WA WA - Sky Metalwala, 2, Bellevue, 6 Nov 2011 - # 5

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BritsKate said:
RBBM
This isn't always true though either. I agree with almost everything you and Cubby have posted about the gender stereotypes in abuse cases. I lived in a state that legally makes the presumption shared parenting is always in the best interest of the child(ren).

Even though my ex had well documented violent tendencies, mental health issues, a long history of domestic violence documented with past injunctions and police records he was given joint legal custody with liberal visitation until he attempted suicide in front of his eldest child. He was then granted supervised visitation until he was convicted of a violent crime against a child.

His visitation rights to our children were finally suspended. He is allowed contact only through letters which I have to monitor (on the advice of a child psychologist) because he likes to tell our kids how it's my fault they cannot see him, my fault he's in prison, my fault we divorced, I never wanted them, he loves them more, is more fun, etc.

This is where the system truly breaks down for me. You have many people who claim abuse when it doesn't exist but for the ones who are living that nightmare resources and help are often unavailable because the victim isn't believed. Courts do not always simply take the woman's word for it...at least they certainly didn't in my experience.
Click to expand...

My experience also. The system is broken no matter how you slice it if so many children are not being protected.
 
cc81 said:
~snipped by me~
thank you for stating what I couldn't nicely put into words. I am an abuse survivor. My ex has primary custody of our 12 year old. I was a teen mom who played a role in monkey see, monkey do.. my mother never called the police, so neither did I. In repayment, I've spent many nights crying myself to sleep, worrying that my ex was going to hurt our child. I mean come on, any sick twisted person that attempts to choke and then attempt to smother a person when the baby is right next to them.. has got to be lkjakdsfhkgjhkjshdfg....

anyways, thanks BritsKate


I so hope they have the older child in therapy.. So sad listening to those weird recordings by mom, where no one addressed the child screaming, acting as if it was not happening at all!!
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:hug: cc I am so sorry for what happened to you. Too often DV survivors actually lose custody to their abusers. :(

I don't want to derail Sky's thread but in case there are other women who are in a custody battle with an abuser I wanted to share this (it kept me sane during my divorce): http://www.lundybancroft.com/?page_id=279

I have never believed this dad is guilty of what mom claimed though. Mom's story just doesn't fit what decades of research into domestic violence has taught us.
 
BritsKate said:
RBBM
This isn't always true though either. I agree with almost everything you and Cubby have posted about the gender stereotypes in abuse cases. I lived in a state that legally makes the presumption shared parenting is always in the best interest of the child(ren).

Even though my ex had well documented violent tendencies, mental health issues, a long history of domestic violence documented with past injunctions and police records he was given joint legal custody with liberal visitation until he attempted suicide in front of his eldest child. He was then granted supervised visitation until he was convicted of a violent crime against a child.

His visitation rights to our children were finally suspended. He is allowed contact only through letters which I have to monitor (on the advice of a child psychologist) because he likes to tell our kids how it's my fault they cannot see him, my fault he's in prison, my fault we divorced, I never wanted them, he loves them more, is more fun, etc.

This is where the system truly breaks down for me. You have many people who claim abuse when it doesn't exist but for the ones who are living that nightmare resources and help are often unavailable because the victim isn't believed. Courts do not always simply take the woman's word for it...at least they certainly didn't in my experience.
Click to expand...

I understand and I think we would both agree that the system is far from perfect. I assume you also understand where I am coming from with the comments that I made. Women and men BOTH have gender discrimination issues and stereotypes that they face. And while I believe that our society is mired in mysogyny, and women have gotten (and continue to get) the short end of the stick (except when they are being whacked with it) there are some few areas in which this does not completely hold true.

This case highlights one of them.
 
BritsKate said:
:hug: cc I am so sorry for what happened to you. Too often DV survivors actually lose custody to their abusers. :(

I don't want to derail Sky's thread but in case there are other women who are in a custody battle with an abuser I wanted to share this (it kept me sane during my divorce): http://www.lundybancroft.com/?page_id=279

I have never believed this dad is guilty of what mom claimed though. Mom's story just doesn't fit what decades of research into domestic violence has taught us.
Click to expand...

