CA - David Hwang & Sheila Sikat, sex abuse, child 🤬🤬🤬🤬, Rancho Santa Margarita, 2001

[southcitymom]

NO they are not..that is what makes this so incredible.
The jurors were so moved and so affected by the tapes they viewed, they wanted to speak out in the sentencing.
One male juror cried and said when he saw that little girl scream for help and *hold herself* and fall off the bed he couldn;t take it.
They hated what they saw so much they wanted to speak out. I have never even heard of that happening before.

I've never heard such a thing either, JBean.

 

[MeoW333]

The jurors were traumatized by watching it, i would be, too. Now they have to live with what they've seen haunting them. The whole thing is horrible these perverts need the death penalty. Thats a surefire gaurantee they won't reoffend.

 

[Brefie]

The jurors were traumatized by watching it, i would be, too. Now they have to live with what they've seen haunting them. The whole thing is horrible these perverts need the death penalty. Thats a surefire gaurantee they won't reoffend.

Bolded is what keeps me on the fence about the DP. If only it applied to these SOB's.

I think if I saw those tapes I would be forever changed. And that's not fair for jurors. Hopefully they will turn that horror into a positive and be compelled to help other abused children.

 

[imthemom]

OMG how could the mother defend her sister. I have two sisters that I am so close to and love very much but if either one of them did something like that to my child I would disown them in a heartbeat and throw them to the wolves. I hope they both get what they deserve.

 

[Brefie]

OMG how could the mother defend her sister. I have two sisters that I am so close to and love very much but if either one of them did something like that to my child I would disown them in a heartbeat and throw them to the wolves. I hope they both get what they deserve.

They have never seen the tapes, though. Not that I would need to. You threw my child to a beast? Then burn, beotch.

 

[JBean]

Woman sobs out apology in child molestation case


Prosecution is seeking a 60-year term when she is sentenced March 6

In an unexpected twist, Sikat's sister was among several family members who asked the judge to show mercy, while jurors from Sikat's trial -- at the request of prosecutors -- agreed to give the little girl a voice because no one else would.

"I still see it at night when I go to bed," said Randy Styner, recalling one moment in a four-hour videotape that shows the girl waking up after being attacked by Sikat's husband. "I saw her get up and start to scream. . . . I saw someone so alone. . . . Sheila had the opportunity to defend that child. She didn't."

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/california/la-me-sikat23feb23,1,2290629.story

 

[JBean]

more from LA Times article:

On Friday, Styner and three fellow jurors -- two women and another man -- said they did not consider Sikat a monster, but faulted her for not doing anything to protect her niece from such horrible acts. All of them talked about how haunted they are by the tape.

One of the jurors said she was so traumatized that she cannot give her own 11-month-old daughter a bath or change her diaper. Another questioned what more might have happened, not only to the niece but other children, had a tipster not alerted authorities.

and

Among Sikat's biggest supporters was the victim's mother.

She said she was angry at first but has since forgiven Sikat, whom she described as a good person who was manipulated by Hwang. She said her daughter is doing fine and doesn't remember the ordeal.

The judge interrupted, asking the sister if she had seen the video.

When she said she had not and didn't want to, Paer told her he thought she was in denial and "trying to avoid reality." He reminded her that Sikat was not a bystander, but in the room when bad things happened.

He guaranteed that the sister would have a much different view if she ever found the courage to watch the tape.

"I'd bet money on it," he said. "You see that tape, and that would be the last time you spoke to her."

 

[JBean]

The Amish rocked my world with that also, Truly :blowkiss: ! Their reaction to the slaughter of their innocents was the strongest example of quiet love in action that I witnessed last year.

On another note - would I want to watch video of my child being molested by my sister or anyone else? I know myself well enough to believe that I would need to watch it, but I could not blame any parent who chose not to watch it. I can understand that position.

As pixies pointed out - there is a Homolka aspect to this case. My continued prayers for healing for this family.

I think it is misplaced forgiveness. I thnk crimes like this are only forgiveable by the victim. I think anger is a healthy emotion that has a proper place. This should evoke anger.
If anyone wants to forgive for the heartache that was caused to them as a by product of a crime against another that is their choice. but we cannot forgive the crime itself unless we are the victim . IOW,if you were raped,it is not my place, IMO, for me to forgive your attacker.
I could forgive him for causing me grief seeing you in pain, but I wouldn't.
Forgivness is a very special thing that I save for very special people.

