Conflict between Kaine/Desiree statements re: red flags/crying

[desquire]

I'm just focusing on my own personal experience,but my hubby works 2 jobs and is out of town for 4 out of 7 days (thanks economy). My son is devastated when he leaves, but what's worse is whenever I punish him (time outs, no TV or X-box sorta thing) he sobs for his dad because I'm the meanie. Dad tends to spoil him on weekends while I have to do all the disciplining. Could this be what's going on here? 1 house more lax than the other?

BINGO IMO. When something like this happens, people close to it fret over what they could have done differently or what they might have missed that could have changed events. People look for meaning in events, statements, reactions, and looks (or the absence thereof) and often they find meaning that may never have originally existed. I see alot of that in Desiree's statements on this and other topics.

When Kyron visited the Youngs on those weekends it was a special event for all involved. I'd expect that Kyron was the center of attention, they planned fun things to do with him, ate at his favorite places and otherwise made the most of their weekend time together. Contrast that with his weekday routine of homework, chores, parents bickering, competing for space and attention with a baby sister, leftovers again, 'not now Kyron I have to do some work,' dentist appointments, etc. What kid would react differently?

 

[cluciano63]

I think that Kaine and Desiree came together over this tragedy that they share, but I don't think that they were on especially good terms before that (just my feeling.) And I won't be surprised if they tend to make more separate than joint appearances in the future. Desiree's statements about Kyron crying when it was time to go back to Kaine, whatever the real cause of Kyron's unhappiness, surely did not sit well with Kaine. He does not seem to me to be the type who would respond well to any perceived slight.

 

[Calliope]

Frankly I think that's a good point. Can you link the quote where she says that?

From their emailed Q&A:

What does Kyron’s room look like now? Have you made any changes to it since he disappeared?

Desiree – I haven’t made any changes to his room other than to vacuum it. I still have his laundry laid out and his bed not made because I can’t bring myself to make his bed. I like to see that it looks slept in.

Kaine – We have done a little cleaning but otherwise it is in the same state it was when he left it. We had some family friends come over and we all played in his room to fill it with love and happy noises for Kyron, exactly as he would want if he would have been there with us. Additions to his room include gifts from other children that will be awaiting him when he gets home.

http://www.katu.com/news/local/97904344.html

bbm

MC's son, remember?

 

[BeanE]

I think that Kaine and Desiree came together over this tragedy that they share, but I don't think that they were on especially good terms before that (just my feeling.) And I won't be surprised if they tend to make more separate than joint appearances in the future. Desiree's statements about Kyron crying when it was time to go back to Kaine, whatever the real cause of Kyron's unhappiness, surely did not sit well with Kaine. He does not seem to me to be the type who would respond well to any perceived slight.

Speaking of more appearances, weren't they due to do another scheduled presser yesterday?

 

[cluciano63]

Speaking of more appearances, weren't they due to do another scheduled presser yesterday?

I think it is going to become more difficult for them to cling to the statement that Kyron is alive, after the request for a year's worth of money from MCSO yesterday. I'm sure they are not eager to address that, and may have to find a new way to try to show that as a hopeful sign, instead of the sad sign many of us see it as.

 

[Snowball58]

Chewy your post brings up something that when said really bothered me and then I had forgotten about it(easy to do when the "hits" just keep on comin' with this case)But reading about DY's comments ABOUT NOT MAKING kYRON'S BED, ETC, ETC.. Well its just really odd. When as you stated he was just there 1-2 times a month at the most from what I have heard stated by DY and KH... So, is she saying that she STILL had not made up Kyron's bed and his room and laundry since his last being there, which by the way DY clearly answers the question in Medford PC that Kyron had been to her house 2 weeks before he went missing... So in that 2 weeks his room nor bed had been made or even tidyed?? That struck me as odd when I first heard it and it still strikes me as odd??!!..
:waitasec:Not sure what to make of it:waitasec:

I don't think it's strange at all. We're a busy family and have never ever been bed makers. Just not our thing - at bedtime we just fluff the blankets and pillows and get on with it. Our daughter is 5 and because I'm busy working full time and running a separate business, and my husband works odd hours, I typically line her closet with 2+ weeks worth of clothes so that I only have to do her laundry twice a month. Plus, I just love to buy her dresses and get carried away

So let's say I'm in Desiree's shoes, sharing custody, and (forbid) my daughter went missing just before her scheduled visit, and the last time she was there was 2 weeks ago. It's likely her room would look just as she left it - bed unmade, and either a basket of dirty laundry still to be washed or perhaps all fresh clean laundry waiting to be put away (one of her chores).