BritsKate, I swear I cried the first time I read Lundy Bancroft. It was the first time I felt like anyone remotely understood what I had been through.

I have a thread started in the general discussion section for battered moms/protective parents. I included this link and several others....
 
Irish_Eyes said:
My experience also. The system is broken no matter how you slice it if so many children are not being protected.
Click to expand...

I agree completely.

Not to get too off topic, but it seems that this is yet another area in which our society really should do better, and we could do better easily, but we don't.

As a society we don't take care of protecting our kids, we don't ensure that every child has food, or clothes, or heat, or healthcare. We get upset when it all explodes and some kid like Sky makes the news, but for every little guy like Sky, there are a thousand who suffer through soul crushing abuse all on their own.

I believe that we could do better, and it makes me sad that this is not a priority. We care about football and reality TV, we care about saving the endangered snapperdoodle and bombing the crap out of coutries on the other side of the globe, we care about fancy cars and tax cuts and dancing with the stars. But we don't care about the family who is losing their home to forclosure, the dad who watched his career get shipped off to China, the mom who right now is praying to a god she doesn't believe in that the lump in her breast will go away on it's own because she can't afford to get it checked, the little girl nodding off in school who's new "home" is her parent's car.

And we certainly didn't care about making sure that Julie is not a danger, or that she is getting the mental health care she needs to ensure that her kids have a future.

I have probably pretty well pissed off everyone with this one post.... but that's why the report button is there.

/rant
 
Chris_Texas said:
I agree completely.

Not to get too off topic, but it seems that this is yet another area in which our society really should do better, and we could do better easily, but we don't.

As a society we don't take care of protecting our kids, we don't ensure that every child has food, or clothes, or heat, or healthcare. We get upset when it all explodes and some kid like Sky makes the news, but for every little guy like Sky, there are a thousand who suffer through soul crushing abuse all on their own.

I believe that we could do better, and it makes me sad that this is not a priority. We care about football and reality TV, we care about saving the endangered snapperdoodle and bombing the crap out of coutries on the other side of the globe, we care about fancy cars and tax cuts and dancing with the stars. But we don't care about the family who is losing their home to forclosure, the dad who watched his career get shipped off to China, the mom who right now is praying to a god she doesn't believe in that the lump in her breast will go away on it's own because she can't afford to get it checked, the little girl nodding off in school who's new "home" is her parent's car.

And we certainly didn't care about making sure that Julie is not a danger, or that she is getting the mental health care she needs to ensure that her kids have a future.

I have probably pretty well pissed off everyone with this one post.... but that's why the report button is there.

/rant
Click to expand...

You sure have not pissed ME off. I'm thrilled to be reminded I am not alone up on this soapbox. THANKS MUCH! and DITTO!
 
Now that, Chris, I agree with!

I can sit back and look at my younger brother (by 10 yrs) and sister (by 14 yrs) and I'm baffled by us coming from the same father, yet, they just seem to have no compassion for others, they are definitely part of the "memememe" generation.

In the same breath, I can look at my in laws and sit just as baffled at their lack of compassion for others, in that, they make close to 7 figures, but will barely blink an eye at someone in need.

If my mother taught me anything, it was to care for others.. even if you are down to your last penny.
 
if I remember correctly, the mother is not that far off from my age... where is her compassion for her daughter?! If she knows or did anything, she should step up now!

I really don't know what could be worse.. knowing your parent caused the disappearance of your sibling (to maybe never know what happened to them) or knowing your parent caused the death of your sibling
 
Chris Texas, I too agree with you. My experience is such that I was extremely blessed by having divorced parents who lived a few blocks apart and grew up with having family dinners on Sundays during the summer, even though mom and dad didn't live together. I grew up so naive, I thought every divorced parent was like my parents.

It was one of my greatest heartbreaks and heartaches that I could not duplicate the example my parents set for myself and my siblings, with my own child.

I will say for every half of a couple that wants to succesfully coparent, there are far too many angry, selfish, bitter parents who are far too influencial on what to and how to when going into the family court system - hence the mudslinging when it is not necessary.

