At the beginning I asked that. I mean even if he had gotten away with it, how is dealing with the police and an investigation, the media and relentless questions, and the endless questions, fear, terror and grief of friends and family how is all that easier than divorce?
And how on earth do they think they can get away with it when no one really does?
That's where I start to think something like being a narcissist comes in to play. Narcissists apparently have insecure identities. They don't adapt to change or deal with stressors well. And they can erupt into rage if they feel they're being unmasked.
They're also good at manipulating others so they aren't used to be confronted with lies.
Also, from what I've seen, family annihilators, mostly males, tend to come from enmeshed, dysfunctional families and have controlling/domineering mothers or sometimes fathers.
The type of families who, hypothetically, do things like refuse to accept anything but a meek and controllable daughter in law. Who do things like reject any creature who has a strong personality and can't be controlled. Refuse to attend the wedding, for example, because they dislike their son's choice so much.
Constantly blame every choice the couple makes that they don't like, on the daughter in law alone. Thing like incessantly undermine the daughter in law's parenting. Even if the consequences can be serious. Bad mouth the daughter in law to the son. Accuse her of not being good enough for their son/brother, etc., but of her thinking she's better than their family, putting on airs and acting too "perfect".
They usually come from the types of parents who completely annihilate their child's personality and then enmesh him with their own, perfect selves. So behind closed doors, during childhood, the son is carefully scrutinized for showing any emotion or idea that didn't mirror the annihilating parent's emotions or ideas. They are harshly criticized for showing signs of any independent personality, but given attention or affection for acting like the parent and being alert to the parent's moods and needs.
But in public, the parent will never accept any criticism of their child whatsoever. (Because being enmeshed means they feel the child is them, from what I've heard). So anything bad the child is accused of doing, the parent will never accept it. Their child is "perfect". (Cindy Anthony is a good example of this type of parent). Their child can tell transparent lies denying the bad deed and the parent will accept those lies without question (creating confidence in dishonesty for the child).
And if proof is irrefutable, another child or person influenced or controlled them or pushed them to it and that's why they did it. It is never their child's fault.
These are the types who, when their child is charged with a crime, will go to incredible lengths to prove their child is innocent. They will never accept guilt. They will come up with delusional excuses. Soundly disparage the police and prosecutors as being inept. They will express hatred and disdain of any witnesses for the state and call them stupid.
They will disparage and even blame the victims.
They will proudly and smugly defend their perfect child and even if they don't do so with verbal or written public statements, they may find other ways to publicly do so, like after the arrest and charges, posting featured social media photos of their child. For example, posting a photo of themselves with a smug smile as they stand proudly with their son in a photo that they put front and center, to send a defiant message to the world. "This is my perfect son. Screw YOU if you think he's guilty."
If the defense team tells their child the chances of winning are slim, they will react with disbelief and desperation and anger and work hard to find other counsel, perhaps asking everyone and anyone for suggestions of someone really good.
If their child is found guilty at trial, the defense team is inept. The witnesses lied. The jury was stupid and lazy. Everyone is against their child.
If their child pleads guilty, they cannot accept it. They may do things like erupt violently at media or any other hapless person in their midst. They will scream and rage at how stupid the defense team is and how it's all their fault. They may contradictorily also claim noble reasons that have nothing to do with guilt, for the guilty plea of their child.
I think the combination of the annihilator's narcissism and usually their families of origin, create a perfect storm where these shadow personalities feel backed in a corner but also confident in their ability to lie and get away with something bad.
They experience narcissistic panic at the thought of being seen as less than perfect by friends and family and colleagues. So divorcing a pregnant wife for an affair is not an option. Death is preferable than being unmasked.
And because they feel skilled at manipulating others and usually come from families where their lies are always believed and they're never held accountable for bad behavior, they somehow feel they can get away with murder, against all odds.
It's a perfect storm of fear and delusional confidence, IMO.
I can't think of any other reason why these people think such HORROR is the easier way out!
