FL - Fendra Molme, 11 months, dies in hot car while parents attend church, Palm Bay, May 2023 *arrest*

[neesaki]

MOO, just thinking out loud here. I was thinking of scenarios that could possibly fit with both "accounts" of what happened, the statements by witnesses and also the CCTV footage. I'm definitely not intending to excuse anyone who had responsibility to this precious baby.. just trying to somehow make sense of this.

It seems that all the initial events (pulling up, older kids getting out, getting items from the trunk etc) happened very quickly. Speculation, but perhaps as soon as she was into the parking spot, the older kids started jumping out, and mom ran back and opened the trunk, which could have blocked her from seeing the kids perhaps run up closer to the building. Perhaps the adult the older children went inside with was close to the building instead of approaching the car. Maybe when mom closed the trunk she saw the kids already basically inside with the adult, and assumed the baby had also been picked up by the adult while her view was blocked by the open trunk. Though I would have thought she'd check to be sure. And I don't know how that fits in with getting her robe out of the interior of the car itself and not noticing the baby still there

I'm trying so hard to understand and I know that's probably not possible.

Except According to the CCTV footage, no adult came out to help with the children at any time.

 

[neesaki]

I hope this defendant has a mental health evaluation. I have a hard time believing something wasn’t wrong…. unless it was intentional. Even if subconsciously. Just to be clear, I’m not saying I think it was. I have no idea.
JMO

 

[georgiajean]

High-pressure couple, moving from Haiti, building a congregation in Florida, four children, recent move to the area of the church, used to have a long commute...
I have a lot of questions.

• What was the relation between the parents? Was there tension, was there criticism? Was there extremely high standards/expectations?
• Why does the father go in early to do the Sunday school, but the older children don't go with him? Why was mother responsible for this service AND getting children fed/dressed/delivered to church?
• What are family relations like for Haitians? Roles of mother and father, childrearing duties, etc? How were children expected to behave and treat mother and father?
• Why was the mother late on this particular day? What caused her to arrive almost an hour later than she normally arrives?
• Was she always in charge of this service or was this a new event?
• How did the drop-off/unloading "typically" go, when she pulled into the spot right in front of the doors?
• HOW did the baby go from car to church? If someone came to the car and got the baby, and walked in with the other children, I can see how the mother may have assumed, upon looking up and seeing the children entering the church with what she thought was a church member helping them, that the church member had the baby. But why the assumption?
• How frazzled was she because of her lateness? What would happen later on, as a result of being late?
• Was she quick to snap at the children when stressed?

I wonder if this was a perfect storm, a horrible storm, of events. No single event/decision would have caused this catastrophic loss. But each one added up. Rushed, stressed, carrying a heavy load, habits from prior Sundays that didn't translate to new arrival time and parking spot, assumptions on many sides. So sad. I have a theory about answers to many of my questions, but waiting for more info to come out.

 

[georgiajean]

Except According to the CCTV footage, no adult came out to help with the children at any time.

My guess is there was an adult visible at the doorway/entrance but out of sight of the cctv footage, and the mother made an assumption that person had the baby already.

 

[katydid23]

My guess is there was an adult visible at the doorway/entrance but out of sight of the cctv footage, and the mother made an assumption that person had the baby already.

Maybe, but it is devastating. Especially if she was leaning into the passenger seat at the time, and could have just looked quickly to see if the baby was there or not. She said that she didn't hear the baby , as if that meant the baby wasn't there. But she said her Baby was asleep so she wouldn't hear anything anyway. It is very tragic and I don't want her to lose custody or do jail time. But it is frustrating and I do think it was negligent.

 

[IceIce9]

Florida law requires rear-facing car seats for children under 1 yo. The baby was 11 months old. The car may also have had tinted windows. All hot car deaths are very sad.

JMO

Were the other children in booster seats or wearing seatbelts?

