Court says sperm donor liable for child support

[golfmom]

I wonder if she asked permission from him or a court of law to relocate from NY to Oregon. Wouldn't that be parental kidnapping?

 

[csds703]

I wonder if she asked permission from him or a court of law to relocate from NY to Oregon. Wouldn't that be parental kidnapping?

Good point!
Can't have it both ways.

 

[Nocgirl]

It's not parental kidnapping if there is no custody/visitation order. It is unclear even if paternity had been legally established.

If this woman's intention was to use this man just for his sperm and raise the child with her partner, she has no business filing for CS.

 

[Peter Hamilton]

I am thinking that if you "adopt" a child in the way that you take care of someone elses child with just a verbal understanding of an adoption then you could very well do it. It would not be the morally right thing to do IMO but without the adoption being in writing I am sure that the bio parents would still be the legal parents of the child and have some financial responsibility. This guy may have thought of himself as a sperm donor but he got nothing in writing to spell that out. He fathered a child, had his name put on the birth certificate, let the child know that he was the father growing up but does not have the sperm donor arrangement in writing to let him out of parental responsibilities. While I do not agree with what the mother is doing, or the fact of support after 18, I do think that this guy is paying for not taking bringing a child into this world (and passing himself off as "Dad") seriously.

--good post

 

[CyberLaw]

When a child is legally adopted, all "biological" parental responsibility ends. Open adoption or not, whomever adopted the child are the child's legal parents.

I really do think that for the last 18 years, this guy "thought" that his only responsibility was to send a card or two, a gift everyone once in a while and see the child once or twice.

Wow is that the easy way "out" for a Father and a Doctor to boot. Now he "actually" has to take some financial responsibility for the child. It is his child. It was his sperm that impregnated the Mom and the child is his child.

It could be that the "mother" asked the Dad to help finance "his child's education" and he said no. Well the Mom and child should not suffer financial hardship because he refuses to be a stand up guy. So why not teach him a lesson, sue him for child support and or College funding.

After all child support is in the "best interest" of the child. No easy way out for Dad now, he actually has to take "responsibility" for his child well being and education. Oh, poor baby.........

 

[Masterj]

When a child is legally adopted, all "biological" parental responsibility ends. Open adoption or not, whomever adopted the child are the child's legal parents.

I really do think that for the last 18 years, this guy "thought" that his only responsibility was to send a card or two, a gift everyone once in a while and see the child once or twice.

Wow is that the easy way "out" for a Father and a Doctor to boot. Now he "actually" has to take some financial responsibility for the child. It is his child. It was his sperm that impregnated the Mom and the child is his child.

It could be that the "mother" asked the Dad to help finance "his child's education" and he said no. Well the Mom and child should not suffer financial hardship because he refuses to be a stand up guy. So why not teach him a lesson, sue him for child support and or College funding.

After all child support is in the "best interest" of the child. No easy way out for Dad now, he actually has to take "responsibility" for his child well being and education. Oh, poor baby.........

Wow. I really feel like we are reading to different stories, because I don't agree with this at all. This woman and her female partner wanted to have a baby and he donated his sperm. I don't see that as an egotistical move at all. I see that as a friend who went to extremes to give another friend what she desired. The boy has 2 mothers, 2 loving caregivers. I think it is extremely selfish for her to go after this man now.

I found out recently that my old boss asked one of our old co-workers to donate his sperm to her and her partner. He wanted to do it, but his parents talked him out of it. They weren't even great friends, but she considered him to be "the perfect guy." The whole thing made me uncomfortable since she used to be his boss.

 

[Amraann]

From the way I understand it (this is my opinion) the mother and her PARTNER were going to be the parents. Not the man who donated sperm, and the birth mother. Why should the birth mother and her partner decide 18 years later to sue him for child support.

So If I adopt a child, I can have an open adoption, and then sue the birth parents for child support later? The birth mother and her partner took on the responsibility of being parents to this child, so they should be the ones to support him financially. From what I understood, the man who donated sperm sent the child little gifts and money time to time. That seems more like an uncle to me.
shauna

If you adopt a child.. the birth parent (s) have given up all legal rights and you have assumed it.. therefore you could not then sue the birth parents for child support ....
In this case the man was listed on the child's BC and he never gave up his legal rights as a father.
I do not know what agreement they had but legally he is the father and is responsible. IMO he should be held responsible.


Nocgirl you said "She obviously does not need the money, so is she trying to prove an expensive lesson to all men considering doing this request for a woman? Lots of men are approached to do this, and many are clueless that even a signed notarized agreement waiving all parental responsibilities may not hold up in court."

Her needing or not needing the money is irrelevant to the law.
He is the legal father therefore he has financial responsibility towards this child.
As for the argument about a sperm donor being clueless...
Plenty of people are clueless and conceive children all the time.. it does not diminish their responsibility.

