Found Alive CA - Sherri Papini, 34, Redding, 2 November 2016 - #23

[PoirotryInMotion]

They do it all the time.



It's a known fundamentalist trend. I'm surprised you don't see more if it. I see it everywhere.

He and his wife Lori, like other Christian couples around the country, share one e-mail account as a safeguard against the ever-expanding temptations of the Internet.
"It's what we believe as Christians: We are our brothers' keepers. It's about biblical accountability."
It's impossible to know how widespread the practice has become. Still, the phenomenon has become common enough to merit a post on "Stuff Christians Like," a popular blog in which creator Jonathan Acuff, an evangelical and son of a pastor, good-naturedly mocks Christian culture and himself.
Acuff shares one account with his wife of eight years, Jenny, and estimates that one-third of their married friends also use one e-mail address.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/2009/09/05/christian-couples-staying-faithful-on-facebook-twitter.html


At the most basic level, this is simply a question of remaining above reproach. It's a way of staying accountable to one another and to the rest of the world. The apostle Paul urges Christians to steer clear not only of evil itself but even of the mere appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22). This is something believers need to take seriously, both in their marriages and in their interactions with others.
We should add that sharing passwords or, if appropriate, maintaining a shared account can also be a way of building a hedge around your marriage. It's a strategy for protecting your relationship against outside threats. Whether you've been married for thirty days or thirty years, you're never really immune to the threat of an extra-marital affair.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/fam...-passwords-best-practices-for-married-couples




[A]ccording to the Pew Research Center’s latest survey, several new symbols of romantic devotion have taken hold among couples: the shared password, the joint email address and the fused social media profile.
Along with having The Talk and meeting parents, creating joint accounts and passing passwords have apparently become relationship benchmarks. Moving inboxes together is the new moving in together.
Among partners who’ve been together fewer than ten years, 8 percent share a social networking account, while 14 percent of couples together over ten years have a shared profile.
A similar pattern holds true for email, Pew found. Ten percent of couples who’ve been together five years or fewer use the same email account, a figure that jumps to 24 percent for couples together six to 10 years, and climbs to 38 percent for couples who’ve been together over a decade.
“Psychologically, when couples share social media accounts, it more likely than not is a sign of codependency or insecurity,” Suzana Flores, the therapist, told Mashable. “It’s almost like the couple is ... too enmeshed.”
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/11/sharing-facebook-profile_n_4768508.html


There's a new trend in social media, and it's not a fresh platform or a new app. Apparently, more and more couples are sharing social media accounts.


A recent study from Social Psychological and Personality Science cited in Mashable shows that this is very much a thing—and furthermore, that couples who post more about their relationships on Facebook say they feel happier and more secure with their partners.
https://www.today.com/health/would-you-share-facebook-twitter-instagram-your-partner-I543575


And besides Focus on the Family, a couple other Christian sites advocating it:


Pro's:
It holds me accountable to what I post and reply to.
I think about my husband, all. of. the. time.
I get to see the things that interest him by the things that he "likes".
It shows that we are one and rids us of any temptations that might come our way from the internet.
I got rid of a lot of "facebook friends".
http://www.agodlymarriageinanungodlyworld.com/2013/10/the-truth-about-combined-facebook.html


Why My Husband and I Share a Facebook Account
https://intentionalbygrace.com/why-my-husband-and-i-share-a-facebook-account/

Thanks for those links, and it appears it may well be a trend in some evangelical circles (particularly with the younger couples who read and make up the demographic of Focus on the Family). I'm just saying, though, this hasn't come up in my circles, and if you knew me, you would know I'm about as mainstream evangelical as they come, (as well as old enough to have been in said circles, even occupationally, for several decades, now). I guess what I'm tryng to say is, the FotF crowd, as a narrower subset, does not define fundamental evangelical Christianity on the whole. Though admittedly, you'd have to be an evangelical to understand this. It may seem to define it due to all the press it's received over the years, but it's actually a narrower subset founded by one man (Dobson). So while evangelicals are aligned theologically (agreeing on the fundamentals of faith based on what scripture says), there is much greater variance in broader evangelical circles concerning how those beliefs are lived out. In other words, not all evangelicals approach life in line with FotF methodologies. (Eg. Not all evangelicals ascribe to corporal punishment in child rearing, not all evangelicals set up arbitrary rules such as shared passwords or accounts in an attempt to build hedges, 'safeguard' their marriage, faith and walk, etc. Those are simply practical-living add-ons for those who choose to write books about them and for some who choose to read and ascribe to them.)

Hope this makes sense and informs the discussion about shared Facebook accounts a bit, though I don't want to derail the thread with religious discussion per se.

 

[Cherry]

Has E closed this case?

