Found Deceased VA - Nicole Clardy Mittendorff, 31, Woodbridge, 13 April 2016 - #2

[Elle*Bee]

We don't know for a fact why Nicole may, or may not have chosen to take her own life; however LE would certainly be interested in the social circumstances of any missing persons, including but not limited to online slander, rumors, and potential harassment involving coworkers. It's vitally important to understand what was happening in a person's life- ALL aspects of their life- prior to their disappearance. I can appreciate WS protecting itself from becoming a rumor mill, but if I may say, as a new member, I can see aggressive censorship of information sharing. At least in this case.

With all due respect, I strongly disagree. Perhaps all the factors you mentioned did play a role in NM's mindset - IF they are accurate. Or those factors - even if true - may have had nothing to do with her decision to end her life.

I've seen too many cases, though, where speculation and unconfirmed rumors had NO bearing on the case and only served to rub salt in the wounds of the deceased's loved ones. Just my two cents.

 

[outspoken311]

I just wanted to say horrible outcome RIP Nicole your are with the angels hope that your family can find some peace in this tragedy... This is just sad

 

[xpiggie]

As always, I continue to hope that as we go forward, suicide becomes less and less of a stigma or embarrassment and is more openly discussed, especially with teens and young adults. From what reading I have done, cases have really increased in recent years.

http://www.befrienders.org/suicide-statistics

Third leading cause of death ages 15-44

I agree.

Whenever someone commits suicide, there's always people saying, "they must have been so alone" and "why didn't anyone help them?". Let's change that. This outpouring of love and support that happens when someone dies, let's give that to anyone brave enough to ask for help, too. A person confessing to suicidal thoughts shouldn't make them feel more isolated and confined. They should immediately get the support that they need. In the distant past, I was too scared to tell anyone.

Rest in peace, Nicole. :heartbeat:

 

[LaborDayRN]

We don't know for a fact why Nicole may, or may not have chosen to take her own life; however LE would certainly be iterested in tnhe social circumstances of any missing persons, including but not limited to online slander, rumors, and potential harassment involving coworkers. It's vitally important to understand what was happening in a person's life- ALL aspects of their life- prior to their disappearance. I can appreciate WS protecting itself from becoming a rumor mill, but if I may say, as a new member, I can see aggressive censorship of information sharing. At least in this case.

BBM: Respectfully, I think notifying LE of anything questionable posts found online would be a great thing to do. However, rehashing all the horrible things said about a person here, on yet another online forum, would only cause pain to Nicole's family and show a lack of compassion to her memory.

 

[ssnva1]

<modsnip>

I hope she is resting in peace and that her family can move forward, to find their own peace as well.

 

[just the facts pls]

Well, even if the rumors about her were not accurate the bullying of her is a fact. The fact that she was bullied and harassed on a board is not a rumor, it´s a fact.

Agreed.

There's a section of the websleuth's web site devoted to bullying:

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?398-Bullies-and-Stalkers

Mods: is it possible to start a thread there for Nicole?

 

[LaborDayRN]

Probably true. First responders need to be mentally tough to handle the job. A mental illness diagnosis would likely make her bosses question whether she was fit for duty.

There are HIPPA laws that protect a person's privacy as far as medical diagnosis goes. If person were to go to a doctor for depression, unless said person notified their employer of this, their employer would not be notified.

 

[trixandhoney]

I hope she is resting in peace and that her family can move forward, to find their own peace as well.

<modsnip>I don't know if I believe in God or not - but if there is a God, I think he's holding Nicole close to him right now. Whether she killed herself or not.

 

[Poppyflower]

While I suspected suicide from the beginning, as stated in my previous postings, I wish she was found alive and well.

I'm sorry for the pain and anguish she must have felt. My heart breaks for her and her family.

May you rest in peace, Nicole <3

 

[just the facts pls]

Photos of Nicole that celebrate her life:

http://heavy.com/news/2016/04/nicol...suspect-cause-of-death-husband-steve-funeral/

 

[ssnva1]

Thank you for your response. And I totally agree with everything you said.

 

[trixandhoney]

Photos of Nicole that celebrate her life:

http://heavy.com/news/2016/04/nicol...suspect-cause-of-death-husband-steve-funeral/

So devastating and so sad.

 

[Aeronomy]

I commented on the following quote in the previous thread because I believed it to be so telling. It was said by Nicole's husband during the press conference at fire department.

&#8220;I ask that you not focus on the face of a worried husband or family members, but that you focus on broadcasting her picture, and telling her story, so that someone who has not seen the coverage, will,&#8221; he said."

I hope her story will be told.
My heart aches for her family, her friends, for her and everyone out there right now who is emotionally and painfully struggling in their own dark places.
Suicide is real.

 

[Tricia]

Good Evening Everyone,

Heartbreaking. Words fail me. Beyond tragic.

