who would characterize someone who dies this way as selfish, I'll stand corrected.

Someone with suicidal ideation (your example of someone who contemplates suicide but changes their mind because of loved ones) is usually much further away from the black, near psychotic depression that precedes an actual attempt. How much "will" you have is a matter not of morality, but of how deep you are in the depression.

Again, it's not my intent to lecture or come across as condescending, but I worked at a suicide outreach for years, and this issue is really sensitive to me. It really isn't a choice. She may have been a selfish person, but that's not a factor in her suicide.

 

[CoverMeCagney]

I said her suicide was selfish - but I meant specifically that she did it outside a house where her child was. She must have known she would be found and the immediate aftermath of that - hysterical husband, police everywhere, ambulance etc - would profoundly affect her little girl.

If she saw no other way out and had to kill herself, fair do's, but why do it somewhere where it will likely set her kid up with issues for life. I think that's pretty selfish.