Understanding The Anthony's Parenting Style

[JBean]

The topic of thread is what style of parenting, re the subject of this forum the A family. I have as valid an opinion and right to respond as others--and took time to patiently lay out in detail the reasoning for that opinion. You are certainly not obliged to share that, yet you yourself characterized this family as personality disordered. Acccording to Dr. Sam Vaknin, psychologist and author of Malignant Self-Love on the subject of narcissism, "it is narcissism which underlies all personality disorders. Different attributes and traits are emphasized in each of the personality disorders. But they all share the foundation of a failed psychological and psychosocial evolution. They are all the lamentable end results of stunted and compensatory trajectories of deformed growth and development." Like everyone here jujube, I can only observe the patterns of behavior, read the accounts and reports by others who knew them, do my best to sort fact from rumor, share my insights--and otherwise defer to the experts in this field. I did not arrive at my opinion hastily. JMO

I think the problem is that you state some of your posts as though it is all fact. Just be careful to indicate that it is only your opinion and your best guess as to the inner workings of the Anthony family. because of course none of us here actually know what the truth is, we are all just interpreting the supplied information in our own way.

 

[kiki the parrot]

I think the problem is that you state some of your posts as though it is all fact. Just be careful to indicate that it is only your opinion and your best guess as to the inner workings of the Anthony family. because of course none of us here actually know what the truth is, we are all just interpreting the supplied information in our own way.

While I'm passionate about my beliefs, I frequently defer to expert opinions, am careful to state whenever they are my opinions and preface as above, "Like everyone, I can only observe... read... share... and defer to experts." I've stated repeatedly I'm not able to dx--and as always, there is the standard disclaimer, "JMO," "JMHUO" (humble, unprofessional). JMO!

 

[jujube]

I think the problem is that you state some of your posts as though it is all fact. Just be careful to indicate that it is only your opinion and your best guess as to the inner workings of the Anthony family. because of course none of us here actually know what the truth is, we are all just interpreting the supplied information in our own way.

While I'm passionate about my beliefs, I frequently defer to expert opinions, am careful to state whenever they are my opinions and preface as above, "Like everyone, I can only observe... read... share... and defer to experts." I've stated repeatedly I'm not able to dx--and as always, there is the standard disclaimer, "JMO," "JMHUO" (humble, unprofessional). JMO!

I did at one time state that I thought the A family had personality disorders. It was my own fault for not having read more. When I first subscribed to websleuths, I took for granted that many things that I read were based on fact. As I've become more involved , I have read and learned more and some of my original feelings have changed.

In no way did I mean to make you feel that you didn't have the right to post what you feel. If you felt that way, please accept my apologies.

I guess that I do feel sorry for the parents and brother because like all of us, they've made mistakes. Cindy, George ,and Lee all appear to have loved Caylee and I don't think any of them would have left her with Casey if they thought she would cause harm. That is my opinion.

 

[kiki the parrot]

I did at one time state that I thought the A family had personality disorders. It was my own fault for not having read more. When I first subscribed to websleuths, I took for granted that many things that I read were based on fact. As I've become more involved , I have read and learned more and some of my original feelings have changed.

In no way did I mean to make you feel that you didn't have the right to post what you feel. If you felt that way, please accept my apologies.

I guess that I do feel sorry for the parents and brother because like all of us, they've made mistakes. Cindy, George ,and Lee all appear to have loved Caylee and I don't think any of them would have left her with Casey if they thought she would cause harm. That is my opinion.

(bold mine) And making mistakes is what makes us human. The defining difference is whether or not we ever choose to admit them. JMHUO

 

[Wise Old Owl]

***Understanding the A's Parenting Style***

What is there to understand?

They TRIED!!!

I'm NOT saying this to be funny. They tried. Isn't that the best ANY of us can do? I really don't think they had those 2 kids and "really NOT tried" to raise them up into upstanding, responsible adults.

 

[txsvicki]

I would like to add that I think that society has a lot to do with how this has come about.

For years the schools have been telling the children that their parents aren't right about birth control, etc., etc. "Just come to us because "they" won't understand."
Basically saying parents are stupid so children grow up to see their parents as tools to get what they want, not role models to strive to be like. Undermining the family structure.
Telling every child that there is no "wrong answer".
Everyone is smart, beautiful, talented.
No one teaches resposiblilty anymore.
It's all about feeling good about yourself.

There are so many shows on TV now where everyone lies and stabs others in the back "to win" and the person that is the most ruthless is honored by winning the prize.
Also there are so many slasher movies, violent video games, etc.
Fill a kid's head full of all of this anti-social behavior for 12-18 years and I think we are going to see a lot more Casey Anthonys, Scott Petersons and the Menendez brothers in the future.

