Could it be that Doc X was her source of ' narcissistic supply?
She definitely wanted his attention and his presence in the room during the emergencies.
She wanted his praise and affirmation, as well as others ( Lucy is so good in a crisis etc)
Most everybody seems to agree that she exhibits narcissism, some might even think that is part of a personality disorder she has. IDK about that but the definition is here:
narcissistic supply is a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration...
Fenichel highlighted the narcissistic need in early development for supplies to enable young children to maintain a sense of mental equilibrium.
He identified two main strategies for obtaining such narcissistic supplies—aggression and ingratiation—contrasting styles of approach which could later develop into the sadistic and the submissive respectively...
Psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg considered the malignant narcissistic criminal to be coldly characterised by a disregard of others unless they could be idealised as sources of narcissistic supply...
Heinz Kohut saw those with narcissistic personality disorder as disintegrating mentally when cut off from a regular source of narcissistic supply.'
en.wikipedia.org
She breaks down when he testifies, tries to flee the dock.
She uses the word Love in her jottings. It's not credible that she understood what love means.
She writes the names of her other sources of validation & supply in the jottings, over and over. Karen Rees, Kathryn de Bergarac. 'Doc X' etc Love. Love and hearts.
She claimed they were ' just doodles' I don't think so
What she told Ben Myers KC about those notes:
The love hearts are "just doodling".
Various names including a doctor, Karen Rees - "director of nursing", Minna,
"They were important people to me at that time - they were the main people I could talk to."
Also written is "I can't do this any more"
Letby said she was "fighting for my life, my job"
Also written is "HELP ME" and "Please help
"Please help me [doctor] LOVE PLEASE HELP ME [doctor] You were my best friend [doctor]."
The trial of Lucy Letby, who denies murdering seven babies at the Countess of Chester Hospital neonatal unit and attempting to murder 10 more,…
www.chesterstandard.co.uk
images of the meltdown notes / doodles 'Scribbled notes are the only glimpse into Lucy Letby's twisted mind'