 

[White Rain]

Thank God the little girl doesn't remember what happened to her. Unfortunately, it could come back to her at any time.
There is nothing this sick couple deserves but death. Sorry, I don't have that forgiving of a heart.

 

[Amraann]

I don;t care if this was her sister .. IMO that makes the betrayal even worse.
What a lousy mother to forgive and defend the evil person who did this to her child!

 

[tempusfugit]

The victim's mother said that the girl, who is 10, is doing well and has no memories of the events. "I'm just looking at my daughter now," she said. "She's okay." No, she is not okay, if she is anything like most sexually traumatized children, it's possible that she will have flashbacks of the horrific abuse. I suffered abuse at the hands of a stepfather, I still have flashbacks. I pray that this little girl has had counseling. I think the mother wants to believe the girl is okay, she is in denial, the same denial regarding her sister as being a good person. IMO, mother should watch the tapes. As far as the sister, & I hope they draw their last breath in prison.

 

[southcitymom]

I think it is misplaced forgiveness. I thnk crimes like this are only forgiveable by the victim. I think anger is a healthy emotion that has a proper place. This should evoke anger.
If anyone wants to forgive for the heartache that was caused to them as a by product of a crime against another that is their choice. but we cannot forgive the crime itself unless we are the victim . IOW,if you were raped,it is not my place, IMO, for me to forgive your attacker.
I could forgive him for causing me grief seeing you in pain, but I wouldn't.
Forgivness is a very special thing that I save for very special people.

I disagree with you on the nature of forgiveness which is both personal and universal, like love. It is not only for and from one soul to another due to specific circumstances, though of course it can be.

Forgiveness is unlimited and boundless - its nature, again like the nature of love, is to all and for all.

If someone rapes me, I would have the opportunity to forgive or not to forgive. But, IMHO, others would have the same opportunity. Just as we can send active prayers of love across state and international lines to people we don't actually "know," we can also send active prayers of forgiveness in the same manner.

If we are capable, it is a good thing for all humanity when more people are able to forgive more people. If we are not capable, that's fine too because "pretend" forgiveness is meaningless.

I think the aftermath of crimes like this evoke lots of different feelings in people - anger, sadness, fear, desire for vengeance, and, yes, even love and forgiveness.

I definitely agree that forgiveness is a tremendously special and powerful thing, but I think we all need it, because last time I looked all of us were missing the mark in some form or fashion.

ETA: In case you don't know, I deeply respect your views on the subject and was just throwing mine in the mix!

 

[JBean]

I disagree with you on the nature of forgiveness which is both personal and universal, like love. It is not only for and from one soul to another due to specific circumstances, though of course it can be.

Forgiveness is unlimited and boundless - its nature, again like the nature of love, is to all and for all.

If someone rapes me, I would have the opportunity to forgive or not to forgive. But, IMHO, others would have the same opportunity. Just as we can send active prayers of love across state and international lines to people we don't actually "know," we can also send active prayers of forgiveness in the same manner.

If we are capable, it is a good thing for all humanity when more people are able to forgive more people. If we are not capable, that's fine too because "pretend" forgiveness is meaningless.

I think the aftermath of crimes like this evoke lots of different feelings in people - anger, sadness, fear, desire for vengeance, and, yes, even love and forgiveness.

I definitely agree that forgiveness is a tremendously special and powerful thing, but I think we all need it, because last time I looked all of us were missing the mark in some form or fashion.

Hi SCM. Beautiful sentiment but I completely disagree. But the beauty of it all is there is no right or wrong or good or bad answer. It is what each of us choose to live with that makes us who we are. That's what makes the world go round :blowkiss:
ETA: But I do agree that crimes like this do bring forth all differnt emotions and some of them have a purpose and place.

 

[southcitymom]

Hi SCM. Beautiful sentiment but I completely disagree. But the beauty of it all is there is no right or wrong or good or bad answer. It is what each of us choose to live with that makes us who we are. That's what makes the world go round :blowkiss:
ETA: But I do agree that crimes like this do bring forth all differnt emotions and some of them have a purpose and place.

Amen - you might have missed my ETA to you in that last post. I do hear and respect you loud and clear. :blowkiss: And I think you know me well enough to know that I have no problem at all with the punishment of crime.