I found myself in a unique situation, which I consider to be a blessing, in finding a small fraction of the fathers rights activists who were more interested in facilitating an equal parenting type agreement than the usual mudslinging which occurs. I went pro se and came out very satisfied with our visitation agreement, which my sons father did not initiate until our son was almost 8. It's been a tough road, but my son is worth nothing less.... he deserves both parents regardless of my personal feelings about his father.

I just wish more was available to help those who truly wish to coparent succesfully without being so influenced by the anger and animoysity out there.

I wish Sky and his sister had the same opportunity and had two parents willing to put them first. I only see one, dad, willing to put the kids first... and I too agree he was 'bowled over' by the system. I'm not going to blame his attorney, because I don't know anything about him, but thus far I like what I see from dad.

end of ot.
 
Swade said:
I finally had a chance to listen to the recordings on Julia's blog. Who was the woman talking to dad during the exchange? She's someone I would definitely want to take a lie detector test since she seems pretty close to Julia. I also noticed that dad seemed really excited to hear that little Sky started walking. He didn't sound like some horrible monster that Julia claims he is.
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Could you share the link to this please? I couldn't seem to find it. TIA
 
I agree with all yall have said..I feel that your children are blessed to have you..Parents with compassion, love and common sense.

I knew when I read Julias shoplifting report and she said that she just wanted to have nice things like her friends so she stole approx $587 worth of merchandise from nordstroms that she was a self absorbed woman. I just dont get that behavior..thankfully.

IMO Julia hurt Sky sometime recently and she disposed of him without MM present.

I would be interested to know if there was a stuffed animal or dolly in the car because I think Julia told MM to stay in the apartment while she carried the blanket without Sky in it to the car...buckeled it in and got MM.

She told MM to be quiet because Sky was sick.

When SO takes her back to car..

Toss whatever was wrapped up in the blanket into the backseat and the we know the rest.

I am praying for this whole group.
 
Toddler shoe found near area where missing boy disappeared(not know if it was Sky's)

BELLEVUE, Wash. --*Bellevue police and crime scene investigators have gone back to the area near where 2-year-old Sky Metalwala disappeared.
A shoe of a toddler has been found about a quarter of a mile from where Sky disappeared. *A couple who was walking on 112th street found the shoe.
Video i have not had chance to view it...
www.king5.com
 
MizStery said:
Toddler shoe found near area where missing boy disappeared(not know if it was Sky's)

BELLEVUE, Wash. --*Bellevue police and crime scene investigators have gone back to the area near where 2-year-old Sky Metalwala disappeared.
A shoe of a toddler has been found about a quarter of a mile from where Sky disappeared. *A couple who was walking on 112th street found the shoe.
Video i have not had chance to view it...
www.king5.com
Click to expand...

Wasn't it said that Sky was barefoot when he was supposedly put in the car?
 
ingra1327 said:
About the obsessive cleaning: Solomon said she had a 6-7 hour routine that she'd go through every day, cleaning and dusting every part of the house whether used or not.

Julia obviously didn't have much time to care for her children.
Click to expand...

I'm so glad that is coming out. I feared that scenario because of an OCD relative I have who did the same thing. The house was important - kids, not so much. :maddening:
 
MsDetective said:
Could you share the link to this please? I couldn't seem to find it. TIA
Click to expand...



Looking but haven't found it yet.... It's linked in one of the threads for Sky along with moms FB page.

ETA: I see someone found it and posted on the previous page. thanks!
 
MizStery said:
Toddler shoe found near area where missing boy disappeared(not know if it was Sky's)

BELLEVUE, Wash. --*Bellevue police and crime scene investigators have gone back to the area near where 2-year-old Sky Metalwala disappeared.
A shoe of a toddler has been found about a quarter of a mile from where Sky disappeared. *A couple who was walking on 112th street found the shoe.
Video i have not had chance to view it...
www.king5.com
Click to expand...

Hmmmm...IF it does belong to little Sky, did he lose it while wandering off? Did the people fleeing with him lose it? Or did she toss it on her nature walk to the gas station?
 
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