Watching Casey speak to her parents I can think of 3 other young women who behave the same way to their parents or extended family.

They hold these families emotionally hostage. Refusing to allow family to see grandchildren if things aren't done "Their" way.
They have to be in charge at all times never considering anyone else's feelings.
It's all about them.
And the poor parents all say, "They were such good little children. I don't know what happened."

School and society happened to them.

I agree and would add that materialistic society and social aspects of school can be damaging to some kids. So much emphasis on being attractive, in style clothing, who lives in what neighborhood, who dates who, etc. School, society, lack of religious convictions, genetic mental illness, all contribute to becoming narcissistic or at least make it worse in some people like Scott, Casey, and Menendez bros IMO. Learning how to manipulate parents and others at a young age could be helped by busy parents who are forced by society to work long hours and having a lot of focus on money and achievements instead of realizing they are being conned by a kid.

 

[kiki the parrot]

***Understanding the A's Parenting Style***

What is there to understand?

They TRIED!!!

I'm NOT saying this to be funny. They tried. Isn't that the best ANY of us can do? I really don't think they had those 2 kids and "really NOT tried" to raise them up into upstanding, responsible adults.

(bold mine) No. Parenting requires skill. Yet many parents are better prepared, ie have invested more time reading up on how to train their puppy, program their flatscreen, or operate their vehicle. Parents need to stop throwing up their hands and saying, "hey kids don't come w an owner's manual," and take time to become educated about parenting. I'm sorry, but there should be a bit more to it than that (refer to post #112). JMO

 

[Searchfortruth]

I voted Permissive Indulgent, go figure ! No, with what we have seen through the video tapes, media interviews and documents, I think it's safe to say Cindy and George handled Casey with kid gloves. I would think they parented Lee about the same, but not sure, maybe they expected more of him ? Anyway, I use words like dear and sweat heart with my daughter's, but I can't imagine using those words in a jail phone conversation had they said to me what Casey said to Cindy. I can't imagine tip toeing around the issue of a missing two year old child or failing to ask the hard questions as to that child's where about's. From what I have seen on the jail video's, the interaction between Cindy, George and Casey, I think it's safe to say Casey was not held accountable for her actions and this went on long before Caylee went missing. This may be the first time in Casey's life that she is being held accountable and that's a shame, IMO a set of stronger parents might have made the difference between life and death.

 

[maryaok]

In light of what happened with GA last night, I just want to say that I pray for some peace for him.

We all know that it is true that you can be a perfect parent and have kids that are screwed up, and you can also be a terrible parent and have great kids.

I don't think this is entirely the parent's fault, sometimes kids are just whatever they turn out to be.

 

[OneLostGrl]

ITA as well. I also don't believe anyone is born a sociopath.

I believe one can be born with such a dysfunction but I also believe the type of "sociopathic" they end up being depends a lot on their childhood and how they are raised.

I also know that people that were brought up in this type of home CAN learn how to change their behaviors.

 

[OneLostGrl]

(bold mine) No. Parenting requires skill. Yet many parents are better prepared, ie have invested more time reading up on how to train their puppy, program their flatscreen, or operate their vehicle. Parents need to stop throwing up their hands and saying, "hey kids don't come w an owner's manual," and take time to become educated about parenting. I'm sorry, but there should be a bit more to it than that (refer to post #112). JMO

lol kiki. i heart you. :blowkiss:

 

[jujube]

I believe one can be born with such a dysfunction but I also believe the type of "sociopathic" they end up being depends a lot on their childhood and how they are raised.

I also know that people that were brought up in this type of home CAN learn how to change their behaviors.

A true sociopath is born that way, however, sociopathic behaviors can be triggered by traumatic events.

A sociopath cannot be cured-it's the way their brains are hardwired. An analogy would be a person who is intellectually deficient. A person born with an IQ of 45 will never be a genuis- a sociopath will never be "normal". For the most part, they will never feel sympathy or empathy for others. Most can't. Some are violent and some aren't.

MOO

 

[Friday]

If you watch their interactions now, you can see that every effort is made to placate casey. Why? Because the alternative is unbearable to live with. She is scary. Her rage is terrifying.

Imagine being in the position of being scared of your child.

So many of us here believe Cindy was often afraid of Casey's anger and always trying to placate her, but I have to strenuously disagree.

I think the first and only times Cindy has truly feared her and tried to placate her occurred after July 17, 2008, when Cindy understood that Casey held the only clues to Caylee's whereabouts.

Other than the above, I don't think Cindy is afraid of, or would back down from, anyone--including LE, the national media, a yard full of angry protestors, let alone her own petite, financially dependent daughter. Time after time, she's demonstrated that she is defiant, belligerant, stubborn, temperamental, and confrontational. I don't hate CA at all, and I can't classify her parenting style, but I think it's safe to say that if she'd been my mother, I don't think I'd have turned out very well. All this MHO, of course.