Florida law also requires, according to FLHSMV:


BOOSTER SEAT

In Florida, children ages 4 and 5 must be in a separate carrier, integrated child seat, or booster seat.
Once a child outgrows the forward-facing car seat, it’s time to travel in a booster seat, and should always be in the back seat. If the vehicle does not have a backseat, the booster seat should be used with the air bag turned off.
A booster seat positions the seat belt properly so that the lap belt lies snugly across the upper thighs and the shoulder belt lies across the shoulder and chest.

FORWARD-FACING CAR SEAT
A child should remain in a rear-facing car seat until he or she reaches the top height or weight limit allowed by the car seat’s manufacturer.

Keep a child rear-facing as long as possible. It’s the best way to keep him or her safe. If the vehicle does not have a backseat, the forward-facing car seat should be used with the air bag turned off.
A forward-facing car seat has a five-point harness and tether that limits a child’s forward movement during a crash.

REAR-FACING CAR SEAT
A rear-facing car seat is the best seat for a child under age 2 to use. Infant-only seats can only be used rear-facing. Convertible and 3-in-1 car seats typically have higher height and weight limits for the rear-facing position, allowing a child to be rear-facing for a longer period of time. If the vehicle does not have a backseat, the rear-facing car seat should be used with the air bag turned off.

https://www.flhsmv.gov/pdf/childsafety/childseat_tearsheet.pdf

 

[IceIce9]

I am still a little confused, lot of little things not adding up but that's typical in most cases, I guess.
Who was responsible for getting the 2 yr old out of the car seat? Seems to me that if mom was busy getting her purse and laptop and robe, etc., then why didn't one of the other kids let mom know baby was still buckled in the seat. You would think that an 8 yr old would be aware if someone else was coming to get the baby, right?
I don't know.... it just seems strange to me all the way around.

It seems odd that she would unbuckle the two year old and not take the time to unbuckle the 11 month old. JMO

Were there two baby seats and one booster seat in the car? That would mean three children would have to be unbuckled.

 

[katydid23]

It seems odd that she would unbuckle the two year old and not take the time to unbuckle the 11 month old. JMO

Were there two baby seats and one booster seat in the car? That would mean three children would have to be unbuckled.

I don't think she even unbuckled the 2 yr old. According to her, she got out of the car and went right to the trunk to get her bible and laptop, and then she saw her 3 older kids walking towards church already, supposedly with an older woman.

So it seems that the 8 yr old probably unbuckled the 2 yr old. I know my 8 yr old grand daughter loves to look after her little cousins and she knows how to unbuckle their car seats and stuff. There's no way I could walk away from the car with a baby inside, if my 8 yr old grand daughter was there with me.

That's something I still wonder about. Why the 8 and 5 yr old walked away, with the baby still inside. They must have assumed their Mom was going to get the baby. So I still don't understand why she didn't. JMO

I know she said she thought a friend from church had her---but it doesn't seem possible, that at the time she left the car, she could have thought someone else had the baby already. Video showed that no adults had come anywhere near the car during the time she was there.

I think she was distracted and frazzled and just hurried because she was late.

 

[MamaSleuth5]

My guess is there was an adult visible at the doorway/entrance but out of sight of the cctv footage, and the mother made an assumption that person had the baby already.

This was my thinking too (or a possible line of thinking) but you said it more clearly than I did!

 

[katydid23]

My guess is there was an adult visible at the doorway/entrance but out of sight of the cctv footage, and the mother made an assumption that person had the baby already.

But mom was at the car that whole time and no adults ever came in close proximity to the car. So how would she think they'd have taken the child already? Wouldn't they have said something to her? Would she think they snuck up quickly and hurried off without saying anything? It doesn't make sense to me. JMO

 

[Charlot123]

Also, according to the affadavit, the mother normally parked right in front of the church. Not only was she very late, she also parked off to the side somewhere. Why? Especially if she expected help from the church members.
Would t it have helped if she had been in her usual spot? Perhaps they would have been more likely to see her and provide assistance.

