Adopted Child Syndrome (ACS)

[CaliKid]

When we were having problems with our daughter I remember reading about a diagnosis that was termed "Reactive Attachment Disorder" http://www.aacap.org/page.ww?section=Facts+for+Families&name=Reactive+Attachment+Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder

Though it makes up part of the ACS diagnosis, it isn't just limited to adoptees. Children of severe neglect or who are hospitalized for long periods of time are susceptible too.

I agree that this Komisarjevsky has a lot more going than just adoption issues. The entire parole system needs to be overhauled. There's more to consider than jail overcrowding and the right of the accused to get out in a timely manner; what's important is the safety of the community. His friends say he wasn't violent, but something made this guy "snap" and turn into a murderer. And not just a murderer- a man who had no problem burning two young girls in their beds.

 

[TaylorJ4]

Let me start by saying, I in NO WAY want to say anything negative about adoption, it is a wonderful way to build a family and the majority of adopted children are happy, healthy and productive members of society.

BUT- I was a psychiatric nurse for years and it was striking how many of our patients were adopted children. They had wonderful, supportive adoptive parents and were raised in loving homes. I always thought this was an excellent arguement for nature vs. nurture. Most women who do give up children for adoption do so because of personal issues that preclude them raising a child on their own, issues such as mental illness. And a lot of behaviors we see in undiagnosed mental illness-drug use, criminal behavior, violence-would be things that would cause a mother to relinquish or lose custody of a child.

Shannon

 

[CaliKid]

Let me start by saying, I in NO WAY want to say anything negative about adoption, it is a wonderful way to build a family and the majority of adopted children are happy, healthy and productive members of society.

BUT- I was a psychiatric nurse for years and it was striking how many of our patients were adopted children. They had wonderful, supportive adoptive parents and were raised in loving homes. I always thought this was an excellent arguement for nature vs. nurture. Most women who do give up children for adoption do so because of personal issues that preclude them raising a child on their own, issues such as mental illness. And a lot of behaviors we see in undiagnosed mental illness-drug use, criminal behavior, violence-would be things that would cause a mother to relinquish or lose custody of a child.

Shannon

Thank you, Shannon. Part of the fault lies with the privacy laws that demand that adoptive families have as little information about their new children as the agencies can get away with. I'm not talking so much about open adoption where birthparents choose the parents for their babies. Although, if they want they can give a child up and completely bow out with only a basic history given.

But in the case of my kids, the information we gleaned was only due to being their foster parents first. For instance, I didn't learn until three years ago that my older two children have a half-brother who is now 27. The agency apparently didn't think it was important to share this with us.

Everyone has the right to privacy, and from my adoption home-studies I realize that many women wouldn't give up their children if they didn't have the assurance that the adoption could be completely anonymous. But everyone seems to come from a dysfunctional family anymore or have someone in the wood pile with some kind of mental issue. Drug use is so prevalent in our society, and few birth moms are willing to be honest because they think it would make their babies less desirable for adoption. I don't know what the solution is.

 

[csds703]

Thank you, Shannon. Part of the fault lies with the privacy laws that demand that adoptive families have as little information about their new children as the agencies can get away with. I'm not talking so much about open adoption where birthparents choose the parents for their babies. Although, if they want they can give a child up and completely bow out with only a basic history given.

But in the case of my kids, the information we gleaned was only due to being their foster parents first. For instance, I didn't learn until three years ago that my older two children have a half-brother who is now 27. The agency apparently didn't think it was important to share this with us.

Everyone has the right to privacy, and from my adoption home-studies I realize that many women wouldn't give up their children if they didn't have the assurance that the adoption could be completely anonymous. But everyone seems to come from a dysfunctional family anymore or have someone in the wood pile with some kind of mental issue. Drug use is so prevalent in our society, and few birth moms are willing to be honest because they think it would make their babies less desirable for adoption. I don't know what the solution is.

I can understand privacy as far as identity goes. What bothers me, is the medical history. I tried to get medical history on the family of my ex husband. He had a heart attack when he was 32. The agency that handled the adoption said that they did not have to share anything, but would put him on a list to be contacted if his birth parents ever came to them. I have a child with this man and it has bothered me that we don't know the family history on that side of the family. I have always felt that this should be required to be shared.

 

[PSUfan]

I would tell you to urge your sister to get the younger girl help now. Don't wait. The earlier you start, the better their chances of finding answers before she becomes an out-of-control teenager who is unwilling to listen to anyone. Been there, done that, and frankly, it sucks. Our oldest daughter put us through hell and was probably a major catalyst in the break-up of our marriage.

I have urged my sister to seek family therapy. I know that she believes they will need it at some point. I can only continue to nudge her and her husband in that direction. We all agree that now is the time.. the rest of the family, including grandparents.

