Warning to Second Wives

[Steely Dan]

Second wives can be horrid.

When my Ex married Wife #2, they didn't like the fact that I existed and made my life h*ll.

One day, I had to ask if my Ex could watch the kids for me, my Mom wasn't available. When I went to pick them up, B*tch... I mean Wife #2 asked when I was going to pay her... excuse me?

If
1) you expected payment, it should have been mentioned up front.
2) Wife #2 needs to keep her mouth shut and let Ex speak to me about any issue(s) we may have and
3) If my Ex wanted to ever watch the kids on my time again, he'd better control Wife #2's mouth

Regardless, I NEVER asked them to watch the kids on my time again... because of Wife #2... She blew it... and Ex paid the price.

When ex hubby came to pick up the kids, you should tell the kids to go to his car and then privately tell him what happened. I'd indicate that you'll be more than happy to have him spend time with his children because they love him and despite your differences, you know he loves them. However, you'd prefer he keep the kids away from his new wife and the next time your mother can't watch the kids that you'll expect half payment for whoever you can scrape up. You'd feel safer leaving the kids with someone you barely know than his new wife. JMO Of course have a reliable backup first. :seeya: JMO

 

[Donjeta]

If you click her byline you will find several articles about her therapy sessions, her search for love. She's written a lot about her late dachshund who was the perfect partner for her, and once she told her husband that she wanted him to be dead.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...sternak-My-mothers-death-killed-marriage.html

The first time ever she met her first husband's parents at their home she objected to the decoration vehemently and went mad trying to fix things:

When I walked around their large redbrick farmhouse in Hampshire, instead of seeing it as charmingly well-worn, I seethed at the cracked soap in the guest bathroom ingrained with black dirt, and saw the mismatched brown towels as a personal affront to me.
...
I remember standing there trying to fathom if the piece de resistance was the teddy bear lampshade or the ceiling covered in glow-in-the-dark stickers spelling out his name.

I would have been less appalled if the walls had been sprayed with blood.

At the same time, though, my heart went out to him - and hardened towards his mother who, to my neurotic mind, had subjected him to what amounted to full-scale abuse by allowing him to live in this adolescent bubble of a bedroom.

Like a fool, I wanted to help him. I thought that I could force him to grow up into the man I convinced myself I wanted to marry, if only I clutter-cleared his room.

I drove into the local town, bought scented lining papers for his drawers, and rubber gloves. For the next eight hours we filled ten bin bags for rubbish and eight for charity.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...d-yes-feeling-mutual-says-ANNA-PASTERNAK.html

In one article she wanted to get in touch with her softer, feminine side and she achieved that with a cosmetic operation:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...eting-men-left-women-touch-feminine-side.html

'I think that it is difficult to be a woman today,' he adds. 'Our society is quite harsh, and if you want to enjoy the materialism, then you lose your soul.

'If women can stay away from their corporate brains, then they can tune into this softness and core values.'

Interestingly, Dr Sebagh says that his happiest clients are in their 50s and 60s.

'They are in touch with what matters in their life. They want men for companionship, not some lifestyle choice. They have souls and are far more authentic.'

'Ironically, I believe that the credit crunch will force more women towards that authenticity because they will no longer be able to pretend that they are rich or successful.

'How can you find yourself if you are fake and pretending to be someone that you are not?'

Some may consider Dr Sebagh's helping hand towards the appearance of softness fake in itself. However, when he administered Botox to me, the results were fantastic.

Far from looking taut or frozen, I looked like me, only less worn and haggard. I look fresher - and because I look softer, I feel softer.

Can you guess what's the reason she never used to be able to commit to a man?
Her dachshund.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...riter-wonders-shell-feel-love-like-again.html

It seems so obvious, but until he died I honestly hadn't fully realised that he was the reason why I have been single for four years. And, actually, have never truly committed to a man in my life.

There wasn't a space in my heart, because I was so consumed with loving him. Every night for the past four years, while I put my daughter to bed, he would swagger from his basket by the Aga in the kitchen, to his rosy basket in the sitting room to wait for me and our evening together to begin.