 

[golfmom]

I'd be all in favor of holding his feet to the fire except for the fact that we are talking about an 18 year old man. Not a child. She waited on her claim until there was no possible repercussions to her suit. She didn't dispute that he was a sperm donor or that their agreement was that he would have no say in the child's raising. The court is saying that there are no laws for this circumstance ...

Finally, instead of filing in Oregon (where she and the child had been residents for years) and having NY enforce a child support order she went to the venue that provided a payout.

 

[golfmom]

It's not parental kidnapping if there is no custody/visitation order. It is unclear even if paternity had been legally established.

If this woman's intention was to use this man just for his sperm and raise the child with her partner, she has no business filing for CS.

That's my point, if there was any true parental relationship, she would have been unable to remove the child from the state of NY without court permission.

 

[CyberLaw]

Now I am not up to date with US law, especially NY. So here it goes......

She did not have "a custody" agreement with this man, the man did not play an "active" role in shared custody.

Therefore the man is the father, has legal responsibility for child support, but unless he went to court, the court decided on a custody agreement, then again he would not have a say where the mother took the child.

All he had to do was go to court.......but he choose not to. He did not take an active role in the child's life, I very much doubt that he wanted anything except "being a token" father as he has his own "biological" children with his wife.

So unless the Father objected, the mother was free to move anywhere in the USA she wanted.

But that does not "excuse" he father from financial support for the child. Child support and visitations rights, custody agreements and the like are not twined to support.

 

[golfmom]

But, that's the point Cyberlaw, if she had filed her claim in a timely manner, he could have requested visitation and had parental rights throughout this young man's childhood. The fact that she waited until the child turned 18 yo before she broke their agreement ensured that he would not be able to have anything beyond being a "sperm donor" and "cash cow".

 

[deanws]

But, that's the point Cyberlaw, if she had filed her claim in a timely manner, he could have requested visitation and had parental rights throughout this young man's childhood. The fact that she waited until the child turned 18 yo before she broke their agreement ensured that he would not be able to have anything beyond being a "sperm donor" and "cash cow".

I agree with you golfmom. She didn't plan well or she would have the cash to send him to college. She is using this man and I can't believe the courts are even entertaining the thought of making him pay for this. Here in Texas, CS ends on the 18th birthday or the graduation of high school...which ever comes last. Many kids need help from their parents to attend college and the courts don't make them contribute. This is really unfair!

 

[CyberLaw]

But, that's the point Cyberlaw, if she had filed her claim in a timely manner, he could have requested visitation and had parental rights throughout this young man's childhood. The fact that she waited until the child turned 18 yo before she broke their agreement ensured that he would not be able to have anything beyond being a "sperm donor" and "cash cow".

Sorry to inform you but this man KNEW he was a sperm donor that Father the child, that was the point, though he did not file papers and requested visitation and parental rights through the childhood of his child.

But he would then be legally required to pay child support along with having the "benefit" of shared custody or joint custody or access. He did neither.

He sent the child gifts, cards, etc, so it is not like he did not know where the child lived. But along with the court order for access to child, he knew the court would order child support. I think he avoided the former to ensure he did not have to "pony" up the later.

When he consented to his "sperm donation", when he consented to his name on the child's birth certificate. He was recognized as the Father, but he did not "take advantage" of the rights and responsibility of being a Father.

Again, the father only wanted a token role in the child's life and pay nothing to support said child. Now he has to......

 

[JanetElaine]

But along with the court order for access to child, he knew the court would order child support. I think he avoided the former to ensure he did not have to "pony" up the later.

When he consented to his "sperm donation", when he consented to his name on the child's birth certificate. He was recognized as the Father, but he did not "take advantage" of the rights and responsibility of being a Father.

Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but I don't agree with this. The agreement these people had was the lesbian couple would be the parents, and since a woman can't get another woman pregnant he made a 'donation'. I don't think he avoided going to the court to have access to the child to avoid having to paychild support. I think he genuinely believed in the arrangement in which he already had access to the child. There was no need for him to go to court. They were all friends. The women probably didn't even want him to be too much of a father, because they wanted to be the child's parents. And if this mother indeed filed for child support now out of her own free will, then she betrayed him and doesn't give a crap about anything than her own wallet.

I have a friend 'X' who's in a lesbian relationship and has two children with her wife (X is the bio mom). The father is her former boyfriend, who is married with a family of his own. I have no idea what they arranged officially, but I do know nobody is making a secret about M. being the father and the children do have contact with him.
I could totally see them not having drawn up anything official because they are all friends. If X would suddenly have a change of heart and sue him for child support I know I could tell you exactly what the look on M.'s face would be. Then again for all I know they do have all things in writing. But I can so see this situation happening, and the guy does not have to be a dumbass or whatever.

If this mom filed of her own free will and isn't forced to do so by welfare or whatever, she is nothing but a greedy hog.

