I think often, when people are grieved or in shock or just have too much to keep up with, they delegate things. Also, there is no confirmation that the remains are AJ's. To accept the death of a child is a difficult thing. Hope dies so very hard. I am inclined to cut this mother a break. However, I do well know that almost every outcome in a child's life is seen somehow by some people as being the fault of the mother: Her choices. Her bad parenting. Her poor selection in men. It really does not matter. It is the way of the world, isn't it? To blame the mother, ultimately, as if the biological fact of being a mother someone gifts a woman with some sort of magical fairy net that she can cast over their children forever, protecting them from all harm.
Such are the symbolic dreams of a perfect world!