 

[Hippiemomof5]

Poitoryinmotion... I agree with your posts. I haven’t heard of it in our church circle but Im not surprised it’s something FotF talks about. I’m not a big fan of Dobson but mostly because of his view of spanking.

 

[PoirotryInMotion]

Poitoryinmotion... I agree with your posts. I haven’t heard of it in our church circle but Im not surprised it’s something FotF talks about. I’m not a big fan of Dobson but mostly because of his view of spanking.

Thanks, Hippiemomof5. I, too, am not surprised it's something FotF talks about. I read his books when they first came out, and kept up with publications coming out of the organization in the earlier years.

 

[Pamela_Brewer]

Has E closed this case?

Help! I'm lost.
E?
Person, place or thing?

MOO

 

[Deleted member 50844]

Help! I'm lost.
E?
Person, place or thing?

MOO

Here are my guesses for this one:
Elvis
Einstein
Englebert Humperdink
Entertainment Weekly

 

[ZoriahNZ]

It is not true that they didn't have a social media presence prior to the incident. There were many different platforms they were both active on. Perhaps not as much as most young-ish people, but his claim they were a private family that didn't use social media is a straight up untruth.

Many of their accounts have been scrubbed/deleted, of course, over the course of the investigation. But the evidence of their previous SM presence is still out there.

 

[Wyle_E_Coyote]

Here are my guesses for this one:
Elvis
Einstein
Englebert Humperdink
Entertainment Weekly

I'm guessing LE.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

 

[rsd1200]

Thanks for those links, and it appears it may well be a trend in some evangelical circles (particularly with the younger couples who read and make up the demographic of Focus on the Family). I'm just saying, though, this hasn't come up in my circles, and if you knew me, you would know I'm about as mainstream evangelical as they come, (as well as old enough to have been in said circles, even occupationally, for several decades, now). I guess what I'm tryng to say is, the FotF crowd, as a narrower subset, does not define fundamental evangelical Christianity on the whole. Though admittedly, you'd have to be an evangelical to understand this. It may seem to define it due to all the press it's received over the years, but it's actually a narrower subset founded by one man (Dobson). So while evangelicals are aligned theologically (agreeing on the fundamentals of faith based on what scripture says), there is much greater variance in broader evangelical circles concerning how those beliefs are lived out. In other words, not all evangelicals approach life in line with FotF methodologies. (Eg. Not all evangelicals ascribe to corporal punishment in child rearing, not all evangelicals set up arbitrary rules such as shared passwords or accounts in an attempt to build hedges, 'safeguard' their marriage, faith and walk, etc. Those are simply practical-living add-ons for those who choose to write books about them and for some who choose to read and ascribe to them.)

Hope this makes sense and informs the discussion about shared Facebook accounts a bit, though I don't want to derail the thread with religious discussion per se.

Well said. Some of this "focus on the family" stuff, yes, I've heard about that but it's not anything that I've heard preached, personally. If I have, I've forgotten it... If that's what someone's gig is, I guess it's okay, long as they don't push it on me.

 

[rsd1200]

It is not true that they didn't have a social media presence prior to the incident. There were many different platforms they were both active on. Perhaps not as much as most young-ish people, but his claim they were a private family that didn't use social media is a straight up untruth.

Many of their accounts have been scrubbed/deleted, of course, over the course of the investigation. But the evidence of their previous SM presence is still out there.

Oh yeah, I was at a loss for words over that one.

 

[Liadan]

Dear LORD! (I have no idea which one btw) just using the expression - I think the joint FB account shows OVERT controlling in a relationship and a total lack of trust and equity. MOO

MOO- I think re-newing ones vows is intensely personal, some people (those more flamboyant and socially needy) just like being more out there with their relationships and need that social reward-connection.

Personally, I could think of nothing worse than having to publicly re-acclaim my devotion - I did it once and I MEANT it and live it every day, my spouse is my world. I trust him implicitly - if I ever have reason to doubt that - well that is a story for another day.

Generically speaking - I can't help but think that when there is a public declaration of love and devotion that is almost fairy tale in magnitude- this is the peak of the pageantry of a relationship -the couple are revered and indulged by their friends and family. Unfortunatley - from this point forward there is NO WAY to re-gain that grandeur and allure - not through pregnancy - not through kids achievements --- its not the same attention, the focus is not on how amazing the two people that come together. Its about the kids and their lives.

HOW indeed do you create a pageantry and attention in a relationship that shows the world your devotion and how alluring and valued your spouse appears to the world? hdear:

 

[Liadan]

Dear LORD! (I have no idea which one btw) just using the expression - I think the joint FB account shows OVERT controlling in a relationship and a total lack of trust and equity. MOO

MOO- I think re-newing ones vows is intensely personal, some people (those more flamboyant and socially needy) just like being more out there with their relationships and need that social reward-connection.