Apparently she met her future husband as a group therapy client (ewwww...)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...ed-careers-lost-looks--I-unshackle-shame.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-fascinating-yes-sexy-grown-men-weeping.html

 

[MagicRose99]

When ex hubby came to pick up the kids, you should tell the kids to go to his car and then privately tell him what happened. I'd indicate that you'll be more than happy to have him spend time with his children because they love him and despite your differences, you know he loves them. However, you'd prefer he keep the kids away from his new wife and the next time your mother can't watch the kids that you'll expect half payment for whoever you can scrape up. You'd feel safer leaving the kids with someone you barely know than his new wife. JMO Of course have a reliable backup first. :seeya: JMO

This was many years ago... but just an update. Because of Wife #2, Ex ended up alienating #1 son. It was many years before father and son reconnected, but it was never the same.

Ex also almost alienated #2 son because of Wife #2. Luckily, I stepped up and advised Ex if he didn't want to lose a second son, he'd better learn from mistakes made with #1 son

 

[SwampMama]

Wow, there's a whole lotta crazy in that lady, along with a heaping helping of hate and a jealous streak a mile wide.

I guess I must be a freak of nature because I happen to really like my hubby's ex wife (and her current husband). I think she is awesome and I think the world of her. We get along very well and we even have Christmas all together at one of the daughter's house each year. The kids and grandkids benefit from never having to choose sides.

My stepkids are awesome and if it came down to it, they take my side rather than their dad:floorlaugh:

I'm just not a jealous person by nature. Jealousy is such a corrosive emotion, it just eats away at you. Jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it just shows how insecure you are. The author of the article just reeks of so many crazy-scary insecurities.

 

[gitana1]

Wow, there's a whole lotta crazy in that lady, along with a heaping helping of hate and a jealous streak a mile wide.

I guess I must be a freak of nature because I happen to really like my hubby's ex wife (and her current husband). I think she is awesome and I think the world of her. We get along very well and we even have Christmas all together at one of the daughter's house each year. The kids and grandkids benefit from never having to choose sides.

My stepkids are awesome and if it came down to it, they take my side rather than their dad:floorlaugh:

I'm just not a jealous person by nature. Jealousy is such a corrosive emotion, it just eats away at you. Jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it just shows how insecure you are. The author of the article just reeks of so many crazy-scary insecurities.

Too bad more people aren't as evolved as you! And I totally agree about jealousy. I never understood how people let it dominate their lives.

 

[Steely Dan]

Too bad more people aren't as evolved as you! And I totally agree about jealousy. I never understood how people let it dominate their lives.

I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's because she's all goolally.

 

[Donjeta]

I think it's probably a given that your relationship won't be smooth sailing if you find yourself attracted to a guy who told you to engage in all kinds of negative self talk and putting yourself down the first time you met him.

We had to prompt each other with the phrases ‘I am ashamed of . . . ’, ‘I am flawed because . . . ’, ‘I have always hidden from . . . ’ and ‘I am a mistake because . . . ’ and then write down each other’s intuitive answers.

But Wallas pointed out bluntly that it had been me who had sabotaged this unconsciously through a hidden belief that I did not deserve major league success.

I found it fascinating that after such an apparently simple exercise I felt huge discomfort and anxiety churning in my stomach. Acutely aware of a weird stickiness, like a physical manifestation of all my negative and shameful thoughts, I had an urge to shower or at least wash my hands. Wallas encouraged me to stay with the uncomfortable sensations. ‘Shame feels like an inescapable curse,’ he told me.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-looks--I-unshackle-shame.html#ixzz2rdtF0S49
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


What a bundle of joy "Stay with your shame" is such a great pick-up line. (Aren't guys supposed to tell you that you're pretty and have a great sense of humor and nice *advertiser censored*?) There's probably no escaping mad insecurity in the relationship if you're attracted to a man who makes you feel so bad about yourself that it feels good.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...t-looks--I-unshackle-shame.html#ixzz2rdrdBRtg
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

 

[Public_Hysteria]

Wow. Dysfunctional is the mild way of putting it.

 

[Montjoy]

This is only barely related, but I have a family friend who is insufferable in describing herself as a "lawyer's wife," as if that role has some incredible burden or responsibility attached to it.

 

[Montjoy]

This is only barely related at best, but I have a family friend who is insufferable in describing herself as a "lawyer's wife," as if that role has some incredible burden or responsibility attached to it.

 

[AlwaysShocked]

I suspect these articles are works of fiction.

 

[chlban]

Wow, there's a whole lotta crazy in that lady, along with a heaping helping of hate and a jealous streak a mile wide.

I guess I must be a freak of nature because I happen to really like my hubby's ex wife (and her current husband). I think she is awesome and I think the world of her. We get along very well and we even have Christmas all together at one of the daughter's house each year. The kids and grandkids benefit from never having to choose sides.