I’m honestly wondering now if she might be suffering from postpartum depression. Or, Could she have some other mental health problems? Not to mention maybe she was really overwhelmed, what with Four young children. That’s more than a handful, while trying to minister to a church congregation ? Seems like a lot too much.

And why did she claim she saw an older member walk in with the children?

Postpartum depression or extreme burnout?

BTW, postpartum depression is considered a precursor to bipolar disorder, but one doesn't even need to be depressed.

Imagine. First pregnancy. Usually first trimester is full or nausea, or (my case) battling constant drowsiness, 2nd one is OK, 3d is hard especially when the baby drops..Every 5 minutes at night you go to the bathroom. So: no sleep before delivery.

No sleep the first few months after the delivery, either. In fact, the whole first year is hard with the first baby. If parents alternate (mom breastfeeding every second night and leaving the milk for the father to sleep with the baby on other nights), it is doable. Otherwise, very hard on the new mom.

Now, maybe, given there were 3 years between the first and the 2nd baby, there was a year of normal sleep. (That if her older child had a quiet temperament). Then it stated again.

The difference between the last 2 kids was one year. Meaning, poor woman probably got pregnant again almost immediately. No sleep plus pregnancy plus two older kids plus being a pastor.

I don't think she needed to be depressed to be absent-minded. I think she was horribly tired and exhausted.

I wouldn't even charge her if it were up to me. It was not intentional, and there were too many things on her plate. As it is common in such cases, the relationship between her and the husband is at a high risk of being broken, even if they, being pastors, stay together.

Religion is poorer consolation than one thinks. It gives the hope to meet again, but the parents miss their child on this Earth no less.

I would be very much surprised if she is charged.

 

[Ontario Mom]

But mom was at the car that whole time and no adults ever came in close proximity to the car. So how would she think they'd have taken the child already? Wouldn't they have said something to her? Would she think they snuck up quickly and hurried off without saying anything? It doesn't make sense to me. JMO

Considering she arrived much later than her normal time, the odds that another adult was outside to greet her and the kids is pretty low anyway. I suspect she realized her negligence (too late, unfortunately) told the responding officer what her usual routine was, and not what actually happened on that specific day.

jmo

 

[Jade]

Also at first I really couldn't understand why she reported to have removed the car seat from the car first and then took the baby out of the car seat. But then I was thinking about my grandson's car seat when he was 11 months old, it was the kind that clicks into a base and can be quickly removed by pushing in on the handle and pulling upwards. To get him out of the car (and to potential life saving fresh air) it would have been quicker to remove the whole car seat and then unbuckle him once he was in the fresh air. JMO.

It's making me tear up just writing out an example. I can't imagine what this poor sweet baby went through and what all who love her are going through now.

Yes, that’s how I see it too that it was the easily detachable carrier she pulled out of the suv then took J1 out of the carrier.

Many routinely use the detachable carrier instead of in arms.

Perfect for sleeping babies to be carried inside.



I wonder if the suv was locked?

Where were Lady B’s keys?

In her pocket with the suv doors locked for just a minute [in the shade?] while she sends someone out to bring in the peacefully sleeping J1?

Then forgot?



Surrounded by loving willing carers but yet tragedy. The Bode Miller’s in a Today show interview after losing their baby daughter to drowning came up with the idea of responsibility cards for the times it seems everyone is watching but they really aren’t.

When the primary carer leaves they don’t then assume others have their eye out and instead hands off a card or necklace or something tangible to indicate the responsibility shift. The Miller’s concern is around water but it is an idea.



Shade in the parking lot:

https://goo.gl/maps/foSnPJtXhMafKrVB9

Detachable car seat carrier example:
Robot or human?

all imo

 

[Jenesaisquoi]

Trouble with a responsibility object is when siblings start to take it from one adult to another. You are no better off and may even be worse. For an only child it would be good.

 

[wary]

The

Trouble with a responsibility object is when siblings start to take it from one adult to another. You are no better off and may even be worse. For an only child it would be good.