Personally, I could think of nothing worse than having to publicly re-acclaim my devotion - I did it once and I MEANT it and live it every day, my spouse is my world. I trust him implicitly - if I ever have reason to doubt that - well that is a story for another day.

Generically speaking - I can't help but think that when there is a public declaration of love and devotion that is almost fairy tale in magnitude- this is the peak of the pageantry of a relationship -the couple are revered and indulged by their friends and family. Unfortunatley - from this point forward there is NO WAY to re-gain that grandeur and allure - not through pregnancy - not through kids achievements --- its not the same attention, the focus is not on how amazing the two people that come together. Its about the kids and their lives. AND this NEVER measures up to the focus on the two who have come together and want that celebrity status!

 

[DakotaMayi]

Well yea, because how does she know he doesn't have his own fb that's a different name or hidden from her? My DH has his fb under a made-up name because he's creeped out by "everyone" knowing who he is. Except that he has me listed as his wife and our kids etc, so everyone knows anyway lol.

Long way of saying that, as you said, it's very likely a false sense of security for your friend .

That said, I don't have feelings one way or the other about those who share an acct. Whatever floats their boat.

She doesn't. Just like she doesn't know the rest of the crap he gets up to.

 

[DakotaMayi]

Yes, this is what I always think too. Although, I feel the same about vow renewals. It doesn’t mean that’s always the case.

I’ve never had a shared account with my husband and we both left Facebook two years ago, just too much drama, mostly from a family member. I still have a business account for my Etsy shop but have no friends so there’s no feed.

My brother and sister in law had a shared account for a short time and I know it was due to trust issues.

BBM. Oh yeah, this one for sure!

 

[bears10]

I don't get the "vow renewal" deals, either. My first marriage was just hysterical. lol The 2nd was classed up a tad. I've no desire, nor energy, to fool with a "vow renewal". I've kept them this long, so I'm good.

For people like me who eloped the first time around for practical reasons and want to do something special with family involved on a future anniversary.


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[DizzyB]

Idk, for me, your spouse should be able to trust you. I don't want my SO looking at my DMs on Facebook cause I might be complaining about them lol, but it's not cause I'm cheating. My SO thinks FB is the devil but that doesn't stop them from asking me to look something up. For sleuthing, the combo of reading obits and looking through someone's friends on FB can tell a lot. People don't even realize how to change their settings.

 

[Deleted member 158085]

For people like me who eloped the first time around for practical reasons and want to do something special with family involved on a future anniversary.


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Same here. We did not end up doing it, but I had hoped that since our wedding was not all we'd hoped for due to circumstances at the time, we could do a vow renewal in the place we should have the first time, with people who should have been there.

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[DakotaMayi]

Idk, for me, your spouse should be able to trust you. I don't want my SO looking at my DMs on Facebook cause I might be complaining about them lol, but it's not cause I'm cheating. My SO thinks FB is the devil but that doesn't stop them from asking me to look something up. For sleuthing, the combo of reading obits and looking through someone's friends on FB can tell a lot. People don't even realize how to change their settings.

:lol: This is my reason too. I more than likely am at any given time. Lol.

 

[Hippiemomof5]

For people like me who eloped the first time around for practical reasons and want to do something special with family involved on a future anniversary.


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Yes, I do understand there are sincere reasons to get a vow renewal. My parents (mom and stepdad) were married in a Greek Orthodox Church and the whole ceremony was in Greek. They plan to renew their vows next year on their 25th anniversary and it’s really just a way to celebrate and have a ceremony the way my mom would have liked, not how they did it to please my dads mom. My brother and sister in law also had a vow renewal on their fifth anniversary because they had a rocky start, he was married when they met and they had two children before he was divorced. The day after his divorce finalized, they went to the courthouse. They wanted to have a church wedding and they did at five years.

I have no desire to have the spotlight on me again. lol I was a mess the day of my wedding, and stood up front either in a fit of laughter I couldn’t control or ugly tears because I was emotionally overwhelmed. I tend to giggle when I’m nervous and then I’d cry because it was an emotional day which would make me more nervous and it was a crazy cycle. I’m so glad no one videotaped it, although in photos you can see my red face and bloodshot eyes. ����

 

[bears10]

Same here. We did not end up doing it, but I had hoped that since our wedding was not all we'd hoped for due to circumstances at the time, we could do a vow renewal in the place we should have the first time, with people who should have been there.

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We just got married in July so we of course didn't do it yet but like you, it's something I've thought about. Didn't realize it was apparently so tacky until this thread ha.