My stepkids are awesome and if it came down to it, they take my side rather than their dad:floorlaugh:

I'm just not a jealous person by nature. Jealousy is such a corrosive emotion, it just eats away at you. Jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it just shows how insecure you are. The author of the article just reeks of so many crazy-scary insecurities.

I have had similar experience. I was a second wife. I got along great, and still do, with wife #1. I adored my stepson and we became great friends and still are. The daughter? OK not so much, but the fact is her own biological parents don't like her. They love her, but she is a mess and they are both fed up with her.

Any way, husband and I divorced several years ago in what had to be one of the friendliest divorces in history. We owned 3 properties between, each had retirement funds, etc and we never hired an attorney. We agreed on everything and paid a paralegal $200.00 to draw it up.

We remain close, and after a few years he moved to Oregon from California. He now has a significant other who I also adore, she could not be sweeter.

So a couple of years ago, he was diagnosed with Cancer. For New Years that year, wife #1 and I drove from So. California (she lives close to me) to Oregon to visit. At the insistence of his current "other", who would not hear of us paying for a hotel, we stayed at the house and the four of us, along with several of their local friends, had a grand old time. (The friends thought the whole scenario amazing).

Thankfully his Cancer is in remission and we all remain the best of friends.

 

[Frigga]

I have had similar experience. I was a second wife. I got along great, and still do, with wife #1. I adored my stepson and we became great friends and still are. The daughter? OK not so much, but the fact is her own biological parents don't like her. They love her, but she is a mess and they are both fed up with her.

Any way, husband and I divorced several years ago in what had to be one of the friendliest divorces in history. We owned 3 properties between, each had retirement funds, etc and we never hired an attorney. We agreed on everything and paid a paralegal $200.00 to draw it up.

We remain close, and after a few years he moved to Oregon from California. He now has a significant other who I also adore, she could not be sweeter.

So a couple of years ago, he was diagnosed with Cancer. For New Years that year, wife #1 and I drove from So. California (she lives close to me) to Oregon to visit. At the insistence of his current "other", who would not hear of us paying for a hotel, we stayed at the house and the four of us, along with several of their local friends, had a grand old time. (The friends thought the whole scenario amazing).

Thankfully his Cancer is in remission and we all remain the best of friends.

It says something about all of you! You are wonderful, kind, loving and mature people. You should be proud. I hope I never have to know how I would behave, but if I do, I can only hope I behave like all of you!

 

[Steely Dan]

I have had similar experience. I was a second wife. I got along great, and still do, with wife #1. I adored my stepson and we became great friends and still are. The daughter? OK not so much, but the fact is her own biological parents don't like her. They love her, but she is a mess and they are both fed up with her.

Any way, husband and I divorced several years ago in what had to be one of the friendliest divorces in history. We owned 3 properties between, each had retirement funds, etc and we never hired an attorney. We agreed on everything and paid a paralegal $200.00 to draw it up.

We remain close, and after a few years he moved to Oregon from California. He now has a significant other who I also adore, she could not be sweeter.

So a couple of years ago, he was diagnosed with Cancer. For New Years that year, wife #1 and I drove from So. California (she lives close to me) to Oregon to visit. At the insistence of his current "other", who would not hear of us paying for a hotel, we stayed at the house and the four of us, along with several of their local friends, had a grand old time. (The friends thought the whole scenario amazing).

Thankfully his Cancer is in remission and we all remain the best of friends.

It says something about all of you! You are wonderful, kind, loving and mature people. You should be proud. I hope I never have to know how I would behave, but if I do, I can only hope I behave like all of you!

^^^^ She couldn't have said it better.

 

[SwampMama]

I have had similar experience. I was a second wife. I got along great, and still do, with wife #1. I adored my stepson and we became great friends and still are. The daughter? OK not so much, but the fact is her own biological parents don't like her. They love her, but she is a mess and they are both fed up with her.

Any way, husband and I divorced several years ago in what had to be one of the friendliest divorces in history. We owned 3 properties between, each had retirement funds, etc and we never hired an attorney. We agreed on everything and paid a paralegal $200.00 to draw it up.

We remain close, and after a few years he moved to Oregon from California. He now has a significant other who I also adore, she could not be sweeter.