The ‘responsibility object’ should be the baby itself. You take the baby out of the car seat, hand the baby over to a responsible adult, etc. (I realize that this wouldn’t work for the original ‘child near water’ scenario.)

 

[Rolypolyoly]

But mom was at the car that whole time and no adults ever came in close proximity to the car. So how would she think they'd have taken the child already? Wouldn't they have said something to her? Would she think they snuck up quickly and hurried off without saying anything? It doesn't make sense to me. JMO

I'm still convinced that the unspoken part here is that she assumed the eldest child had taken the baby. She had to know, as you said, that there was no other adult near the car, I think the eldest let the 2yr old out and she saw them all walking to the church together and assumed the 8yr old had the baby, which she absolutely never should have done. It takes less than a minute to check, and she didn't. I can't imagine how she must feel.

I agree with your earlier post too, she was negligent, but I don't think there was any intent and she shouldn't go to prison.
Her own personal hell is more than enough to live with . jmo

 

[MsMarple]

I'm still convinced that the unspoken part here is that she assumed the eldest child had taken the baby. She had to know, as you said, that there was no other adult near the car, I think the eldest let the 2yr old out and she saw them all walking to the church together and assumed the 8yr old had the baby, which she absolutely never should have done. It takes less than a minute to check, and she didn't. I can't imagine how she must feel.

I agree with your earlier post too, she was negligent, but I don't think there was any intent and she shouldn't go to prison.
Her own personal hell is more than enough to live with . jmo

But is it enough to write off her culpability because she’s already suffered enough? I honestly don’t know.

For me the sticking point is her failure to do a very simple thing, verify that someone came and got the baby. It takes maybe 30 seconds. Especially since no one came to the car when she arrived. I find it arrogant to assume some church member would stop and think about making sure the baby was safe. According to the arrest affidavit no one named a specific church member who regularly babysat.

The younger children went to the children’s church (different room) and the father was in the main room with the mother, playing piano. IMO the father could have checked too, especially since the mother ran late. Where does the baby usually go during services anyway? Why didn’t anyone notice her absence?

The baby’s wellbeing wasn’t the priority that day and her death was easily preventable. IMO

 

[Rolypolyoly]

But is it enough to write off her culpability because she’s already suffered enough? I honestly don’t know.

For me the sticking point is her failure to do a very simple thing, verify that someone came and got the baby. It takes maybe 30 seconds. Especially since no one came to the car when she arrived. I find it arrogant to assume some church member would stop and think about making sure the baby was safe. According to the arrest affidavit no one named a specific church member who regularly babysat.

The younger children went to the children’s church (different room) and the father was in the main room with the mother, playing piano. IMO the father could have checked too, especially since the mother ran late. Where does the baby usually go during services anyway? Why didn’t anyone notice her absence?

The baby’s wellbeing wasn’t the priority that day and her death was easily preventable. IMO

I agree 100%. I don't know what the answer is though, I don't think she should be locked up, but you're right, there should be some kind of consequence, but what could be worse than knowing that your baby died a horrific death and its your fault?.

 

[MissMalowe]

I agree 100%. I don't know what the answer is though, I don't think she should be locked up, but you're right, there should be some kind of consequence, but what could be worse than knowing that your baby died a horrific death and its your fault?.

Community service in the form of unpaid "Ted Talk-like" appearances around the community aimed at spreading awareness of hot car deaths by telling her personal story.

Or..... Helping start a support group for parents (and perhaps another for the remaining children/siblings) who lost a child due to their own negligence/oversight/accident. Both wouldn't cost tax dollars, would serve the community, and may also aid in her & her family healing.

 

[Jade]

Trouble with a responsibility object is when siblings start to take it from one adult to another. You are no better off and may even be worse. For an only child it would be good.

I don’t believe the idea is to have the children in control of the object.

It’s an adult face to face “I am putting responsibility for my child[ren] on you. This makes it official”.

One needs multiple cards or removable tags on a lanyard or whatever if more than one child is being entrusted. If one child is not present just the children subject to the transfer of responsibility would be represented.


imo