 

[golfmom]

Sorry to inform you but this man KNEW he was a sperm donor that Father the child, that was the point, though he did not file papers and requested visitation and parental rights through the childhood of his child.

But he would then be legally required to pay child support along with having the "benefit" of shared custody or joint custody or access. He did neither.

He sent the child gifts, cards, etc, so it is not like he did not know where the child lived. But along with the court order for access to child, he knew the court would order child support. I think he avoided the former to ensure he did not have to "pony" up the later.

When he consented to his "sperm donation", when he consented to his name on the child's birth certificate. He was recognized as the Father, but he did not "take advantage" of the rights and responsibility of being a Father.

Again, the father only wanted a token role in the child's life and pay nothing to support said child. Now he has to......

I'm sorry to inform you that the agreement was "that he would not have any rights or benefits in raising the child, but the verbal agreement was never put in writing, according to court documents." Totally undisputed. The problem he runs into is that as per reproductive lawyer Melissa Brisman
"You can't be half a father, and half a not, under the law."

He upheld his end of the agreement ... the law still hasn't caught up to technology in this instance. What he should have done was have the other mother formally adopted the child. If she wanted or needed child support, she shouldn't wait until he was 18 years old. IMO she's still a money hungry, sperm-stealing ho.

 

[Amraann]

I'm sorry to inform you that the agreement was "that he would not have any rights or benefits in raising the child, but the verbal agreement was never put in writing, according to court documents." Totally undisputed. The problem he runs into is that as per reproductive lawyer Melissa Brisman
"You can't be half a father, and half a not, under the law."

He upheld his end of the agreement ... the law still hasn't caught up to technology in this instance. What he should have done was have the other mother formally adopted the child. If she wanted or needed child support, she shouldn't wait until he was 18 years old. IMO she's still a money hungry, sperm-stealing ho.

He could have avoided all of this by not being put on the BC.
In order to be put on the BC he would have had to be married to her or be there to sign it.
Ultimately its not about her wanting money or him being some half a$$ father and finding a way to mostly get away with that.
Its about this person ... a human life that was created.
What is in HIS best interest?? Is it fair to him to not have financial benefit from his father???
IMO that is all that should matter and the two parents should have thought of that before trying to go the easy route rather then using a sperm bank.

 

[golfmom]

Well, we're just going to have to disagree on this. I would look on her case much more favorably if she had applied for support when he was a minor. To ask for support for an 18 year old man ... well, it's just ridiculous IMO.

 

[Amraann]

Well, we're just going to have to disagree on this. I would look on her case much more favorably if she had applied for support when he was a minor. To ask for support for an 18 year old man ... well, it's just ridiculous IMO.

Why? If we agree it would have been OK to file when the child was 8 then why not 18??
Lets say she filed when he was 8..... she would have still been due the money? Why not then at 18??

There is no indication that she in any way kept this child away from him or that he was denied access. So the argument that she waited for that reason is lacking IMO...
On the same token I take issue with a "man" who would send cards and gifts signed "dad" but yet NOT try to be a real father.
IMO that was convenient for him.

As easily as she could have filed for child support he could have filed for visitation/custody.
Being that he wanted to be acknowledged as "dad" shouldn't he have tried to be one to the fullest extent?

 

[golfmom]

Why? If we agree it would have been OK to file when the child was 8 then why not 18??
Lets say she filed when he was 8..... she would have still been due the money? Why not then at 18??

There is no indication that she in any way kept this child away from him or that he was denied access. So the argument that she waited for that reason is lacking IMO...
On the same token I take issue with a "man" who would send cards and gifts signed "dad" but yet NOT try to be a real father.
IMO that was convenient for him.

As easily as she could have filed for child support he could have filed for visitation/custody.
Being that he wanted to be acknowledged as "dad" shouldn't he have tried to be one to the fullest extent?

When I said that I would look on it more favorably that doesn't mean that I would necessarily agree with her breaking their agreement, but that I would be more understanding of the financial need in raising a child. He's raised now. College is expensive, but it is not an entitlement.

You are absolutely right that he could have filed for custody/visitation at any point, but he honored their agreement that he would have no rights ... she's the one that broke that agreement.

 

[CyberLaw]

While sorry to inform you, but only one women in a "lesbian" couple can be the Mom of the child. The "other" parent is the Dad. The women's partner is under no financial obligation to the child. The "biological mother" and the biological father both have a financial responsibility for the child.

It could be that he said that he would "help" pay for the education of the child, or new car or what ever and then he reneged. Why should the mother bear full financial responsibility for the child, when she did not conceive though immaculate conception.

If she wants to claim child support after 18 years, that is her right and the Father legal responsibility.

It is called child support for a reason, it is money required to support the child at 1, 8, 12, or 18, the parents both share 50% of the financial responsibility. The mother is not required to pay 100% of college, she is required to pay 50% and the Dad 50%.

He does not stop being a Father, nor does he stop having financial responsibility to the child, because he feels like it. Don't think so.