I am a huge advocate of adoption... girls like my other sister, who gave up her firstborn son, as an unwed teenager.. it was the ultimate act of love, and she was not in a position to be a parent. (She since married the father of that baby, and has a family.. full siblings to the adopted son, and they are still together some 30 years later) It was a private adoption, but through a mediator (our pastor).

We only recently found out that he had a wonderful childhood, and is very successful as an adult .. married with a child of his own. He never chose to seek us out, while the recources are there for him. He had so much more than my sister wouldve ever been able to give him. It is fine that he never sought us out. Just hearing that he had a good life, and is a responsible adult with a family.. it brought us all to tears.

 

[jilly]

When we were having problems with our daughter I remember reading about a diagnosis that was termed "Reactive Attachment Disorder" http://www.aacap.org/page.ww?section=Facts+for+Families&name=Reactive+Attachment+Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder

Though it makes up part of the ACS diagnosis, it isn't just limited to adoptees. Children of severe neglect or who are hospitalized for long periods of time are susceptible too.

I agree that this Komisarjevsky has a lot more going than just adoption issues. The entire parole system needs to be overhauled. There's more to consider than jail overcrowding and the right of the accused to get out in a timely manner; what's important is the safety of the community. His friends say he wasn't violent, but something made this guy "snap" and turn into a murder. And not just a murderer- a man who had no problem burning two young girls in their beds.

On Larry King tonite, one guest (a psychologist, I believe) said that Komisarjevsky's crimes were getting more sophisticated in that he had graduated to using night goggles for his burglaries. She believes that when he met Hayes at the half-way house or whatever it was like a chemical reaction between the two.

Interesting about this Reactive attachment Disorder, Cal. I am one of 3 adoptive children in my family. My youngest brother came into our family when he was 1 1/2 yrs old. He had been in 6 foster homes before my parents adopted him. Every night he would bang his head on the matress in his crib. The crib would literally jump all over the room.

This was in 1965 and the doctors didn't know what they were doing. Unfortunately, today, he is wandering somewhere on skid row with schizophrenia.

 

[CaliKid]

I'm sorry to hear that, jilly. My son was with his birthmom for three weeks before she abused our daughter and both children taken away. We suspect that she ignored him the entire time- she couldn't even take care of herself, let along a baby. Then he went to two foster homes before placement with us at 8 months old. Even then he was withdrawn and cried constantly. He had terrible temper tantrums growing up and was ADHD.

 

[jilly]

I'm sorry to hear that, jilly. My son was with his birthmom for three weeks before she abused our daughter and both children taken away. We suspect that she ignored him the entire time- she couldn't even take care of herself, let along a baby. Then he went to two foster homes before placement with us at 8 months old. Even then he was withdrawn and cried constantly. He had terrible temper tantrums growing up and was ADHD.

Just as I am very sorry to read about your experience. Cal, all I can say is that my hat goes off to you for adopting 6 children! Even without these specific problems, you must have a few grey hairs! Hopefully, your son will get treatment because all we really can do is hope.

 

[Lanie]

I'm adopted, too, and I have never killed anyone. My brothers and I are all adopted, and I don't think anyone would be able to pick us out in a crowd, and I didn't have that great of an upbringing in the adoptive home.
Lanie

 

[PSUfan]

I'm adopted, too, and I have never killed anyone. My brothers and I are all adopted, and I don't think anyone would be able to pick us out in a crowd, and I didn't have that great of an upbringing in the adoptive home.
Lanie

Lanie, I am a huge supporter of adoption.. my very close knit family has been on both sides of this issue... one sis lovingly, gave her newborn up because she knew she was too young to give him a good home, and another sis is the recipient of the same unselfishness from 2 birthmothers.

Stats do show that most adopted children, adults.. turn out just fine.

Sounds like your adopted family was pretty normal.

 

[soobs]

I'm not sure if offended is the most accurate word for what I've been feeling, but it's part of it. I've been reading these posts labeling "adopted" children for two or more days and finally decided to comment. I think this thread should be removed. There are a realm of factors that make someone become evil such as mental illness, abuse, etc., not the single factor of being adopted for goodness sake. For all those that were lucky enough to have an unselfish birth mom and a family to love them, please stop making these uninformed comments about adoption. Stats can be skewed to prove any point. We all know that.

JMHO

 

[sherri79]

I'm not sure if offended is the most accurate word for what I've been feeling, but it's part of it. I've been reading these posts labeling "adopted" children for two or more days and finally decided to comment. I think this thread should be removed. There are a realm of factors that make someone become evil such as mental illness, abuse, etc., not the single factor of being adopted for goodness sake. For all those that were lucky enough to have an unselfish birth mom and a family to love them, please stop making these uninformed comments about adoption. Stats can be skewed to prove any point. We all know that.

JMHO

moved or removed? moved to the private forum i understand. removed from the site i dont get.