I hope you understand now why Websleuths will not allow any random accusations against people unless the police have come out and named a person of interest.

Every accusation, every pointing of a finger at someone, will remain on the Internet forever.

Like you I peruse around other sites and I am appalled at what is allowed to stand. On forums, in chat rooms, Horrible things that I promise you the people behind those words would NEVER stand up and announce their real name and say those things to the person's face.

It was frustrating for some on this thread I know. Realize this is exactly why we don't allow accusations against people just because they happen to be named in an article about the case.

Thank you for your compassion for Nicole and her family. It restores my faith in human nature.

Tricia

 

[JLSChook]

I posted this in another thread (another case) here at WS a couple years ago and think it applies again. This post is specifically for those that have preconceived notions of someone who will/wants to/thinks about committing suicide. RIP Nicole. Be free and at peace. :rose:

Originally Posted by JLSChook View Post

I would like to say something regarding the suicide angle.

About 15 years ago, a very close family member committed suicide. It was the biggest shock to our family, friends, church, community, the people he worked with and socialized with.

Here are the important points regarding the above:

--2 weeks before he killed himself, he got several thousand dollars worth of dental work (Some of which was extremely painful)

--1 week before he killed himself, he got his haircut, bought new clothes, and bought tickets to an NHL game (that was weeks away!)

--The day before he killed himself, he was "normal", happy-go-lucky, cheerful, playful and kind as he usually was.

And then he was gone. To this day, we have no idea why.

Moral of the story is that NOBODY ever knows what is in a person's heart or mind at all times. Please don't listen to the so-called experts in this area. Many people that commit suicide do not do a trial run first, they do not always show signs, and they certainly do not always advertise it.

 

[just the facts pls]

Moral of the story is that NOBODY ever knows what is in a person's heart or mind at all times.

This is exactly why I didn't want to jump to conclusions that she is suicidal.

 

[klily444]

I posted this in another thread (another case) here at WS a couple years ago and think it applies again. This post is specifically for those that have preconceived notions of someone who will/wants to/thinks about committing suicide. RIP Nicole. Be free and at peace. :rose:

I couldn't seem to quote your quoted post from Tapatalk, but thank you posting this. I think your words are very important to suicide survivors as well (victims' loved ones). They often carry survivor guilt which in itself, can cause one to be suicidal. I hope Nicole's loved ones are not blaming themselves although it is often human nature and inevitable.

 

[Wolf Dreamer]

I'm so sorry, Nicole.

 

[roadrunnermt]

This sad news hits on the same day as another suicide was publically announced for us Websleuthers and my heart just aches so much. The other thread in case you were not following it I am referencing is Christine Woo, a mother of 3, out of Frisco, Texas. Rest in peace to both of these beautiful ladies. I am very sorry life failed you, our systems failed you, and no one was able to rescue you to safety. Both of these young ladies were very strong, caretakers, and both seemed to have a great life going for them. Both of them and their suicide shocked the community. As a prior student peer counselor in high school, we were taught those who are most likely to do something of this nature are those who will not tell anyone and will go off in hiding. Those whom speak it or threaten it are less likely to pull it off. Also, it is a very common knowledge those who appear the strongest are often the weakest on the inside and more apt to crumble and fall. What can we learn moving forward? What can us sleuthers do to help shout out the true need for more mental awareness? We have got to do something.

 

[Biggles]

Hi websleuthers.

Since making a career change 18 months ago, I haven't had spare time to visit the websleuths forums. The career change was overdue and much-needed, and I've been so busy I really haven't had time to dwell on what a fantastic online community I'd had to leave behind.

But the disappearance of Nicole Mittendorff popped into my news feed and, for whatever reason, I was reminded of the death of Jennifer Huston, an Oregon woman and mother who committed suicide in July of 2014 but whose body was not found for nearly two weeks. Huston's odyssey was one of the last cases I followed before taking my new job. When I read about Nicole, I found myself in the odd position of hoping that she had merely been kidnapped and might yet be rescued. After I read the news tonight that her death appears to be a suicide, I came back to Websleuths, found this lengthy thread, and read through it all. In today's parlance: so many feels.

I just want to acknowledge how many good, caring people are here on this forum. Like a number of you, my wife suffers from depression - serious enough that she's been hospitalized more than once, although thankfully not any time recently - and I know she's considered ending her own life. To be honest, I live in fear that she might one day lose her connection to her loved ones, and to life, for long enough to attempt or even complete the act of taking her own life. But I can't control that - you can't love someone enough to stop them from committing suicide if their torment is so great that they are driven to escape it at any cost. It just doesn't work that way, as some of your very poignant comments have illustrated. We'd like to believe that love conquers all...

If Nicole's family or friends should ever read this, please allow me to offer my heartfelt condolences on your loss. And to Nicole: be at peace, at long last.