DeAnnaMisrahi
New Member
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2013
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- 435
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FIRST: I am so sorry that you went through that with your ex. That's another reason why I believe that JA is lying when she says she was choked. She said she didn't have time to be scared, when she was asked how she felt. Huh? I watched my dad choke my mother once and everyone in that room (my brothers were there too) was scared, including my mother. JA doesn't know the proper way to be afraid of being choked because it never happened. IMO. I think it's ALV inserting her belief that JA didn't fight back because she didn't want to hurt him, just like she inserted her belief that TA was sexually degrading JA, despite the fact that she says JA never voiced that she felt that way to her. She used her "trained brain" to come up with that.
As far as ALV's testimony, I was really confused about the "stalking fear" vs the "domestic violence fear." She was saying that the fear is different, and that's why the fact that JA kept in contact with TA is different than TA keeping in contact with JA. She says that people normally report the stalking when they are fearful - but she is only an expert in women who are abused. She is no expert in men who are abused/stalked. She isn't considering how our society treats men who are victims. She herself doesn't believe that a man can be fearful of a woman, so imagine how TA would feel actually going to the police dept and saying, "I am scared of this woman." Not only that, I have a strong suspicion that he thought his fear of JA was illogical, and that's why he didn't do anything. I believe that that fear is based in how society trains men to regard women. He, like ALV and many other people, thought that because he's the man in the situation, there is no way he could not protect himself from JA if she tried something. I think his emotions were very conflicted on this. But, with ALV not really being an advocate for male victims, she can't see that as a possibility.
Another thing is that ALV is treating their relationship as if it was an actual relationship, where they were together as boyfriend/girlfriend. They weren't. The only time they were actually together as bf/gf was before she moved to Mesa. Once she got there, they were never in an exclusive relationship. She didn't live with him, she didn't have kids with him, she didn't rely on him for her survival or well being, so the only thing keeping her there was her desire to be with him. But, according to ALV, JA was uncomfortable with the things TA did almost from the start. That's when she was talking about the "power" TA had over JA. But, doesn't it make a difference if that woman isn't relying on that "power" in any way? Furthermore, women tend not to stay with men who turn them off at the very beginning because there is no emotional ties to him at that point. That's why I don't believe that JA had any problems with anything he did at the start, but is just using that to further sully TA's reputation and make herself out to be this naive victim who hardly knew what oral/@nal sex was until she met TA.
Then you consider that there has been no evidence that TA ever asked or begged JA back. No evidence that he followed her to CA to try to rekindle their relationship (unlike when JA actually moved states AFTER they broke up). No signs of him stalking JA, as ALV says is common when a man fears losing a girlfriend/wife. If he wanted JA back, he could have asked her to go to the Bahamas. What better way to get a woman back than to woo her with a fantasy vacation? This is where things really fall apart for me. TA was not acting like a man who couldn't let go of JA. He was acting like a man who was moving on. Without this element, doesn't it throw the entire idea of a "domestically abusive relationship" in the air?
This ended up a lot longer than I intended, it's just the more I think about the contradictions and double standards in ALV's testimony, the more I think that she used tunnel vision in "investigating" this case. I hope she learns something from it.