And for what it's worth, Desiree's quote says his laundry was laid out, so I interpret that to mean it was washed and folded/laid out ready for his weekend visit.

So really it's just the bed that wasn't made. No biggie.

 

[Etilema]

Kaine and Terri had previously talked separation, divorce, perhaps things were not working so well with the two

Was it reported somewhere in the media that they had discussed/considered divorce/separation before this event? KH seems to be saying that although some difficulties had developed in the past couple of years, he thought the marriage was pretty ok. He said in one interview that TH had talked to her friends about how bad the marriage was, but she hadn't told him.

 

[Etilema]

Kaine and Terri had previously talked separation, divorce, perhaps things were not working so well with the two

Was it reported somewhere in the media that they had discussed/considered divorce/separation before this event? KH seems to be saying that although some difficulties had developed in the past couple of years, he thought the marriage was pretty ok. He said in one interview that TH had talked to her friends about how bad the marriage was, but she hadn't told him.

 

[6angels]

If she was so concerned why didn't she file in court for full custody? If she seen signs he didn't like Step mom was unhappy etc etc

 

[winterrose]

I don't know who advised them to come out against Terri in the public,but IMO it was pretty stupid.You have a red hair and I know about redheads,all I've known are fiery,passionate and you don't mess with them when provoked. LOL She's a stepmom trying to get back looking how she was,that's a big deal right there,she was angry enough to want Kaine dead,now that's questionable as she might have just been ticked off at Kaine and said that flippedly to a landscaper,she's not arrested,so I question that.

Defensive anyway,being a stepmom,they feel they always have to prove themselves,especially in a case where there's still visiting,shared custody and the child loves all of them.All the activities you see with Kyron is with Terri,she's doing all the sick days,sports and community activities with him and probably felt more like his mother.So,IF she hid him,why would she do that and if they want to know where he is,they've backed her against the wall.If she's being provoked as being crazy,a liar,etc,is she going to let everyone know she was part of something or whatever happened?I don't think so,now it's just dragging out,because she has nothing to win and everything to lose further.

 

[wondering1]

I don't think it's strange at all. We're a busy family and have never ever been bed makers. Just not our thing

FT wohm here, too, and the only time our beds are neatly made is after the housekeepers come once every two weeks. A little embarassing to me lol, but I personally don't find it odd that Kyron's bed was still unmade. No one has any real need to go into that room when he's gone, and DY probably waits until the day he gets there to do up the room again. I know that would probably be the case at my house.

 

[wondering1]

Was it reported somewhere in the media that they had discussed/considered divorce/separation before this event? KH seems to be saying that although some difficulties had developed in the past couple of years, he thought the marriage was pretty ok. He said in one interview that TH had talked to her friends about how bad the marriage was, but she hadn't told him.

Yes, I posted a link several days ago. It was in one of Kaine's e-mail responses to msm. He said they had discussed it, but it was his perception that they'd worked through it positively (paraphrasing).

 

[Chewy]

FT wohm here, too, and the only time our beds are neatly made is after the housekeepers come once every two weeks. A little embarassing to me lol, but I personally don't find it odd that Kyron's bed was still unmade. No one has any real need to go into that room when he's gone, and DY probably waits until the day he gets there to do up the room again. I know that would probably be the case at my house.

I'm not an avid bed maker either. However I wouldn't say that "I left his bed unmade for his return" if I never made the bed. Just seems like a real false sense of sentimentalism. If you never make the bed then you never make the bed. Why would you THEN say you left it unmade on purpose when you never make the bed anyway?

I don't like bull**** manipulation.

That's why it struck me as odd.

 

[Curious Me]

I get the feeling there was seething resentment going on most in TMH. She was trying to find a way to get out of the marriage with what she felt she deserved. I think she knew it was going to be a real battle with Kaine. So many of us have been faced with custody battles and financial downfalls with divorce, and never thought of physically harming a family member. What little both DY and KH said about TMH was their opinion shaded by this situation. They didn't really help me understand why she would likely harm a little boy. There's a divorce court for that mess, but I hope this investigation stays in the hands of the professional LE people who should be able to figure this one out.

