The thing that sticks out in my mind concerning my "grooming" is that our kids' rapist gave them LOTS of attention, which they craved. Six of the eight had no outside friends due to the level of their disabilities so they saw this monster as a wonderful playmate. He would spend hours playing games at their level and pushing them on the swings.
In all honesty, he did help me out (though it pains me greatly to say that). He identified a need, that I needed time to cook and do laundry. He would come to the door and sound just like Eddie Haskell ("Leave it to Beaver" for you babies out there), and offer to play with the kids while I did chores. I didn't like him, I really didn't but I was so in need of help with supervising play. Our older daughters were busy with social stuff. Why didn't I stop and wonder why this big teen wanted to play with a bunch of little kids every single day?
It didn't help that the kids clambered for his attention. I refused to allow them to be overly affectionate with him and was constantly reminding him "no hugging", "no piggy-backing", etc.
Only once did I allow him inside our home. Later, I learned that he'd sneaked into our home numerous times during the night and scared the children. Never once did I allow him to "baby-sit" and leave the property. However, he offered every day to walk the kids to the mail box (2 blocks from our house, through an area with few houses which is heavily wooded). They later disclosed that during those walks, he exposed himself.
The other thing he did was to offer the kids candy and soda which we wouldn't allow them. With so many children with behavior issues, candy has just never been a constant in our house. It was a big treat. Sodas were for our weekly dinner out. After the fact, I remembered times when children would come in the house during the day and brush their teeth. I thought that was odd until I learned much later, through their disclosures, that he was giving them candy and sodas and having them brush their teeth so I wouldn't notice. After the fact, my husband and I finally made sense of all the stashed empty cans around the property. We had wrongly accused the older kids of sneaking them things which they always denied. The kids disclosed that he would hide cans of soda and candy bars under his baggy clothes or slide them under the fence. He was a wiley one.
The links I posted above have some great pointers about safety against "grooming tactics". I guess it's just like the old caveat...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
In all honesty, he did help me out (though it pains me greatly to say that). He identified a need, that I needed time to cook and do laundry. He would come to the door and sound just like Eddie Haskell ("Leave it to Beaver" for you babies out there), and offer to play with the kids while I did chores. I didn't like him, I really didn't but I was so in need of help with supervising play. Our older daughters were busy with social stuff. Why didn't I stop and wonder why this big teen wanted to play with a bunch of little kids every single day?
It didn't help that the kids clambered for his attention. I refused to allow them to be overly affectionate with him and was constantly reminding him "no hugging", "no piggy-backing", etc.
Only once did I allow him inside our home. Later, I learned that he'd sneaked into our home numerous times during the night and scared the children. Never once did I allow him to "baby-sit" and leave the property. However, he offered every day to walk the kids to the mail box (2 blocks from our house, through an area with few houses which is heavily wooded). They later disclosed that during those walks, he exposed himself.
The other thing he did was to offer the kids candy and soda which we wouldn't allow them. With so many children with behavior issues, candy has just never been a constant in our house. It was a big treat. Sodas were for our weekly dinner out. After the fact, I remembered times when children would come in the house during the day and brush their teeth. I thought that was odd until I learned much later, through their disclosures, that he was giving them candy and sodas and having them brush their teeth so I wouldn't notice. After the fact, my husband and I finally made sense of all the stashed empty cans around the property. We had wrongly accused the older kids of sneaking them things which they always denied. The kids disclosed that he would hide cans of soda and candy bars under his baggy clothes or slide them under the fence. He was a wiley one.
The links I posted above have some great pointers about safety against "grooming tactics". I guess it's just like the old caveat...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