 

[GoneWithTheWind]

i think cindy continued to rescue casey and believe casey's innoncence in all situations and outlandish lies. i think george was uninvolved and turned a blind eye. looking at the pictures of all the toys in caylee's room, i think she was over indulged and over stimulated. jmo

 

[Friday]

Wow, we could be sisters. I have a younger brother (baby of the family) who did very similar things, and it was always someone else's fault in my parents eyes. Never did he face ANY consequences. Well, this year (he's 35 now) he managed to somehow get my parents retirement home put in his name, take most of the rest of their valuables, and then promptly kicked them (a couple in their 70's) out on the street with nothing. So he and his barfly girlfriend could then live their trashy life off my parents hard work for the last 50 years. The rest of us "not so wonderful" kids had to come up with the money to help them relocate and find a place to live. They literally were left with NOTHING. Now my parents live in an old run-down rented duplex and my dad is a stocker at a gas station/mini-mart earning minimum wage. This was a man who earned 6 figures most of his life. He will now have to work until he dies just to survive.

That's what that type of "parenting style" gets you in the end.

May I ask if they now, finally, blame him for his evil behavior and deeply appreciate you and your siblings' sacrifices?

 

[dunlurken]

i think cindy continued to rescue casey and believe casey's innoncence in all situations and outlandish lies. i think george was uninvolved and turned a blind eye. looking at the pictures of all the toys in caylee's room, i think she was over indulged and over stimulated. jmo

Very interesting point of view. Never thought about over stimulation. Hummm.

Back to the topic. I do agree Cindy was overindulgent. With both Casey and Caylee. Poor George just sat there and thought what the heck is going on.

Sometimes Parent's try to over compensate for whatever they did not have growing up. It's a dichotomy.

 

[Janis396]

May I ask if they now, finally, blame him for his evil behavior and deeply appreciate you and your siblings' sacrifices?

Yes, Friday, they do. But believe it or not, even though they and the rest of the family have cut off all ties with that brother (he doesn't even know what state they live in now), every once in a while they say they still love him. Which I will never understand, but as long as he's out of their lives, I don't care. Myself and my other brother and sister now have the best relationship with our parents that we've ever had. They see what they did, and they've expressed deep regret to us about it. It's just incredibly sad that it took something so horrible to bring that about, though.

Anyway, I guess how this relates to the A family, is that for a lot of parents, the love they have for their child seems to withstand almost any evil act that child commits. Hard for me to grasp, but then I've never had to face that myself so who knows if I'd feel the same?

 

[sweetmop]

So much for no religion, so much for no discipline, so much for not taking charge of the family, so much for "modern" raising... in this case certainly, George and Cindy has raised something worse than a spoiled brat or a self centered creep. They avoided responsibilty until the thing went on to do an evil thing. That's my opinion.

My opinion as well, Andy H. Children learn what they live.

 

[Friday]

Yes, Friday, they do. But believe it or not, even though they and the rest of the family have cut off all ties with that brother (he doesn't even know what state they live in now), every once in a while they say they still love him. Which I will never understand, but as long as he's out of their lives, I don't care. Myself and my other brother and sister now have the best relationship with our parents that we've ever had. They see what they did, and they've expressed deep regret to us about it. It's just incredibly sad that it took something so horrible to bring that about, though.

Anyway, I guess how this relates to the A family, is that for a lot of parents, the love they have for their child seems to withstand almost any evil act that child commits. Hard for me to grasp, but then I've never had to face that myself so who knows if I'd feel the same?

If I were in your parents' situation, I'm afraid my anguish at my son's betrayal and cruelty would soon turn into cold anger that would harden my heart against him for all time. Every single time I watched my elderly husband go off to his minimum wage job, I'd feel that way even stronger.

I'm relieved and glad, however, that your parents appreciate and understand the sacrifices you and your siblings are making for them.

 

[Friday]

Snipped:

Anyway, I guess how this relates to the A family, is that for a lot of parents, the love they have for their child seems to withstand almost any evil act that child commits. Hard for me to grasp, but then I've never had to face that myself so who knows if I'd feel the same?

I would never be in the position the A's are in right now. I'd be in jail for assaulting my daughter in order to get the truth out of her on the very day she first got out on bond. LOL. After she confessed the truth to me, and after I recovered from my horror and torment, I would probably stand by her by aiding in her defense financially and/or with moral support. But I would not lie for her, try to put the blame on innocent people, or knowingly allow her to lie.
And then, I suppose, I'd just want to curl up and die.