So a couple of years ago, he was diagnosed with Cancer. For New Years that year, wife #1 and I drove from So. California (she lives close to me) to Oregon to visit. At the insistence of his current "other", who would not hear of us paying for a hotel, we stayed at the house and the four of us, along with several of their local friends, had a grand old time. (The friends thought the whole scenario amazing).

Thankfully his Cancer is in remission and we all remain the best of friends.

I love stories like this. It restores my faith in people. But I guess you don't hear stories like this much because because it's the crazy people who make the most noise, complain on facebook, blast their drama and go on shows like Jerry Springer. I bet ya'll had a blast telling stories and laughing about life and bonding.

 

[sweetheart29]

I am first wife, but from the day our daughter was born she has been her daddy's princess. I can only image how it would be if somebody tried to take her place. Most people think I have my husband wrapped around my finger but I don't have him wrapped any thing like she does. I think this is pretty normal my sisters and I have our own daddy wrapped pretty tight and we are all grown and have kids of our own.

 

[Jan]

When I was 19, I married a newly divorced 25 year old man who left his wife because she cheated on him. Their daughter was a year old when we married. We have been married for 46 years. His daughter often has said that I was more of a parent to her than her dad was. His daughter is 47 now and I still keep in touch with her regularly. She keeps in touch with our 6 kids and grandkids and they get together often. I've always loved my husband's daughter and wanted the best for her.

 

[Ausgirl]

My ex married a narcissistic psychopath.

Far from being the bitter ex-wife, had he NOT married a psycho, we'd all be one big happy extended family, 'cause that's how I roll.

Instead, his family and I have had years of grief from her, as she set about putting some very large wedges between my ex and everyone he formerly cared about, starting with my daughter...

Her cruelty to my girl extended to enlisting her adult friends to bully my 12 yo child on facebook. Restraining order!

It's a sick mess, which has resulted in a lot of pain for my child. The rest of us are adults - but my girl.. jeez. If I could punt this creature off the planet, don't think I would not be tempted.

To this day, I cannot understand WHY he let this woman destroy all of his relationships. I really cannot. I am beyond disappointed - this isn't the man I married, and lived with for 16 years. It just is not. But this is who he became...

All this reminds me of my situation. Apparently, the mess is all MY fault, somehow. Of course. Not her unhealthy possessiveness, or imagining I'm festeringly jealous and 'the enemy' (before she met me, apparently, this is the role I was given).

Rather than a warning for second wives, I think this ought to be titled, "A Warning for Men: Be Careful Who You Hook Up With, If You Love Your Kids"

 

[Steely Dan]

I am first wife, but from the day our daughter was born she has been her daddy's princess. I can only image how it would be if somebody tried to take her place. Most people think I have my husband wrapped around my finger but I don't have him wrapped any thing like she does. I think this is pretty normal my sisters and I have our own daddy wrapped pretty tight and we are all grown and have kids of our own.

I think there is a definite dynamic at work between sons and daughters with both parents. The father daughter relationship is why some fathers never like boyfiends of their little princess, and why they only want grandkids from her due to in vitro fertilization. :giggle:

My ex married a narcissistic psychopath.

Far from being the bitter ex-wife, had he NOT married a psycho, we'd all be one big happy extended family, 'cause that's how I roll.

Instead, his family and I have had years of grief from her, as she set about putting some very large wedges between my ex and everyone he formerly cared about, starting with my daughter...

Her cruelty to my girl extended to enlisting her adult friends to bully my 12 yo child on facebook. Restraining order!

It's a sick mess, which has resulted in a lot of pain for my child. The rest of us are adults - but my girl.. jeez. If I could punt this creature off the planet, don't think I would not be tempted.

To this day, I cannot understand WHY he let this woman destroy all of his relationships. I really cannot. I am beyond disappointed - this isn't the man I married, and lived with for 16 years. It just is not. But this is who he became...

All this reminds me of my situation. Apparently, the mess is all MY fault, somehow. Of course. Not her unhealthy possessiveness, or imagining I'm festeringly jealous and 'the enemy' (before she met me, apparently, this is the role I was given).

Rather than a warning for second wives, I think this ought to be titled, "A Warning for Men: Be Careful Who You Hook Up With, If You Love Your Kids"

I'm sorry to hear that. Am I correct in assuming that after she got someone to bully yours, and HIS 12 year old child that he didn't intervene? If so, you should be happy he isn't in your life much anymore. I really wish I could help you. Your ex sounds pathetic.

 

[giagreen]

Who is this crazy woman and why did they let her write an article.

lol Thanks for making me giggle today