 

[Snowball58]

I'm not an avid bed maker either. However I wouldn't say that "I left his bed unmade for his return" if I never made the bed. Just seems like a real false sense of sentimentalism. If you never make the bed then you never make the bed. Why would you THEN say you left it unmade on purpose when you never make the bed anyway?

I don't like bull**** manipulation.

That's why it struck me as odd.

Perhaps she has been trying to teach Kyron to make his own bed, and the last time he was there he didn't do it so she purposely left it messy so that he'd have to follow through and do it on his next visit? Just speculating, but my point is that you don't know enough to assume it's BS manipulation - perhaps the unmade bed was part of some particularly special or amusing aspect of his visits, so as she was answering the question she was visualizing his room and that's one of the things that seemed relevant to her relationship with her son so she mentioned it.

Perhaps she has a housekeeper that comes every 2 weeks and the next cleaning was scheduled for the weekend Kyron disappeared and was supposed to be with her, and this person usually changes linens and makes the beds for the family, and she chose to leave it unmade until he comes back home - maybe it was a conscious decision that she communicated to the cleaner - to leave his room untouched. Who knows?

I thought her statement was sincere and sweet and described the room of a pretty typical 7 year old and I took it as something endearing. "Bull***t manipulation" seems a bit harsh, IMO.

 

[wondering1]

Perhaps she has been trying to teach Kyron to make his own bed, and the last time he was there he didn't do it so she purposely left it messy so that he'd have to follow through and do it on his next visit? Just speculating, but my point is that you don't know enough to assume it's BS manipulation - perhaps the unmade bed was part of some particularly special or amusing aspect of his visits, so as she was answering the question she was visualizing his room and that's one of the things that seemed relevant to her relationship with her son so she mentioned it.

Perhaps she has a housekeeper that comes every 2 weeks and the next cleaning was scheduled for the weekend Kyron disappeared and was supposed to be with her, and this person usually changes linens and makes the beds for the family, and she chose to leave it unmade until he comes back home - maybe it was a conscious decision that she communicated to the cleaner - to leave his room untouched. Who knows?

I thought her statement was sincere and sweet and described the room of a pretty typical 7 year old and I took it as something endearing. "Bull***t manipulation" seems a bit harsh, IMO.

Or maybe she was just cleaning up in there -- she did say she had vacuumed the room -- thought about making the bed up, too, and decided not to for the reason she stated. moo

 

[Snowball58]

Well, the problem some people have with her statement is that the last time Kyron slept in the bed would have been 2 weeks prior to him going missing. So that means she didn't make the bed for 2 weeks before making the conscious decision to leave it unmade.

 

[wondering1]

Well, the problem some people have with her statement is that the last time Kyron slept in the bed would have been 2 weeks prior to him going missing. So that means she didn't make the bed for 2 weeks before making the conscious decision to leave it unmade.

That's true. I was thinking of Chewy's clarification that her issue is the sentimentality when I posted.

 

[Snowball58]

You're right - the fact that it wasn't made for 2 weeks (indicates maybe they never make the beds) yet she made a point of mentioning the decision to leave it unmade. It's 2-prong problematic, lol.

But I really do think her mentioning it was not strange given the myriad reasons that could explain it. In her shoes, I would choose to leave my childs bed exactly as he left it the last time he was with me - nothing odd about that.

 

[wondering1]

I'm not an avid bed maker either. However I wouldn't say that "I left his bed unmade for his return" if I never made the bed. Just seems like a real false sense of sentimentalism. If you never make the bed then you never make the bed. Why would you THEN say you left it unmade on purpose when you never make the bed anyway?

I don't like bull**** manipulation.

That's why it struck me as odd.

Thanks for clarifying. I get your point, but that's not what she said. At least based on the quotes posted here, she said:

Desiree – I haven’t made any changes to his room other than to vacuum it. I still have his laundry laid out and his bed not made because I can’t bring myself to make his bed. I like to see that it looks slept in.

I think Kaine was the one talking about Kyron's return to his room. So he would be the one expressing the sentiment you're referring to. imo