 

[JBean]

Amen - you might have missed my ETA to you in that last post. I do hear and respect you loud and clear. :blowkiss: And I think you know me well enough to know that I have no problem at all with the punishment of crime.

No I hadn't seen it, but you didn't have to write it anyway. I understand exactly what you are saying and where you are coming from. I just think differently and certainly do not think my way is the only way by a long shot.

 

[Texana]

I think it is misplaced forgiveness. I thnk crimes like this are only forgiveable by the victim. I think anger is a healthy emotion that has a proper place. This should evoke anger.
If anyone wants to forgive for the heartache that was caused to them as a by product of a crime against another that is their choice. but we cannot forgive the crime itself unless we are the victim . IOW,if you were raped,it is not my place, IMO, for me to forgive your attacker.
I could forgive him for causing me grief seeing you in pain, but I wouldn't.
Forgivness is a very special thing that I save for very special people.

I have to agree with this in that the mother seems to be issuing a kind of blanket forgiveness to her sister that is, as the judge said, a form of denial.

If she had watched hours of videotape and then given her words, they would carry so much more weight. As it is, she does not truly know what her daughter experienced, and so she cannot truly forgive her sister.

She wants only to minimize her pain by not having to disown her sister, which is understandable, but from her daughter's point of view, no different than a mother who chooses to stay with an abusive father, or a mother who chooses to include an abusive brother in family gatherings.

Forgiveness should never mean that we do not allow the person to experience the consequences of their actions. It is often by our consequences that we realize the true harm we have done to others by our acts.

Nor should the mother allow her sister the luxury of blaming her acts on her husband. Allowing someone to believe they had no choice, no power to act differently, is allowing each of us to forgo our own consciences and morality, with the "what else could I do" excuse.

Individually, it leads to a child's being sexually abused and suffering for life with that. Collectively, it leads to the Holocaust, Rwanda, and a hundred or thousand more acts of inhumanity.

 

[southcitymom]

I have to agree with this in that the mother seems to be issuing a kind of blanket forgiveness to her sister that is, as the judge said, a form of denial....

Good post and this is a good point. For forgiveness to have meaning, the full weight of the offense must be experienced. Denial is not and cannot ever be forgiveness.

I do not know if the sister's forgiveness is genuine. None of us can know that, I guess.

 

[Truly]

For me, forgiveness comes after all the anger and other emotions. Forgiveness is something I do for my own peace. It doesn't even mean that the offender receives or acknowledges or is even aware of it.

I can choose to live with my heart full of grief and anger, or I can take the very difficult step to forgive, which relieves my own heart of carrying the burden of hatred and bitterness.

I can only speak from my own deep attempt to forgive in my own personal experience, but I can understand how the mother of this child may well have realized that the best thing she can do for her child is to be a mother full of love and kindness, because if she continued to be a mother full of anger and rage, it would hurt her and her child forever. Forgiveness is the thing which finally helps one's own pain subside.

 

[Brefie]

<Snip>

She wants only to minimize her pain by not having to disown her sister, which is understandable, but from her daughter's point of view, no different than a mother who chooses to stay with an abusive father, or a mother who chooses to include an abusive brother in family gatherings.

<Snip>

I am wondering if the she chooses to forgive her sister hoping to ALWAYS shield her daughter from the truth, since she does not seem to remember. I am not saying it's a smart thing to do, but perhaps she has thought about explaining the rift to her curious child?

JMO

 

[JBean]

For me, forgiveness comes after all the anger and other emotions. Forgiveness is something I do for my own peace. It doesn't even mean that the offender receives or acknowledges or is even aware of it.

I can choose to live with my heart full of grief and anger, or I can take the very difficult step to forgive, which relieves my own heart of carrying the burden of hatred and bitterness.

I can only speak from my own deep attempt to forgive in my own personal experience, but I can understand how the mother of this child may well have realized that the best thing she can do for her child is to be a mother full of love and kindness, because if she continued to be a mother full of anger and rage, it would hurt her and her child forever. Forgiveness is the thing which finally helps one's own pain subside.

But for some of us, forgiveness is not a prerequisite to peace. Just because I don't forgive the molester, doesn't mean I am burdened with anger.
The molester would have no bearing on my personal peace at all. that is under my control. For my child, my peace would come from letting the molester have no power over my happiness.